Etiquette Part 26

Thanking you again, and with love from us both, Affectionately, Mary.

Formal !I!

Dear Mrs. Gilding: It was more than sweet of you and Mr. Gilding to send us such a lovely clock. Thank you, very, very much.

Looking forward to seeing you on the tenth, Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

Sometimes, as in the two examples above, thanks to the husband are definitely expressed in writing to the wife. Usually, however, "you" is understood to mean "you both."

!II!

Dear Mrs. Worldly: All my life I have wanted a piece of jade, but in my wanting I have never imagined one quite so beautiful as the one you have sent me. It was wonderfully sweet of you and I thank you more than I can tell you for the pleasure you have given me.

Affectionately, Mary Smith.

!III.!

Dear Mrs. Eminent: Thank you for these wonderful prints. They go too beautifully with some old English ones that Jim's uncle sent us, and our dining-room will be quite perfect--as to walls!

Hoping that you are surely coming to the wedding, Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

To a Friend Who Is in Deep Mourning Dear Susan: With all you have on your heart just now, it was so sweet and thoughtful of you to go out and buy me a present, and such a beautiful one! I love it--and your thought of me in sending it--and I thank you more than I can tell you.

Devotedly, Mary.

Very Intimate Dear Aunt Kate: Really you are too generous--it is outrageous of you--but, of course, it is the most beautiful bracelet! And I am so excited oven it, I hardly know what I am doing. You are too good to me and you spoil me, but I do love you, and it, and thank you with all my heart.

Mary.

Intimate Dear Mrs. Neighbor: The tea cloth is perfectly exquisite! I have never seen such beautiful work! I appreciate your lovely gift more than I can tell you, both for its own sake and for your kindness in making it for me.

Don't forget, you are coming in on Tuesday afternoon to see the presents.

Lovingly, Mary.

Sometimes pus.h.i.+ng people send presents, when they are not asked to the wedding, in the hope of an invitation. Sometimes others send presents, when they are not asked, merely through kindly feeling toward a young couple on the threshold of life. It ought not to be difficult to distinguish between the two.

!I!

My Dear Mrs. Upstart: Thank you for the very handsome candlesticks you sent us. They were a great surprize, but it was more than kind of you to think of us.

Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

!II!

Dear Mrs. Kindly: I can't tell you how sweet I think it of you to send us such a lovely present, and Jim and I both hope that when we are in our own home, you will see them often at our table.

Thanking you many times for your thought of us, Very sincerely, Mary Smith.

For a Present Sent After the Wedding Dear Mrs. Chatterton: The mirror you sent us is going over our drawing-room mantel just as soon as we can hang it up! It is exactly what we most needed and we both thank you ever so much.

Please come in soon to see how becoming it will be to the room.

Yours affectionately, Mary Smith Smartlington.

!THANKS FOR CHRISTMAS OR OTHER PRESENTS!

Dear Lucy: I really think it was adorable of you to have a chair like yours made for me. It was worth adding a year to my age for such a nice birthday present. Jack says I am never going to have a chance to sit in it, however, if he gets there first, and even the children look at it with longing. At all events, I am perfectly enchanted with it, and thank you ever and ever so much.

Affectionately, Sally.

Dear Uncle Arthur: I know I oughtn't to have opened it until Christmas, but I couldn't resist the look of the package, and then putting it on at once! So I am all dressed up in your beautiful chain. It is one of the loveliest things I have ever seen and I certainly am lucky to have it given to me I Thank you a thousand--and then more--times for it.

Rosalie.

Dear Kate: I am fascinated with my utility box--it is too beguiling for words! You are the cleverest one anyway for finding what no one else can--and every one wants. I don't know how you do it! And you certainly were sweet to think of me. Thank you, dear.

Ethel.

!THANKS FOR PRESENT TO A BABY!

Dear Mrs. Kindhart: Of course it would be! Because no one else can sew like you! The sacque you made the baby is the prettiest thing I have ever seen, and is perfectly adorable on her! Thank you, as usual, you dear Mrs. Kindhart, for your goodness to Your affectionate, Sally.

Dear Mrs. Norman: Thank you ever so much for the lovely afghan you sent the baby. It is by far the prettiest one he has; it is so soft and close--he doesn't get his fingers tangled in it.

Do come in and see him, won't you? We are both allowed visitors (especial ones) every day between 4 and 5.30!

Affectionately always, Lucy.

!THE BREAD AND b.u.t.tER LETTER!

When you have been staying over Sunday, or for longer, in some one's house, it is absolutely necessary that you write a letter of thanks to your hostess within a few days after the visit.

"Bread and b.u.t.ter letters," as they are called, are the stumbling-blocks of visitors. Why they are so difficult for nearly every one is hard to determine, unless it is that they are often written to persons with whom you are on formal terms, and the letter should be somewhat informal in tone. Very likely you have been visiting a friend, and must write to her mother, whom you scarcely know; perhaps you have been included in a large and rather formal house party and the hostess is an acquaintance rather than a friend; or perhaps you are a bride and have been on a first visit to relatives or old friends of your husband's, but strangers, until now, to you.

As an example of the first, where you have been visiting a girl friend and must write a letter to her mother, you begin "Dear Mrs. Town" at the top of a page, and nothing in the forbidding memory of Mrs. Town encourages you to go further. It would be easy enough to write to Pauline, the daughter. Very well, write to Pauline then--on an odd piece of paper, in pencil, what a good time you had, how nice it was to be with her. Then copy your note composed to Pauline off on the page beginning "Dear Mrs. Town." You have only to add, "love to Pauline, and thanking you again for asking me," sign it "Very sincerely," and there you are!

Don't be afraid that your note is too informal; older people are always pleased with any expressions from the young that seem friendly and spontaneous. Never think, because you can not easily write a letter, that it is better not to write at all. The most awkward note that can be imagined is better than none--for to write none is the depth of rudeness, whereas the awkward note merely fails to delight.

!EXAMPLES!

From a Young Woman to a Formal Hostess After a House Party Dear Mrs. Norman: I don't know when I ever had such a good time as I did at Broadlawns. Thank you a thousand times for asking me. As it happened, the first persons I saw on Monday at the Towns' dinner were Celia and Donald. We immediately had a threesome conversation on the wonderful time we all had over Sunday.

Thanking you again for your kindness to me, Very sincerely yours, Grace Smalltalk.

To a Formal Hostess After an Especially Amusing Week-End Dear Mrs. Worldly: Every moment at Great Estates was a perfect delight! I am afraid my work at the office this morning was down to zero in efficiency; so perhaps it is just as well, if I am to keep my job, that the average week-end in the country is different--very. Thank you all the same, for the wonderful time you gave us all, and believe me Faithfully yours, Frederick Bachelor.

Dear Mrs. Worldly: Every time I come from Great Estates, I realize again that there is no house to which I always go with so much pleasure, and leave on Monday morning with so much regret.

Your party over this last week-end was simply wonderful! And thank you ever so much for having included me.

Always sincerely, Constance Style.

From a Young Couple Dear Mrs. Town: We had a perfect time at Tuxedo over Sunday and it was so good of you to include us. Jack says he is going to practise putting the way Mr. Town showed him, and maybe the next time he plays in a foursome he won't be such a handicap to his partner.

Thanking you both for the pleasure you gave us, Affectionately yours, Sally t.i.therington Littlehouse From a Bride to Her New Relatives-in-Law A letter that was written by a bride after paying a first visit to her husband's aunt and uncle won for her at a stroke the love of the whole family.

This is the letter: Dear "Aunt Annie": Now that it is all over, I have a confession to make! Do you know that when d.i.c.k drove me up to your front door and I saw you and Uncle Bob standing on the top step--I was simply paralyzed with fright!

"Suppose they don't like me," was all that I could think. Of course, I knew you loved d.i.c.k--but that only made it worse. How awful, if you couldn't like me! The reason I stumbled coming up the steps was because my knees were actually knocking together! You remember, Uncle Bob sang out it was good I was already married, or I wouldn't be this year? And then--you were both so perfectly adorable to me--and you made me feel as though I had always been your niece--and not just the wife of your nephew.

I loved every minute of our being with you, dear Aunt Annie, just as much as d.i.c.k did, and we hope you are going to let us come soon again.

With best love from us both, Your affectionate niece, Helen.

The above type of letter would not serve perhaps if d.i.c.k's aunt had been a forbidding and austere type of woman; but even such a one would be far more apt to take a new niece to her heart if the new niece herself gave evidence of having one.

After Visiting a Friend Dear Kate: It was hideously dull and stuffy in town this morning after the fresh coolness of Strandholm. The back yard is not an alluring outlook after the wide s.p.a.ces and delicious fragrance of your garden.

It was good being with you and I enjoyed every moment. Don't forget you are lunching here on the 16th and that we are going to hear Kreisler together.

Devotedly always, Caroline.

From a Man Who Has Been Ill and Convalescing at a Friend's House Dear Martha: I certainly hated taking that train this morning and realizing that the end had come to my peaceful days. You and John and the children, and your place, which is the essence of all that a "home" ought to be, have put me on my feet again. I thank you much--much more than I can say for the wonderful goodness of all of you.

Fred.

From a Woman Who Has Been Visiting a Very Old Friend I loved my visit with you, dear Mary; it was more than good to be with you and have a chance for long talks at your fireside. Don't forget your promise to come here in May! I told Sam and Hettie you were coming, and now the whole town is ringing with the news, and every one is planning a party for you.

David sends "his best" to you and Charlie, and you know you always have the love of Your devoted Pat.

To an Acquaintance After a visit to a formal acquaintance or when some one has shown you especial hospitality in a city where you are a stranger: My dear Mrs. Duluth: It was more than good of you to give my husband and me so much pleasure. We enjoyed, and appreciated, all your kindness to us more than we can say.

We hope that you and Mr. Duluth may be coming East before long and that we may then have the pleasure of seeing you at Strandholm.

In the meanwhile, thanking you for your generous hospitality, and with kindest regards to you both, in which my husband joins, believe me, Very sincerely yours, Katherine de Puyster Eminent.

!AN ENGRAVED CARD OF THANKS!

An engraved card of thanks is proper only when sent by a public official to acknowledge the overwhelming number of congratulatory messages he must inevitably receive from strangers, when he has carried an election or otherwise been honored with the confidence of his State or country. A recent and excellent example follows: !EXECUTIVE MANSION!

My dear....

!I warmly appreciate your kind message of congratulation which has given me a great deal of pleasure, and sincerely wish that it were possible for me to acknowledge it in a less formal manner.!

!Faithfully,!

(signed by hand) An engraved form of thanks for sympathy, also from one in public life, is presented in the following example: Mr. John Smith wishes to express his deep grat.i.tude and to thank you for your kind expression of sympathy But remember: an engraved card sent by a private individual to a personal friend, is not "stylish" or smart, but rude. (See also engraved acknowledgment of sympathy, pages 406-7.) !THE LETTER OF INTRODUCTION!

A letter of business introduction can be much more freely given than a letter of social introduction. For the former it is necessary merely that the persons introduced have business interests in common--which are much more easily determined than social compatibility, which is the requisite necessary for the latter. It is, of course, proper to give your personal representative a letter of introduction to whomever you send him.

On the subject of letters of social introduction there is one chief rule: Never ask for letters of introduction, and be very sparing in your offers to write or accept them.

Seemingly few persons realize that a letter of social introduction is actually a draft for payment on demand. The form might as well be: "The bearer of this has (because of it) the right to demand your interest, your time, your hospitality--liberally and at once, no matter what your inclination may be."

Therefore, it is far better to refuse in the beginning, than to hedge and end by committing the greater error of unwarrantedly inconveniencing a valued friend or acquaintance.

When you have a friend who is going to a city where you have other friends, and you believe that it will be a mutual pleasure for them to meet, a letter of introduction is proper and very easy to write, but sent to a casual acquaintance--no matter how attractive or distinguished the person to be introduced--it is a gross presumption.

!THE MORE FORMAL NOTE OF INTRODUCTION!

Dear Mrs. Marks: Julian Gibbs is going to Buffalo on January tenth to deliver a lecture on his Polar expedition, and I am sending him a card of introduction to you. He is very agreeable personally, and I think that perhaps you and Mr. Marks will enjoy meeting him as much as I know he would enjoy knowing you.

With kindest regards, in which Arthur joins, Very sincerely, Ethel Norman.

If Mr. Norman were introducing one man to another he would give his card to the former, inscribed as follows: [HW: Introducing Julian Gibbs]

!MR. ARTHUR LEES NORMAN!

BROADLAWNS Also Mr. Norman would send a private letter by mail, telling his friend that Mr. Gibbs is coming, as follows: Dear Marks: I am giving Julian Gibbs a card of introduction to you when he goes to Buffalo on the tenth to lecture. He is an entertaining and very decent fellow, and I think possibly Mrs. Marks would enjoy meeting him. If you can conveniently ask him to your house, I know he would appreciate it; if not, perhaps you will put him up for a day or two at a club.

Faithfully, Arthur Norman.

!INFORMAL LETTER OF INTRODUCTION!

Dear Claire: A very great friend of ours, James Dawson, is to be in Chicago for several weeks. Any kindness that you can show him will be greatly appreciated by Yours as always, Ethel Norman.

At the same time a second and private letter of information is written and sent by mail: Dear Claire: I wrote you a letter to-day introducing Jim Dawson. He used to be on the Yalvard football team, perhaps you remember. He is one of the best sort in the world and I know you will like him. I don't want to put you to any trouble, but do ask him to your house if you can. He plays a wonderful game of golf and a good game of bridge, but he is more a man's than a woman's type of man. Maybe if Tom likes him, he will put him up at a club as he is to be in Chicago for some weeks.

Affectionately always, Ethel.

Another example: Dear Caroline: A very dear friend of mine, Mrs. Fred West, is going to be in New York this winter, while her daughter is at Barnard. I am asking her to take this letter to you as I want very much to have her meet you and have her daughter meet Pauline. Anything that you can do for them will be the same as for me!

Yours affectionately, Sylvia Greatlake.

The private letter by mail to accompany the foregoing: Dearest Caroline: Mildred West, for whom I wrote to you this morning, is a very close friend of mine. She is going to New York with her only daughter--who, in spite of wanting a college education, is as pretty as a picture, with plenty of come-hither in the eye--so do not be afraid that the typical blue-stocking is to be thrust upon Pauline! The mother is an altogether lovely person and I know that you and she will speak the same language--if I didn't, I wouldn't give her a letter to you. Do go to see her as soon as you can; she will be stopping at the Fitz-Cherry and probably feeling rather lost at first. She wants to take an apartment for the winter and I told her I was sure you would know the best real estate and intelligence offices, etc., for her to go to.

I hope I am not putting you to any trouble about her, but she is really a darling and you will like her I know.

Devotedly yours, Sylvia.

Directions for procedure upon being given (or receiving) a letter of introduction will be found on pages 16 and 17.

!THE THIRD PERSON!

In other days when even verbal messages began with the "presenting of compliments," a social note, no matter what its length or purport, would have been considered rude, unless written in the third person. But as in a communication of any length the difficulty of this form is almost insurmountable (to say nothing of the pedantic effect of its accomplishment), it is no longer chosen--aside from the formal invitation, acceptance and regret--except for notes to stores or subordinates. For example: Will B. Stern & Co. please send (and charge) to Mrs. John H. Smith, 2 Madison Avenue, 1 paper of needles No. 9 2 spools white sewing Cotton No. 70 1 yard of material (sample enclosed).

January 6.