How to Write Clearly Part 2

"I gave him a very interesting book for a present, _and which_ cost me five s.h.i.+llings."

In short sentences the absurdity is evident, but in long sentences it is less evident, and very common.

"A pet.i.tion was presented for rescinding that portion of the bye-laws which permits application of public money to support sectarian schools over which ratepayers have no control, this being a violation of the principle of civil and religious liberty, _and which_ the memorialists believe would provoke a determined and conscientious resistance."

Here _which_ ought grammatically to refer to "portion" or "schools."

But it seems intended to refer to "violation." Omit "and," or repeat "a violation" before "which," or turn the sentence otherwise.

*10. Equivalents for Relative.*

*(_a_) Participle.*--"Men _thirsting_ (for 'men _that thirst_') for revenge are not indifferent to plunder." The objection to the participle is that here, as often, it creates a little ambiguity. The above sentence may mean, "men, _when_ they thirst," or "_though_ they thirst," as well as "men _that_ thirst." Often however there is no ambiguity: "I have doc.u.ments _proving_ this conclusively."

*(_b_) Infinitive.*--Instead of "He was the first _that_ entered" you can write "_to_ enter;" for "He is not a man _who_ will act dishonestly," "_to_ act." This equivalent cannot often be used.

*(_c_) Whereby, wherein, &c.,* can sometimes be used for "by _which_,"

"in _which_," so as to avoid a harsh repet.i.tion of "_which_." "The means _whereby_ this may be effected." But this use is somewhat antiquated.

*(_d_) If.*--"The man _that_ does not care for music is to be pitied"

can be written (though not so forcibly), "_If_ a man does not care for music, he is to be pitied." It is in long sentences that this equivalent will be found most useful.

*(_e_) And this.*--"He did his best, _which_ was all that could be expected," can be written, "_and this_ was all that, &c."

*(_f_) What.*--"Let me repeat _that which_[9] you ought to know, that _that which_ is worth doing is worth doing well." "Let me repeat, _what_ you ought to know, that _what_ is worth doing is worth doing well."

*(_g_) Omission of Relative.*--It is sometimes thought ungrammatical to omit the relative, as in "The man (that) you speak of." On the contrary, _that_ when an object (not when a subject) may be omitted, wherever the antecedent and the subject of the relative sentence are brought into juxtaposition by the omission.

*10 a'. Repeat the Antecedent in some new form, where there is any ambiguity.* This is particularly useful after a negative: "He said that he would not even hear me, _which_ I confess I had expected."

Here the meaning may be, "I had expected that he would," or "that he would not, hear me." Write, "_a refusal_, or, _a favour_, that I confess I had expected." See (38).

*11. Use particular for general terms.*--This is a most important rule. Instead of "I have neither the necessaries of life nor the means of procuring them," write (if you can _with truth_), "I have not a crust of bread, nor a penny to buy one."

CAUTION.--There is a danger in this use. The meaning is vividly expressed but sometimes may be exaggerated or imperfect. _Crust of bread_ may be an exaggeration; on the other hand, if the speaker is dest.i.tute not only of bread, but also of shelter and clothing, then _crust of bread_ is an imperfect expression of the meaning.

In philosophy and science, where the language ought very often to be inclusive and brief, general and not particular terms must be used.

*11 a. Avoid Verbal Nouns where Verbs can be used instead.* The disadvantage of the use of Verbal Nouns is this, that, unless they are immediately preceded by prepositions, they are sometimes liable to be confounded with participles. The following is an instance of an excessive use of Verbal Nouns:

"The pretended confession of the secretary was only collusion to lay the jealousies of the king's _favouring_ popery, which still hung upon him, notwithstanding his _writing_ on the Revelation, and _affecting_ to enter on all occasions into controversy, _a.s.serting_ in particular that the Pope was Antichrist."

Write "notwithstanding that he wrote and affected &c."

*12. Use a particular Person instead of a cla.s.s.*

"What is the splendour of _the greatest monarch_ compared with the beauty of _a flower_?" "What is the splendour of Solomon compared with the beauty of a daisy?"

Under this head may come the forcible use of Noun for Adjective: "This fortress is _weakness_ itself."

An excess of this use is lengthy and pedantically bombastic, _e.g._, the following paraphrase for "in every British colony:"--"under Indian palm-groves, amid Australian gum-trees, in the shadow of African mimosas, and beneath Canadian pines."

*13. Use Metaphor instead of literal statement.*

"The s.h.i.+p _ploughs_ the sea" is clearer than "the s.h.i.+p _cleaves_ the sea," and shorter than "the s.h.i.+p _cleaves_ the sea _as a plough cleaves the land_."

Of course there are some subjects for which Metaphor should not be used. See (14 _a_) and (14 _b_).

*14. Do not confuse Metaphor.*

"In a moment the thunderbolt was upon them, _deluging_ their country with invaders."

The following is attributed to Sir Boyle Roche: "Mr. Speaker, I smell a rat, I see him brewing in the air; but, mark me, I shall yet nip him in the bud."

Some words, once metaphorical, have ceased to be so regarded. Hence many good writers say "_under_ these _circ.u.mstances_" instead of "_in_ these circ.u.mstances."

An excessive regard for disused metaphor savours of pedantry: disregard is inelegant. Write, not, "_unparalleled_ complications,"

but "_unprecedented_ complications;" and "_he threw light on_ obscurities," instead of "_he unravelled_ obscurities."

*14 a. Do not introduce literal statement immediately after Metaphor.*

"He was the father of Chemistry, and brother to the Earl of Cork."

"He was a very thunderbolt of war, And was lieutenant to the Earl of Mar."

*14 b. Do not use poetic metaphor to ill.u.s.trate a prosaic subject.*

Thus, we may say "a poet _soars_," or even, though rarely, "a nation _soars_ to greatness," but you could not say "Consols _soared to_ 94-1/2." Even commonplace subjects may be ill.u.s.trated by metaphor: for it is a metaphor, and quite un.o.bjectionable, to say "Consols _mounted_, or _jumped_ to 94-1/2." But commonplace subjects must be ill.u.s.trated by metaphor that is commonplace.

ORDER OF WORDS IN A SENTENCE.

*15. Emphatic words must stand in emphatic positions; i.e. for the most part, at the beginning or at the end of the sentence.* This rule occasionally supersedes the common rules about position. Thus, the place for an adverb, as a rule, should be between the subject and verb: "He _quickly_ left the room;" but if _quickly_ is to be emphatic, it must come at the beginning or end, as in "I told him to leave the room slowly, but he left _quickly_."

Adjectives, in clauses beginning with "if" and "though," often come at the beginning for emphasis: "_Insolent_ though he was, he was silenced at last."

*15 a. Unemphatic words must, as a rule, be kept from the end of the sentence.* It is a common fault to break this rule by placing a short and unemphatic predicate at the end of a long sentence.

"To know some Latin, even if it be nothing but a few Latin roots, _is useful_." Write, "It is useful, &c."

So "the evidence proves how kind to his inferiors _he is_."

Often, where an adjective or auxiliary verb comes at the end, the addition of an emphatic adverb justifies the position, _e.g._ above, "is _very_ useful," "he has _invariably_ been."

A short "chippy" ending, even though emphatic, is to be avoided. It is abrupt and unrhythmical, _e.g._ "The soldier, transfixed with the spear, _writhed_." We want a _longer_ ending, "fell writhing to the ground," or, "writhed in the agonies of death." A "chippy" ending is common in bad construing from Virgil.

*Exceptions.*--Prepositions and p.r.o.nouns attached to emphatic words need not be moved from the end; _e.g._ "He does no harm that I hear _of_." "Bear witness how I loved _him_."