Business Correspondence Part 5

"We are in receipt of yours of recent date and in reply wish to state that you will find under separate cover a copy of our latest catalogue, ill.u.s.trating and describing our Wonder Lighting System.

We are sure the information contained in this catalogue will be of interest to you."

Not only is the paragraph devoid of interest-getting features, but it is written from the wrong standpoint--"we" instead of "you."

Re-write the paragraph and the reader is certain to have his interest stimulated:

"The catalogue is too large to enclose with this letter and so you will find it in another envelope. You will find on page 4 a complete description of the Wonder System of Lighting, explaining just how it will cut down your light bill. This system is adapted to use in stores, factories, public halls and homes--no matter what you want you will find it listed in this catalogue."

Then it is possible to secure attention by some familiar allusion, some reference to facts with which the reader is familiar:

"In our fathers' day, you know, all fine tableware was hand forged--that meant quality but high cost."

The opening statement secures the a.s.sent of the reader even before he knows what the proposition is. Sometimes an allusion may be introduced that does not come home so pointedly to the reader but the originality of the idea appeals to him. By its very cleverness he is led to read further. Here is the beginning of a letter sent out by an advertising man and commercial letter writer:

"The Prodigal Son might have started home much sooner had he received an interesting letter about the fatted calf that awaited his coming.

"The right sort of a letter would have attracted his attention, aroused his interest, created a desire and stimulated him to action."

Then there is the opening that starts out with an appeal to human interest. It is the one opening where the writer can talk about himself and still get attention and work up interest:

"Let me tell you how I got into the mail order business and made so much money out of it."

"I wish I could have had the opportunity thirty years ago that you have today. Did I ever tell you how I started out?"

"I have been successful because I have confidence in other people."

"I was talking to Mr. Phillips, the president of our inst.i.tution, this morning, and he told me that you had written to us concerning our correspondence course."

These personal touches bring the writer and reader close together and pave the way for a man-to-man talk.

Then there is a way of getting attention by some novel idea, something unusual in the typography of the letter, some unusual idea. One mail-order man puts these two lines written with a typewriter across the top of his letterheads:

"EVEN IF YOU HAD TO PAY TO SECURE A COPY OF THIS LETTER--OR HAD TO TAKE A DAY OFF TO READ IT--YOU COULD NOT AFFORD TO FAIL TO CONSIDER IT."

Few men would receive a letter like that without taking the time to read it, at least hurriedly, and if the rest of the argument is presented with equal force the message is almost sure to be carried home.

Another mail-order house sending out form letters under one-cent postage, inserts this sentence directly under the date line, to the right of the name and address:

"Leaving our letter unsealed for postal inspection is the best proof that our goods are exactly as represented."

The originality of the idea impresses one. There is no danger that the letter will be shunted into the waste basket without a reading.

There are times when it is necessary to disarm the resentment of the reader in the very first paragraph, as, for instance, when there has been a delay in replying to a letter. An opening that is all too common reads:

"I have been so extremely busy that your letter has not received my attention."

Or the writer may be undiplomatic enough to say:

"Pardon delay. I have been so much engaged with other matters that I have not found time to write you."

The considerate correspondent is always careful that his opening does not rub the wrong way. One writer starts out by saying:

"You have certainly been very patient with me in the matter of your order and I wish to thank you for this."

Here are the first five paragraphs of a two-page letter from an investment firm. The length of the letter is greatly against it and the only hope the writer could have, would be in getting the attention firmly in the opening paragraph:

"My dear Mr. Wilson:

"I want to have a personal word with you to explain this matter.