How to Write Clearly Part 9

22. "With the intention of fulfilling his promise, and (40 _a_) _intending also_ to clear himself from the suspicion that attached to him, he determined to ascertain _how_ (40 _a_) _far this testimony_ was corroborated, and (_a_) (40 _a_) the motives of the prosecutor, (_b_) (43) who had begun the suit last Christmas."

(_a_) "what were." (_b_) Begin a new sentence, "The latter &c.,"

or "The suit had been begun &c."

23. "The Jewish nation, relying on the teaching of their prophets, looked forward to a time when its descendants should be as numerous as _the heavenly_ (11) _bodies_, and when the _products_ (_a_) (11) _of the earth_ should be _so increased as to create an abundant_ (54) _plenty_, when each man should rest beneath the shade of his own (_a_) (11) _trees_, and when the _instruments_ (11) _of war_ should be _converted to the_ (11) _uses of peace_."

(_a_) Mention some "products," "trees" of Palestine.

24. "He replied (32), when he was asked the reason for his sudden unpopularity, that he owed it to his refusal to annul the commercial treaty, (_a_) (8) _which_(10 _a'_) gave great displeasure to the poorer cla.s.ses."

(_a_) Point out the ambiguity, and remove it by (8) or (10 _a'_).

25. "I saw my old schoolfellow again by mere accident when I was in London at the time of the first Exhibition, (19) _walking_ down Regent Street and looking in at the shops."

Point out and remove the ambiguity.

26. "He remained in the House while his speech was taken into consideration; _which_ (52) _was_ a common practice with him, because the debates amused his sated mind, and indeed _he used to say_ (_a_) (6 _b_) _that they_ were sometimes as good as a comedy. His Majesty had certainly never seen _a more_ (17) _sudden turn_ in any comedy of intrigue, either at his own play-house or the Duke's, than that which this memorable debate produced."

(_a_) "and were sometimes, he used to say, as good &c."

27. "The Commons would not approve the war (20) _expressly_; neither did they as yet condemn it (20) _expressly_; and (_a_) (18) the king might even have obtained a supply for continuing hostilities (19) from them, on condition _of_ (_b_) _redressing_ grievances _connected with the_ (_c_) _administration of affairs at home_, among which the Declaration of Indulgence was a very _important_ (_d_) (15_a_) one."

(_a_) Write "they were even ready to grant the king &c." (_b_) Use the verb with a subject, (_c_) Condense all this into one adjective, meaning "that which takes place at home." (_d_) End with a noun, "importance," or "foremost place."

28. "Next to thinking clearly, (_a_) (5) _it is_ useful to speak clearly, and whatever your position in life may hereafter be _it_ cannot be such (54) as not to be improved by _this_, (_b_) so that _it_ is worth while making almost any effort to acquire (_c_) _it_, if _it_ is not a natural gift: (_d_) _it_ being an undoubted (_d_) fact that the effort to acquire _it_ must be successful, to some extent at least, if (_d_) _it_ be moderately persevered in."

(_a_) "Next in utility ... comes speaking clearly--a power that must be of a.s.sistance to you &c." (_b_)" If, therefore, you cannot speak clearly by nature, you &c." (_c_) "this power."

(_d_) Omit "fact;" "for undoubtedly, with moderate perseverance &c."

29. "_It_ (_a_) (38) _appears to me_ (15) _a greater victory than Agincourt, a grander triumph of wisdom and faith and courage than even the English const.i.tution or_ (_b_) _liturgy_, to have beaten back, or even fought against and stemmed in ever so small a degree, those _basenesses that_ (_c_) (10_a_) _beset_ human nature, which are now held so invincible that the influences of them are a.s.sumed as the fundamental axioms of economic science."

(_a_) Begin with "To have beaten &c.," and end with "liturgy."

(_b_) Repeat for clearness and emphasis, "the English." (_c_) "The besetting basenesses of &c."

30. "The (_a_) (2) _unprecedented_ impudence of our youthful representative reminds us forcibly of the _unblus.h.i.+ng and_ (54) (40) _remarkable_ effrontery (_c_) (which (26) he almost succeeds in equalling) of the Member for St. Alban's, whom our (_b_) (1) _neophyte_ (_b_) (1) _alluded to_, in the last speech with which he favoured _those whom_ (47_a_) _he represents_, (19) as his pattern and example."

(_a_) Show that "unprecedented" is inconsistent with what follows. (_b_) What is the meaning of "neophyte," "alluded to"?

(_c_) Begin a new sentence, "Our young adventurer &c.," and end with "and he almost succeeds in equalling his master."

31. "The (_a_) (1) _veracity_ of this story is questionable, and there is the more reason for doubting the (_a_) (1) _truth_ of the narrator, because in his remarks on the (1) _observation_ of the Sabbath he distinctly (_a_) (1) _alludes to_ a custom that can be shown never to have existed."

(_a_) Distinguish between "veracity" and "truth," "observation"

and "observance." Show the inconsistency between "allude" and "distinctly."

32. "It (_a_) (5) is a most just distribution, (10 _a_) _which_ the late Mr. Tucker has dwelt upon _so_ (_b_) largely in his works, between pleasures in which we are pa.s.sive, and pleasures in which we are active. And I believe every attentive observer of human life will _a.s.sent to_ (_c_) _this position_, that however (_d_) _grateful_ the sensations may occasionally be in which we are pa.s.sive, it is not these, but the latter cla.s.s of our pleasures, (8) _which_ const.i.tutes satisfaction, (_e_) (38) _which_ supply that regular stream of moderate and miscellaneous enjoyments in (10 _c_) _which_ happiness, as distinguished from voluptuousness, consists."

(_a_) "There is great justice in &c." (b) Omit "so." (_c_) "admit." (_d_) Not often now used in this sense. (_e_) Repeat the antecedent, "I mean those (pleasures) &c."

33. "The prince seemed to have before him a _limitless_ (54) _prospect of unbounded_ prosperity, carefully (33) _trained_ for the (_a_) _tasks_ of the throne, and stimulated by the (_a_) _pattern_ of his father, (_b_) who (43) _breathed his_ (3) _last_ suddenly at the age of sixty-two, just after the conclusion of the war."

(_a_) Find more appropriate words. (_b_) Begin a new sentence.

34. "On his way, he visited a son of an old friend (_a_) (25) _who_ had asked _him_ to call upon _him_ on his journey northward. _He_ (_b_) (5) was overjoyed to see _him_, and (_c_) _he_ sent for one of _his_ most intelligent workmen and told (_d_) _him_ to consider _himself_ at (_e_) _his_ service, (30) as _he himself_ could not take (_f_) _him_ as _he_ (_g_) wished about the city."

(_a_) If you mean that the "son" had "asked him," write "An old friend's son who;" if you mean that the "friend" had "asked him,"

write "He had been asked by an old friend to call, on his journey northward, upon his son. Accordingly he visited him on his way."

(_b_) Use, instead of _he_, some name meaning "one who entertains others." (_c_) Use participle, (_d_) "The man." (_e_) "the stranger's." (_f_) "his guest." (_g_) Write "could have wished"

to make it clear that "he" means "the host."

35. "Tillotson died in this year. He was exceedingly beloved both by King William and by Queen Mary (43), who nominated Dr. Tennison, Bishop of Lincoln, to succeed him."

36. "(_a_) The entertainment was arranged with a magnificence that was (_b_) perfectly _stupendous_ and (_c_) _most unprecedented_, and which quite kept up his Lords.h.i.+p's _unrivalled_ reputation for _unparalleled_ hospitality, and, thanks to the _unequalled_ energy of Mr. Smith, who is _rapidly becoming one of the most effective_ toast-masters in the kingdom, the toasts were given with a spirit _quite unexampled_ on occasions of this nature; and indeed we were forcibly reminded in this respect of the _inimitable_ entertainment of three years ago (2)."

(_a_) Omit most of the epithets, or soften them down. Point out the contradictions in the sentence as it stands. (_b_) Write "a remarkable magnificence that quite &c.," thus dispensing with the following "and." (_c_) Show that "most" is superfluous.

37. "If we compare Shakespeare with the other dramatic authors of the Elizabethan era, _his wonderful superiority to them in the_ (15) _knowledge of human nature_ is _what_ (15 _a_) _princ.i.p.ally strikes us_."

38. "The prince found himself at once in sore perplexity how to provide himself with the commonest comforts or even necessaries of life, when he landed on this desolate coast, being (33) accustomed to luxury."

39. "This make-s.h.i.+ft policy recommended itself to the succeeding _ministers_ (_a_) (50), _both because they were timid and because they were prejudiced_, and they were delighted to _excuse_ (_b_) (13) _themselves by quoting_ the example of one who (_c_) (34) had controlled the Liberals and humoured the Conservatives, (37) commended himself to the country at large by his unfailing good-humour, and (_d_) (44) (37) done nothing worthy of the name of statesman."

(_a_) "to the timidity and prejudices of &c." (_b_) "shelter themselves behind." (_c_) "while he had at once." (_d_) "had yet done."

40. "William Shakespeare was the sun among the lesser lights of English poetry, and a native of Stratford-on-Avon (14 _a_)."

41. "(15 _b_) I think, gentlemen, you must confess that any one of you would have done the same (32), if you had been tempted as I was then, placed starving and ragged among wasteful luxury and comfort, deliberately instigated to acts of dishonesty by those whom I had been taught from infancy to love, (_a_) praised when I stole, mocked or punished when I failed to (15 _a_) _do_ (_b_) _so_."

(_a_) Insert another infinitive beside "love." "Love" produces "obedience." (b) Repeat the verb instead of "do so."

42. "So far from being the first (54) _aggressor_, he _not_ (22) _only_ refused to prosecute his old friend when a favourable opportunity presented itself for revenging himself thus upon him, _but also_ his friend's adviser, John Smith. Smith (_a_) _at all_ (23) _events_ suspected, if he did not know of the coming danger, and had given no information of it."

(_a_) If "at all events" qualifies "Smith," the sentence must be altered. "Yet, however innocent his friend may have been, at all events Smith suspected...." If the words qualify "suspected,"

place them after "suspected."

43. "It is quite true that he paid 5_s._ per day to English navvies, _and even 6s._, (19) in preference to 2_s._ 6_d._ to French navvies."

44. "Having climbed to the _apex_ of the Righi to enjoy the spectacle of the sun-rise, I found myself so _incommoded_ by a number of _illiterate individuals_ who had _emerged_ from the hotel for a (_a_) (1) _similar_ purpose, that I determined to quit them _at the earliest practicable period_; and therefore, without stopping to _partake of breakfast_, I _wended my way_ back _with all possible celerity_." (3)

(_a_) "the same."

45. "You admit that miracles are _not natural_. Now whatever _is unnatural_ is wrong, and since, by your own admission, miracles are _unnatural_, it follows that miracles are wrong." (1)

46. "Who is the man that has dared to call into _civilized_ alliance the (_a_) (41) inhabitant of the woods, to delegate to the (_a_) Indian the defence of our disputed rights?

(_a_) Insert some ant.i.thetical or other epithets.

47. "A (_a_) _very_ (11) _small proportion_ indeed of those who have attempted to solve this problem (_b_) (19) have succeeded in obtaining even a plausible solution."

(_a_) State what proportion succeeded, or, if you like, what failed: "not one in a hundred." (_b_) Begin, "Of all those that &c."