Homeruns: Wild Pitch Part 15

"I'm not sure there's anything for me to say," he conceded. "I've spent your entire life trying to make sure you knew you could talk to me when something was bothering you, and the older you get, the more it seems you forget that. It's tough for me to sit here and watch you s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g up your life."

That stung. "Dad, I'm sorry, but you have to know I didn't even know I was going to do that. I've been thinking about it for a while now, but I knew this was my shot to go out on my own terms. I don't want to play for another team, and no matter what they say, I know the Bulldogs need a better performer on their roster."

"Why leave everyone who loves you in the dark? If you had these doubts, you could have talked to me," Dad reiterated, looking at me for the first time since I'd joined him outside. "h.e.l.l, when I talked to Sean, he seemed just as out of the loop as I was. You hurt him."

"I couldn't talk to him about this," I argued. I'd considered it after the accident, but I knew him well enough to know he'd try to talk me out of it. Not only that, but he'd a.s.sume he'd ended my career. He didn't know I'd been considering my next steps since the end of spring training because the game hadn't held the same thrill it used to for me. "I wanted to, but he's in a different place than I am with his career. He can't imagine a life without a ball in his hand, but I can."

"How do you expect to make a life with him if you're in such different places?" He seemed slightly less agitated now. That was a good sign.

"Because, Dad, the life I see may not have me playing, but that's not what really matters," I told him, moving to sit next to him on the bench seat. "I look at you and Mom and I want that. You spent years traveling for work, but you still loved one another. It can work, but not if both of us are on the road most of the year. I want to offer him the stability Mom and I gave you."

"So what, you're going to retire and be a housewife?" Dad chuckled, but I knew he was still concerned about me.

"No, Dad. When I was in college, you were the one who urged me to stay in school for my senior year," I reminded him. I'd resented him at the time, but now, I was grateful for the opportunities that piece of paper would give me. "I know what's next for me, but if you don't mind, I think I should tell Sean first. I've screwed up enough today; I have to do this the right way if he'll let me."

"Of course he'll listen to you," Dad scoffed. "That man loves you more than Teresa ever did. He wants you to be happy, but he also wants to know that you're in this together. The only advice I can give you when it comes to him is learn to say you're sorry. It won't make you less of a man to admit your mistakes and ask forgiveness."

"Thanks." He patted me on the back and stood to give me time alone to think. Again, it was his way. It was how I knew we'd reached the point where it was up to me to figure out the right course of action.

I didn't go straight home after leaving the park. I wasn't ready to talk to Mason. Instead, I found myself sitting on the beach at Eric's house. The little girl next door waved to me as I burrowed my toes into the freezing, wet sand. I lifted my hand, offering her a sad smile. Her dad called her up to the house and I watched her run up the stairs and into his arms.

As I watched her waving her arms in the air as she told him a story, I thought about the last time I'd been here with Mason. I wondered if he'd known then that he wouldn't be playing much longer. He'd asked me if I'd thought about having a family, and I blew him off. I'd never allowed myself to go there, because I couldn't imagine a life shared with someone else.

I fully expected to stay buried in the back of the closet until retirement. By then, I figured it'd be too late to find a partner, or to find one who understood that it'd be impossible for me to stop hiding overnight. Then Mason came and changed everything. Now, I watched and wondered what it'd be like to have a daughter who looked at me as if I was the center of her universe. How it'd feel to walk through the door to messes and noise. What it would be like knowing that Mason would be waiting for me every time I stepped off the plane from another road trip.

Once I got over being p.i.s.sed off that he seemed so nonchalant about retiring without giving me a heads-up and being terrified that I'd be making my own announcement after being ostracized by my team, I realized I was really angry and scared about what I was feeling; out of control. And even worse, Mason made me want what I'd given up on to have the life I dreamed of.

I closed my eyes tight when I heard footsteps coming down the weatherworn stairs. Part of me wanted to turn around to see Mason walking toward me, but the larger part of me was scared it wouldn't be him.

"Figured I'd find you here." Jason plopped down next to me. He shouldn't be here; he should still be at the field. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw I'd been sitting here longer than I'd thought. "I bailed as soon as the last out was called. Told Stu I had something to take care of that couldn't wait. He told me to remind you to have your a.s.s at the park early tomorrow to make up for today."

"Is there any point?" I asked. It wasn't the question that weighed on my mind, but I wasn't sure I was ready to know what the guys thought of my announcement. Even though I knew it was a possibility, I wasn't sure my fragile psyche could handle hearing that they were disgusted by me now that they knew the truth.

"h.e.l.l yes, there is," he insisted. "For one thing, Ackerman's going to be even more p.i.s.sed if you don't show since he threatened to suspend two relievers and Ramirez if they didn't shut their d.a.m.ned mouths."

"Anyone else p.i.s.sed to find out there's a freak in their midst?" I asked. Jason winced at the a.s.sumption, but I know he knew what I meant. If anything, I imagined it weighed heavily on his mind that his closet door was still securely locked.

"No one else was stupid enough to say anything if they did have an issue," he told me as he placed a hand on my knee. "Look, I'm not saying it's going to be the way it's always been, not at first. People are p.i.s.sed, but not necessarily because you're gay. They care about you. They think you didn't trust them enough to be straight."

"Nice choice of words," I scoffed. Jason rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean. It's going to take time, but if you walk in there tomorrow and show them that nothing's changed, eventually they'll agree," he suggested. "And you know d.a.m.n well that someday, you won't be the only one out on the team. h.e.l.l, maybe you can talk to Drew, because I'm pretty sure that kid's going to get his a.s.s kicked pretty soon if he doesn't stop gawking."

Jason and I sat there talking about the game a while longer. Eventually, he stood and held out a hand to me. "As much as I love sitting here with you, there's someone else you need to talk to," he reminded me.

I got up and brushed the sand off my pants. Nothing would get resolved if I stayed out here and it was more important than ever that Mason and I face whatever headed our way together. I pulled Jason into a friendly hug before he left. "Thanks, Jason. I'm not sure you'll ever know how much you've helped me in the past few months."

"Oh, I know." He laughed. "And believe me, the day will come when you can repay the favor."

"Looking forward to it," I told him. As we walked back to the driveway, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I texted Bill before backing out of the driveway to let him know I'd be there shortly. He told me that Mason had been hiding in our room most of the afternoon and that he thought it'd be for the best to give us some time alone. I felt bad when he told me they'd be at a hotel for the night, but agreed that it'd be easier for us if we didn't have to worry about anyone hearing what could potentially be a tense, sometimes loud, argument. They'd already done more than I could ever express grat.i.tude for, so after asking what hotel they were staying at, I quickly called to give the front desk my credit card information. It was the least I could do, but it was something.

As expected, I found Mason lying in our bed staring at the ceiling. When I walked into the room, he didn't even acknowledge me. I toed off my shoes and hung my suit in the closet after changing into something more comfortable. He placed his hand over mine when I curled up next to him.

"Mace, I'm sorry if I was a d.i.c.k to you," I started. I pressed my lips to his bicep, closing my eyes for a moment. I offered up a silent prayer it wasn't too late to fix the damage that had been done."

"It's fine," he said flatly. "You were right. It was s.h.i.+tty of me to not tell you I'd been thinking about making this year my last, even before we got together. I knew you'd try to talk me out of it. And then, once we were together, I was scared you'd push me away, thinking I was doing it for you."

He rolled to his side, wincing at the pressure on the side of his face. I sat with my back against the headboard and lifted him up so he could lean on me. From what the doctors had told him, he shouldn't have been laying down at all yet, but it seemed out of line to scold him when he was in the midst of a full sulk. "You still should have told me. I might have reacted that way at first, but if this is what you really want to do, and you can a.s.sure me it's because it's what you want, regardless of anything else, then I'd support that."

Mason turned to face me, more determined than I'd seen him in a long time. I'd chalked up his seeming insecurity to trying to find his footing in this new world he'd stepped into by admitting his s.e.xuality, but that wasn't it. He'd been trapped by a life he only thought he wanted. He'd told me as much, and I hadn't truly listened.

"Sean, as much as I love you, I think we both know that alone wouldn't keep me off the field," he admitted. "If my heart was torn between you and baseball, I would have found a way to have both. Granted, it's sucked a lot of the time, but we've already proven that we can do it. The problem is, I like baseball, but I don't love it. I haven't for a while. I thought I was stressed out because of everything with Teresa, but the truth is it's time for me to move on."

I couldn't understand waking up and not wanting to do something you've worked your entire life for, but as we sat there curled up to one another, I realized I didn't have to. All I had to do was be there for him. "So what's next? If you don't want to play anymore, what are you going to do?"

"Actually, I've been talking to a buddy of mine and he offered me a way to combine journalism and baseball." After the day we'd had, I bristled to think of him working for the enemy. And at that moment, anyone involved in the media was the enemy because I still didn't know whom that woman this morning worked for. "Listen, I felt the same way you do at first. I know how many companies live to find a story, even when there is none, but this is a good deal. It's with Sports News Weekly."

He was right, they were a reputable news outlet for everything sports-related. Their staff cared about sticking to what mattered (the game) while making the stories entertaining at the same time. I wasn't ashamed to admit their online magazine was one of my favorites.

"Won't that still require you to travel all the time?"

"Not as much as you'd think. A lot of the work can be done from home, or wherever I am at the time. Michael wants me to be the point man next season for baseball reporting." Mason kept talking about everything he and Michael had discussed and it was hard to stay upset with him. He was truly excited about taking this step. I tamped down my frustration at being completely out of the loop and listened to him. The best part of the offer came at the end. "I told him that I would consider it, as long as he's cool with me spending spring training in Arizona."

"Yeah?" I perked up at the idea that I'd be able to see him every day when we got done at the park. I carefully s.h.i.+fted so I was straddling his lap. I curled my fingers around the back of his neck and leaned forward to kiss him. I might not have been involved in his decision making to this point, but it meant the world to me to know that he was only considering this if it meant we could be together. "And does he know why?"

"He has an idea, but I never mentioned your name," he a.s.sured me. "Then again, I'm sure he knows now. Is that okay with you?"

I kissed him again, licking the seam of his lips, begging him to open to me. He sighed and my c.o.c.k stiffened as the heat of his tongue entered my mouth. His hands dipped below my waistband, pulling me closer to him as his fingers dipped into my crease.

"Mace, we can't..." The protest died on my lips as his teeth latched onto my nipple. The man was a quick study and knew exactly how to shut me up when I tried being sensible. That was a huge problem, because he wasn't cleared for much of anything other than the daily basics. I had to be the voice of reason, even as everything in me wanted to flip him on his stomach and bury my c.o.c.k so deep he'd forget his name. "Baby, stop."

Mason groaned, thumping his head against my padded leather headboard. "G.o.d, I'm so sick of hearing those words from you," he grumbled. His hand slid around the sides of my neck, thumbs holding my jaw closed. "I know that you're trying to be the sensible, responsible one here, but if I never hear you tell me that we can't do something again, it'll be too soon."

"I know, baby, but the doctors-"

He pressed his index finger to my lips. "The doctors said I can't do any strenuous exercise," he reminded me. "They never said one f.u.c.king word about having s.e.x with my boyfriend, and that's exactly what I intend to do. I've been told that make-up s.e.x is the best s.e.x there is when it's with the right person and I intend to test that theory tonight."

His hands fumbled between our bodies, shoving past the waistband of my lounge pants. The a.s.sault on my d.i.c.k was merciless and I found myself unable to protest. I stretched to the side and reached for a bottle of lube on the nightstand. His eyes grew wide when I handed it to him.

"You sure about this?" He took the bottle with shaky hands.

"Babe, the only way we're going to do anything tonight is if you promise you're going to take it easy," I informed him. My mind still wasn't on board with fooling around so soon after his accident, but there was no way I could leave him doubting anything about our relations.h.i.+p when I left town. "That means you're going to lay back and let me do the work. I want this. I want you to own me the same as I own you."

Mason flicked open the cap of the bottle and poured the lube onto his fingers while I stripped us both naked. I settled onto the bed on my side, facing away from him as he spread my a.s.s cheeks wide. His slicked fingers ease their way down the cleft of my a.s.s before circling my entrance. I pushed back, f.u.c.king myself on his hand.

"f.u.c.k, Mace! Don't stop," I pleaded. The burn quickly gave way to pleasure as he found the sensitive bundle of nerves. He pushed deeper. Harder. When he pulled back and re-entered me, the ache returned as he added a second digit. "G.o.d, so good...yes..."

Mason reached for my d.i.c.k with his free hand. "You're so f.u.c.king tight," he observed. "How in the h.e.l.l am I supposed to fit in there?"

"You'll find-ungh...f.u.c.k, do that again," I begged. Mason turned his hand as he thrust into me with three fingers this time. As wonderful as it'd be to let Mason finger f.u.c.k me until I blew my load, I wanted even more. "Lay on your back and get comfortable."

He did, and I positioned myself between his legs and took him into my mouth. When he began to buck off the bed, I dug my fingers into his hips. He might be about to f.u.c.k me, but from this point on, I was in charge. I didn't linger on his c.o.c.k for long, knowing how hard it'd be for him to last once his c.o.c.k was buried inside of me. I kissed my way up his body, pausing to pay close attention to his rigid nipples. Sucking. Biting. Taunting.

"Sean...please..." he begged. I laid on top of him so our c.o.c.ks rubbed against one another as I sealed my mouth over his. Mason watched as I poured the slick gel over my hand. No way was I going to be able to take his wide shaft without making sure both of us were prepared. I began stroking him as I s.h.i.+fted so I straddled his hips. "f.u.c.k, I'm gonna blow."

The way his b.a.l.l.s were already creeping up, I knew he wasn't lying. I thought he was going to lose it when I reached around my body to shove two wet fingers up my own a.s.s. "You ready, baby?" I asked as I positioned him at my entrance.

"Please, Sean," he pleaded. Shouts filled the room as I lowered myself onto his d.i.c.k. It'd been so long since I'd allowed anyone inside of me that I swore I was going to rip in half. "f.u.c.k...so good...so...f.u.c.king...good."

I continued until Mason was fully inside of me. I bent forward, kissing him as I gave myself time to adjust to the sensation. "I love you, Mason," I told him between kisses. "So d.a.m.n much."

Mason pushed my body off of his and stared into my eyes as he began bucking off the bed. We worked ourselves into a steady rhythm, not too fast, but far from slow and sensual. Words were replaced by grunts and pants as the head of Mason's d.i.c.k nudged my prostate every time he pushed into me.

I lost control and began riding Mason fast and hard, holding his shoulders to the bed as I f.u.c.ked him mercilessly. "Want to come," he warned me, reaching to begin stroking my d.i.c.k. "Come with me, Sean."

My a.s.s clenched around him as I watched come spurt over his stomach. Mason pushed into me one final time and threw his head back as he exploded inside of me. My arms gave out and I collapsed on top of him, careful to avoid the injured side of his face.

"Happy now?" I asked before kissing the side of his face.

"Definitely." He sighed, wrapping his arms tightly around my back. It felt right to lay with him this way, but I forced myself to get out of the bed long enough to grab a warm washcloth and clean both of us so we weren't a crusty mess in the morning. Mason was drifting off to sleep when I slipped into the bed next to him and pulled the quilt over us.

It had been one h.e.l.l of a day. I woke up wondering how I could be in the same room with Mason without everyone seeing how much we loved one another. When our secret was shouted across a room full of reporters, I thought it was the end of my life as I knew it. The truth was, it was only the beginning. Without any skeletons left in the closet, Mason and I would find a way to focus on the things that really mattered in our lives.

Epilogue.

By the end of the first week of spring training, I felt every single workout I'd skipped in my aching muscles. I was still throwing harder and faster than ever, but it also took me longer to recover. "What the h.e.l.l was that, Tucker?" Coach yelled as I sat down to grab some water.

It didn't help that I was still trying to get used to the sauna-like conditions of the desert. My body was p.i.s.sed off at me for the sudden temperature shock, which wouldn't have happened had I come down earlier. But I hadn't, and now I had to gut through the coughing and wheezing without complaint.

"You were all over the place out there." I didn't need him shrieking at me to know that I'd messed up. On top of everything else, my head wasn't in it today. I didn't mention any of the reasons for my lack of focus because if they sounded like flimsy excuses to my own ears, Coach would tear a chunk out of my a.s.s if I tried to feed them to him. "It's like you forgot how to control the d.a.m.n ball over the winter. Speed and power won't do s.h.i.+t for you if you can't get the ball over the plate."

"I'll do better tomorrow," I promised. We all had our off days, especially at the start of training. It's part of why we were down here busting our a.s.ses before everyone else. Logically, I knew that, but it didn't keep me from feeling like Stu was going harder on me because he thought I had something to prove to the team and everyone else. It was no secret that the big story this spring was an openly gay pitcher and whether or not he'd have a limp wrist now that he wasn't trying to act all macho.

Coach stormed off to go deal with a rookie who had more raw talent in his pinky than most teams carried on their rosters. He'd likely be sent to the minors at the end of camp, but I had no doubt we'd be seeing him in the bullpen before too long.

I turned on my phone to check messages before jumping into the shower. I hated being so far away from home right now, but we were doing what needed to be done to keep the disruptions in our life to a minimum. My heart started racing when I opened the text message from Mason.

You need to Facetime me as soon as you get this. Love you. Don't freak out, just call me.

Jason walked into the locker room and found me staring at the screen. He sat next to me, grabbing the phone to read Mason's message. "You gonna call him or would you prefer to sit there staring at your phone for the next hour?"

Sitting there doing nothing seemed to be a good idea. It had taken me a while to come around to Mason's suggestion, and now that I had, I was so invested it'd kill me if something happened. He'd given me hope and a life I'd never dared dream of and I worried that he wanted to see my face when he gave me bad news.

"G.o.d, you know I love you like a brother, but sometimes you're impossible," Jason groaned. Before I could protest, the shrill ringing on my phone let me know that Jason had pushed the one b.u.t.ton I couldn't. I held my breath as we waited for a connection.

The second Mason's face came into view, my heart lurched into my throat and I couldn't suck in any air. Along the pale yellow wall behind him, I saw monitors and a curtain. He was in the hospital. He shouldn't be there. It was too soon. "Hey, babe! Hey Jason." The concerned waver in his voice was a direct contrast to the wide grin on his face. "Let me guess, he started freaking even though I told him not to?"

"Yeah, something like that." Jason b.u.mped his shoulder into mine. "It's a good thing the rest of the guys aren't down here yet. They'd have a field day watching him break down."

Overall, the guys had taken my s.e.xuality in stride. A few of them still gave me dirty looks and avoided changing if I was anywhere in the vicinity, but most of them went out of their way to make sure I knew they saw me as one of the guys. That meant I wasn't immune to the s.h.i.+t-talking that was commonplace.

"Now, you want to tell him what's so urgent before he strokes out?" Jason urged him. He was exaggerating, but not by much.

Mason set down his phone, leaving me a view of the tile ceiling. I heard him talking to someone, then a chair sc.r.a.ping across the floor. His phone jostled around, making me a bit queasy, but I couldn't look away. And then...I broke down like a girl the moment the most beautiful face in the world came into view.

"Sean, meet Asher Nolan Tucker. Ash, that's your other daddy," he cooed to the wiggling bundle of blankets in his arms. And the one with the dark hair is your Uncle Jason. He's an alright guy most of the time."

Jason moved the phone to his other hand so he could drape his other over my shoulder. If the entire team had walked into the room right then, it wouldn't have made a d.a.m.n bit of difference. I reached out and traced my finger over the image of Asher's face. "He wasn't supposed to be here for three more weeks," I sobbed. I'd already talked to Stu and told him what was going on so I could try to be home for Asher's birth. Abi made me promise her I'd be there. "I wasn't there."

"Babe, it's fine," he a.s.sured me. "Abi woke up this morning having contractions and by the time she realized that they weren't those fake contraction thingies, I thought she was going to give birth in the pa.s.senger's seat of my Jeep."

"Oh f.u.c.k! She didn't, did she?" I asked, hating that I was stuck on the exact opposite end of the country from every single thing that mattered in my life. I tried jumping off the bench, but Jason refused to let me go. I had to go. I had to get out of the park and to the airport.

"Sit the f.u.c.k down," Jason warned me as he handed the phone to me. "I'll go touch base with Stu and then start looking at flights."

I thanked him and slid to the floor in front of the lockers. I felt light-headed and the last thing Mace needed was me cracking my skull on the concrete. "How's Abi?"

"She's good. Sean, you'd be so f.u.c.king proud of her." He beamed as he told me about the delivery. Every once in a while, he'd pause to press his lips to Asher's forehead or stroke his face. I tamped down the tinge of jealousy I felt that he got to spend this time with Asher while I was sweating my a.s.s off. "She's sleeping now, but I know she's looking forward to you getting up here."

That made at least two of us. Jason came around the corner and held up his hand. "Hey, sorry to bother you guys, but I got you on a flight in three hours. We need to get going so you have plenty of time. I let Stu know what's going on and he wanted me to have you give him a call on the way."

"Thanks. I owe you one," I said. I turned my attention back to my family. "Babe, I'll text you the flight info and call your parents. Stay up there and take care of Asher and Abi. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"I have no doubt." Mason chuckled. He lifted Asher's tiny fist and waved it in the air. "Bye Daddy, love you!"

Daddy. I was a father. I had a son and a best friend I planned to spend the rest of my life with. As I pressed my fingers to my lips and then to the screen, I realized there was more to life than throwing the perfect pitch.

Music wailed through the built-in speaker system as I sliced strawberries. I still couldn't believe this was home for the time being. When I graduated and my employment fell through, I thought I'd wind up on the street or shoved into a d.i.n.ky apartment with three other men. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Drew telling me to pack my s.h.i.+t and get up to Milwaukee.

He'd recently been traded to the Mavericks and was renting a house from some guy who'd been traded to a team out west. I couldn't imagine having a home and knowing that you'd still have to leave at a moment's notice. If I had a killer log cabin on the lake with hardwood floors throughout and a kitchen any chef would drool over, I'm not sure any amount of money would make it worth packing up to leave.

Then again, it worked pretty well for me, because Drew always hated being alone and he was going crazy with so much room to himself. The downside was that he felt the need to drag me out of the house less than two days after I got here for some baseball barbecue thing. I wasn't looking forward to spending the evening hanging out with a bunch of jocks.

Just the thought of it was enough to give me hives. Drew was the only athlete I hung out with back when we were in high school, and that was only because we'd been friends since I moved to Adams when I was ten. Even then, I knew I was different from the other kids in our backwoods town. Drew was the one who never gave me a hard time about the fact that I'd rather shop and create crazy dishes in the kitchen than do anything outside. By the time we were in high school, the a.s.shole jocks had made a sport out of slamming me into lockers and shoving me in the garbage cans under the bleachers.

"What in the h.e.l.l is that?" Drew asked as she scrubbed a towel over his dark brown hair. I swatted his hand when he reached for a handful of perfectly sliced berries.

"It's a trifle," I informed him as I started layering cake into the bottom of the bowl.