How to Write Clearly Part 14

[29] No instance has yet been mentioned.

[30] The thought that is implied, and should be expressed, by the words, is this: "Cromwell's favourite ally was a free country."

[31] The remarks about Christina are a digression, and Burnet is now returning to the respect in which Cromwell was held by foreign nations.

[32] He not only sought, but sought successfully. That "find" is not necessarily implied by "seek out" seems proved by the use of the word in the Authorized Version, 2 Tim. ii. 17: "He _sought_ me _out_ very diligently, and _found_ me."

BISHOP BUTLER.

The princ.i.p.al faults in this style are (_a_) a vague use of p.r.o.nouns (5), and sometimes (_b_) the use of a phrase, where a word would be enough (47 _a_).

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

Some persons, (15) _upon Some persons avowedly reject all pretence[33] of the sufficiency of revelation as[34]essentially the light of Nature_, avowedly incredible and necessarily reject all revelation as, _in its_ fict.i.tious, on the ground that the (47 _a_) _very notion_, light of Nature is in itself incredible, _and what_ (47 _a_) sufficient. And a.s.suredly, had the _must be fict.i.tious_. And indeed light of Nature been sufficient in (32) it is certain that no such a sense as to render revelation would have been given, revelation needless or useless, no (32) had the light of Nature been revelation would ever have been sufficient in such a sense as to given. But let any man consider render (5) _one_ not[35] wanting, the spiritual darkness that once or useless. But no (15 _b_) man in (41) prevailed in the heathen seriousness and simplicity can world before revelation, and that possibly think _it_ (5) _so_, who (41) still prevails in those considers the state of religion in regions that have not yet received the heathen world before the light of revealed truth; above revelation, and _its_ (5) present all, let him mark not merely the state in those (11) _places_ (8) natural inattention and ignorance _which_ have borrowed no light of the ma.s.ses, but also the from (5) it; particularly (19) the doubtful language held even by a doubtfulness of some of the (12) Socrates on even so vital a greatest men concerning _things of subject as[36] the immortality of the utmost_ (11) _importance_, as the soul; and then can he in well as the (15 _a_) _natural seriousness and sincerity maintain inattention and ignorance of that the light of Nature is mankind in general_. It is (34) sufficient?

impossible to say (12) who would have been able to have reasoned It is of course impossible to deny out that whole system which we that some second[36] Aristotle call natural religion, (30) in its might have reasoned out, in its genuine simplicity, clear of genuine simplicity and without superst.i.tion; but there is a touch of superst.i.tion, the certainly no ground to affirm whole of that system which we that the generality could. call natural religion. But there (44) If they could, there is is certainly no ground for no sort of probability that affirming that this complicated they would. (44) Admitting there process would have been possible were, they would highly want a for ordinary men. Even if they had standing admonition to remind them had the power, there is no of (5) _it_, and inculcate it upon probability that they would have them. And further still, were (5) had the inclination; and, even if _they_ as much _disposed_ (47 _a_) we admit the probable inclination, _to attend to_ religion as the they would still need some better sort of men (15 _a_) _are_; standing admonition, whereby yet, even upon this supposition, natural religion might be there would be various occasions suggested and inculcated. Still for supernatural instruction and further, even if we suppose these a.s.sistance, _and the greatest ordinary men to be as attentive to advantages_ (50) _might be religion as men of a better sort, afforded_ (15 _a_) _by_ (5) yet even then there would be _them_. So that, to say revelation various occasions when is a thing superfluous, _what supernatural instruction and there_ (47 _a_) _was no need of_, a.s.sistance might be most and _what can be of_ (47 _a_) _no beneficially bestowed.

service_, is, I think, to talk wildly and at random. Nor would it Therefore, to call revelation be more extravagant to affirm that superfluous, needless, and (40 _a_) _mankind_ is so entirely useless, is, in my opinion, to (40 _a_) _at ease_ in the present talk wildly and at random. A man state, and (40 _a_) _life so_ might as reasonably a.s.sert that we completely (40 _a_) _happy_, that are so entirely at ease and so (5) _it_ is a contradiction to completely happy in this present suppose (40 _a_) our condition life that our condition cannot capable of _being in any respect_ without contradiction be supposed (47 _a_) _better_.--(_a.n.a.logy of capable of being in any way Religion_, part ii. chap. 1.) improved.

FOOTNOTES:

[33] "To pretend" once meant "to put forward," "maintain."

[34] It has been suggested, however, that by "in its very notion incredible," is meant "inconceivable."

[35] "Wanting" is used for modern "wanted."

[36] This use of the particular for the general would be out of place in Butler's style, but it adds clearness.

BREVITY.

SIR ARCHIBALD ALISON.

The following extract exhibits examples of tautology and lengthiness.

The "implied statement" (50) can often be used as a remedy, but, more often, the best remedy is omission.

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

The Russian empire is (50) _a Russia, with her vast strength and state of_ (54) _such_ vast boundless resources, is obviously strength and boundless destined to exercise on the course resources, _that_ it is of history a great and lasting obviously destined to make a influence. The slowness of her great and lasting impression on progress only renders her human affairs. Its (50) progress durability more probable. The has been slow, but (5) _it_[37] is Russian Empire has not, like the only on that account the more empires of Alexander the Great and likely to be durable. (5) _It_ has Napoleon, been raised to sudden not suddenly risen to greatness, greatness by the genius of like the empire of Alexander in individuals or the accidents of ancient (19) (31), or that of fortune, but has been slowly Napoleon in modern, times, from enlarged and firmly consolidated the force of individual genius, or by well-guided ambition and the accidents of (54) casual persevering energy,[38] during a fortune, but has slowly advanced, long succession of ages.

and (40 _a_) been firmly consolidated (15) _during a succession of ages_, from the combined influence of ambition skilfully directed and energy (15 _a_) _perseveringly applied_.

The extent and fertility of the The extent and fertility of her Russian territory are _such_ (54) territory furnish unparalleled _as to_ furnish facilities of facilities for the increase of her increase and elements of strength population and power. European _which no nation_ (47 _a_) _in the Russia, that is, Russia to the world enjoys_. European west of the Ural Mountains, Russia--that is, Russia to the contains one million two hundred westward of the Ural thousand square geographical Mountains--contains a hundred and miles, or ten times the surface of fifty thousand four hundred square Great Britain and Ireland.

marine leagues, or about one million two hundred thousand square geographical miles, being ten times the surface of the British Islands, which contain, including Ireland, one hundred and twenty-two thousand. Great part, This vast territory is intersected no doubt, of this _immense_ (54, by no mountain ranges, no arid see below) _territory is covered_ deserts; and though much of it is with forests, or (40 _a_) _lies_ rendered almost unproductive of so far to the north as to be food either by the denseness of almost unproductive of food; but forests, or by the severity of the no ranges of mountains or arid northern winter, yet almost all, deserts intersect the _vast_ (54, except that part which touches see above) _extent_, and almost the Arctic snows, is capable of the whole, excepting that which yielding something for the use touches the Arctic snows, is of man.

capable of yielding something for the use of man. The (3) (54) The steppes of the south present _boundless_ steppes of the south an inexhaustible pasturage to present (54) _inexhaustible_ those nomad tribes whose numerous fields of pasturage, and give and incomparable hors.e.m.e.n form the birth to those nomad tribes, in chief defence of the empire.

whose numerous and incomparable hors.e.m.e.n the chief defence of the empire,[39] as of all Oriental states, (15 _a_) _is to be found_.

The rich arable lands in the heart The rich arable lands in the _of the_ (54) _empire_ produce an interior produce grain enough to (2) _incalculable_ quant.i.ty of support four times the present grain, capable not only of population of the empire, and yet maintaining four times (5) _its_ leave a vast surplus to be present inhabitants, but affording transported by the Dnieper, the a vast surplus for exportation by Volga, and their tributaries, into the Dnieper, the Volga, and their the Euxine or other seas.

tributary streams, (30) which _form so many_ (54) _natural outlets_ into the Euxine or other seas; (44) while the cold and Lastly, the cold bleak plains s.h.i.+vering plains which stretch stretching towards Archangel and towards Archangel and the sh.o.r.es towards the sh.o.r.es of the White of the White Sea are (48) covered Sea, and covered with immense with immense forests of fir and forests of oak and fir, furnish oak, furnis.h.i.+ng at once (54)[40] materials for s.h.i.+pbuilding and _inexhaustible_ materials for supplies of fuel that will for s.h.i.+pbuilding and supplies of fuel. many generations supersede the (54) _These ample stores_ for many necessity of searching for coal.

generations will supersede the necessity of searching in the (14 _a_) _bowels_ of the earth for _the purposes of_ (54) _warmth or manufacture_.

Formidable as the power of Russia Much as we may dread Russia for is from the vast extent of its the vastness of her territory and territory, and the great and of her rapidly increasing numbers, rapidly increasing number _of there is greater cause for fear its_ (54) _subjects_, (5) _it_ is in the military spirit and the still more (5) _so_ from the docility of her people.

military spirit and docile disposition _by which they are_ (54)[41] _distinguished_. The prevailing (54) _pa.s.sion_ of the A burning thirst for conquest is nation is the (54) _love of as prevalent a pa.s.sion in Russia conquest_, and this (54) _ardent_ as democratic ambition in the free (54) _desire_, which (54) _burns states of Western Europe. This as_ (54) _fiercely_ in them as pa.s.sion is the unseen spring[2]

democratic ambition does in the which, while it retains the free states of Western Europe, is Russians in the strictest the unseen spring[42] which both discipline, unceasingly impels retains them _submissive_ (54) their united forces against all _under the standard of their adjoining states.

chief_ and impels their acc.u.mulated forces in ceaseless The national energy, which is as violence over all the adjoining great as the national territory, states. The energies of the rarely wastes itself in disputes people, great as[43] the territory about domestic grievances. For all they inhabit, are rarely wasted in internal evils, how great soever, internal disputes. Domestic the Russians hope to find a grievances, how great soever, are compensation, and more than a (54) overlooked in the thirst for compensation, in the conquest of foreign aggrandizement. (15) In the world.

the conquest of the world the people hope to find a compensation, and more than a compensation, (15 _a_) _for all the evils of their interior administration_.

FOOTNOTES:

[37] Apparently "it" means, not "progress," but the "Russian empire."

[38] Not "energy," but "a long succession of ages," needs to be emphasized.

[39] There is nothing in the context that requires the words, "as of all Oriental states."

[40] If they were really "inexhaustible," the "necessity of searching in the bowels of the earth" would be "superseded," not for "many," but for all generations.

[41] The words can be implied, and besides they are expressed in the following sentence.

[42] The metaphor is questionable; for a "spring," _qua_ "spring,"

does not retain at all; and besides, "a pa.s.sion" ought not to "burn"

in one line, and be a "spring" in the next.

[43] The meaning appears _not_ to be, "great as" (is), _i.e._ "though the territory is great."

THE END.

ENGLISH LESSONS

FOR

ENGLISH PEOPLE.

BY

THE REV. EDWIN A. ABBOTT, M.A.,

HEAD MASTER OF THE CITY OF LONDON SCHOOL;