Cold Sands Chapter 30

x.x.x War Smoke


 

Military personnel are not to enter the city, thus the hundred or so cavalry that accompanied the delegate remain outside the walls. Still, this causes great distress for the entire capital.

 

The army plated in red armour stands in formation with their bows and spears ready. Piercing light reflects off of the forest of spears. With just one glance, you can feel the aura of the battlefield overpowering you.

 

The officials stand quietly in Tai Qing Palace. Dressed in the black auspicious regalia and Twelve Pearl Crown, I sit upon my throne. 

 

“Summoning the delegates of Yan!” The attendant’s slightly shaky voice drags out, forming echoes in the hall.

 

The vermillion palace doors swing open and the officials turn to look. Two shadowy figures are approaching. The two soldiers dressed in black walk into the palace in big, proud strides. 

 

There are two delegates. The main delegate is a tall, well-built man with a full, black beard. He has a high forehead and wide face, appearing very rough and fierce. He looks straight at me with his head held high while his a.s.sistant has his head lowered. Neither of them bows.

 

“Kneel!”

 

“Kneel down!”

 

The officials shout. Song Ruoming barks angrily, “How dare you remain standing in front of the emperor?!”

 

He sneers and rolls his eyes. “Delegates from the stronger country need not bow to the king of the weaker.”

 

The hall is immediately full of clamour. Many quick-witted auditors have jumped out and started listing all his offenses according to the books. They spew an endless stream of accusations. The delegate keeps snickering and doesn’t even bother with them.

 

I’m angered but also amused. Angered because of the delegate’s arrogance; they’ve come in the name of negotiating surrender but really they’ve come to threaten me. Amused because of the stupidity of these officials; why would they even try communicating to these coldblooded murderers?

 

“I am a citizen of Great Yan. I only kneel to the emperor of Great Yan!” he declares determinedly. He does not kneel down or lower his head.

 

This causes an outrage amongst the officials and they start arguing with him, calling him abarbarian. However, the delegate laughs it off. “So what if we are barbarians? Only the victorious become kings and those who lose become the shamed.”

 

He glances towards me. “So you’re the emperor?”

 

Despite being furious, I keep a mild smile. “That is right. ‘Tis I.”

 

He chuckles. “Just some weak, delicate twenty-year old chicklet.” Then he shoots me a disdainful look. “You’re nothing like the majestic eagles of Yan. Our emperors are all heroes and champions. No wonder the Rui army doesn’t stand a chance against our brave soldiers!”

 

The officials’ faces all convulse and they all turn to me, waiting for my retaliation.

 

I clench my fist to remain calm and smiling. “Our two countries are currently at war. For what have you come?”

 

He laughs satisfyingly. “Twenty thousand of your men died from our swords in the battle of Luo Yuan. The corpses were enough to make a mountain,” he says as he scans the officials. “I think you’re just fish out of water; you can still manage to flop around a few times.”

 

I give him a thin smile and raise a hand to stop the officials’ commotion. “Hand over whatever it is you have.”

 

He lets out a displeased grunt as he takes out a letter. A blue-ranked attendant briskly walks down. He shakes a little when he fetches it from the unfriendly delegate.

 

I only open it a little when I spot the powerful and experienced strokes across the page. It’s hiswriting.

 

The contents are simple: requesting for the emperor of Rui to surrender the city immediately. I can read the arrogance between the lines; his words are menacing. He proclaims he will cleanse the city with blood and spare no lives if I do not surrender within three days.

 

Not wanting to see it anymore, I fold it up and move my gaze to the hall in front of me.

 

I didn’t spend much time with him but I can still recognise his penmans.h.i.+p. It was just a glance but I feel as though my heart is being ground up. I start seeing black spots and my temples start pulsing with unbearable pain.

 

Murong Yu, have we really come to this now?

 

I am not going to surrender. If I can, I would really like to know what it’s going to be like meeting you again on the battlefield.

 

Either you’re going to die, or I am.

 

I crumple the war declaration and shoot up from my seat. Alarmed, the officials all shut up and look around uneasily. I scoff and toss the letter down the steps. The delegate looks angry but doesn’t risk losing his temper.

 

They all stand there waiting for me.

 

“I will not be a sinner. You thought wrong about us!”

 

Only after a split second’s silence, the officials bow down. “Long live our emperor!”

 

The delegate’s face contorts in fury and I spot veins bulging out on his face. He bends over to pick up the letter and shoots an angry glare at me. “Then we’ll see you on the battlefield!”

 

I guffaw. “Go back and tell your prince: Lin’s head is right here for him to take!”

 

Then I straighten my sleeves and call out, “Guards! Send the delegates of Yan out at once!”

 

The Golden Guardians standing outside the hall rush in and grab the two men by their arms, dragging them out of the building. The main delegate is still shouting, “Just you wait ‘til we break through the city. You will pay for the shame you put on us today!”

 

I drop my smile and descend the palace steps. The officials crowd around me but back away as I step forward, clearing a path before me like Moses did the Red Sea.

 

Heng Ziyu is very close by; his voice is right in my ears, “Your Majesty?”

 

I’ve already made up my mind. I say casually, “I am going to send the delegates off. This way they cannot blame me for being disrespectful.”

 

Dismissing the other officials, the two of us walk up to the top of the walls. The soldiers standing guard are dressed in s.h.i.+ny armour, looking fierce and strong.

 

I squint and spot the two delegates being dragged out forcefully. The steel gates shut behind them. The main delegate looks up with a murdering gaze after mounting his horse.

 

“Mark my words! All you people in there! When our army arrives, you shall peris.h.!.+”

 

Extremely angered, I break out laughing instead. “Marshal Heng, You have trained the soldiers for all these days. Show us Your results today!”

 

It takes him only a moment to understand. He turns and shouts, “Archers!”

 

Before his voice dies down, two rows of bowmen nock their arrows and aim for the cavalry outside the city.

 

They immediately start panicking. “You wouldn’t!”

 

I stick my head up and hold out my hand. “Hand me a bow!”

 

A heavy set of bow and arrow gets put in my hand. Slowly, I draw the bowstring back to its fullest extent and aim it at the delegate.

 

Seeing this, sounds of surprise come from both inside and outside the city. The delegate falters before guffawing while pointing at his own chest. “Hah! A kid from the country of cowards is trying to scare me? Shoot! If you can get it over here that is!”

 

I hear the furious shouts behind me getting louder and louder.

 

The dazzling rays of the noon sun hone in on the icy head of the arrow. The dark steel flashes white under the luminance and stings my eyes.

 

I do not need to kill him. I just need the appearance of. That is enough!

 

The emperor of Great Rui will use this shot as the answer!

 

I take a deep breath and release my grip. The arrow zips through the air.

 

“Release!”

 

The arrows transform into thin tracks of light and fly out with a sharp whistle. I hear numerous tw.a.n.gs of bowstrings from behind me and the arrows start raining down upon the cavalry.

 

It’s chaos down there—dust flying in the air, horses whinnying in fright, knocking many soldiers onto the ground. I can even hear the sound of the arrows sinking into flesh. The main delegate is. .h.i.t in the chest and struggles while taking his last breath. 

 

I breathe in deeply while watching the scene below. I yell at the a.s.sistant, “Leave! Go back and tell them! This is Great Rui’s answer!”

 

The soldiers behind me roar with joy, their morale skyrocketing. Ignoring the pained screams from below, I toss the bow aside, push the crowd apart and descend the wall

 

I feel a little pain coming from the fingers on my right hand. I glance at it and see that the bowstring has left very thin lacerations on my index and middle finger and my palm, and tiny beads of blood are seeping out.

 

I guess it’s not surprising because I haven’t used a bow and arrow for too long. I can’t go to the court doctors though. Those old farts would just overreact. I’ll just take care of this myself.

 

I raise my hand and stick my injured fingers into my mouth. A light rusty taste enters my senses at once.

 

So blood could be this bitter, huh.

 

A huge figure blocks my vision; all I can see is the train of a black battle robe. Not able to stop in time, I almost crash into the person.

 

“What’s wrong, Your Majesty?”

 

“Nothing?”

 

Seeing the weird look on Heng Ziyu’s face, I realise that I still have my fingers in my mouth. I quickly hide it in my sleeves and switch to my usual expression.

 

His eyes flash and he grabs my wrist.

 

“Are You hurt?”

 

“It is minor, nothing serious. Could You let go of my hand, Marshal?”

 

“Let me see.” He lifts the wide sleeves up. Alarmed, I pull my hand back. He glares at me and doesn’t let go. My wrist starts hurting from his grip.

 

Our eyes lock. No one says anything but I can sense that he is serious. 

 

Our eyes dance apart after a while and his grip loosens a bit. I discreetly pull my hand away. “It is just a small cut.”

 

He peers at me from the corner of his eye, unsmiling. “Even so, You must not take it lightly.”

 

He takes my wrist again and pulls me along in a whiz. There are many guards and servants around but he pays no attention to them and just strides forth with me in tow.

 

When we get to the palace hall, all the maids and attendants have left. I jerk my hand away.

 

“Just what are You trying to do?” I ask while facing the other way.

 

He sits down in front of me with a frown. He takes my hand again without warning. “You think this is a small injury?”

 

I don’t want to reply so I just let him apply medicine and dressing on me. He’s very experienced but still too rough. I hiss from the pain from time to time.

 

They say the fingers are tied to the heart—they are absolutely right. Even a tiny injury like this hurts like my flesh is being sc.r.a.ped off. What’s more is that he would tug the bandage to make it tighter in addition to wrapping it round and round my fingers.

 

I bite down so I don’t make a sound. He pauses and looks at me.

 

“Does it hurt, Your Majesty?”

 

I frown and shake my head but he reaches up for my forehead. It’s late autumn already but tiny beads of sweat have formed on my forehead.

 

“Your Majesty,” he says hesitantly. “Are You trying to hold it in?”

 

“You are exaggerating things.”

 

He leans in and opens his mouth as if to say something but nothing comes out. He goes back to work with my hand. “If so, please bear with the pain. It’ll be over soon.”

 

I see worry from his gaze as he puts my hand on his lap. He pulls on the bandage again and I can’t help but hiss again.

 

He’s just like him, never knowing how to be gentle.

 

He says warmly, “I thought You would yell at me, ‘can’t you be any gentler’…”

 

I fall into a trance-like state and completely stop listening to the rest of his sentence. I think I said those words before to a certain someone and I definitely yelled very ill-temperedly, ‘Say, can’t you be any gentler!’

 

“Done.”

 

He looks up from his work and I take my hand back only to find that it’s been wrapped up like a mummy.

 

My lips jerk. “Marshal, I think anyone with eyes will see that I am injured.”

 

He stays quiet momentarily with a smile. “You may take it off after tonight. The scars will be barely noticeable and no one will be able to tell.”

 

I cast my gaze downward.

 

I’m not sure why he’s like this today but I guess he cares?

 

“How many days have You not slept?” he suddenly asks.

 

I ma.s.sage my sore wrist and reply, “As many as You, Marshal.”

 

“I know there are many matters to deal with but You must take care,” he urges with a concerned look.

 

I look back up at him to see his heated gaze threatening to pierce right through me.

 

I turn my head to avoid it. “I could say the same to You.”

 

Even though I’m facing away from him, I can still feel the inquiry from him. I grab a cup of cold tea and take a sip.

 

“We aren’t supposed to shoot the messenger. I did not think You would kill him Yourself,” he says quietly.

 

“They were disrespectful to begin with, humiliating me in my court, mocking my country. Ihave nothing to say to people like that.”

 

“Are You not worried that doing so would anger the marshal of Yan?”

 

The tea in my cup shakes but my voice stays calm. “So what if I do? So what if I don’t? I have already made up my mind to fight back so there is no point in stopping halfway.”

 

I ball up my fist. The miniscule pain is becoming bigger and bigger until it punctures my heart.

 

I glance sideways at him. “Are You afraid?”

 

He beams at me and replaces the tea cup with his warm hand. “What do You think?”

 

I chuckle nonchalantly.

 

He draws even closer and his eyes narrow. We’re so close now that we can feel each other’s breath.

 

“I don’t think,” he says as he leans in, “that anyone else has ever seen You sucking on Your fingers, right?”

 

I stop and his thin lips curve up warmly like melting ice. He tightens his grip on my hand too and I feel the plushy warmth against my own.

 

“I also want to know what really lies beneath that dignified mask of Yours.” He lowers his voice even more and his hot breath hits my face.

 

I stiffen as anger bursts out from within—never has anyone been so impudent with me and said such forward words.

 

But I cannot be angry and I cannot be in his bad books. I need to rely on him, on his connections and on his army, at least for the time being. If our weak alliance were to break right now, the most horrible and terrifying thing would ensue.

 

I push back the fury and try my best to stay calm before meeting his gaze and letting him look straight into me. The alliance with him isn’t for my own desires but for the country and the land. He understands this point. The eggs can’t stay intact in an overturned nest—it is not good news for him either if the country falls.

 

I flash a small smile. “You are too humorous. Everyone has different sides. They all see the murderous, determined and relentless side of Yours but they have no idea that You would bandage someone else’s wounds and be a big brother who dotes on his little sister at home.”

 

He keeps his eyes on me in silence while I draw back my hand and change the subject. “What would You have chosen in that situation?”

 

He straightens his posture and returns to his usual, serious self. “Even the score; an eye for an eye.”

 

We burst out laughing at the same time.

 

This facade of a harmonious pair of ruler and subject has to go on and both of us are well aware of this.

 

 

There are still countless memorials and military reports for me to read. I don’t even have time to whine about it.

 

The chill of late autumn soaks through my clothes and into my heart. I feel cold—cold, helpless and lonely.

 

Liu An leads a train of attendants carrying piles of memorials into the room. He pours some tea and lights the candles for me.

 

“Perhaps Your Majesty would like a short rest?” he asks with a respectful smile.

 

I put down the brush and warm my hands with the tea but I keep my eyes on the memorials. “Is everything all right in the inner palace?

 

Liu An answers delightedly, “Everyone in the palace is talking about that shot of Yours. They say Your Majesty is the most skilled with the bow and arrow and the bravest warrior. The commoners are even making You out to be a legend. They say Your Majesty was just like the hero,Hou Yi, of the ancient times. You aimed the arrow into the air and killed the barbaric delegate. You got even for Great Rui.”

 

I don’t bother to retort.

 

That person is not me. That person is just the emperor of Great Rui. Stories during times of war are all like this. That arrow flew through the air and raised our hope and morale. For those people living in fear, a legendary emperor is their hope.

 

Counting the days, I realise the vanguards are going to be here soon.

 

“Any news…from over there?” I ask Liu An.

 

He falters for a moment before answering with his head lowered, “Unfortunately, not yet.”

 

Even though I’m a bit antsy, the war doesn’t wait, so I must stay in contact with the Yan capital.

 

After some thought, I say to him, “I recall that the armour of Emperor Shun is also stored in Chong Wen Palace.”

 

He nods and then I instruct, “Bring it out and clean it. I might just get a chance to wear it one of these days.”

 

He seems to hesitate for a split second before bowing down. I wave my hand and dismiss him.

 

The hall is so quiet it’s creepy. The flames dance shakily and I blow them out with a sigh. The darkness swallows me. Then the bright moonlight s.h.i.+nes in at a slant onto the polished tiles like a sheet of pale frost.

 

I’m starting to like the dark. Only in the darkness can I forget everything. However, in the darkness, longing starts to grow furiously like vines, winding around me and stopping me from speaking and moving.

 

I’ve known since I was little that I have a twisted personality. I don’t like intimacy; I don’t like the people around me. But one person managed to be engraved into my heart, never to be erased.

 

My heart feels filled to brim. Something is trembling inside, trying to break out.

 

I’m too scared to touch it, to hold it.

 

Once I do, it will well out onto the ground and he will be everywhere I look. Once I do, I will be racked with pain that pierces through my heart and grinds my bones.

 

I don’t think I can ever fall in love again in this lifetime. The price of love is too much for me to carry.

 

Suddenly, I feel an utter sense of abandonment.

 

I guess I’m still going to be alone in the end; I’m destined to walk the rest of the road by myself. He and I might still be alive but we are no longer what we used to be.

 

My lips open in a smile but it’s one of self-mockery.

 

“Your Majesty.”

 

I open my eyes to see a shadowy figure kneeling before me.

 

Thank goodness I blew out the candles, or else it would be too humiliating.

 

“Any news?”

 

He nods and hands over a flimsy letter. I hold it in my slightly shaking hands as though it were a burning red piece of coal.

 

“The second prince said that he’s very grateful for Your Majesty’s sincerity and that he hopes for cooperation so each party can obtain what they want.”

 

I nod a little. “What else?”

 

“He also said that You should not worry about the capital. You only have to hold until early next month.”

 

I brood silently. Early next month, huh. It’s still too difficult. I cannot put all my chips with him.

 

“You are dismissed. Keep a close eye on the happenings in the Yan capital.”

 

That morning when we parted ways, we appeared in each other’s eyes but soon disappeared from them.

 

Neither of us knew that that morning would become our beautiful, final moments.

 

I fell in love but I have to send my love to the grave with my own hands.

 

I place the letter down and reach up for my neck where a fire has been lit. Everything seems to have been burnt away by it, yet my mind is also so tangled up.

 

Do you… Do you regret it?

 

Humans can be so spineless. No matter how much and how well we disguise ourselves, there’s always a c.h.i.n.k in the armour that causes the protection to crumble to pieces.

 

“Go back and tell your prince: Lin’s head is right here for him to take!”

 

If… If I really do die in his hands, I guess it would be a happy ending.

 

I tilt my head back and heave a deep sigh.

 

 

The next day, Liu An has already gotten the armour cleaned and sent to me.

 

Emperor Shun comes from a martial background and was t.i.tled General of Jing Guo in the previous dynasty. In the end, he murdered and took the throne from his maternal uncle and sentenced everyone on his mother’s side to death. Everyone called him cruel and heartless but who would have thought his sons would follow the same path?

 

With the help of the attendants, I put on the black battle robe embroidered with golden dragons and the silver armour. I stand tall before the ink black sword sheath on the table.

 

I slowly unsheathe it and once again hold the coldblooded Ding Guang in my hand.

 

Emperor Shun once said when he laid down this sword that he wishes for Ding Guang to never be used again and for the world to be free of murder.

 

I hold the three chi-long sword straight out in front of me and piercing light reflects off of its blade out into the hall. The sword of Emperor Shun has been brought back to life.

 

I shut my eyes to hide from the chilling feeling. 

 

Murder. Murder.

 

With the sword in hand, my feet feel as if they were made of lead. The palace doors slowly swing open. Everyone outside is quietly and respectfully kneeling on the ground. 

 

Heng Ziyu is of course waiting by the door in full armour.

 

The feeble morning rays break through the clouds and s.h.i.+ne onto the land.

 

I climb to the top of the battlement and cast my gaze far. The cool breeze brushes past, whoos.h.i.+ng and gus.h.i.+ng in my ears. The officials and over half of the troops are standing silently in formation in the square below.

 

The brilliant sunlight jumps out from behind the clouds as the wind stirs them.

 

Nine high-ranking army officers are standing at the bottom of the stairs, performing the rituals. “Saluting His Majesty!”

 

I raise my hand a little and everyone falls silent to listen.

 

“The Yan army are almost upon us. We must show them the vigour and power of the sons of Rui. And we shall never surrender even in death!”

 

I pull Ding Guang out and a sliver of blinding light flashes before me. I point the sword to the sky.

 

“Before us lie two paths: dying without a battle or fighting to the death. By fighting, we do not bring shame to our blood, to our ancestors or to ourselves. Most important of all, we will have a chance at life. But by not battling, there will only be death!”

 

These words come easy to me and seem to light a fire in my heart.

 

“No matter what happens, I shall always be next to you all. I shall not leave you to live on selfishly!”

 

I say in a clear, booming voice that echoes in the square.

 

“Your Majesty!”

 

“Your Majesty!”

 

The officials all bow down and kowtow while the thousands of soldiers raise their weapons high and let out a deafening roar that shakes the soul and rings in the ears.

 

The signal fires blaze fiercely and reach for the sky. The drum beats rock the earth, hitting the heart of every being.

 

I howl, “Death before surrender!”

 

“Death before surrender!”

 

“Death before surrender!”

 

“Death before surrender!”

 

The chant is repeated over and over again, lingering for a long time like thunder. The soldiers hold their weapons straight up above their heads and shout along.

 

The next thing I know, a storm of yellow sand has risen above the boundless plains.

 

I stand up tall as if I can shoulder everything.

 

Murder. Murder. War smoke. War smoke.

 

Right now, the responsibility I’m carrying upon my shoulders is the lives of everyone in the capital, close to one million people.

 

The earth starts to shake and they all turn to look. Along the azure horizon, a blood red war flag billows wildly in the wind. The lupine beast is roaring towards the sky as always. The land becomes scarlet as if blood was really pouring down from the heaven.