The Wallypug in London Part 11

"Oh! I say, that's _too_ bad," grumbled the Wallypug. "Isn't it now?"

he cried, appealing to me.

"Well, really," I replied, "you shouldn't be so silly as to give him money. You ought to know by this time what to expect from him."

"No, but truly," said the Doctor-in-Law, pulling a serious face, "I _have_ got some news, the other was only my fun. A lady is going to call on us at eleven, to interview the Wallypug. I had almost forgotten it."

"A lady!" I exclaimed. "Whoever do you mean?"

"Oh, she's the d.u.c.h.ess of something. I forget her name," answered the Doctor-in-Law nonchalantly. "She called the other day while you were out, and explained that she was a contributor to one of the latest society magazines, and was anxious to send an ill.u.s.trated interview with the Wallypug, to her paper; so--a-hem!--after we had come to terms, I arranged for her to come to-day and see him. You had better go and make yourself tidy, hadn't you?" he continued, turning to the Wallypug.

"Well, really," I interposed, "I think you might have consulted his Majesty first, before making these arrangements."

"Oh! do you?" said the Doctor-in-Law rudely. "Well, I don't see that it's any business of yours, my good sir--so there!" and he bounced out of the room again, rattling his sample tins.

It was nearly eleven then, and a few minutes afterwards a beautifully-appointed carriage drew up to the door, and Mrs. Putchy brought up a card inscribed:

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Her Grace the d.u.c.h.ess of Mortlake._]

and immediately ushered in a fas.h.i.+onably-dressed lady, who smilingly offered me the tips of her fingers.

"Oh, _how_ do you do? You are the gentleman, I think, who is to introduce me to his Majesty, are you not?"

"Well, really, your Grace, we have only just heard of the appointment, but his Majesty the Wallypug will be very pleased to receive you I am sure."

"And is that his Majesty at the other end of the room?" whispered the d.u.c.h.ess. "Pray present me."

I made the necessary introduction, and the d.u.c.h.ess gave the regulation Court 'dip,' which the Wallypug gravely imitated, and then in his usual simple manner offered his hand with a smile.

[Ill.u.s.tration: IN THE MOST APPROVED FAs.h.i.+ON]

Her Grace made a deep presentation curtsey and bowed over it in the most approved fas.h.i.+on; but the Wallypug, evidently unused to being treated with so much ceremony, withdrew it hastily and remarked nervously but politely:

"Won't you take a seat, madam?"

"Say, 'Your Grace,'" I whispered.

"What for?" asked his Majesty blankly.

"Because this lady is a d.u.c.h.ess, and you must always say 'Your Grace'

when speaking to her," I replied.

"Oh!" said the Wallypug vaguely--then going up to the d.u.c.h.ess he solemnly said, "I'm Grace."

"No, no!" I explained. "You don't understand me. I mean, when you speak to this lady you must call her 'Your Grace.'"

"Dear me, how stupid of me, to be sure!" said his Majesty. "I understand now. I beg your pardon. I meant to say, 'You are my Grace,'

madam," he continued, addressing himself to the d.u.c.h.ess.

Her Grace amiably laughed away this little mistake, and was soon busy asking questions. The Wallypug, however, got very nervous, and made a shocking lot of mistakes in his answers. He couldn't even say how old he was.

"I know I've been in the family for years," he remarked, "and I fancy I must have come over with William the Conqueror. Such a lot of people did that, you know, and it's so respectable. I don't remember it, of course; but then I've been told that I was born very young, and so naturally I shouldn't do so."

"Does your Majesty remember any of the incidents of your early life?"

asked the d.u.c.h.ess.

"I was considered remarkably bald for my age as an infant," replied the Wallypug simply. "And I believe I had several measles, and a mump or two as a child. But I don't wish to boast about them," he added modestly.

"Where were you educated, your Majesty?" was the next question.

"I wasn't," replied the Wallypug with a sigh.

"Does your Majesty mean that you received no education at all?" asked the d.u.c.h.ess in surprise.

"Oh! I was taught reading, and writing, and arithmetic, and the use of the globes, and Latin and Greek, and all that rubbish, of course,"

replied the Wallypug. "But I mean there were no Universities at Why, where I could receive a higher education, and be taught cricket, and football, and rowing, and all those cla.s.sical things taught at Oxford and Cambridge, you know. I was considered the best boy in my form at marbles though," he added proudly. "And I could beat any of the masters at Hop Scotch."

"What is your favourite diet, your Majesty?" came next.

"Oh! jumbles, I think--or bull's eyes. I'm very fond of hardbake too, and I love cocoa-nut ice."

A few more questions such as these, and her Grace took her departure, after taking several snap-shot photographs of various articles in the drawing room.

I felt convinced that with such a scanty amount of information at her disposal the d.u.c.h.ess would have great difficulty in writing an article on the Wallypug, and was therefore the more surprised a few days later to receive a copy of the magazine which her Grace represented, with a long and particular account of the interview, under the heading of, "'Why Wallypug and wherefore of Why?' by a Lady of t.i.tle." Into it her Grace had introduced the most preposterous and extravagant statements about his Majesty.

We learned with amazement that "The Wallypug came of a very ancient family, and had early been distinguished for many remarkable accomplishments. While at school his Majesty displayed such a natural apt.i.tude for learning as to readily out-distance his instructors."

"I suppose that's because I said I played Hop Scotch better than the masters," commented his Majesty, to whom I was reading the account aloud.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE FAITHFUL HOUND]

Photographs of various articles in the drawing-room, which had no connection whatever with the Wallypug, were reproduced with the most extraordinary and absolutely untrue stories attached to them. d.i.c.k and Mrs. Mehetable Murchison appeared as "The Wallypug's favourite cat and dog," while pathetic stories were told of how the dog had on several occasions saved his royal master from an untimely and watery grave, while the cat had prevented him from being burned to death while reading in bed by gently scratching his nose when he had fallen asleep, and the candle had set fire to the bed curtains. Sensational ill.u.s.trations were also given depicting these incidents, which of course were purely imaginary.

It was very remarkable to notice though, that directly the article of the d.u.c.h.ess's appeared, invitations from all sorts of grand people poured in upon us--and the daily papers suddenly woke up to the fact that the Wallypug and his suite were very important personages, and devoted whole columns to "Our Mysterious Foreign Guests," as they called them.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE SAGACIOUS p.u.s.s.y]

There was always more or less of a crowd outside the house now, and when his Majesty drove in the Park, the people all stood up on the little green seats to get a better view of him as he pa.s.sed.

CHAPTER IX

THE WALLYPUG'S OWN

It was shortly after this that the Doctor-in-Law, hearing what a vast fortune might be made in literature, decided to start a magazine of his own.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE DOCTOR-IN-LAW WAS EDITOR]