Living to Suffer Chapter 9

IX

Perhaps because of the wound and blood loss, Ch’in Ching’s heart began aching two days before litung, so he had no other choice but to stay in the pool. It was seven days later when he emerged, a size thinner than before. As he caught a glimpse in the mirror, he thought his cheekbones stood out even more than before. His eyes seemed more deep-set, and unexpectedly it made him look a bit more handsome.

The mountains were silent in winter. After a few boring days of recuperation, Ch’in Ching decided to leave and try his luck at the gambling house of a nearby town. Afterward, he visited a medicine shop with which he had had some business and drank a little with the owner, catching up with affairs. By the time he returned to his hut, half-drunk, the Hour of the Dog was nearly over. He pushed open the gate to the yard to find candlelight coming from his room. The warm golden light seeped through the window paper softly wrapping his heart in a coc.o.o.n of heat.

Ch’in Ching thought it was his s.h.i.+fu on one of his seasonal visits and he would get scolded if he walked in drunk now, so he stayed in the yard to clear his head. Unexpectedly, the door was pulled open, and the person standing in the light turned out to be Shen Liangsheng.

“What are you doing here?” Ch’in Ching exclaimed wonderingly, doing little to hide the surprise on his face. He had thought the next time he would see this man would be after the dust had settled and this man came to bring him back to the Hsing Sect for his execution. He could think of no other reason for the man to come for him now.

“Merely pa.s.sing by.” Shen Liangsheng’s answer was mild, but Ch’in Ching froze – if he had to say, he could think of a reason. For instance, that Shen Liangsheng returned would not be shocking if the hufa had taken to heart their affairs that night.

However, that Shen-hufa would take him to heart sounded as absurd as a pig climbing a tree. Ch’in Ching blinked slowly and said, “Oh.” Doubt still lingered in his mind, and he thought perhaps the alcohol was making him see things.

He kept staring, but sadly Shen Liangsheng did not just vanish into thin air. The man was still standing in the same spot. He was dressed entirely in black this time, but his face was still cold and full of malice – the white wuch’ang had merely been replaced by the black wuch’ang.

“What are you planning to do, dressed like that? Commit burglary?” If the man said he was merely pa.s.sing by, then so be it. Ch’in Ching was open-minded and did not pursue it any further, only casually cracking a joke.

“No, I’m paying you a visit after the burglary.”

“Heh.” Ch’in Ching could not hold back a t.i.tter. He shook his head, blaming himself for forgetting that the hufa was very witty with his tongue, too. After laughing, he apologized in a polite tone, “Then I’m terribly sorry to have made you wait.”

While they talked, he entered the room and shut the door. Once he did, he smelled the rusty scent of blood and realized that Shen Liangsheng was not jesting. The hufa really had been engaged in “business.”

And the “business” of the Hsing Sect these days was nothing other than finding the missing pages. Ch’in Ching turned to study the man and did not find any signs of injury. So then it must have been…

In the candlelit room, Shen Liangsheng acted not like the guest but rather the host, taking a cup half full of tea and leisurely sipping it. The blood was not very visible since the colour of his dress was black, but the scent only grew stronger by the second. Ch’in Ching’s gaze trailed down to the train of the man’s robe, and his eyes hardened.

…it must have been a one-sided ma.s.sacre.

After finis.h.i.+ng the tea, Shen Liangsheng noticed the doctor’s gaze on himself and more importantly the disgust within it. Although the man did well to conceal most of it by the time he looked up from the cup, he still caught it.

Shen-hufa followed the man’s gaze down to the edges of his clothes. The hem of his robe was aligned with the top of his boots and was embroidered with patterns of clouds, but he had taken so many lives that the silver thread had been soaked by the pools of blood that leaked from the mounds of corpses. The crimson liquid later turned to a purplish maroon and made the robe appear to be solid black at the first glance.

“What are you thinking, Ch’in-taifu?” After the long silence, Shen Liangsheng moved towards Ch’in Ching a step at a time. Although he had disarmed, his presence still gave the other man chills.

“Wondering how many you killed,” Ch’in Ching answered very frankly.

“I’m afraid more than you think.” Shen Liangsheng placed his palm on the doctor’s neck caressing the Adam’s apple with his fingertips. The position gave the impression that they were whispering sweet nothings to each other, not discussing death and slaughter.

“Unfortunately, I am not in the mood today.” Ch’in Ching stepped back to evade his hand while wearing a polite smile. “It’s too late for guests, Shen-hufa. This way please.”

“Oh? And why are you not in the mood?” Not fl.u.s.tered at all, Shen Liangsheng stood before him with hands behind his back, eyes pointed slightly downward.

“Because I lost at the gambling house. Next time you should pick a day to come when I’ve won.” Keeping the same expression on his face, Ch’in Ching took another step back, but the next thing he knew, the room was spinning around. He did not see Shen Liangsheng make any large movements, but he was cras.h.i.+ng into the bed the next moment. Although the bedding was soft, he still felt extremely disoriented.

“Could you do me a favour, Shen­-hufa? At least take off those robes first.” Ch’in Ching must have been drunk, for if not he would not have the guts to speak in such a manner with the man on top of him. “I don’t like the sight of them.”

“You knew long ago who I was, Ch’in Ching.” Shen Liangsheng’s voice carried no discontent, but his actions said otherwise. Releasing a tiny blast of his ch’i, the six layers of winter attire on the doctor’s body turned to tattered threads in an instant. “Don’t you think it’s a little too late for regret now?”

Ch’in Ching’s neikung was as far below Shen Liangsheng’s as it could be, and his core ch’i had been weakened by the recent heartache. Therefore, he could not withstand even the tiny amount of energy that the hufa had unleashed. It felt as though his brain blacked out for a moment but was shocked back to life by the pain in his lower half. Shen Liangsheng had forced his way into him without any lubrication, tearing open his hole and leaving it bleeding. The red droplets trickled down turning into a small blot on the sheets.

“Isn’t this what you desire, Ch’in Ching?” Shen Liangsheng had not held back this time, releasing his entire length from his pants. He drove his thick shaft deep into the doctor and purposely left the swollen head at the opening even when he pulled outward. The b.l.o.o.d.y hole was torn and could not contract any longer.

Ch’in Ching was in so much pain he could not catch any of the man’s words. Just as he was about to faint from the trauma, the shooting pain would drag him back to full consciousness again and again, subjecting him to an endless cycle of torture.

“Oh, how could I have forgotten? This isn’t what you desire. What you desire is ecstatic pleasure.” Shen Liangsheng’s actions were as relentless as his voice was flat. “Then how about I grant you that.”

While lightheaded, Ch’in Ching somehow felt the pain cease and struggled to open his eyes. He saw Shen Liangsheng leaving the bed and searching through the medicine shelf. The man picked out a few different containers and sniffed each one before walking back with a celadon bottle. It was none other than the topical medicine he used on the hufa some months ago.

Shen Liangsheng opened the bottle before lifting the doctor’s hips with one hand and pouring out the entire container of creamy mixture. After tossing the empty vessel aside, he spread the medicine, and a little while later, it began taking effect and stopped the bleeding. He then pulled his two legs up and apart before sinking himself in once again, this time pacing himself so that he did not tear the wounds.

Ch’in Ching gradually lost feeling in his behind until only a muted pain remained. He could only wryly applaud himself for the effectiveness of his personal healing mixture, only now it sounded rather ironic.

The pain had ebbed, and the hufa was moving at a slower rhythm, too. Ch’in Ching felt the manhood inside him carefully probing and grinding on his sensitive nub, and he could not help his own member reacting, hardening under the man’s nearly physical gaze.

Freeing one hand, Shen Liangsheng began stroking the growing erection with much care, and when it was fully erect, he pulled loose the ribbon in Ch’in Ching’s hair. While gently rocking his hips, he strung the long fabric below the attentive member, tightly around each t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e and then circled the other end around the base of the shaft several times before tying a dead knot.

Ch’in Ching made to object and push the man, but he understood immediately that it would be of no use. Therefore he made no attempt to struggle. He could only sigh inwardly and dread the long night ahead of him.

“Does it feel good to get what you wished for, Ch’in Ching?”

Shen Liangsheng was bent on tormenting the doctor during this lovemaking session. His shaft was a dragon diving into the sea, turning and rolling without a care, stirring the water until the waves roared and the sand that had lain dormant on the seafloor for a millennium began to dance restlessly and float along the undercurrents aimlessly.

On the freezing winter night, Ch’in Ching felt as though he became that sea which was overflowing with turbid l.u.s.t. His left hand hung lazily off the edge of the bed while his right was splayed over his abdomen. Through his own flesh and skin he could feel each and every thrust of the man threatening to burst out through his abdomen any moment.

Meanwhile, his own manhood was painfully hard, but the tight bonds around his s.c.r.o.t.u.m and base made it impossible to grow bigger or obtain release. All the euphoric sensations he received ama.s.sed in his abdomen, constantly fermenting and expanding, almost making him wish the man would actually pierce through his abdomen so that the pleasure could be set free.

“Shen-hufa…I said…you cannot give…what I truly desire…that proverb…was used falsely…”

Ch’in Ching forced out these words with the last of his strength before sprawling helplessly on the bed, allowing Shen Liangsheng to continue his work. He did not have even the strength to close his eyes. He stared at the roof of the bed, eyes blank without focus yet also filled to the brim with desire. It was as though in his eyes, the entire world had become extinct yet also had become a carnal feast. Human and human, beast and beast, human and beast; all that remained were naked bodies, breathless panting and dissolute fornication.

Initially, Ch’in Ching did not want to let his voice free, but now he could not make any sounds even had he so wished. His mouth hung open, and drool dribbled out one corner of his lips until his throat, his collarbones were wet with saliva and gleaming sinfully under the flickering candlelight.

He did not know how long the torture lasted before Shen Liangsheng finally ripped away the ribbon from the purplish erection. The s.c.r.o.t.u.m contracted violently and the length jerked once, apparently on the verge of release.

In the next moment, Shen Liangsheng pressed his thumb over the small hole on the head. He watched the man beneath him stiffen and let out a pathetic whimper as a tear glided down from his eye.

Ch’in Ching was not aware that he was crying. He did not even know what the man had done. All he knew was the scorching sensation on his groin when hot s.e.m.e.n gushed to the opening only to be blocked and deflected onto the next wave of e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.e. His member was about to explode from the pain. There was not a word in this world that could come close to describing how painful it was.

Coldly looking down at the crying man, Shen Liangsheng continued his thrusting without removing his thumb and watched the man tremble involuntarily. His hair sprawled messily over the bed, and the face in the centre of it was not flushed and pink as someone indulging in l.u.s.t should be but instead a deathly, pale white.

Shen Liangsheng paused before finally freeing the man. Instantly, a few spurts of thick c.u.m shot out onto the doctor himself.

Possibly due to the prolonged erection, the member did not soften after the release and stood at the same height as before. Shen Liangsheng continued gyrating at a moderate pace and soon more saw milky c.u.m welling out from the hole, not like e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n but more like the last drops of urine sporadically dripping clean. He then looked up at the man’s face and saw some life come back into him, but the tears were still quietly trickling.

Shen Liangsheng curiously raised a brow, a rare sight for the hufa. He splayed his hand over the doctor’s chest and began pinching a nipple with the man’s own s.e.m.e.n as lubricant. He bent down and asked in his ear.

“What are you thinking?”

“…”

“Do you feel good?”

“…”

“Well, don’t cry if you do.”

“Huh?” Ch’in Ching blurted as though he had only now come back to himself. “I’m crying?”

Shen Liangsheng only replied with placing his lips on his eyes, kissing away the tears, before sharing a shallow kiss with the man.

“…not very salty.” Ch’in Ching burst out in laughter for some reason as he wrapped his arms around Shen Liangsheng’s neck and breathed near his ear, “I haven’t cried in a really long time.”

Still staying silent, the hufa cupped the doctor’s face in one hand while reaching between their bodies with the other. He held the man’s manhood and gently stroked it while resuming his steady thrusting. Occasionally he brushed the head with his fingers wiping away the leaking fluids until nothing more oozed out. He inquired with his lips on Ch’in Ching’s ear, “Is that enough?”

The doctor gave a light nod and felt the man plunge deeply inside him before shooting his load, disregarding the stuff about preserving his yang essence for shuang-hsiu.

The candle on the table reached its end. The flame leapt high into the air before suddenly dying.

In the still darkness, Ch’in Ching felt the weight lifted off from him. The thing that had tortured him for such a long time pulled out and the man left as well. Only then did his body relax and his eyes close.

He could not be bothered about whether Shen Liangsheng was leaving or staying for the night. His body felt as though it had been run over by a stampede of horses, and not a bone was left fully intact.

However, as exhausted as he was, he could not fall asleep. All that ran through his head was the fact he had cried at one point. His lips split open in a dry, silent laugh.

What was he thinking at the time? Ch’in Ching began to reflect and discovered it was nothing sad.

It was none other than l.u.s.t of the mortal world, but half of the pairs of bodies fornicating before his eyes bore his face.

However, the other half were not Shen Liangsheng but rather people with no face, no ident.i.ty.

Or perhaps they were not human, not beast, not living beings, nor things with shape and form – it was fornication with fate, copulation with death.

Shen-hufa, oh Shen-hufa, Ch’in Ching spoke in silence. Do you know that every time I see you, it’s like seeing the end to my life, but I don’t want to let go exactly because of that.

Ah, the taste of making love with death and destiny…

Desire is illusion; if you cannot let it go, you must suffer.

How true.

But Shen Liangsheng, what do you think it is I truly desire?