The Parent's Assistant Part 26

_Landlady_ (_aside_). Simpleton! (_Aloud._) But, my dear Miss Bursal, if I may be so bold--if you'd only disembosom your mind of what's on it----

_Miss B._ Disembosom my mind! Nonsense! I've nothing on my mind. Pray leave me, madam.

_Landlady_ (_aside_). Madam, indeed! madam, forsooth! Oh, I'll make her pay for that! That _madam_ shall go down in the bill as sure as my name's Newington. (_In a higher tone._) Well, I wish you better, ma'am.

I suppose I'd best send your own servant?

_Miss B._ (_sullenly_). Yes, I suppose so. (_To Sally._) You need not wait, child, nor look so curious.

_Sally._ _Cur'ous!_ Indeed, miss, if I look a little _cur'ous_, or so (_looking at her dress_), 'tis only because I was _frighted_ to see you take on, which made me forget my clean ap.r.o.n when I came out; and this ap.r.o.n----

_Miss B._ Hus.h.!.+ hus.h.!.+ child. Don't tell me about clean ap.r.o.ns, nor run on with your vulgar talk. Is there ever a seat one can set on in that _h_arbour yonder?

_Sally._ O dear _'art_, yes, miss; 'tis the pleasantest _h_arbour on _h_earth. Be pleased to lean on my _h_arm, and you'll soon be there.

_Miss B._ (_going_). Then tell my woman she need not come to me, and let n.o.body _interude_ on me--do you _'ear_? (_Aside._) Oh, what will become of me? and the Talbots will soon know it! And the ponies, and the curricle, and the _vis-a-vis_--what will become of them? and how shall I make my appearance at the Montem, or any _ware_ else?

SCENE II

LORD JOHN--WHEELER--BURSAL

_Wheeler._ Well, but, my lord--Well, but, Bursal--though my Lady Piercefield--though Miss Bursal is come to Salt Hill, you won't leave us all at sixes and sevens. What can we do without you?

_Lord J._ You can do very well without _me_.

_Bursal._ You can do very well without _me_.

_Wheel._ (_to Burs._). Impossible!--impossible! You know Mr. Finsbury will be here just now, with the dresses; and we have to try them on.

_Burs._ And to pay for them.

_Wheel._ And to settle about the procession. And then, my lord, the election is to come on this evening. You won't go till that's over, as your lords.h.i.+p has _promised_ me your lords.h.i.+p's vote and interest.

_Lord J._ My vote I promised you, Mr. Wheeler; but I said not a syllable about my _interest_. My friends, perhaps, have not been offended, though I have, by Mr. Talbot. I shall leave them to their own inclinations.

_Burs._ (_whistling_). Wheugh! wheugh! wheugh! Wheeler, the princ.i.p.al's nothing without the interest.

_Wheel._ Oh, the interest will go along with the princ.i.p.al, of course; for I'm persuaded, if my lord leaves his friends to their inclinations, it will be the inclination of my lord's friends to vote as he does, if he says nothing to them to the contrary.

_Lord J._ I told you, Mr. Wheeler, that I should leave them to themselves.

_Burs._ (_still whistling_). Well, I'll do my best to make that father of mine send me off to Oxford. I'm sure I'm fit to go--along with Wheeler. Why, you'd best be my tutor, Wheeler!--a devilish good thought.

_Wheel._ An excellent thought.

_Burs._ And a cursed fine dust we should kick up at Oxford, with your Montem money and all!--Money's _the go_ after all. I wish it was come to my making you my last bow, 'ye distant spires, ye _antic_ towers!'

_Wheel._ (_aside to Lord J._). Ye _antic_ towers!--fit for Oxford, my lord!

_Lord J._ _Antique_ towers, I suppose Mr. Bursal means.

_Burs._ Antique, to be sure!--I said antique, did not I, Wheeler?

_Wheel._ Oh yes.

_Lord J._ (_aside_). What a mean animal is this!

_Enter_ RORY O'RYAN.

_Rory._ Why, now, what's become of Talbot, I want to know? There he is not to be found anywhere in the wide world; and there's a hullabaloo amongst his friends for him.

(_Wheeler and Bursal wink at one another._)

_Wheel._ We know nothing of him.

_Lord J._ I have not the honour, sir, to be one of Mr. Talbot's friends.

It is his own fault, and I am sorry for it.

_Rory._ 'Faith, so am I, especially as it is mine--fault I mean; and especially as the election is just going to come on.

_Enter a party of boys, who cry_, Finsbury's come!--Finsbury's come with the dresses!

_Wheel._ Finsbury's come? Oh, let us see the dresses, and let us try 'em on to-night.

_Burs._ (_pus.h.i.+ng the crowd_). On with ye--on with ye, there!--Let's try 'em on!--Try 'em on--I'm to be colonel.

_1st Boy._ And I lieutenant.

_2nd Boy._ And I ensign.

_3rd Boy._ And I college salt-bearer.

_4th Boy._ And I oppidan.

_5th Boy._ Oh, what a pity I'm in mourning.

(_Several speak at once._) And we are servitors. We are to be the eight servitors.

_Wheel._ And I am to be your Captain, I hope. Come on, my Colonel (_to Bursal_). My lord, you are coming?

_Rory._ By-and-by--I've a word in his ear, by your _lave_ and his.

_Burs._ Why, what the devil stops the way, there?--Push on--on with them.

_6th Boy._ I'm marshal.

_Burs._ On with you--on with you--who cares what you are?

_Wheel._ (_to Bursal, aside_). You'll pay Finsbury for me, you rich Jew?