Six One-Act Plays - BestLightNovel.com
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KING--I came back for my cane, and I'm not going to leave without it.
(_Horn blows again._)
GENTLEMAN--Hang it all, we'll be dreadfully late.
SELINA--(_In an ecstasy of fear._) No, no, stay here till they go.
(_Leans against screen, which shakes, and almost falls over._)
MISS BROWN--What's back of that screen? I saw it move!
(_Goes toward screen. Bart and King make a bolt for the door, and Officer stops them._)
MISS BROWN--(_Discovering Selina and Gentleman._) Pipe these two dolls, will ye?
(_Selina draws scarf over face, and hurries toward door._)
OFFICER--(_Detaining her._) Not so fast please, I want to see you first.
GENTLEMAN--We're all right officer, just waiting here out of the cold, while my car was being--
OFFICER--(_With easy familiarity to Selina._) h.e.l.lo kid, where did you hook the gown?
GENTLEMAN--Officer!
OFFICER--Easy, boy, easy.
SELINA--Let me pa.s.s, you have no right to detain me.
GENTLEMAN--This is an outrage. I'll report you.
OFFICER--(_To Selina._) Some style to you now, kid. Who you workin'?
Must have money to rig you out like that!
SELINA--Let me pa.s.s, I tell you, let me pa.s.s!
OFFICER--You're a wonder, Lena. Your own mother wouldn't know you.
BART--My gos.h.!.+
GENTLEMAN--How dare you insult this lady?
OFFICER--Say, what are you b.u.t.tin' in for? Who are you anyway? What's it matter to you?
GENTLEMAN--Everything. I'll not let you bulldoze a lady who's going to be my wife.
OFFICER--She's not going to be your wife while I'm alive, Clarence.
GENTLEMAN--What do you mean?
OFFICER--I don't believe in divorce, and--
SELINA--(_In suppressed rage._) Keep quiet, will you!
OFFICER--(_Coolly._) And she happens to be _my_ wife.
(_General consternation._)
GENTLEMAN--Good heavens!
BART--Great fis.h.!.+
KING--I'll be darned!
MISS BROWN--They're all dotty. The whole fool ranch is dotty.
GENTLEMAN--(_Tensely, to Selina._) Is this true, tell me, is this true?
SELINA--(_Shrugging shoulders._) Oh, what's the use!
OFFICER--Sure, it ain't any use, Lena, but if you're havin' a good time, go to it. Gawd knows I don't want any more of ye.
(_Horn blows again._)
GENTLEMAN--I must be going.
SELINA--Would you mind dropping me at my apartments?
GENTLEMAN--(_Coldly._) Certainly not, if you wish.
(_Exeunt Selina and Gentleman. Bart, King and Officer bow to her with mock courtesy as she pa.s.ses them._)
OFFICER--She's got her nerve, all right. Knew I picked a pippin' when I married her. She'll cook up some story to hoodwink him before they get to her apartments. (_Stands in doorway, meditatively._)
KING--Died in her mother's arms! And I've been keeping the fict.i.tious old lady eight years.
BART--I'll put no flowers on her grave, the siren.
KING--She worked us all very nicely, didn't she?
BART--(_Suddenly._) King, our hands are bloodless. We have not murdered Selina!
(_King and Bart fall into one another's arms, overcome with emotion.
Miss Brown watches them a moment in supreme disgust._)
MISS BROWN--(_To Boy._) Put on a fox trot, Jimmie, maybe it'll bring them to, the poor prunes!
(_Boy puts on record._)
(_CURTAIN_)
