Heyi Shengxiao Mo Epilogue

Epilogue 1.1: Yi Mei’s Chapter – A Person’s Flower Bloomed (translated by peanuts & edited by lidge)

When I was nine years old, brother Yi Chen, who lived next door, became my brother.

I was very happy and leaning in my mother’s arm, I asked her: “Mum, is brother Yi Chen going to live in our house and not go back in the future?”

Mum hugged me and said: ” Yes, does Yi Mei like it or not?”

“I like it.” I nodded energetically to express my joy, but I didn’t understand why my mother seemed so sad.

Having a brother such as Yi Chen was a very impressive thing, as the cla.s.smates would be envious and sometimes the teacher would treat you favorably. When I entered junior high school, the teacher looked at the attendance rollbook and asked me: “Do you know He Yi Chen?”

I nodded: “He is my brother.”

“Oh, I taught him when he was in his first year in junior high school. I am rather fated with both of you siblings.” The teacher chuckled, “Since the school’s new term has just started, you will be the cla.s.s monitor for the time being. The older brother was so competent, the sister should not be bad.”

Gradually among the students, they knew that I am “He Yi Chen’s” sister. Slowly, some female students began to make indirect, discreet inquiries: “He Yi Mei, did your brother mention any girls in front of you?”

“No.” I always gave this reply.

“Oh, did you know that Yin Li Min from Cla.s.s 3 likes your brother ……”

Girls of this age seemed to be particularly interested in this kind of thing of “who likes who.” There were already several girls who told me “which girls like your brother.” This kind of secret and every time the persons who liked my brother were different.

There seemed to be a lot of girls in school who really liked Yi Chen, but he seemed not to feel anything at all.

Once, when I asked him some questions, I pretended to casually ask: “Brother, do you have a girl you like? There are many girls in my cla.s.s who like you.”

“No.” He replied, without a care in the world. Then, he lowered his head to concentrate on helping me to solve some questions, not even a bit curious as to which girls liked him.

That afternoon, I looked at his elegant and handsome profile, my heart suddenly felt a kind of happiness I could not understand.

When I finished high school, Yi Chen pa.s.sed his university entrance exam for C University and went away to A City, which is very far away for me at that time.

I was not used to having one less person at home, suddenly it seemed empty. During dinner, my mother reflexively filled four bowls of rice, then remembered Yi Chen was not there and poured it back.

My heart felt unsettled and I vowed at the dinner table: “I also want to pa.s.s the university entrance exam to study in C University.”

My dad started to laugh: “Good, Yi Mei is so ambitious.”

But what was the use of just being ambitious? My grades were reasonably good but not good enough to be admitted to C University in spite of working hard for a year. In the end, when I filled in my aspiration, I applied for N University.

When Yi Chen found out on the phone that I applied for N University, he was startled and said, “Yi Mei, you can apply for a better university.”

But none closer to you, I quietly thought in my heart.

However, when I attended university in September, I came to understand that G.o.d’s plans supersede one’s best laid plans: no matter how much one plans things out, life always intervenes. To my surprise, my faculty was located on the outskirt of the campus, about two hours drive from C University, which is in the city center.

Consequently, we could only meet during winter and summer vacations like before.

During the winter vacation when I was a freshman, I met Zhao Mo Sheng.

I still remembered that day, I went with Yi Chen together to buy things needed for Lunar New Year.

Lunar New Year was approaching so the streets were filled with many people and it was noisy. I clearly heard someone calling Yi Chen’s name so I turned around to see a girl running from across the road.

That was the first time I saw Zhao Mo Sheng. This person who later would entangle with Yi Chen for a lifetime.

At that time, my first impression of her was fluffiness.

A fluffy girl.

A white wool hat, wrapped in a thick wool scarf around the white s.h.a.g line, leaving only a pair of dark eyes visible, her eye twinkling with flowing light and overflowing color, looking very pleasant and cute.

Oh, there were also the furry paws, holding onto Yi Chen’s arm. She cheerfully and lightheartedly said: “Yi Chen, I knew I would see you here. I knew it!”

She was holding onto Yi Chen’s arm and chatted excitedly for a while before noticing I was standing by the side. She appeared a little puzzled, looked at me, then looked at Yi Chen.

Then, I heard Yi Chen immediately explain: “This is my sister, He Yi Mei.”

I recalled I also ran into Yi Chen’s female cla.s.smates before when we went shopping together. Sometimes, those female students would also be overly enthusiastic in approaching us, then looked at me dubiously and said: “Hey, Yi Chen, this can’t be your girlfriend, right?”

Yi Chen’s eyes would reveal his displeasure, then those female cla.s.smates would tactfully not make this kind of joke anymore.

He had never explained so anxiously before.

After she heard what was said, she immediately smiled, looked a little pleased at me and said: “h.e.l.lo! My name is Zhao Mo Sheng, your brother’s girlfriend!”

For a split second, my train of thought went blank, and I completely did not know how to react, I could only stare blankly at her.

She seemed to be scared by my reaction and did not know what to do so she immediately turned around and looked at Yi Chen.

Yi Chen pulled away her hand and reprimanded her: “You dashed around madly just now, didn’t you see the red light?”

“Oh.” After experiencing a setback, her mood immediately became downcast. She lowered her head and kicked at the paving slabs, “I was too happy because I did not really expect to see you. You refused to give me your home phone number so I’ve no options but to walk around on the streets to try my luck. I have already been wandering on the streets for several days ……”

The more she talked, the lower her voice. All of a sudden, she ruthlessly stepped on Yi Chen’s foot, turned around and ran away: “I’m leaving.”

Yi Chen was probably stunned by her stamping as he stood still without moving so I pulled at him: “Let’s go.”

After taking two steps, he turned his head around so I also followed his gaze to look backward. That girl was looking at us from a distant. When she saw us looking at her, she seemed to panic for a moment. Then, she pretended to be calm, turned around and walked away.

I clearly felt Yi Chen was a bit stiff, a kind of mood I’ve never seen before flashed in his eyes. Then, he put down the bag he was holding.

“Yi Mei, you wait for me for a while.” He did not wait for me to answer but took a step to chase after her.

It seemed I’ve only waited for about ten minutes, but every second felt very long.

When he came back, I casually asked him: “Yi Chen, didn’t you say before that you don’t intend to find a girlfriend in university?”

“Ah.”

“But ……” Just a moment ago, the way you acted obviously conveyed your tacit acknowledgement.

“It’s because I……” He sighed, “She is extremely clingy.”

Previously, there were also a lot of girls who took the initiative so maybe this one was especially clingy. With such a thought, I seemed to find an excuse to justify my bad impression of that girl.

Many years later when I recalled this scene, only then would I remembered the things that I’ve deliberately ignored such as when saying those words, Yi Chen’s eyes had a faint smile.

I felt unhappy celebrating this Lunar New Year. After the Lunar New Year, when university started, I was given a pleasant surprise. This happened after I knew Yi Chen had a girlfriend so I was not sure if this could still be considered a nice surprise.

Finally, our entire business school moved to the main campus, which was separated from C University by only a street.

Zhao Mo Sheng and I became so-called “good friends” according to her.

While walking in C University, she often held my hand with one hand and clasped Yi Chen’s arm with her other hand: “Yi Chen, you walk a little slower since Yi Mei can’t keep up.”

Yi Chen probably couldn’t take it anymore: “If you don’t hold onto her, she will be able to walk quicker.”

She turned to look at me with grievance: “Yi Mei, you are so gentle and soft, but why is your brother so fierce? Both of you, brother and sister have very different personality and also look different. Is it because one takes after the father and the other is like the mother?”

I looked doubtfully at Yi Chen and caught sight of his unnatural look for a split second, which immediately returned to normal.

Yi Chen had never mentioned personal stuff to her! I immediately made this judgement, my mood inexplicably improved.

I was the only one who knew this secret.

I did not know what I was thinking, but gradually, we became closer. She also started to enjoy dragging me to go shopping with her and called me to say some things which “Yi Chen would be too slow-witted to understand.”

When it was my birthday, she wanted to give me a birthday cake. Hence, she took me to the cake shop and asked me what flavor I liked. I said: “Chocolate.”

Her face immediately had a big smile and she happily held my hand: “I also like chocolate. Yi Mei, we’ve similar taste.”

What similar taste, I merely saw her looking covertly at the chocolate cake a few times.

How she treated me, it could be considered very good.

Most of the time,  I was her life-saver.

For example, like right now.

“Yi Mei, I am in big trouble because I only got 59 marks on my English test.” The voice over the phone was very dispirited.

I comforted her, but my heart felt very upset. So many girls who were very good in English and who were very good in their studies liked Yi Chen, but why did he choose Mo Sheng?

“I am dead meat, as Yi Chen will certainly scold me.” She said in a very depressed mood.

Should just dump you!

Such a notion flashed through my mind like lightning. I was frightened by such train of thought, as how could I have such an evil thought?

“How many marks did you get?” She asked me.

“87 marks.”

“So awesome to get such outstanding result. Yi Mei, you are too amazing.” She said excitedly, “Oh, that’s right, Yi Chen also achieved outstanding result in Level 6 English. Let’s have dinner together tonight to celebrate both of you scoring so high, two out of three, we won!” Her voice didn’t sound upset over her poor marks anymore.

During dinner, Yi Chen really didn’t look good, not even a bit happy for achieving such outstanding result in Level 6 English. I could more or less understand his feelings. He was the one who tutored Zhao Mo Sheng in English, but she did so poorly now. My brother, who always is a perfectionist, probably felt more of a failure than Zhao Mo Sheng.

I naturally helped Zhao Mo Sheng to say a few good words such as this was the first time she took the test and so on, in spite of my disapproval.

After Yi Chen looked a little more at ease, she only dared to complain in a low voice: “I really dislike English, the rules are not in order. Anyway, I don’t need to go abroad in the future, so learn this for what……”

Several years later when recalling Mo Sheng’s words, it seems life can be so unpredictable that it’s hard to say what would happen later.

After dinner and strolling for a while, I felt like going home. When I was walking pa.s.s C University gate, I only remembered the reference materials Yi Chen had helped me to borrow were put into Mo Sheng’s bag for convenient sake.

The materials were needed for cla.s.s tomorrow, so I decided to go back to get them.

In order to be quicker, I took a shortcut via a quiet garden to get there.

The quiet garden was C University’s well-known couple garden. Although I was mentally prepared I might run into a few lovebirds, I was nevertheless shocked to see a couple who was so engrossed in kissing to be oblivious to their surrounding.

I felt embarra.s.sed, so I walked at the side and turned the corner into a bypath to avoid them.

This route was more quiet. I already started to feel a little regret for taking the shortcut and merely wanted to bow my head and pa.s.s through the quiet garden quickly. However, while I was walking past a few big rocks, my footsteps inexplicably stopped. As if being driven by something, I turned my head and looked over at the rocks.

Under the dim and faint moonlight, he was hugging her, she was sitting on his lap and he was kissing her.

That night, I dreamed of Yi Chen.

Some confusing and disjointed scenarios. A bridge archway we used to pa.s.s when we returned from school as kids, Yi Chen and I sheltering from the rain under the bridge archway, then suddenly we were at home. That breezy afternoon, he was listening to the English language lessons with his eyes closed. Initially I wanted to ask him some questions, but I ended up standing at the doorway for a long time, staring in a daze at him ……

Finally, I stood in the alley in the quiet garden again, looking at her snuggled up to him, her head resting against his chest, she grabbed and played with his fingers, he let her indulged in it and they were so quiet around each other, not even a sound.  A moment later, he was a little impatient and turned his hands to grab her into his arms, lowered his head and kissed her gently once again.

……

Thus, for the first time, I realized that you could actually feel heartache in a dream and it could be so painful to the extent of waking you up.

Epilogue 1.2: Yi Mei’s Chapter – A Person’s Flower Bloomed (translated by peanuts & edited by lidge)

Actually, I’ve always felt  Yi Chen didn’t really like Zhao Mo Sheng that much, even though he admitted that she was his girlfriend.

I remembered I once pretended to be curious and asked Zhao Mo Sheng, how did you know each other and start dating?

She shook her head, dug her brain and stuck her tongue out, appearing very playful: “Pester.” Then, she tugged at Yi Chen’s sleeve and asked, “Is that right?”

Yi Chen snorted and ignored her.

There seemed like not much difference in the way Yi Chen treated her compared to others. He always appeared cold and indifferent, not talking much and his action also did not seem intimate. Normally when they were walking, if Zhao Mo Sheng did not pull him, he’ll walk in front by himself. One time, Zhao Mo Sheng complained to me: “Yi Mei, do you think Yi Chen really like me? A few days ago, I restrained myself from contacting him, but he did not think of contacting me ……”

The ink black eyes which looked at me were full of grievances.

I said: “You try by pretending to lose your temper and see if he will come to coax you.” Yi Chen always disliked people who cause trouble without reason. I also felt I had bad intentions in suggesting this idea.

“He definitely will not.” She never even thought about it but shook her head right away and said dejectedly, “Anyway, I don’t dare.”

The longer I got to know them, the more I felt Yi Chen accepted Zhao Mo Sheng probably merely because of momentary loneliness.

She must be simply a short interlude in Yi Chen’s life and will soon disappear. Because they were so unsuitable, one cool-headed and reserved, but the other pa.s.sionate and impulsive. One too matured whereas the other too naive. I only needed to be patient, to wait for Yi Chen to realise they were so unsuitable for each other.

However, that scene in the quiet garden shattered all my confidence.

As it turned out, at a place where I couldn’t see, they were like this.

Such intimacy ……

Such ……

That scene in the quiet garden kept appearing in my mind. I turned over on the bed and buried my head in the pillow. After several days, whenever I thought of that scene, I still felt bouts of pain in my heart.

The lights in the dormitory had been turned off, but a few talkative roommates were still awake and talking about the guys in the faculty. I’ve never been interested in their discussions. This time, I could not help but took the initiative to ask: “If the guy does not really like that girl, will he kiss her?”

Immediately, there was an answer.

“As long as you don’t dislike, a kiss is nothing, even can go to bed. He Yi Mei, did someone kiss you?” One of my roommates asked excitedly.

I stared at the ceiling and did not respond.

Even you don’t like, you can still kiss. Therefore, was it possible that Yi Chen actually did not really like her that much?

The roommate was still talking non-stop: “He Yi Mei, tell me, did someone kiss you? Don’t worry, if it is you, he definitely likes you. You’ve such good qualifications, look so pretty and also smart ……”

I listened to her talking incessantly in a daze.

Good qualifications, what was the use? He did not like me.

However, if Zhao Mo Sheng’s qualifications were a lot better than mine, perhaps I would not be so dissatisfied, but as it turned out she was not as good as me in many aspects.

Why should it be her?

That night, I fell asleep with my confused thoughts.

In the future, I still went to C University, still ate with them, but I no longer felt that kind of confidence as before.

Gradually, I realized that even if Yi Chen did not like me, I also did not want to be his little sister.

Thus about a month later, I asked  Zhao Mo Sheng to meet up.

I sat in KFC to mentally prepare myself.

Zhao Mo Sheng carried a small backpack, walking pa.s.s outside the window. She saw me and waved at me, separated by the window and briskly pushed the door to enter the fast-food outlet.

She seemed to be in a very good mood. I’ve already noticed earlier that when her mood was good, she walked with a slight bounce.

After the business faculty moved to this campus, my first time to C University, she was the one who came to meet up with me. At that time, I was standing in front of the university waiting for Yi Chen. But from a distant, I saw her walking briskly with a slight bounce on University C’s boulevard, the suns.h.i.+ne illuminating through the lush leaves onto her body, the whole person seemed to have blended with the suns.h.i.+ne.

“h.e.l.lo, Yi Mei! Yi Chen has to attend a meeting so he sent me to pick you up.” At that time, she walked up to me and smilingly said to me. Now, she was also using the same brisk pace to walk up to me: “Yi Mei, you’re here so early.”

She sat down opposite me: “What are we eating? I have coupons.” She took out a stack of coupons from the bag and spread them out on the table to study them.

“Whatever.”

“I’ll help you to order the children’s set meal, then give the toy to Yi Chen to play.” She said with a serious face.

I knew she was joking, but I couldn’t even laugh a little. I almost hated her relaxed att.i.tude, which was in stark contrast to my current nervousness.

She went to queue up, whereas I was left to guard our seats.

The queue was a little long, and she was nearly at the end of the queue.  She stretched out her head and jumped up to look at the sign in front. Hence, she did not pay attention to the person beside her and accidentally knocked over a guy’s c.o.ke. Then, a burst of chaos.

I was thinking if Yi Chen was here, he’ll certainly frown, then step forward to help her clean up the mess.

Such a girl, what could she help Yi Chen? She and Yi Chen were simply from two different worlds. She was all glitter but knew nothing at all and basically could not enter Yi Chen’s inner world. Yi Chen needed someone who can a.s.sist him and take care of him, not a girlfriend like this who always needed him to look out and take care of her.

She carried the meal tray back to the seats. The hem of her right sleeve was soaked in c.o.ke, but she didn’t mind, looked guiltily at me and said: “Yi Mei, please don’t tell Yi Chen that I’ve done something bad again.”

I nodded and absentmindedly ate a few French fries.

“Mo Sheng.” I called her.

She was sipping c.o.ke. When she heard me, she raised her head and looked at me with her jet-black eyes.

I avoided her gaze and quickly said: “Yi Chen and I are not brother and sister. Before, both of our families were very good neighbors. We all have the surname He so the adults just chose similar names. Later, Yi Chen’s father and mother had an accident so our family adopted Yi Chen.”

I finished saying in one breath. She was still sipping c.o.ke and foolishly stared at me with no reaction.

Suddenly, I felt irritated and said with emphasis: “Don’t you understand? We are not really brother and sister as we are not related by blood at all.”

“Yi Mei, are you joking? ” She finally responded, but this kind of reply made me angry.

“Yi Chen has never said ……” She was obviously at a loss.

“It’s our family’s issue so why would Yi Chen need to tell you? Did Yi Chen tell you anything important before?” Seeing her sudden pale face, I knew I’ve spoken about her weak point. Sometimes, when I observed their interaction with each other, they didn’t seem like a couple but a bit like an adult taking care of a child. Thus, will an adult say anything important to a child?

Later, in the business world, someone a.s.sessed me as such: “He Yi Mei, you are the typical case of one can’t judge a book by its cover. You appear gentle and soft, as if very easy to bully. In fact, you are the trickiest, good at hitting a person’s weakest point and backing them into a corner.”

I smile while listening, occasionally recalling the first time I displayed this skill. It was on an afternoon like this on my good friend, a girl who actually had no confident in her own love affair.

Actually at that time, who had confidence in their love affair? Yi Chen and Zhao Mo Sheng’s cla.s.smates and friends, including me, also felt they were rather unsuitable and will break up sooner or later.

At that time, Yi Chen was probably the only one who felt they will always be together.

He made a mistake in being too confident.

I looked at an obviously confused Zhao Mo Sheng and dropped a second bomb. “Today, I want to tell you, I love Yi Chen. I do not want to secretly love him. I want to compete openly with you.”

Taking advantage of the aftershocks, in the end I said softly: “Zhao Mo Sheng, you think you can compete and win over the two decades of deep affection between Yi Chen and me?”

After saying this, I got up and left. For a split second when I pushed open the door, to my surprise, all I could think of was that the food she had bought was not eaten and whether she still had the mood to eat.

For the next few days, I stayed in my own university and did not go to C University.

Thinking carefully about it, I was actually very weak, perhaps even despicable. I dared not stand in front of Yi Chen to confess my feeling directly so I went to look for  Zhao Mo Sheng for a showdown, wanting to use her to tell Yi Chen.

Did you know that I’ve never treated you as a brother?

How would Yi Chen answer her?

I constantly imagined Yi Chen’s answer, feeling trapped in a kind of despair but on the same token, full of hope. After a week, there were still no news of them, my mind became fl.u.s.tered.

I picked up the phone over and over again but did not know who to call. Zhao Mo Sheng? Could what happened to us last time be considered a falling out? What about Yi Chen?

The long period of time made me felt I ‘ve already been abandoned and forgotten by them. Two days later, I finally could not bear it and went to C University to find out that merely a few days had gone, but the matter was already turned upside down.

Zhao Mo Sheng was gone.

It was said that she went to the United States.

In the next few years, I could slowly feel the impact of Zhao Mo Sheng leaving Yi Chen. At that time, I was even under the impression that the impact was weak because Yi Chen’s behavior can be considered calm.

Epilogue 1.3: Yi Mei’s Chapter – A Person’s Flower Bloomed (translated by peanuts & edited by lidge)

That day, I felt restless and went to C University to look for him.

C University had an unwritten rule, which is “Guys can’t go into the girls’ dormitory, but girls can go into the boys’ dormitory”. Therefore, there was nothing to hinder me from going to Yi Chen’s dormitory.

Yi Chen was not there.

Yi Chen’s roommate knew me long ago, so the first thing he asked me was whether I was aware that Zhao Mo Sheng had left.

I was taken aback.

Before Yi Chen came back, his roommate had already told me everything he knew. In the end, he wanted me to console Yi Chen by saying that kind of heartless girl was unworthy for him to remember fondly.

After that, I did not pay attention to what he said. I envisaged a lot of scenarios, but I did not expect Zhao Mo Sheng would just leave. I kept wondering in my mind how she could simply go away? Was it really like what they said that in order to go abroad, she left without a word? Or it was because of what I said? Also, did she mention to Yi Chen what I said?

When I was feeling restless, Yi Chen came back from the law faculty. He appeared okay but seemed a bit haggard, gloominess appeared between his eyebrows and his eyes looked dark.

I stood up.

“Yi Mei.” He called me faintly.

“Ah, I, I come ……” I did not know what to say, for a split second even a little panic. If Zhao Mo Sheng left because of what I said, I did not know what he’ll think.

He did not seem to notice my acting strange. Like before, he asked me what was the matter. I shook my head.

He did not say much, merely asked me to have lunch together.

We went to the cafeteria to have our meal.

If we didn’t go to the small restaurant outside, the cafeteria was the place we most frequently went. It was because Zhao Mo Sheng liked the very sugary, sweet and sour pork ribs prepared by the chef here. Every time, she also wanted to come early to queue up for fear of it selling out. The chef here probably knew her as he always gave her more than others. When she could not finish, she would use chopsticks to give one by one to Yi Chen. In fact, he was not fond of eating sweet stuff, but it seemed like he never declined.

While we were eating, Yi Chen was very quiet. Since he did not speak up, I also dared not say much. After finis.h.i.+ng our meal and on our way out of the cafeteria, he said to me: “I’ll go to N University with you.”

The moment he said those words, I felt pleasantly surprised. However, his next sentence immediately wiped them away.

“Is Mo Sheng’s library card with you?”

“What ……” I said in a daze.

“Last time, she used her library card to help you to borrow that book “Money and Banking.” The library card was conveniently slipped inside the book.” He repeatedly mentioned her, but his facial expression was very ordinary all along and his manner of speaking  was also quite stable.

“Oh.” I replied blankly.

We walked all the way to N University. The road was exceptionally quiet today. Yi Chen had always been a man of few words. Previously, the atmosphere was lively because Zhao Mo Sheng kept on chattering with him all the way.

When we arrived at my university, he waited for me downstairs while I ran upstairs.

Before I’ve to write a thesis on Money and Banking subject, but the books for this subject matter in N University were very old. Therefore, I asked Yi Chen to help me to borrow from C University’s library. Yi Chen’s library card quota was full, so he used Zhao Mo Sheng’s library card.

I climbed onto my bed to take out the book and flip through it. The library card was really inside, caught in the back section of the book which I did not notice before.

In the photo, Zhao Mo Sheng had a ponytail, a pair of big eyes, the curve of her smile like a crescent moon, and she appeared to glitter like the suns.h.i.+ne.

A very familiar smile, which I had seen often not long ago.

Probably because she was truly happy, her smile was infectious. Whenever she smiled, her dimple was partly hidden and partly visible, a bit naughty and also high spirited, causing people to unconsciously follow her cheerful mood.

Perhaps Yi Chen liked this kind of smile.

Actually, I also looked good when I smiled, but not her kind.

For a split second, I wanted to throw away the library card and tell Yi Chen that I could not find it. However, in the end, I still brought it down and watched Yi Chen put it into his pocket.

She was already gone. Looking at Yi Chen’s gradually disappearing desolate back, I kept telling myself.

What was the point of smiling even more brilliantly, she was already gone, already left. Even if Yi Chen still wanted to yearn for her for a while, he would forget her very soon.

At least, he was already very calm now.

At that time, I still did not understand that there was a kind of calmness called “ripples in the stagnant water.”

Without Zhao Mo Sheng, the opportunity for me to meet up with Yi Chen was instead less than before.

n.o.body called me frequently to go to C University. I also cannot find so many excuses to go there often.

Therefore, I only found out Yi Chen had been smoking very heavily a long time later.

It was very common for boys to smoke in university, so I did not really want to a.s.sociate it with another matter. For a time, I deceived others and also myself that it was caused by the university environment, even though this was obviously out of character for Yi Chen.

Knowing was one thing but seeing with one’s own eyes was another thing. Once, I went to his dormitory and personally saw his roommates and him completely drunk. Actually that time, it was the birthday of someone in their dormitory, everyone also got drunk, not just him. But I did not know why, I could not stand it any longer.

Yi Chen was never like this, he always had good self-control and did everything with a great sense of propriety. I really wanted to convince myself that he was just celebrating a friend’s birthday and not drowning his sorrows in liquor. But he looked so gloomy and depressed, making me unable to deceive myself.

The blind spots I did not see previously seemed to become clearer now.

Gradually, I remembered Yi Chen said when Zhao Mo Sheng pestered, her eyes had a faint smile.

Sometimes when she was a little late, he would be impatient and worried.

No matter how careless she was, he would only frown and helped her to sort everything out.

……

There were still many incidents, why did I not see them before?

Unconsciously, my cheeks were streaming with tears, I did not know for who.

It turned out that he was just trying hard to maintain a calm appearance. Now that he was drunk, he could not conceal it anymore, everything was exposed into the open.

When he was sober, I had became a lot calmer but sadly said to him: “Look at you, not just my parents but if dead uncle and aunt were to see you like this, they will also be broken-hearted.”

In addition, I was also very sad. Yi Chen, did you know that?

He did not say anything for a long time, lowered his eyes and his facial expression was hidden in the shadows. After a long time, he dejectedly said: “You’re right, I do not have the right to indulge myself.”

Consequently, that outstanding and cool-headed He Yi Chen was back, but I still felt as if something was different.

I could not pinpoint what.

Yi Chen and I remained the same.

Zhao Mo Sheng probably did not have time to mention what I said to Yi Chen because he did not talk about it at all.

As for me, I did not have the courage to mention it again.

I was satisfied with the status quo. At present, it seemed like we had returned to before. Although the relations.h.i.+p between us did not progress further, there was no one extra person.

Actually, I was very weak and dared not take the initiative to pursue anything, except to wait until one day he would turn and look at me.

But I was feeling more and more lonely.

I treated everyone also well, but I did not have good friends. After Zhao Mo Sheng left, n.o.body asked me to go shopping, n.o.body told me I looked good when trying on clothes and also n.o.body informed me a month in advance that my birthday was around the corner……

I vaguely thought, actually I also liked this friend.

Just that there was Yi Chen between us.

Four years of university just pa.s.sed by in the blink of an eye. When I graduated, I was still single to the amazement of my roommates. I had a female cla.s.smate, one hand holding the graduate certificate and another hand holding the marriage certificate. After having the farewell party, there was also a wedding feast next, so it had become the hot topic of conversation.

When I was treating Yi Chen dinner with my first month’s salary, I told him about it. While he was listening, he seemed to be having a lapse in concentration and inadvertently said: “I also planned to get married after graduation.”

I looked at him in shock.

He seemed to have realised what he had just said, a trace of sadness flitted across his eyes.

For a short while, both of us did not speak.

I slowly regained my composure and said: “Yi Chen, last time mom even asked me whether you have a girlfriend. You should find a girlfriend.”

At this moment, I spoke that sentence sincerely and genuinely. Four years of university made me realize that after Zhao Mo Sheng, Yi Chen may fall in love with someone, but that someone would definitely not be me. I was no longer the former He Yi Mei. Currently, I hope that he can fall in love with someone and this time round, I would just wish him well wholeheartedly.

Even though my heart ached.

He lightly in a few words changed the topic.

We finished the meal by talking about some irrelevant topics. When it was time to pay the bill,  although I said it would be my treat, Yi Chen still paid the money.

While waiting for the waiter to come back with the change, Yi Chen got up to go to the toilet. When the waiter came back with the change, he still had not come back. I saw that his jacket was draped on the chair, so I reached out and took out his wallet from the coat pocket, wanting to put the change into it.

The moment I opened the wallet, I saw that photo.

It seemed to have been torn from a doc.u.ment, as there were traces of steel marks on it.

In the photo, the girl had a ponytail, a pair of big eyes, the curve of her smile like a crescent moon and she appeared to glitter like the suns.h.i.+ne.

A very familiar smile, which I had not seen for a long time.

When Yi Chen came back, I was still holding onto his wallet and staring blankly in a daze. It was too late to put back the wallet, so I might as well put the money into it and return it to him in an easy-manner.

“That’s your change.”

“Okay.” He nodded and took it with a calm expression, just like that year when Zhao Mo Sheng just left.

At this moment, I suddenly realized the implied meaning behind this kind of expression.

He was calm because he already made his decision.

He decided to continue waiting.

Some people’s wound will heal slowly in time, like mine.

Some people’s wound will fester slowly in time, like his.

Actually all these years, he healed only outwardly. There is a kind of wound that penetrates the bone marrow and ravages areas that cannot be seen.

After leaving the restaurant, we walked to the bus station. At that time, he had just worked for a year, whereas I’ve just started working. Thus, both of us also did not have much money, so we chose to use the bus which was the cheapest mode of transport.

While waiting for the bus, we did not speak. My bus was turning into the station and when the bus was about to stop, he suddenly uttered to me:

“Yi Mei.”

I turned my head to look at him.

The brilliant colors of the city’s night lights reflected on his body, making him looking all the more lonely.

“You will understand later, if in this world that person once appeared, other people will just be a compromise. He said, “I do not want to compromise.”

The bus was driven further and further away, his silhouette slowly became blurry in my line of vision.

My mind kept thinking about his words – you will understand later, if in this world that person once appeared, other people will just be a compromise.

Why later, I knew all along.

I also did not want to compromise.

Thus in this crowded metropolis, both of us with the same frame of mind, stubbornly waiting in loneliness.

Busy with our respective careers, we gradually has less contact with each other compared to the university days.

Before, I used to be afraid that this day would come, but this day still came.

In fact, it seemed like nothing.

I was not sad.

Because I was already used to it.

Yi Chen gave me a very long time to get used to it.

Later, he once came to my office to pick me up to go back together to Y City to visit my sick father. While waiting for me downstairs, one of my female colleagues met him.

The next day, that female colleague asked me who he was and even brazenly asked if he has a girlfriend.

I replied he already had a girlfriend in the United States.

Her eyes revealed her disappointment and somewhat dissatisfied, she said: “Foreigner girlfriend? Most long distance relations.h.i.+p will break up and a foreign girlfriend is very dangerous.”

“No, they’ll end up together.” I did not know where my persistence came from, “She’ll come back.”

My colleague was probably surprised by my firm expression: “He Yi Mei, you’re not her, so how do you know?”

I did not answer again.

I merely said over and over again in my heart, how could she not come back?

He was always waiting for her.

However, we did not expect such a long time. Waiting was not frightening. What was frightening was not knowing when it would end.

One year, two years …… five years, six years ……

On the seventh year.

That day, I brought mother’s homemade Chinese pickles to him. When I put it into the refrigerator, I discovered there was no food inside, completely empty. Hence, I asked him to go to the supermarket.

The supermarket was crowded on the weekends.

While walking, I chatted with Yi Chen about each other’s current situation. The last time we met was more than two months ago.

Then, I seemed to hear the sound of something collapsing.

I casually turned my head.

In the midst of the collapsing sound,  I saw her.

From the last time I met her in KFC, up until now, it had already been more than seven years. I suddenly felt this lengthy time frame seemed like I only turned around for a moment.

The blue sea turned into mulberry fields. (The world is changing all the time)

The change was merely my gradually aging heart. The change was merely Yi Chen’s increasingly hard sh.e.l.l.

As for her, she seemed to have not changed one bit.

Still continuing to smile without a care and without worries.

That night, after I arrived home, I sat on the sofa and watched the sky gradually brightening up.

Because I was busy with work, I had not been tidying up my rented small apartment for a long time. That flower pot on the balcony, after I bought it back, I just left it there, not knowing when the flower bloomed before. I also did not know when the petals withered by the rain and wind, only leaving a red petal swaying in the morning breeze.

Suddenly, I felt as if I was like this unknown name flower.

A person’s flower bloomed. A person’s flower withered. All these years from start to finish, n.o.body asked about it.

Epilogue 2: Bits and pieces (translated by peanuts & edited by lidge)

1. About the Photo

On a certain day, lawyer He was surprised to discover the old photo in his wallet had been replaced with a recent head shot of someone.

After returning home, he asked that someone.

That someone said boldly and confidently: “You always look at my teen photo. Then when you look at me now, you’ll feel I’m getting older.”

Ever since marrying a lawyer, someone can argue better now.

2. About the Baby’s Name

One day while stewing pork soup on the stove, Mo Sheng, who was bored, decided to find something meaningful to do.

For example, thinking of a name for the baby in the future.

She took a Hanyu Da Zidian (one of the most comprehensive Chinese character dictionaries) and flipped through it. Mo Sheng found out naming was a really difficult task. Choosing a name which would sound good and be meaningful to suit both refined and popular tastes was really not easy.

An idea suddenly flashed in her mind, Mo Sheng came up with a simple and easy way to name the baby.

The father’s surname and the mother’s name, then add another word. The name immediately came out – He Mu (it means to admire in Chinese) Sheng.

Good-looking and also pleasant to hear.

The crucial point is it must be very meaningful.

Mo Sheng was pleased with herself and ran to the study. She wrote it on a paper to ask Yi Chen for his opinion.

Yi Chen looked at it and raised his eyebrows, changing it with the stroke of a pen.

Change the middle “Mu” word to “Bi”

He Bi Sheng?

He Bi Sheng ??!! (it means why give birth or why born in Chinese)

Mo Sheng was depressed, even for the baby.

Poor baby, not yet born but already disliked by the father.

3. Confession ???

Also, on a certain day.

When Yi Chen was resting in the study, he suddenly remembered that he seemed to have not spoken that three words to someone.

It just so happened that someone came into the study to look for novels to read.

Yi Chen easily pulled her over and made her sit on his lap, both of his arms circling her waist, his chin resting on her neck.

“Help me to flip the pages.”

“Huh?” Mo Sheng stared blankly and looked at the files on the table.

“Yes, page 14.”

Finally, I understood what he wanted me to do.

Lazy person!

However, Mo Sheng, who was used to being enslaved, still helped him to turn to page 14. She could not help but complain: “Yi Chen, you are very lazy.”

“Ya, ya.” Yi Chen seemed to have decided to be lazy to the end, “Underline the first sentence in the first paragraph for me.”

“Oh.” Mo Sheng picked up a pen and drew a crooked line below the sentence.

——”I want to point out that our country’s research on preliminary issues on private international law (The Conflict of Laws) was adapted from the British jurist J.H.C. Morris’s point of view……”

“The third sentence from the end.”

—— “You have already been in contact with the police, then you must know the law provisions here regarding this kind of situation.”

What’s this? Seemed to be a conversation in a law case, why underline it?

Under Yi Chen’s direction, she flipped through more than a dozen pages again.

“Can’t find that word in the middle.” She heard Yi Chen muttered to himself, looking a little annoyed.

Mo Sheng totally could not understand.

“Change the book.” Yi Chen stretched out his hand and conveniently took out a magazine from the bookshelf behind him.

Huh? This …… seemed to be a special issue of her magazine. Yi Chen was also interested in magazines for women?

“The first sentence in the third paragraph on this page.”

Uh …… Reading magazine, also have to underline the main point?

—— “I often go to the countryside during spring, a season when the sky is incredibly blue……”

“In the fifth line.”

—— “Love to tell lies, the nose of the child will grow long, he smiles and pinches my nose ……”

“The last sentence.”

—— “You sure you saw him coming out of here at nine o’clock?”

What is all of this? Mo Sheng was underlining, starting to yawn and getting a little sleepy. Yi Chen did not say anything anymore, just pressed his cheek against her fragrant hair.

“Mo Sheng?”

“……Oh.” She replied vaguely, her voice sleepy.

Yi Chen carried her onto the bed, covered her properly with the quilt and kissed her hair.

“Dummie, goodnight.”

4. Bedsheets

Christmas, A City was bustling with noise and excitement, but Yi Chen was rather gloomy.

A few days ago, Yi Chen traveled interstate to work. He had just returned home today, but he was dragged by Mo Sheng to go to the supermarket. Today was Sat.u.r.day night and tomorrow was Sunday, obviously it was a good time to use up some physical strength. Hence, why need to stroll in the supermarket?

Ah, although shopping will also use up a lot of physical strength……

Yi Chen pushed the shopping cart and Mo Sheng kept filling it up with things. When they pa.s.sed by the bedding products area, Mo Sheng thought she ought to change the bedsheets at home.

Thus, she bent over to choose some bedsheets.

Yi Chen usually did not concern himself with such trivial matter so Mo Sheng based her choice entirely on her own preference.

Sky blue color with white flowers design.

This one will do.

When she was going to put it into the shopping cart, Yi Chen spoke, “This color is not good.”

It was rare that he had an opinion so Mo Sheng looked at him in surprise and immediately changed to another color. “What about this?”

He continued to shake his head.

After changing a few designs and colors, Mo Sheng was depressed. “Why aren’t these good as the colors and designs are also very stylish?”

“No, they don’t match your skin color.”

Coincidentally, two girls walked past them and heard what was said. They giggled and turned round to look at them with ambiguity in their eyes.

The slow-witted Mo Sheng acted like normal and did not realise the words spoken by her hubby in public has what meaning. She whispered: “So long as it is  comfortable, it is good enough.”

……

Hey, Mr. He Yi Chen, when you were walking in the supermarket,  what was your brain thinking?

Yellow Mountain (Huangshan) Note

Early next morning after breakfast, a group of people took the bus to Cloud Valley Temple (Yun Gu Si). There were two ways to go up the hill, take a cable car or by foot. Mo Sheng saw a large crowd at the cable car station and didn’t know when it’ll be their turn. She pulled Yi Chen’s sleeve, “We’ll climb up.”

Yi Chen had no objection, just a little skeptical. “Later, if you can’t climb, don’t cry out loud.”

“I will not.” Mo Sheng said proudly. “I run around outside all day long so my physical strength is a lot stronger than someone who sits in the office every day.”

Yi Chen smiled and did not argue with her. However, Xiao Hong was unhappy and shouted: “Zhao Ah Sheng, you need a spanking?”

Mo Sheng intended to comment about Yi Chen and did not expect to offend her colleagues who also sat in the office, resulting in everyone glaring at her.

Hehe, Mo Sheng gave a few forced laughs, then dragged Yi Chen to run away.

To climb from Cloud Valley Temple to White Goose Peak (Bai E Ling) was about two hours by foot. The landscape on both sides of the mountain road was refres.h.i.+ng and delightful. When Mo Sheng started to climb, she was feeling relaxed and cheerful. From time to time, she would stoop to pick up odd shaped stones and stuffed them into Yi Chen’s backpack or stop to take a look at some of the flowers and plants which she had not seen before. After climbing for a while, the speed gradually slowed down. More than an hour later, she was in ​​no mood to look at the scenery anymore, only feeling she couldn’t even lift up her feet.

Yi Chen frequently slowed down his pace to wait for her. Mo Sheng was not satisfied at lagging behind and grasped for breath: “Pffff…… there is no reason, I run around outside every day …… huff …… you sit in the office every day, how can your physical strength be better than me?”

Huff……

So exhausting.

After finished talking, Mo Sheng had no more energy so she sat on a big rock and stopped climbing.

Yi Chen stood beside her, heard her question, could not help but laughed out and raised his eyebrows, “Mo Sheng, am I usually very slack to make you think my physical strength is weak?”

“Huh?”

The sentence sounded like nothing, but the more Mo Sheng thought about it the more she blushed. Yi Chen’s eyes clearly looked mischievous and he can’t pretend to be naive. Mo Sheng jumped up and walked at a faster pace, wanting to get rid of him. She walked too fast and did not pay attention to the path. As a result, she carelessly stepped on a stone, slipped and fell down.

Yi Chen was nowhere near her so he was not able to pull her back, only managing to help her up from the ground. Her pants were torn at the knee, vaguely wisps of blood can be seen, the skin was surely broken. Yi Chen felt a little distressed and wanted to lecture her, but seeing her frowning expression, his rebuke turned into concern.

“Is it painful?”

“…… I seem to have twisted my foot.”

Luckily, they were not too far away from White Goose Peak. Yi Chen carried Mo Sheng on his back so she happily rested on his shoulders and rejoiced in his misfortune: “Humph! who told you to make me angry.”

Bite his face, bully him back.

Yi Chen said: “If you continue to be naughty, we’ll have to stay here tonight.”

“Then stay la since there is no tiger.”

A moment later, she started to sing softly at the side of his ear: “…… the turtle carrying its heavy sh.e.l.l, step by step climbing up……” (Gu Man’s nickname is turtle because she is very slow [it is p.r.o.nounced as man in Chinese] in writing her novels.)

Yi Chen heard this children’s song before. After listening to her singing it twice, he still felt something was wrong, thought for a moment, then told her: “It is snail.”

“What?” Mo Sheng stopped singing.

“Not turtle, it is snail.”

“Oh.” Mo Sheng thought for a moment but cannot remember clearly because it is such an old song.

“They are the same since both also have a sh.e.l.l.”

She took out a bar of chocolate from her pocket, fed herself first, then asked Yi Chen: “Do you want to eat?”

Without waiting for him to reply, she stuffed the chocolate into his mouth. Yi Chen accidentally bit her fingers and Mo Sheng quickly pulled back. The chocolate melted in the mouth, after some bitterness, it tasted sweet.

There were not many people on the way up the mountain. When there were only the two of them, Mo Sheng hugged him with both of her hands, their heads leaning against each other. She softly hummed her song, this time finally she did not sing wrongly.

“…… the snail carrying its heavy sh.e.l.l, step by step climbing up……”

(English translation of lyrics)

Yi Chen carrying his heavy sh.e.l.l, step by step climbing up to their destination.

China Edition

Taiwan Edition

Afterword

It is four o’clock in the morning now.

I’ve just finished typing a little epilogue.

So strange, I was very sleepy just now, but afraid that I’ll forget what to write tomorrow so I soldiered on. However, I am feeling very awake now. After getting into bed, I got up again and decided to finish writing the afterword.

Probably because I am feeling very excited, that the conclusion of ‘Silent Separation’ is finally within reach.

I first started writing the novel in September 2003 on Jinjiang online serialized website. By the end of 2003, I managed to finish writing the first 70,000 words. Later, because of my graduation in the 4th year of university and also busy working on my first job, I put aside my writing. I think if afterwards there were no online readers who continuously urged and encouraged me, I’ll not have the motivation to finish writing. Although I was often threatened by readers who wanted to kill turtle to hurry up, the turtle still crawled. However, I only feel grat.i.tude and guilt from beginning to end. Sometimes, when I chat with Bai Bai (I think it is Mo Bao Fei Bao – the author of Really Really Miss You’s nickname) and Xiao Xi (Ming Xiao Xi – author of Summer of Bubbles) about each other’s readers, I always said, the readers of ‘Silent Separation’ are the most gentle and patient.

Then Xiao Xi and Bai Bai, who wished to see my expression, said: As your readers, can they not have patience?!

They are right ～～>＿<>

I am really slow (really don’t want to admit this = _ =). I’ve always been slack, unambitious and wanted to live a stable life. If you whip me once, then I’ll only crawl one step. This kind of person probably will not make it big. However, if I’ve actively worked hard, maybe what I’ve written will not be ‘Silent Separation.’

The pa.s.sing of life is like watching the scenery. If you walk fast, you can see more of the scenes. If you walk slowly, you’ll be able to appreciate the beauty and details of those scenery more.

I think I must be the latter kind of person, enjoying the most ordinary and tiniest details in life. Then try my best to write about them.

This sounds like I am justifying my slowness ……

Er er, let’s get back on track and continue to discuss ‘Silent Separation.’

Some of my inspirations on ‘Silent Separation’ stemmed from going to the supermarket with my mother one day. There were a lot of people in the supermarket, very crowded. My mind suddenly produced the beginning scene in ‘Silent Separation’.

A couple who love each other but parted ways. Many years later, they unexpectedly meet amidst the crowd. They stare and faintly gaze at each other, then walk away separately.

At the beginning of ‘Silent Separation’, I wanted to write such a brief encounter. Then only gradually flesh out the story. Later, even the characters have their own temperament and no longer subjected to my control.

A friend once asked me, what did I want to express in the novel?

Actually when I was writing the novel, I merely wanted to write a story only and basically did not think too much. Since she was so earnest in her question, I also earnestly thought about what I really wanted to express.

I think the answer is as such:

The are many beautiful love poems in the world, but the happiest one must be this verse —— For life or death, holding your hand, and growing old together.

‘Silent Separation’ wants to express this kind of happiness.

Gu Man

14 December 2005

Epilogue 3.1: Year After Year (translated by peanuts and edited by lidge)

A pair of young lovers in the law firm recently have differences in opinion. Lawyer Yuan, who was suspected as being someone who asks others to work but did nothing himself, cared about that more than proper business. He constantly followed closely for the latest developments and broadcast them to Yi Chen from time to time.

Yi Chen was really not a good gossip object, but Xiang Heng had gone on a business trip so Yi Chen reluctantly indulged Lao Yuan. After Lao Yuan gossiped about the news he heard in high spirits, he asked Yi Chen: “Do you think Xiao w.a.n.g will go?”

Seeing that Yi Chen did not answer, Lao Yuan immediately acted like a senior, saying meaningful and heartfelt words: “Yi Chen, after all, Xiao w.a.n.g has worked under you for more than a year so you should be more concerned with your subordinate.”

“Okay.” Yi Chen said in a perfunctory voice: “My wife is unlikely to want me to show concern for my female colleague’s private life.”

Ever since Yi Chen had a wife, he often liked to let his wife be made ​​a scapegoat, such as my wife was strict and forbid me to drink, my wife said that I cannot go home late and so on…….

In short, after lawyer He got married, he did not need to dig his brain and can directly use his wife as an excuse. Speaking of which, he had already started using this tactic on the third day after his marriage.

Furthermore, this tactic was really good as the males will immediately sympathize with him for having a similar experience —— ” What is the use of looking handsome? What’s the use of earning a lot of money? Still being controlled strictly by the wife. My wife can’t control me, so I am better than him in this sense?” Such thinking more than offset the hatred feelings of envy and jealousy.

Whereas the ladies immediately added brownie points. A man who loves his family and wife is very reliable. It can clearly be seen that his character is trustworthy, so you can rest a.s.sured to hand over your case to lawyer He.

Hence, Mo Sheng, completely ignorant, started to have a reputation as a shrew and jealous woman in the judicial circle in A City.

Such tactic was peculiarly useful on Lao Yuan. As expected, after Yi Chen’s remark, the bachelor Lao Yuan immediately burst out in anger: “Such a big deal to have a wife!”

Lao Yuan felt very desolate in his heart. Aiya, men, they are different after getting married, start to work overtime at home and try to decline to attend social niceties. Moreover, learn to arrive late and leave early……

Late ah……

He also thought of days of hugging his wife to sleep until late for work! (This was purely Lao Yuan’s speculating irresponsibly.)

But when can he have a wife?

Lao Yuan was depressed.

Lao Yuan arrived in high spirits but went back depressed. When he was going out, he ran into Xiao w.a.n.g who coincidentally came in to deliver doc.u.ments to Yi Chen. Lao Yuan patted her on the shoulder and said meaningfully: “Think about it properly, when you get to my age, you’ll know it is not easy to get a love relations.h.i.+p.”

Before Xiao w.a.n.g had a chance to react, Lao Yuan had already gone out. She froze for a moment and walked towards Yi Chen. He took the doc.u.ments and while flippi