The Lone Star In My Constellation Chapter 4

Chapter 4 (Part I): Hearts And Heartbreakers.

Li Ming Xing was trying hard to control her tears that threatened to spill.

“Are you… alright, ma’am?” asked the taxi driver, looking concerned. He’d immediately recognized the young woman as the Li Ming Xing of ‘Open Heart’, and was star-struck. She looked more beautiful and vulnerable in person than on the T.V.

“Yes, brother, I am fine,” a.s.sured Ming Xing, trying to moderate her voice and keep it normal. He was too touched by how polite such a great personality is to him by calling him ‘brother’, to notice that there’s a slight tremble in her voice.

She looked out of the window, at the stars. Dad, she thought, why are there so many stars out tonight? And why have I lost my s.h.i.+ne?

Closing her eyes, she remembered the first time she’d felt her heart tug for him.

Ming Xing usually stayed in the library from morning to late in the night on Sundays and holidays, unless her father summoned her.

And this Sunday, it so happened that General Li wanted to see his dear daughter. As soon as Ming Xing stepped out of her dormitory, she saw that what looked like an entire battalion was waiting for her. She sighed internally, as she got into one of the jeeps.

The soldiers escorting her were people Ming Xing knew very well. She’d grown up playing with these men and had immense respect for them. They laid down their lives for the nation and their countrymen without hesitation. They never thought twice about giving up their life in the battlefield. And as a soldier’s daughter herself, she knew what struggle these men and their families go through.

As the General of the Army, Li Gong Xi could have easily afforded a mansion for himself. And yet, he chose to live in a simple apartment in the Cantonment Area.

Li Gong Xi, for a middle-aged man, was ruggedly handsome and charismatic. He was an Alpha-male and easily commanded the respect of all the people around him. He rarely spoke around others, but when he did, people listened. And though not many civilians were fortunate enough to see him in action on the battlefield, it was a well-known fact that this man was invincible and also a cunning strategist and war tactician.

For a man who’s so successful professionally, his personal life was more of a tragedy. Li Gong Xi loved only one woman in his entire life, and that was Chen Yuan Xing. And Yuan Xing had loved him enough to bear a daughter for him. She’d only loved him but never what he did. She hated the thought that he put his country before her and their daughter. She hated being lonely and anxious every single time he’s at the border. And finally, she divorced him.

Yuan Xing had wanted to take Ming Xing along with her. But her feisty daughter chose to stay with her father because she knew that her father needed her more than her mother needed her, even at a very young age. Her father loved both of them; he just expressed it differently — by protecting millions of other people like her mother and her.

Right from a very young age, Ming Xing played the dual role of daughter and caretaker to her father. She always was self-reliant mainly because he was mostly absent. She’d always had a nanny around her when she was a kid growing up, but the nanny couldn’t control the unstoppable ten-year old Ming Xing.

As for her mother, Ming Xing visited her, who s.h.i.+fted to South Korea after the divorce, quite regularly for the first few years after the divorce. But the frequency of the visits lessened and gradually totally stopped after her mother remarried.

She knew that her parents still loved each other, courtesy of the melancholic and complex emotions that swirled in their eyes whenever they talked about each other.

And it was those emotions that she saw which scared her from ever loving a person romantically. She just couldn’t think that a relations.h.i.+p could survive if both people are diametrically opposite in personalities. And this is the very reason she couldn’t accept Han Xue Zhao’s feelings for her.

They were just too different. He seemed earnest, and yet he wasn’t. He seemed cautious around her, and yet he was also flippant. With a past like hers, she needed a constant. And Han Xue Zhao definitely isn’t a constant.

There are too many stars waiting to become a part of his constellation.

As soon as she got down from the jeep, she saw that he General Li was waiting for her standing outside his house. Tears pooled in her eyes, as she ran to hug him and cried, “Daddy! I missed you so, so, so much!”

General Li laughed, but he also hugged her tightly, as he gently said, “Look at my grown-up daughter acting like a small baby!”

“But I am your baby, aren’t I?” she pouted.

“Yes! In my eyes, you are always the squalling pink baby who I held in my arms nineteen years ago!” he a.s.sured her.

She mock-punched him on his arm and imperiously walked inside the house. Though they essentially lived in the same city, she chose to live in the Campus Dormitories. Though he was initially hesitant, he accepted because she usually was almost always alone when he was out for work. At least, if she’s in the Campus, she’ll not be alone.

General Li had always secretly feared that even his daughter will leave him like how his wife did because he always made them feel alone.

The father-daughter duo sat down to have lunch together. “When were you back in the city?” she asked, with her mouth full of ddukbokki.

“Don’t talk while you’re eating!” reprimanded General Li.

She swallowed and repeated the question again. “When did you come back?”

He shook his head and smiled. “I was back about two hours ago. How’s your School, by the way?”

“It’s college. Not school!” complained Ming Xing.

“Okay, okay!” he chuckled. “How’s college?”

“It’s pretty fun, actually. I’m planning to also take a Minor in Creative Writing. But my Major will remain to be Broadcast Journalism. Trust me when I say that satellite broadcasting of news is the next big thing. Mark my words, dad, in the next ten years T.Vs will take over newspapers too!” predicted Ming Xing, in midst of stuffing herself with some Manchuria.

General Li loved it when he heard his daughter talk like a know-it-all. He could see flashes of himself and also his wife in her. But then, she also has a strong sense of self. It only made her more precious to him.

“Hmm! So you’re saying that in the next ten years I’ll be watching you on my T.V set?” he mused.

“You totally got it right, my dear General!” saluted Ming Xing. Her eyes involuntarily wandered to the clock.

“Slow down! You’re eating too fast!” he warned.

She was startled. “Uh? Was I?”

He frowned. “Are you that interested in leaving?”

“Um, no. Not really!” she mumbled. Her body’s here, but her mind was in the library. She wondered whether today he’s come there or not. She wondered what his reaction would be to see her missing.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Ming Xing?” asked General Li, concerned. “I heard that you were on your way to the library when my men came to pick you up? Do you have some work to do?”

“No…” she hesitated.

“Comrade!” yelled General Li. “Please escort Little Ming back to the University.”

She calmly packed her bags up as she prepared to leave. “Ming Xing?” asked her father. “Have you met any young man in your University?”

“Huh?” she asked, confused.

General Li remembered that his daughter suffered from low EQ when it comes to all things romantic. So he rephrased his question. “Do you like any fellow student in your University?”

Ming Xing tried hard, but couldn’t stop the blush from creeping into her cheeks. Han Xue Zhao’s face flashed in front of her eyes. “Uh… no…” she denied, unconvincingly.

General Li raised an eyebrow. “I probably wouldn’t have interfered, do I not know that whenever I’d asked you this question previously, you’d answered with conviction. But if you really like someone, there’s no need for you to hold back. You can like him with all your heart and you can even bring him home!”

It was rare that General Li was so candid with anyone about romance. This prompted Ming Xing to open up. “Dad… it’s just that I don’t know whether I really like him or whether it’s just something pa.s.sing. Dad… I just don’t want to become like you and mum — loving each other and yet living separated.”

His eyes clouded with melancholy when she mentioned her mother. “Whatever happened between me and Yuan Xing… has happened. Don’t stereotype love just by looking at us both. We both chose what has happened to our relations.h.i.+p,” he said, smiling bitterly.

He looked at his daughter who was staring at him with confusion and uncertainty written all over her face. He knew the feeling she was going through. She wanted to enter into something permanent, only she didn’t know whether it would last that long or not.

So it was with a gentle smile, that he said, “But you can choose differently. You can choose to work together to build something that’s ever-lasting and forever. Your choice to be different can make all the difference in the world.”

Ming Xing walked back to the University mulling over her father’s words. It was dark outside and she’d refused to be escorted back. She preferred to be alone when she was thinking.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her and turned. There was no one behind her. In fact, the entire road was devoid of people and the silence was eerie.

She fought down the s.h.i.+ver that rose inside of her. Recently, there were many cases of attacks on women, and that’d made her wary of going out alone. But today, she’d simply forgotten.

As she started walking, she again heard footsteps behind her. Startled, she turned to find a shadow not too far away from her.

Trembling, she silently started walking straight ahead in a brisk pace, and the shadow still followed her. She prayed for some divine intervention, hoping that someone else would show up. But the street was still empty apart from herself and the person following her.

She saw a phone booth not far away and ran into it, before locking the door behind her. With quivering fingers, she dialled the first number she could think of — Han Xue Zhao.

After the call operator connected her to Xue Zhao, she nervously played with the wire as she waited for him to pick up the phone. After some rings, someone answered, “h.e.l.lo?”

“Can I talk to…Han Xue Zhao?” she asked, in a tremulous voice.

“Who are you?” asked the voice, imperiously.

“Tell him that it’s Li Ming Xing. He told me to call him if I ever need him. Tell him that I need him now,” she whispered.

There was silence for a while, before the voice on the other end bellowed, “Brother Han, Sister-in-law Ming Xing has called you up.”

She heard excited chatter but no one answered from the other end. She started praying that he will pick up, when she heard hurried footsteps and a breathless voice exhale, “Ming Xing!”

She cried tears of joy as she held on to the receiver as if it’s her lifesaver. Warmth flooded her as she whispered and mumbled, “Xue Zhao! Xue Zhao, I need you! Xue Zhao, I’m scared, please, I need you!”

“Where are you now?” he asked her, and panic was evident in his voice.

“I’m in the telephone booth in the YY Street. There’s someone following me. Xue Zhao, I’m scared, please help me!” she pleaded.

“Stay right there, I’m coming!” he illegibly replied, before the call disconnected. She sank down and hugged her knees close. She felt cold again.

It’s just a five minute run from YY Street to the P University, but she knew that she can’t outrun her attacker. She’s never been good in athletics. Her father had tried to teach her how to fight, but her back problems prevented that.

And now, waiting for him to come for her, she felt lonelier than ever before. She wondered why he would even come for her! What is she to him and what is he to her? She felt confused and at the same time was terrified.

She buried her head between her knees, as she thought of all this. Suddenly, she heard the noises of a scuffle outside. She wanted to open the booth’s door to see what’s going on, but was too scared. She huddled closer when the noises outside stopped.

Suddenly, someone started pounding on the door. She started shaking like a leaf, and curled into a tiny ball. The door banged open, and the light from the streetlamps filtered in.

A tall figure stood on the threshold. Ming Xing never thought that she would ever find a man handsomer than him, at that moment. Xue Zhao had cuts on his head and the side of his face and his hair was more unruly than usual, but his eyes were concerned as he stared at her.

The man who was following her was gone, probably he’d run away. Xue Zhao was pretty good in kickboxing and that man must have gotten the taste of his life. She was still shaken, but when she stared at him, warmth flooded her.

“I’m sorry for coming late!” was the first sentence that came out of his lips.

She blinked blankly, before launching herself into him. Holding onto him, she broke down. “Thank you, Xue Zhao! Thank you!”

He hugged her close, as he buried his head into her neck. He softly whispered into her ears, “I’m sorry, Ming Xing! I’m sorry!”

Tears streamed down her face, as she whispered back, “Thank you, Xue Zhao! Thank you for everything!”

 

Chapter 4 (Part II): Hearts and Heartbreakers.

“Madam, we’re done!” said the taxi driver, breaking Ming Xing out of her reverie. She looked out of the window to realize it’s raining heavily and also that he’s right. She’s reached home.

But this wasn’t really her home. This serviced apartment in which she’s been staying since the last few months isn’t her home, and she never felt like it is. She felt more like a homeless person nowadays.

She paid the driver, and stepped out as she made a decision. She’s returning to South Korea.

She has nothing to do here anymore. n.o.body to really care about. Xiao Xi now has Liu Jin, and Xue Zhao… well, she won’t be surprised if she receives a wedding invitation bearing his and Gao Ye’s name.

Sighing, she tried to hurry as it was raining torrentially. Thunder rumbled in the sky, and the entire street was deserted.

“Li Ming Xing!” yelled a horribly familiar voice. She froze in her tracks.

“Li Ming Xing, you lied to me. Li Ming Xing, you’re a horrible person, and you know that. That’s why you aren’t even turning to look at me!” that voice continued to shout.

Breathing hard and trying to control her tears, Ming Xing slowly turned back. In the heavy rain, it wasn’t clear but she could make out a Range Rover parked not too far from her and a tall well-built and handsome man standing in front of it, facing her.

They were both drenched in the rain water, but neither of them were willing to move their eyes away from each other. Finally, he started walking towards her, as he asked her, “Li Ming Xing, what wrong did I ever do to you?”

Tears slowly started slipping from her eyes, as she stepped back and shook her head. “Please, don’t…” the pain is too raw.

“I have to know, Ming Xing…” he implored her. He quickly covered the distance between them. “Tell me, why did we break up, Ming Xing?”

She shook her head again, unable to bring herself to answer. “I can’t, Xue Zhao. Please…”

“And now, you’re running away from me, again… Aren’t you happy and satisfied breaking my heart once? How many more times should I hurt before you accept me, Ming Xing?” asked Xue Zhao, sounding totally defeated.

“Why are you doing this to me, Xue Zhao?” she cried.

“Because I’m not able to bring myself to love anybody else other than you,” he finally uttered the simple truth.

She looked at him disbelievingly, even as he continued, in a broken voice, “I’ve lost the ability to feel… to love… ever since you left me, Ming Xing. How could you be so cruel as to inflict such a huge punishment on me? But if this is the pain that I have to bear for loving you, I’m willing to bear it for the rest of my life, Ming Xing. All that you have to do is just recognize my love for you…”

“Don’t, Xue Zhao. Please… we have already crossed that bridge, and there’s no going back,” she tried to tell him, as the rain soaked them both and blurred everything else from sight.

“No, Ming Xing, you’re wrong,” he said, softly, taking a step forward and cupping her cheek in his palm. “There was never a bridge to cross.”

He bent his head down to capture her lips with his own. At that moment, she was so surprised that she automatically gasped, letting his tongue enter into her mouth. Their bodies radiated feverish heat, and the rainwater thinned the fabric of their clothes.

He could feel himself losing control as he feverishly ran his hands down the length of her body. Her body was like silk, melting into him, making him want more of her. She let her lose herself in the pa.s.sionate kiss, as she ran her fingers through his wet and dripping hair and pulled at it painfully when he nipped at her lips with his teeth.

She could taste rainwater and tears. Her eyes widened, as she pulled back even as he resisted. With shock, she registered that Xue Zhao is actually crying. And when he realized that she knows, he said nothing except leaning his forehead on hers.

As the rain poured down and lightning flashed in the skies, he whispered, “Li Ming Xing, you’re a heartbreaker.”

She froze when she heard him. Her heart palpitated painfully. He gently detached himself from her and walked away.

And she sank down on her knees in the rain, as the Range Rover drove away and finally disappeared from sight.

 

Chapter IV (Part III): Hearts and Heartbreakers.

Ming Xing’s eyes involuntarily wandered to the doors of the library. It was time and he’d yet not come.

Her lips curled into a smile when she remembered last night. She’d called him just once and he’d come for her. She had a feeling she never felt before — a feeling of being protected. Sure, she knew that her dad does protect her, but most of the times he was absent, so she didn’t really know what it feels like to be protected.

And after her mother married a South Korean Media Magnate and even gave a birth to another daughter, their own relations.h.i.+p has become totally cut off. Her mother had called her up recently, asking her to come and see her new step-sister. Ming Xing had silently ended the call midway itself.

The fear is still there that Xue Zhao might hurt her, but now there’s also a certainty that wasn’t there before — the certainty that he loves her.

Sighing, she walked out of the library before she stopped and made a decision.

Han Xue Zhao rushed into the library, hoping against hope that isn’t too late. He felt crushed when he saw that she isn’t here. His eyes searched for her everywhere.

There were too many people in the library today. And as he waded through them, he wondered whether hugging her yesterday was too quick and rash from his part. After all, she doesn’t even like the very idea of love, so his open declaration of his feelings might have made her push him away.

Panic filled him, as he didn’t find her even after searching a lot. Dejected, he sat down on his usual bench beside her desk and stared blankly at the wooden table in front of him.

Suddenly, Laozi’s ‘The Way’ appeared in front of him. Surprised, he looked up to see who put the book on his table.

Ming Xing gracefully sat down beside him on the very same bench on which he’s sitting. But she didn’t meet his eyes. Rather, she simply opened ‘The Dream of the Red Chamber’ and started reading it.

Xue Zhao felt indescribable emotions swirling like a tornado inside of him. He understood what she means by this gesture.

His wait has ended. She’s accepted him.

The warm summer breeze that flew in from the huge windows of the library made the tendrils on her face dance. The gentle morning sun’s rays illuminated her beautiful face and her teeth were biting her dark red lips.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her, as he smiled unrestrainedly. Relief and warmth flooded him. And when she turned to look at him, he felt a wave of tenderness pa.s.s through him.

Ming Xing felt shy when Xue Zhao stared at her as though she’s the most precious thing in his eyes. When she turned to look at him, her eyes fell on the cuts and sc.r.a.pes on his handsome face, courtesy of yesterday’s fight with that unknown attacker.

Unthinkingly, she raised her hand to touch the scars. But he involuntarily flinched.

Her hand stopped its motion mid-air, while he realized what he’s done. She swallowed and turned back to read her book. Suddenly, he caught hold of her hand, surprising her.

Then he raised it to touch his face. She hesitated, because she knew that they’re garnering curious looks from all the other readers in the library. And also, there’s poor Madam Qin to think about, who might suffer from a coronary if she ever gets to witness this blatant declaration of love in her sacred library.

As if he knows what she’s thinking about, he gently squeezed her hand, and that released her from all her inhibitions. She caressed all of the wounds that he gained because of protecting her. For her, they were a sign of how much he loves her.

As she retrieved her hand, he held on to it, as he said, “You don’t need to decide so quickly. I can still wait.”

He hated himself for saying it, but he knew that he has to say that. “I’m looking for instant gratification,” she answered, smiling a bit cheekily, as if she knows that he hates asking this question.

“I’m being very serious. Are you sure about this?”

“Did you ever read Saki’s ‘The Open Window’?” she asked, her question sounding more like a challenge.

He understood where she’s going with this. But he decided to play along. “Uh? What’s that got to do with this?”

Her smirk grew wider, as she cheekily quoted, “Romance at short notice is my specialty.”

“You won’t regret this decision of yours later? Because there’s no going back,” he warned her, one last time.

“I don’t see myself regretting it now. So I guess I won’t regret it in the future either,” she replied, nonchalantly.

He smiled, surprised by the sudden change of her heart, and also pleased that she came around so quickly. But there was another question niggling at the back of his mind, and he blurted, “Aren’t you afraid I might break your heart?”

Her eyes were the clearest and the darkest of all the shades of black, as she said, “You should be the one who should be afraid. Because I might end up breaking your heart.”