Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu‎ Vol 4 Chapter 1

"...... Yuuji."

"Wha --- arghhh!? What the h.e.l.l are you doing all of a sudden!?"

"...... don't dodge."

"When you're b.u.t.ting your head with me, of course I'll dodge!"

"...... I'm not b.u.t.ting my head."

"? Then what's that? A heddobatto[1]?"

"...... a kiss."

"Alright. I don't want to see any unnecessary movement from you. Put your hands behind your head and explain this slowly in a way that's easy to understand."

"...... putting lips together. A natural act between an engaged couple like Yuuji and me. It's called 'making out'."

"Wait. I didn't mean that I don't know what a 'kiss' is. I'm asking, why are you doing that out of the bl......ahhhh!"

"....... you say you know, with whom, when, and where did you......!!"

"N, no! I mean I know the meaning of a kiss, it doesn't mean that I have any ---"

"...... experience?"

"--- you can't really say that I don't have any ex...gyaaaaa! I'm kidding! I'm just being c.o.c.ky, I've never experienced a real one before!"

"...... I see. Then, it's fine."

"I, I thought I was going to die...... So, why did you talk about that out of the blue?"

"...... look."

"Yeah? Isn't that Akihisa and s.h.i.+mada? I can't really see it from here --- but isn't s.h.i.+mada running away from him?"

"...... they were kissing before that."

"Seriously! Ugh, the fellows in our cla.s.s have started to surround the ditched guy, Akihisa."

"...... an incredible killing intent."

"Woah, what a nice body! Something good is also stuffed in between his jaws. As expected, he's outnumbered."

"...... he can't move anymore."

"Tsk tsk. As usual, Akihisa is an idiot. They are famous for not showing any mercy to anyone who has experienced even something as small as a kiss."

"...... I'm sorry."

"Huh? What's wrong? Why are you apologizing? Since I haven't done anything like that, I'll be fine, you know?"

"...... the truth is, while Yuuji was sleeping ---"

"I can't hear you! I totally, completely can't hear you at all!"

"...... it's ok. Since I'll take responsibility."

"That's not the problem, is it!? --- hah! Killing intent gyaaaaaaaaa!"

"Heretics discovered. We've secured them."

"Alright. Take them away."

"Roger! President Sugawa!"

"....... ah...... Yuuji......"

"How goes the preparations for the trial?"

"No problem."

"Well done. We're going to begin the emergency heretic trial! All members, do not be negligent in inspecting your tools!"

"""Roger! President Sugawa!"""

"...... what should I do. I was so busy selling him out that I forgot to mention that I only did it on his cheek......"

 

The First Question

Convert the following words to proper English.

"Haatofuru Rabusutourii"

Himeji Mizuki's answer

"heartful love story"

Teacher's comment

Correct. It's a common catchphrase you see in movies and books, but every now and then, there will be someone who will get the "heart" part wrong. Even though it should be a familiar English word to most, it's surprisingly difficult to get it right.

By the way, translated to j.a.panese, it's "A romance story filled with love". I'd definitely like to see you all spend your springtime of youth in such a manner.

s.h.i.+mada Minami's answer

"hurt full rough story"

Teacher's comment

hurt...... injury full...... to be filled with rough...... rough story...... story

It's a beautiful mistake to the effect that I was wondering whether you got it wrong on purpose.

I think you will be the only one "playing out"[2] such a "heartful love story".

Kiris.h.i.+ma Shouko's answer

"hurt full rough story"

Teacher's comment

To think that there's another one.

 

"Aki, close your eyes."

That came rather suddenly.

In front of me were a pair of large eyes framed with full eyelashes.

A shampoo fragrance could be detected emanating from that beautiful hair with the back tied up into a ponytail.

And then on my lips --- I could feel the touch of the soft, warm lips of Minami.

What's this. What just happened. Why is Minami's face so close to me. Why am I s.p.a.cing out like this.

In a jerking motion, Minami pulled away from me,

"Th, this...... is not a joke, I'm telling you......!"

After saying that one line, she ran away from me.

Ahaha. Minami's face is surprisingly red. Just like a tomato.

I was overseeing this scene, taking in this situation in a strangely calm manner.

"As I thought...... Minami-chan, towards Akihisa-kun......"

I'm strangely concerned with the murmuring voice of the nearby Himeji-san.

"Yos.h.i.+, prepare yourself!"

And then, what came next was rather sudden.

A tightly clenched large fist appeared in front of me.

And then, I felt the hard, sweltering touch of Sugawa's fist on my cheek.

What's this. What just happened. Why is Sugawa-kun and the rest of F cla.s.s closing in on me like predators closing in on their prey. Why is my vision quivering.

Not knowing what happened, in a jerking motion, Sugawa-kun pulled away from me,

"Th, that...... is not a joke, I'm telling you......! ...... we're really going to kill you!"

He raised his hand and gave the others around him a signal.

"Eh!? Eh!? Wait wait! I don't understand the situa --- gyaaaaa!"

A killing intent that had never been felt before. For some reason, it seemed like everyone was looking at me with serious eyes!?

"As I thought...... Minami-chan, towards Akihisa......"

"No, Himeji-san! Enough of that! Anyway, for now, save me--- !"

At that moment, my consciousness descended into darkness.

"Gentlemen. Where are we?"

"""The court that pa.s.ses down the oldest form of judgement!"""

"What will the heretic get?"

"""The iron hammer of death!"""

"What will the guy get?"

"""He shall throw away his love, and live in sorrow!"""

"Good. Now --- let the heretic trial of cla.s.s 2-F begin!"

When I opened my eyes, it was the meeting place of Sabbath.

"Eh? Huh? What's the meaning of this?"

Even though the curtains had been drawn up and it was dark, I realized I was in my usual cla.s.sroom from the feel of tatami. In other words, the masked guys standing beside the platform were of cla.s.s 2-F.

"Akihisa, you've awakened."

A familiar voice came from nearby. As I tried to turn around to face that voice, I realized for the first time that my hands and feet had been bound.

I had no choice but to roll my entire body to face the direction of the owner of that voice. What I was seeing before me was the figure of my bad pal, also with his hands and feet bound, lying there.

"...... Yuuji, what are you doing?"

"...... I've been dragged into this by you."

He spat with his scowling, annoyed face that gave out a complete feeling of wildness. Just like a wild animal tied up in a cage.

"Dragged into this?"

"Thanks to you, the talk about 'Shouko kissing me while I was asleep' was overheard by them. What a great bother, b.a.s.t.a.r.d."

Hm hm. Kiris.h.i.+ma-san kissing. Kissing Yuuji. I see ---

".............................. huh?"

No no no. Wait a minute please. Isn't it too good a thing to be ignored?

Kiris.h.i.+ma-san and Yuuji have kissed? That beautiful Kiris.h.i.+ma Shouko-san who is good in studies and sports and also with a good family background, and the plain Sakamoto Yuuji who is bad in personality and brains, have kissed? Haha. That's really a distasteful joke. So stupid to the point its beyond laughable....... but, what if.

I don't really want to think about it, but what if. If in one in a million chance, that's true.

If that's the case, even if G.o.d permits, I shall not forgive him......!

"Everyone, this is bad! Sakamoto Yuuji is suspected to be a heretic! Time to prepare for an emergency trial!"

"Wait Akihisa! Rather, weren't you the one who was trying to make us kiss at the Kisaragi Highland incident!? In other words, you are the real heretic!"

Yuuji was prattling about some nonsensical stuff. Me, a heretic?

"Yuuji, how unsightly! You're plotting to s.h.i.+ft some unfounded allegation onto me to protect yourself! Do you think I'll swallow that!"

This was not a joke. Having lived in this world for sixteen years. This was not something to be proud of, but I had never yet had the joyful experience of being kissed! ...... well, I've received one on the cheek however......

"This, this idiot......! If you don't believe me, just try listening to what they are saying!"

Even though I didn't get what Yuuji was saying, for now, I'd do as he said and try stretching my hearing. As I did that, I could make out a strange conversation going on between my cla.s.smates.

"--- read out the charges."

"Yes, President Sugawa. Eh--- the accused, Yos.h.i.+ Akihisa (from now on, he shall be referred to as A), a student of our Fumizuki Academy's cla.s.s 2-F, is suspected of violating our doctrine. The charges for A are indecent a.s.sault, as well as, acts of infidelity. At early dawn of this very day, when A was forcefully performing an obscene act on his cla.s.smate, s.h.i.+mada Minami (from now on, she shall be referred to as Flat-Chest), he was apprehended by our compatriots. He is now brought before us. From here on, after we have thoroughly investigated the relations.h.i.+p between A and Flat-Chest, to properly deal with A ---"

"Skip the trivialities. Read out the conclusion."

"We're envious of him being kissed!"

"Uhm. It's truly an easy-to-understand report."

Eh? Huh? Kiss? What's that. Speaking of that, something like that did seem to happen, or didn't seem to happen......

"Akihisa. You must have lost your memories from the excessive shock, so let me tell you about it. This morning, you and s.h.i.+mada kissed. And it was right in front of Himeji."

Yuuji seemed to be explaining to me.

Kiss. With Minami. I kissed. What's that. After being told that, it did seem like Minami and I kissed.

But that's not possible.

"Haha. You can stop the jokes, Yuuji. Since there's definitely no way that Minami would actually kiss someone like me, right?"

Even for me, I'd know my place. I'm not someone who's pa.s.sionate about any club activities, neither am I good in studies, nor am I good in anything in particular. Only someone who's not aware of any of these realities, someone like Hazuki-chan, would actually be willing to kiss me.

"Well, don't put yourself down so much, Akihisa. Indeed, you are the worst when it comes to looks, studies, and personality, and even if one closes his eyes to them, you're just someone with neither ability nor wealth, isn't it?"

"d.a.m.n you! Are you saying I'm good for nothing except for shoulder ma.s.sages!?"

"At this age, only shoulder ma.s.sages!? Don't you have other strengths that you can use to argue!?"

There should be a limit to how much he can make a fool out of me. If my hands and feet were not bound up, I would have made a grab for him.

"In any case, it's a fact that you and s.h.i.+mada have kissed. Seems like there's undeniable proof."

Before I could ask about the proof, a photograph was thrust before my eyes.

"............ traitors should die."

The person who muttered that and who was holding on to the photograph was none other than my cla.s.smate, the Muttsuliini Tsuchiya Kouta. Even though he is usually a quiet guy who is hardworking in taking photos while erasing his presence, right now, he is releasing a quiet killing intent just like a ninja who's a moment away from carrying out an a.s.sa.s.sination.

And in that photograph in his hand, was a scene of a guy who resembled me kissing a girl who resembled Minami --- so, as to speak, however you look at it, it's me kissing Minami.

"Eh!? Is this for real!? That wasn't a dream!?"

"If it were a dream, you wouldn't be all tied up like this."

"I, I see. So that's how I ended up like this......"

I did possess a hazy memory of that, but to think that it was real...... Me and Minami kiss huh.......

"I'm sorry for interrupting your reverie in embarra.s.sment to the point where even your ears are red, but I have a question."

"That, that's not it......! This, is just, my face getting hot......"

"I get it, I get it. So, how did the both of you end up like that?"

How, you say......

"I'd like to ask that as well."

I had not the slightest idea why Minami would do that all of a sudden. She was probably threatened by someone to catch me in a trap, I guess.

"Use that spongy head of yours to think it through. Did anything strange happen recently, or was there anything about her that was out of the ordinary?"

Even if we're talking about something recent, ever since my mobile was broken, I've not contacted her at all.

"Uh~n......"

What was it. What actually happened?

"Let's change the question. When was the last time you saw s.h.i.+mada?"

The last time I saw her. It's of course referring to a time other than this morning, isn't it? If that's the case,

"Erm...... the last night of the training camp, I guess?"

"The last night?"

"Yeah. After everyone was asleep, Minami came to me secretly."

"............ why didn't you think of that as strange?"

Yuuji had a dumbstruck look on his face.

"Well, because she was coming to kill me......"

"...... well then, what did you say to her before seeing her that night?"

The conversation before we met huh. Speaking of that, then it had to be the mail, I guess.

The contents of that mail, if I remembered correctly ---

"Something that sounded like a confession was said."

"...... huh? s.h.i.+mada said that to you?"

"No, I said it to Minami."

"Did such a thing really happen?"

"Yeah. That did happen."

"Right, right. I see, I see."

Yuuji nodded.

And following that, as I was thinking of letting out a large sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

"Go to h.e.l.l."

Wham......

The heel of his shoe came burying itself into my face.

"...... ugh! My face......ugh! I can feel a dent forming in my skull...... ugh!"

"What's with the 'I don't know'! Isn't that something totally out of the ordinary, you idiot!"

Yuuji was looking at the writhing me as if I was some kind of idiot. d.a.m.n! I can't afford to get any plainer than this!

"So, what was it that you said?"

Having calmed down again, Yuuji continued asking.

What did I say? What did I write in that misleading mail?

Erm....... ah, that's right. The mail that time, if I remember correctly,

"'I love you more than Yuuji' was written."

"Wait, your standard of love is pegged to me!?"

With a look of disgust on his face, Yuuji pulled away from me. A big misunderstanding.

Just as I was thinking about how to make it clear to Yuuji that even if I was a h.o.m.os.e.xual I wouldn't go after him, the apparent organizer of this suspicious gathering (I'm afraid it's Sugawa-kun) looked towards here.

"Heretic, Yos.h.i.+ Akihisa. Would thou repent and accept our judgement?"

With a quiet voice, Sugawa-kun (?) waits for my response. If I respond to him carelessly, I might jeopardize my life.

"Hey, before I answer you, I have a question."

"Speak."

"What kind of judgement are you referring to?"

Responding to my query, Sugawa-kun (a.s.sumed) squinted his eyes and announced to me.

"First, we shall prepare kerosene and a lighter ---"

"The accusations are false! I'm not a believer who would go against the doctrine!"

As if I would let myself get roasted from a misunderstanding!

"I see. In that case, we shall force you to confess."

"You said it! You just said 'force you to confess' all of a sudden! This trial is useless!"

"That's right! Let's force him to confess!"

"Let's falsify the records of the proceedings!"

"Hey wait! You guys are not playing by the rules!? Normally, at this juncture, I don't think you should be going along with the act of forcing confessions!"

Do these guys really understand what a trial means?

"Eeh, the kerosene and lighter are not ready yet!"

"Are those what you use for interrogation to yield a confession!? Both are used for execution right!?"

"That's not it, Yos.h.i.+. In the case when the accused pleads innocence, this would be used twice, once for forcing a confession, and once for meting out the sentence; we're just taking enough of it for one use."

"I won't be deceived! Even when you say it like the selling catchphrase of a facial cleanser that comes with added volume, I won't be deceived."

In the first place, when it comes down to using a lighter and kerosene, there won't be a second time.

"Yuuji! Yuuji, you should say something as well! At this rate, we're going to become roasted bodies!"

"d.a.m.n you guys......! If you want to do it, just do it on this guy!"

"Yuuji...... thank --- no! That line, thinking about it clearly, aren't you just selling me out to save yourself! You low-life. You only care about yourself!"

Normally, it should have been, 'if you want to do it, just do it to me!'. Because he said it in such a cool way, for an instant, I was thankful to Yuuji.

"Aren't you the man, Sakamoto. If you're willing to go this far, as you wish, we'll do it to Yos.h.i.+."

Even now, Sugawa-kun (verified) was still deceived by Yuuji's words.

"Realize it, Sugawa-kun! At this rate, I'll be the only victim!"

While I hollered at the top of my voice, I did not display my fiery tension outwardly.

"Well, since the preparation of the kerosene seems delayed, for now, let's make Yos.h.i.+ do 'Special Bungee Jump'."

I could smell a whiff of death from the sudden announcement from Sugawa.

"Sugawa-kun. Just out of curiosity, what's this 'Special Bungee Jump'?"

Even I know what a bungee jump is. The question is how 'special' is it.

"Let's see...... If I go into too many details, it might bring unnecessary unease to Yos.h.i.+, so I'll just give a hint ---"

Sugawa turned his face away, and seemed to look at the windows with the drawn-up curtains.

"--- I'd just say that it's akin to skydiving without a parachute."

People call that execution.

"You call that complete description a hint that wouldn't bring me unnecessary unease?! With no cord!? You want me to do a bungee jump with no cord!?"

These guys are seriously bad news. In order to escape from this place, just as I was considering ramming my body against the window and using the broken pieces to cut away these ropes that were bounding me,

"Akihisa."

I could hear the nearby Yuuji whispering to me.

"Eh? What's up, Yuuji?"

"Use this."

Hidden from Sugawa-kun's view, Yuuji handed out something with his bound hands.

"Yuuji..... Thanks......."

As I said my word of thanks to my bad pal who was saving me from this pinch, I ascertained the thing he pa.s.sed over to me...... a rubber band?

"You can use this on your feet."

Yuuji announced to me confidently, and I looked at him and thought.

Ah I see. This guy must have contracted a terrible illness of the head.

"You know, Yuuji. I'm really happy, but just this alone can't support my weight."

However you think about it, I would end up in pieces.

As I explained this gently to my sick bad pal, an unbefitting smile floated on Yuuji's face and he replied.

"Stupid Akihisa. That's not all."

"Eh? Is that so?"

I see. This isn't everything yet. That should have been expected. Even if it's Yuuji, he should know this well enough. I was jumping to conclusions too early ---

"I've prepared another one."

He said confidently as he pa.s.sed me another rubber band.

A pity. Yuuji's illness must have entered terminal stage and can no longer be cured by modern medicine.

"You know, Yuuji. It's not about the numbers."

As I looked at my bad pal who was carrying an illness of the head with pained eyes,

"...... suspension has just ended, and what are you guys doing right now......"

Ironman sighed as he slapped his hand on his forehead, having just walked into cla.s.s for morning homeroom.

"Ah, Sensei! You've come just at the right time! Save me! This is an act of violence in school! I'm being bullied by my cla.s.smates!"

"That's not it! This is a holy war to maintain the morals within this school! Yos.h.i.+ has committed acts of indecency towards members of the opposite s.e.x!"

After listening to us, with an utter look of amazement, Ironman began.

"Ah...... Whatever, are you guys okay with not taking mark replenishment tests? Thanks to what happened at the training camp, all the guys practically have no marks left right?"

Ironman was talking about the application to take the tests.

In order to take the tests during normal lesson times, the teachers have to make preparations and as such, so it's necessary to make an application beforehand. At this rate, without making any applications, we're probably going to carry on with normal cla.s.ses.

At the end of that training camp, there was a death fray using every subject, and because of that, practically everyone was depleted of marks in all subjects. That's why it might be necessary for us to replenish our marks sometime down the road......

""This is not the time for that.""

Since three months had yet to pa.s.s since the last Summoner Test War, we would not be able to wage a new Summoner Test War. Furthermore, we're the F cla.s.s with the worst facilities. There was no need to worry about anyone attacking us. Instead of worrying about the test marks which wouldn't have any impending use, the direction in which my fate would take was much more pressing.

"Man man. If you guys say so, it doesn't matter to me then...... Anyway, just an announcement. The maintenance work on the Shoukanjuu Summoning System that started last week will take longer than expected. Even though the teachers are pus.h.i.+ng for it, seems like it won't be ready till tomorrow. Just note that Summoner Test Wars are not possible till then. That's all."

While Ironman seemed to have left the cla.s.s after prattling about something, all our attention was focused on the trial.

"Yos.h.i.+! Stop resisting! It's bad not to know when to give up!"

"d.a.m.n! Someone, save m--- that's right! Himeji-san! Where's Himeji-san!? The kind Himeji-san will definitely save me!"

I looked around the dark cla.s.sroom to search for the figure of Himeji-san. The cute, smart, and well-endowed idol of F cla.s.s was sitting in her own seat quietly.

"I beg you, Himeji-san! Save me!"

I called out to her frantically.

However, Himeji-san seemed to have not heard me and was s.p.a.cing out, mumbling about something.

"As I thought...... Minami-chan, towards Akihisa-kun......"

"Eeh!? You're still going on about that!?"

She seemed to be repeating that same old line for the past thirty minutes.

At the time when all ways seemed to be exhausted and as I was preparing myself for the worst,

"What, what on earth is this?"

A glimmer of hope appeared in the cla.s.sroom.

"Hideyos.h.i.+! Thank heavens......! Since there was no sign of you all this while, I thought you were on a leave of absence."

Standing in shock, with a hand on the door, was my cla.s.smate who has been awarded the high honor of a rare beauty, Kinos.h.i.+ta Hideyos.h.i.+. I have heard rumors of her parents having made a mistake in entering the register, as this dear friend of mine with a cute outward appearance has proclaimed herself to be a guy.

"I was held up by some preparations this morning, and thus late, but....... Akihisa, what did you guys do?"

The cla.s.sroom was curtained in darkness, and Yuuji and I were curled up like bagworms. And our cla.s.smates were masked. Anyone normal would have been surprised by this situation occurring in a cla.s.sroom.

"Kinos.h.i.+ta. Don't interfere. Right now, we're about to execute heretics Yos.h.i.+ Akihisa and Sakamoto Yuuji."

Finally, it's no longer a trial but an execution, it seemed.

"Is that so. However, I can understand if it's Yuuji, but what did Akihisa do?"

"Listen carefully, Kinos.h.i.+ta. The heretic Yos.h.i.+ Akihisa had conducted an act of indecency by kissing s.h.i.+mada Minami this morning in the premises of our holy city, Fumitsu Academy ---"

Slide.

In the middle of Sugawa's sentence, the door of the cla.s.sroom, different from the one from which Hideyos.h.i.+ had come through, opened.

And then, flus.h.i.+ng all the way to her ears, with her face downwards, a female student appeared, quickly walking to her seat. Speak of the devil. It was the individual whose name had just been mentioned, s.h.i.+mada Minami herself.

"""............"""

A sudden silence descended upon the cla.s.sroom.

With a strange atmosphere that was different from usual, no one in F cla.s.s spoke.

"Good morning, everyone. Due to various matters, I'm here to take over Fuse-sensei's cla.s.s--- what's wrong, everyone?"

The teacher for the first period looked at us with wide eyes.