Log Horizon Vol 7 Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Guild Master 1

This appeared to be a street on a late night.

But the surroundings were bright, the street lights casting a long shadow of him on the ground.

s.h.i.+roe thought it was late at night because the shutters of the shops were closed and there was no one around. It was unbelievably quiet.

After pa.s.sing through a McDonald's and a mobile shop, he lowered his gaze as he went by a floral shop's sign board. These were scenes he had grown tired of. There was no sign of people in this silent street.

s.h.i.+roe was walking on a street that was an hour away from Ikebukuro by train. According to the locals, it was near a station that was forcibly included into the Tokyo subway line. Stations with similar names with prefix 'north' and 'south' could be found around the area, a sign that this was a suburban satellite town.

s.h.i.+roe was born and raised here.

But this city built on lies was a stranger in s.h.i.+roe's eyes.

The population in this new city was vast.

It was full of facilities meant to bring convenience to the residents.

But the distance from the inner city was awkward. For example, the citizens would make their way to the inner city for electric appliances, clothing, and entertainment, so there were no shops worth mentioning here. That was the sort of place this was. It was convenient and had everything. But when you really wanted to find something, you couldn't.

It could not be viewed as a mini city, it was akin to a supplementary s.p.a.ce for Tokyo, a place without its own heart.

s.h.i.+roe's parents moved to this town after marriage. A two story house that wasn't too big or small with plenty of other similar buildings in the area. Be it the residence, station, the leftover farmland, or the trees, they were all unmemorable and ordinary sceneries that could be seen all over j.a.pan and were fading slowly.

There was nothing worth protecting in this town without its own heart, so it changed slowly over time. Even the people that frequented the station building, shopping mall and the shops changed periodically. The residents also changed at a high rate.

This was also reflected in s.h.i.+roe's circle of friends. s.h.i.+roe felt that it was a waste for one third of the elementary school cla.s.sroom to be empty. They planned for this amount of students. s.h.i.+roe didn't know if this was the effect of the aging population or the city planning estimate being way off. From elementary to middle school to high school, his cla.s.smates were ever changing. Looking back, this could be viewed as the metabolism of this new town. The young s.h.i.+roe felt that the world was blurry and untrustworthy and that people or things going missing was nothing abnormal.

(Speaking of which...)

He raised his head as he recalled something.

There was a small place called Brinjal Curry around here. The candy house, wallet shop, and fruit store were right beside it. That was a place he frequented with his friends when he was in high school, a cheap and memorable place.

The signboard that had a dubious drawing of an Indian was gone.

s.h.i.+roe was puzzled for a moment, but remembered with a hint of loneliness.

He carelessly forgot that the Indian curry house closed down. It was replaced by a beef bowl cafe for a few months and then taken over by a ramen franchise with a flashy signboard. s.h.i.+roe remembered seeing that when he went home during college vacation.

He went into the ramen restaurant once and would not want to taste the disgusting food ever again.

Even though they went out of business, s.h.i.+roe still wanted to try the taste of the curry house one more time. The owner was an Islamic person speaking with a Yokohama accent and did not look like an Indian. The curry was j.a.panese flavor instead of Indian style (it tasted like Vermont instant curry). It was priced reasonably and came with a large serving of eggplants, not a bad place to eat once in a while.

(It's a pity it closed down.)

He sighed as he lifted his head to look at the shop, the flashy signboard of the ramen franchise restaurant with black and red words. s.h.i.+roe stopped and observed the shop carefully. On the roller shutter was a sign saying they were closed on Wednesday. The restaurant was usually decorated with lots of flags, but it was quiet now. He could not make out what the sign above the shop was saying, it was all a blur to him.

s.h.i.+roe scratched his cheeks and came to a conclusion.

(So this is what it means to lose your memories.)

s.h.i.+roe had forgotten what this ramen franchise was called.

"So that's how it is."

It was not too surprising.

He already expected this, and he didn't feel like it was a major loss. Memories were fragile, disappearing like the items inside a treasure chest with a broken lock.

He remembered the scene of Silver Sword failing in their challenge.

He understood the risk of dying in a raid. Normally, raids needed to be challenged multiple times to acc.u.mulate experience, recalibrating their strategy in order to emerge victorious. Unlike the fight against the Sahuagins and goblins, the opponents were around his level, so failure was within expectations.

s.h.i.+roe felt a troubling sense of loneliness.

This faint emotion was nostalgic.

It filled the life of the young s.h.i.+rogane Kei.

It was the same for elementary school, middle school, and after.

Before he realized it, s.h.i.+roe was holding on to these feelings as he took a night stroll.

He had lived in this town from birth till high school but he could only read 20% of the signboards clearly.

The ever renewing population came into brief contact with s.h.i.+roe before disappearing. But from their perspective, s.h.i.+roe was the one who disappeared. A meeting so brief they barely left any trace. The trace would then disappear from their minds completely.

By thinking rationally, it was s.h.i.+roe who forgot, while the shops were the ones being forgotten.

But s.h.i.+roe couldn't help but feel a tinge of sadness as if he were betrayed.

s.h.i.+roe felt ashamed as he looked for an excuse.

His cla.s.smates from elementary and middle school had definitely forgotten about him.

He didn't mesh well with his cla.s.smates due to missing cla.s.ses. Since he spent his time in the library till the evening, it was only natural for them to not remember him. Even s.h.i.+roe could not recall his old cla.s.smates. This situation overlapped with his memory of the shops, making him feel remorse.

s.h.i.+roe felt a wave of willful anger wash over him.

His hometown seemed to have everything, but it left no trace in s.h.i.+roe's heart.

s.h.i.+roe walked along the silent street illuminated by the mercury lights.

He just noticed he had left the downtown area and crossed the abnormally deserted bridge. s.h.i.+roe strolled down the street leading to the elementary school which was lined with trees.

A shadow which was supposed to be a friend rose from the ground, s.h.i.+roe didn't feel anything out of place when the pet.i.te figure walked beside him. The two of them pa.s.sed by the green Gingko tree and the bench in front of the bus stop and continued walking under the night sky.

s.h.i.+roe was the only one moving in the streets, but he could hear the distant sound of heavy vehicles driving by. With the growl of the wind in the background, s.h.i.+roe walked on with his eyes on his feet.

Pa.s.sing through a big park, s.h.i.+roe followed the meandering path aimlessly. The park was lit by the soft glowing lights. As expected, there was no one here.

Tiles with drawings of fish covered the bottom of the man-made pond. It was made shallow and wide to accommodate the children playing in them. The light reflecting off the water surface made s.h.i.+roe turn away. s.h.i.+roe and the shadow sat on a bench overlooking the man-made pond.

s.h.i.+roe concluded that this was a near death experience.

He died during his raid with Silver Sword.

According to the laws of this alternate world, he would revive at the entrance of the raid zone. During the lag time before he resp.a.w.ned, s.h.i.+roe, who just went through the bizarre experience of death, was watching a dream.

He leaned back on the bench and looked into the sky.

There were no stars in sight.

(So I ended up here in the end.)

s.h.i.+roe let out a lonely laugh.

s.h.i.+roe had spent countless nights on this bench. He grew up in a dual income family and would scowl impatiently when social workers asked why he was alone in the park. He was a regular here.

He didn't really like anything here. He just had no other place to go. There was just him alone in the house. The feeling of discomfort washed over him even if he hid under his blanket. He was also afraid of the young men and women dressed fancifully in the downtown area. In order to forget this unpleasant feeling, the grade-schooler s.h.i.+roe made his way through the streets at night to idle on this bench. That was the only way.

Although he didn't suppress his chest with his eyes shut like he did as a grade-schooler, the faint wound brought a silent certainty to s.h.i.+roe. He was certain that he had failed.

s.h.i.+roe frequented here often in the past.

The adults commented that the young s.h.i.+roe was mature, smart, and exercised self-restraint. That was why children about his age seemed irrational and barbaric to s.h.i.+roe, creating a gulf with other kids. As a result, plenty of unhappy things happened.

He squandered his cla.s.smates' good intentions.

Heartlessly slapping away the hand they offered him in good will.

He looked down on the kindness they showed.

He ran away from fights he should have stood up for.

He failed to comprehend the feelings and hards.h.i.+p of his parents.

All these were delicate irreversible failures.

The young s.h.i.+roe cried on this bench after every failure, promising himself to do this and that. Sometimes he completed the task wonderfully and thought things were going well. But as expected it was a failure, holding on to the feeling of being defective as he sat on the bench.

'... Just die and you will understand. The incompetence, the bad side and the ugliness of yourself. Die a hundred times and you will understand a hundred times. They can't go on because it is too hard to face them.'

He recalled William's words.

He now knew why people gave up raiding.

Compared to losing his memories, a pain that felt more compelling and unbearable.

s.h.i.+roe was familiar with this feeling and the meaning behind it.

If he would teleport here every time he died, that meant the city on earth s.h.i.+roe grew up in had died before.

If this was what death meant, s.h.i.+roe had gone through it countless times.

That night when he threw away an important notebook, or that evening when he slapped away the hand his friend offered him. The night when he was made to say, "Be careful" with a fake smile, and the time when he bid farewell to the library.

Death was the feeling of wanting to die.

Even though it had faded, s.h.i.+roe knew it very well.

It was the feeling he bore in his chest. Not just defeat, but the reopening of the wounds of previous failures as well. Hadn't he tasted this many times? He had gone through this enough times to not want to do this again. But before he knew it, he ended up here again. He had lived over a dozen years, would he ever get away from this bench? His doubt stuck to his back like a shadow.

His future seemed so far away.

After a dozen years, the amount of time was still beyond s.h.i.+roe's comprehension. In this indefinite amount of time that he lived, would he keep on repeating his mistakes?

He remembered Demiqas who grit his teeth and knocked s.h.i.+roe away.

s.h.i.+roe didn't understand why he did that.

s.h.i.+roe didn't recall doing anything that would prompt Demiqas to help him.

William offered his help after saying "Alright, no problem."

s.h.i.+roe could not comprehend why that young man would lend s.h.i.+roe his hand.

In s.h.i.+roe's mind the only thing he did was made William lose face.

He didn't know all sorts of things. He hated his foolish self.

The same with Naotsugu. s.h.i.+roe came all this way while holding back information from his friends.

s.h.i.+roe was not wary of Minami. s.h.i.+roe was not guarding against Minami's spy. He was already aware of the spy's ident.i.ty.

s.h.i.+roe remained vigilant about an unknown third party.

He unclenched the fist he balled up unconsciously.

Other than Adventurers and People of the Land, perhaps there was something else out there. He suspected it to be the Kunie clan, but it was not them. But this 'something' definitely existed.

Like ReGan said, s.h.i.+roe and the others were summoned to this alternate world by a global level spell. It was just a coincidence that the game and this world were so similar. But was that really possible? Although the chances were not zero, there should be a better explanation out there.

s.h.i.+roe recalled that the research and development of technology that could read brain waves was ongoing. They were attempting to use brain waves to input commands or perform simple communication with patients in a vegetative state. According to the latest reports, they were able to view a person's dream via video. The research was mainly conducted in the medical field, and would probably move towards entertainment and s.p.a.ce exploration by the next decade. It was great news that caused quite a stir online.

But the research had not advanced to the practical application stage yet. Maybe a secret international organization was researching in secret, experimenting with inducing a game like virtual world among its subjects.

But it was something else for tens of thousands of j.a.panese to experience this, that's just stupid. Also, s.h.i.+roe and the rest were not wearing any special equipment.

There must be a better explanation for this.

s.h.i.+roe had endured the sick apprehension that something was wrong for the past few months. This feeling was heightened when he heard about the Spirit Theory from ReGan. Building on the basis of the concept, he violently probed into the darkness with his imagination and thinking.

s.h.i.+roe used the convenience of the Round Table to request all sorts of research.

Roderick came up with the possibility of flavor text becoming reality. Soujirou found out about the changes in the ecology of monsters. Michitaka investigated the flouris.h.i.+ng vegetation in the south. Charasin surveyed and collated information of rumors in the League of Freedom Cities Eastal.

The investigations revealed heaps of evidence that a third party existed. This strengthened s.h.i.+roe's suspicion. Something coincidental that they 'just happened to think of' was also evidence of the third party's activity.

(But I can't use those things as an excuse. I was taking it too easy. I stopped searching, bound by fear.)

There was so much more that Demiqas could do. The same with William.

He should have confided with Naotsugu. And Nyanta too.

s.h.i.+roe's worry had brought so much trouble to the people around him. He knew all that, but wasted the chance because of his lack of effort.

People important to s.h.i.+roe must be waiting for s.h.i.+roe there. The wind blowing tonight was like an invitation for s.h.i.+roe to return back to his guild.

They were living proof that s.h.i.+roe was cowardly and lazy, and pushed others away.

s.h.i.+roe stood up, determined to return to the others.

He would be letting everyone down if he couldn't even do that.

And he owed Kinjo an apology.

s.h.i.+roe was suspicious and did not say his piece.

What a pity. He should have shared everything. For the sake of the future s.h.i.+roe believed in, he had to convince Kinjo. As a fellow human being living in this world, they should discuss the pressing issues together.

Although he had no basis, s.h.i.+roe felt something staring at him. And that something had always been there since the Catastrophe happened.

s.h.i.+roe who stood up on reflex heard a familiar voice for a moment.

A whisper hinting on an upcoming meeting.

2

s.h.i.+roe felt a brief moment of vertigo and found himself on a white sandy beach.

The sunlight reflected off the clear ocean.

The waves rolled in slowly, making faint sounds as they washed to the sh.o.r.e, leaving foam in their wake.

The ocean met the sky at the horizon and extended as far as the eyes could see.

s.h.i.+roe was surprised by the crunching sound he made when he took a step.

He started to walk along the pure white sh.o.r.eline, looking at the flawless beach in awe.

He couldn't do anything by staying here, something seemed to be guiding him on.

s.h.i.+roe lifted his head as the wind blew on his face. A shadow loomed from behind and took to the sky.

What kind of seabird had such beautiful wings?

The bird frolicked with its mates in the dark blue sky.

Looking at them gliding in the air, s.h.i.+roe was reminded of a novel by Richard Bach. The birds flew like seagulls, flapping their wings wherever they went.

(Speaking of which, what an amazing place this is...)

He had no impression of this even though this was a near death experience.

Did he come here when he was young, he wondered. He read somewhere that humans who had forgotten about things had simply lost their means to recall these memories. These memories were encrypted into the nerve cells and synapses of the brain so they couldn't simply be retrieved unless the human could break the encryption. s.h.i.+roe thought about complicated matters, but he still couldn't remember this place.

But, even though he had no memory of ever coming, it was still a beautiful place.

The clear winter skies and the sand dunes which extended all the way into the air.

The cream colored beach formed a perfect contrast with the aquamarine ocean.

s.h.i.+roe walked along the sh.o.r.eline alone.

The footprints he left in the white sand looked like they could have been left behind millions of years ago. They were a record that followed s.h.i.+roe's path.

Maybe he had left it behind at the park bench, or it was simply swept away by the silvery sand under his feet, but s.h.i.+roe's sense of helplessness no longer lingered in his chest.

s.h.i.+roe walked for a long time, looking out into the ocean as he organized his thoughts. Light rippled in the sand with every step he took.Only a faint sense of guilt still remained. It was a debt he knew he had to return after he resp.a.w.ned.

A clear crystal sound raised s.h.i.+roe's doubts.

The heavenly body that illuminated the beach was a sphere of blue covered with clouds, something he had only seen in photographs. He thought it was the moon at first, but it was bright enough to light up the sky, a blue planet.

(... Is this the moon?)

As he looked around him, this appeared to be the correct answer.

The sand dunes that were like parched dragon bones and the turquoise lights surrounding him. This was a scene out of a fantasy.

s.h.i.+roe checked the name of the server hastily and was convinced this was the rumored 14th server.

The name of the server was Mare Tranquillitas.

It was not registered on the auto translation system. Taking the original text into consideration, this place should be called Sea of Tranquility.

This was probably the test server of the Ataravu Corporation which was filled with content that was in the midst of development. He chanced upon this place because of the Catastrophe, but s.h.i.+roe was not sure if there were other ways to this place other than through death.

With no means of finding out, s.h.i.+roe was thankful that he could still breathe as he explored the depths of his memories.

According to the Half Gaia project, the earth-like world of Elder Tales was divided into 13 servers. This meant that the 14th server was an unofficial test server.

Despite this, it was open to the public.

Players could freely create characters on this test server. Avatars created on it could not be migrated to the normal servers. They could only be used to explore the endless dungeons and the wide underground world of the test server.

This was a win-win situation for both the players as well as the developers.

Players with basic knowledge of the game were excellent deb.u.g.g.e.rs, pointing out bugs and errors in the system being developed by the company for free. Apart from helping with the balancing of the damage and effects of new skills, it also helped garner feedback from players on improving the gaming experience.

For the players, the test server allowed them to experience changes that might be implemented into the game in advance, such as the combat system balance, new skills, items, monsters, and how all these changes would affect the game environment. Being a test server deb.u.g.g.e.r was the best way to obtain first-hand information on the new system.

The success of the test server was only possible because of the benefits both parties mutually enjoyed.

While Ataravu Corporation (North America) developed the original Elder Tales, its consequent global updates and versions were the fruits of the test server and its many deb.u.g.g.e.r-players.

s.h.i.+roe had an alternate character in this test server.

That avatar was a female Summoner, so the Catastrophe happening to his main account was a good thing.

Although s.h.i.+roe was quite knowledgeable about the test server, he wasn't aware that there was a 'surface'. Such information could not be found on international sites either.

As its name suggests, it was an environment created to conduct tests.

The test server s.h.i.+roe knew was a collection of dungeons identified only by numbers and the concept of temporal continuity did not exist as old and new versions coexisted at the same time.

When he thought about it, the fact that players couldn't log on to the test server the week before a beta-release of an expansion pack was probably because administrators were tasked with implementing the upgrades.

s.h.i.+roe chewed on the information he already had, but was unable to come up with new theories.

He had never heard rumors about being transported to the test server when one died.

Had any other Adventurers noticed that this was the test server?

s.h.i.+roe thought that it might be possible.

Since the Half Gaia project didn't encompa.s.s the test server, did that mean it was situated on the moon? Such topics had been brought up in overseas forums several times, but were not common knowledge among j.a.panese players.

s.h.i.+roe wouldn't even have known this was the Sea of Tranquility without this background knowledge. The name was in Latin after all.

As s.h.i.+roe thought about this, he noticed a figure looking up at him from a very close distance.

The figure belonged to someone s.h.i.+roe was very familiar with, Akatsuki.

The young girl in a caramel jacket gazed up at s.h.i.+roe with a mixed or troubled, wary and pleading look.

She reminded s.h.i.+roe of the shy stray cat that kept on running to his side.

s.h.i.+roe nodded, calming Akatsuki down.

He knew that smiling at this elegant lady would turn her pout into a very gentle expression.

A happy and satisfied smile with a bit of shyness.

s.h.i.+roe started to walk on the beach, an invitation for Akatsuki to join him. He wouldn't be able to get more information by staying here, and Akatsuki who was twirling by the ocean seemed eager to move on.

The couple took their time walking along the beach.

They couldn't sense any hostility in this place, but this was a whole new world for them.

s.h.i.+roe was watching the surroundings carefully while Akatsuki was taking it easy.

Akatsuki turned around watching their footprints in the sand.

s.h.i.+roe stopped and turned back. Akatsuki caught up effortlessly with weightless steps, running circles around s.h.i.+roe.

The couple continued to advance. Akatsuki led sometimes, played with the waves once in a while or pointed at the birds flying gracefully.

The caramel coat suited the cute swallow-like lady very well.

Maybe it was cold, but her face appeared to be slightly red and she would hurry to the front at times.

This must be the world of Elder Tales. With its clear skies and carefree sound of the wind that was unique to the outdoors. It created a symphony together with the waves, forming the background music to this world, with only the footfalls of the couple audible.

Akatsuki seemed to be afraid of something as she slowed her pace and fell behind.

s.h.i.+roe waited patiently for Akatsuki.

He was not bothered by the wait.

Suddenly, s.h.i.+ny snowflakes fell from the sky.

The scenery was white all around, be it the sand, the sea, s.h.i.+roe or Akatsuki. They were all showered under the white glow.

s.h.i.+roe reached out and attempted to touch it, but his chest hurt as he was reminded of the fragility of his dreams.

Just like touching snow as a child, he couldn't grab and observe it even if he wanted to.

s.h.i.+roe nodded at the wide eyed Akatsuki.

The two of them were looking at an unbelievable sight.

They were going through an incredible experience.

It brought an unfounded sense of quietness and satisfaction to s.h.i.+roe.

Fear, anger, and regret all melted away in this wintery seaside. The two of them were speechless in front of this sight.

"This is such a quiet place."

s.h.i.+roe said as he stopped at the cove with clear blue waters.

"Yes."

Akatsuki beside him answered.

Although it was a short exchange, s.h.i.+roe could feel the sense of awe from the sound of her voice.

The toll of a bell sounded from the other side of the sea.

It sounded like an unknown race that had spent tens of thousands of years alone signaling to its comrades.

s.h.i.+roe had no basis for this conjecture, but he believed this cove was a special place.

Akatsuki trembled slightly, sighing sadly.

Right then, s.h.i.+roe remembered that Akatsuki was also experiencing 'death'.

Although it was temporary, 'death' was still 'death'. It fell onto Akatsuki miserably, leaving a mark. It must be painful, full of humiliation and regret.

But Akatsuki was more mature than s.h.i.+roe imagined, her eyes filled with strength.

If this would teach him the meaning of 'death' just like William suggested, s.h.i.+roe had the obligation to not waste this lesson. s.h.i.+roe swore an oath in his heart.

If this cove took away memories in exchange for teaching s.h.i.+roe the meaning of death, then he could offer them himself.

s.h.i.+roe made a wish.

In order to become a better person than yesterday, it was a necessary ritual to move beyond regrets and work towards his goals.

s.h.i.+roe took out a small blade from his pocket and cut off a piece of memory.

Akatsuki followed s.h.i.+roe's lead and cut off the tip of her ponytail, letting it fall into the sea.

The falling snow and the blue seas were all fragments of memories.

The soul in liquid form played the symphony of the waves.

The tears of Adventurers who did not make it to this cove congregated in this ocean. It was not an a.s.sumption but a belief. s.h.i.+roe could see the Spirit Theory at that moment.

A tiny hand grabbed s.h.i.+roe's coat.

s.h.i.+roe didn't look away from the sea and muttered, "Amazing."

Both Akatsuki, who was nodding, and s.h.i.+roe calmed the excitement in their heart as they looked out into the sea.

"Did you fall, Akatsuki?"

Akatsuki looked surprised by s.h.i.+roe's words and nodded gently.

Akatsuki raised her head and opened her pet.i.te mouth.

She wanted to speak.

But this was very difficult for the young lady. No matter how hard she tried, her mouth closed into a line.

Instead of sorrow, Akatsuki's tearful eyes were filled with regret. Akatsuki withheld the pain in her chest, keeping it away from s.h.i.+roe.

s.h.i.+roe's heart ached as he looked at her. Akatsuki failed after taking on a tough challenge. s.h.i.+roe wanted to help her, but he was not by her side.

"Is that so? I am the same too. I died."

"You too my lord?" "Yeah."

He could see that scene when he closed his eyes. He could hear the steady counting of Silver Sword.

The clas.h.i.+ng of blades, the burning inferno and freezing gale magic.

He was not regretting because of failure.

s.h.i.+roe was regretting not giving his best. Not accomplis.h.i.+ng the things he should have done.

But Akatsuki's eyes were bright.

She might have failed, but she was not giving up.

s.h.i.+roe didn't know what had transpired, but he sensed that Akatsuki felt the same way as he did. This pain was Akatsuki's treasure. The determination to take back her glory.

So there was no need to console her.

"I failed. My forecast was too naive... I didn't put in my trust."

He didn't speak more than necessary.

He held back in offering a.s.sistance.

He didn't do his best.

"I'm not sure."

Akatsuki sounded like she was on the verge of tears, tempting s.h.i.+roe to say something. 'No worries. I understand. Akatsuki did her best, I know very well. You are a little lost now, but a detour is necessary for Akatsuki.'

But s.h.i.+roe couldn't say all this right now. The young lady was still battling. s.h.i.+roe was also fighting. The raid battle had not ended for either of them.

"This is strange. I never thought I would meet Akatsuki here."

"Right. My lord, this is strange."

He touched Akatsuki's small forehead. He prayed that he could convey the things he was unable to convey over to her.

s.h.i.+roe couldn't erase the past. But as Adventurers, they could rise and take up the challenge again.

"That's why, I want to try again."

"I want to have another go too... That's what everyone taught me."

Countless snowflakes fell from the sky.

This world was made from countless memories, forming a horizon with no end.

Understanding this made the world s.h.i.+ne brighter.

s.h.i.+roe could hear the sound of waves from far away.

Light flooded the whole area, drowning s.h.i.+roe and Akatsuki to their toes.

s.h.i.+roe smiled at Akatsuki. Their time here was ending.

But they would definitely meet again.

The hand s.h.i.+roe was resting on Akatsuki's head fidgeted, he felt troubled. If it were the norm, Akatsuki would have given him a flying kick, admonis.h.i.+ng him for treating her like a kid. But the kick didn't come and Akatsuki had a serious expression, so he missed the chance to let go.

Akatsuki looked as if she wanted to say something. But her voice was overwhelmed by the sound of flowing water. He could feel the touch of her silky hair lingering on his fingers.

s.h.i.+roe was definitely saved by her gentleness.

3

William opened his eyes and stared at the sky high ceiling.

A painful and hoa.r.s.e sound leaked from his throat.

He know how pitiful he looked, but he couldn't stop himself from moaning. He rubbed his eyes violently. Their moisture was obvious to the touch.

He cried like a child. His pitifulness made him feel deflated.

The number of groans he could hear around him increased.

The members of Silver Sword resp.a.w.ned one by one.

This was the entrance to Abyss Shaft, the starting point of the zone.

William's group was wiped out and resp.a.w.ned here.

This was what happens when you were annihilated in raids, different from normal death.

Three raid bosses appeared at the same time and decimated William's group.

Two things were clear to Silver Sword.

First, there was no way to win this fight.

Raids were balanced in difficulty, allowing players of similar levels to win by a tiny margin. Guilds trained repeatedly and equipped their best items to duke it out with the boss, only to win by a hair in the end. That was what raids were about. For a fight with 3 raid bosses at the same time, it was no exaggeration to say that the chance of winning was zero. They knew this very well because they had gotten used to raid battles.

There was no chance of winning this.

The dark despair filled William's heart.

And the second point was... unbelievably grave news. If raid bosses could ally with each other, this could happen anywhere. Silver Sword wouldn't be able to win any other raid battle in this world.

If the quest level was low, for example level 50, they would be able to handle it even if there were 2 raid bosses. But that was not the raid battle William had in mind. They were not a group that found joy in bullying weaklings.

William wanted to challenge raids of the same level, a hot blooded raid battle, but their hope for this had been destroyed.

Williams breathed out a sigh of cold air, feeling a sense of fatigue tormenting him.

He could say the same for his comrades. Low spirited grunts could be heard all over the place.

Everyone in Silver Sword should have reached the same conclusion as William.

The world had denied William and his group.

William forced his withered body up. What he saw was the defeated Silver Sword. This was not the time to joke that he was unwilling to let his comrades see his pathetic side. It wouldn't be so hopeless if they were simply wiped out. The other members' hearts were broken, lacking the strength to even stand, just lying down or curling up in a ball, suffering and devoid of any strength.

Physical pain was not lethal to Adventurers. But the scar of being abandoned by this world was burned onto their souls.

He heard the sound of sniveling. It was the pathetic sound of adults crying.

William understood why. William experienced it too.

Memory loss was trivial. Compared to the safety conscious D.D.D. Compared to the elite team of Black Sword Knights. Compared to the annoying egalitarian Honesty. William was certain that Silver Sword had been wiped out the most in the entire server.

He understood his blunders and deficiencies the instant between deaths and resp.a.w.ning, freezing his soul. The chilling thoughts ground away his comrades' spirits. Winning by a hair's breadth was fine. Failure was okay too, they could heal, grow, and try again. But this failure they couldn't atone for and the regret they couldn't wave off kept lingering.

Voices from his past filled his head.

(So, what is the use of this?)

(Eh... Games huh... Hmmph.)

(Still playing PC games? Isn't mobile gaming enough?)

(Staying home for the holidays?)

Eat s.h.i.+t.

Williams cursed.

(You won't go to karaoke even if we invite you.)

(So you talk to your PC? Wah...)

(Why not take up a hobby that will be useful in the future?)

(It's fine, there are people like this too. What's the harm?)

Eat s.h.i.+t.

William rubbed his face violently.

He wanted to stand up strongly, but his knees trembled shamefully.

He wanted to scream, but he had no words to inspire his guild mates. Should he promise that they would be victorious in the next battle? He couldn't deliver that. It was a lie. Should he ask everyone to cheer up and challenge another raid? He couldn't do that either.

Or could he show a cold face and say "Let them say what they want"? He couldn't do that. His comrades were in despair, he wouldn't be able to reach them with those words.

William's mouth opened wide, his eyes wandering like a lost child.

He looked at d.i.n.kuron. Toko. Junzo. Elten Gracia.

And at his own feet.

William was speechless as he looked at the dismal state his guild was in. After such a merciless beat down, he understood his laziness and incompetence. His heart had sunk to the bottom, there was nothing left.

William searched frantically.

Words that he could share with his comrades.

But he couldn't find anything in his cowardly heart.

"Is this the end?"

He heard a murmur.

He didn't know who, but it was definitely one of his guild mates. From a corner of this s.p.a.cious hall. All the members who heard held their breath. This was what everyone was afraid to even think about.

The doubt forced William into a corner.

'... Let's return to Susukino and be a charitable guild that upholds the peace.

The People of the Land will be grateful. This is a dog eat dog world. Life is especially hard in Ezzo Empire with all the monster attacks. The people have their hands full just staying alive. In Susukino, Adventurers just need to be gentle and polite to enjoy enormous popularity. Hanging out with the People of the Land, getting a girlfriend would be great. Stop bothering with raids, Silver Sword can handle the task of defending the city easily.'

The stupidity of this line of thought made Williams burn from the inside.

"Maybe. This might be it. I agree... But so what? This is s.h.i.+t."

Williams was driven by his sense of regret and fought back in defiance.

That was a great way to live.

Exchanging a life of danger for a peaceful and comfortable living.

But that was no different from the adults who gave William 'advice' with a smug expression.

"We failed. Wiped out. This might be the end. It was all in vain. Just like what that bunch of people who call us idiots always say, we're trying to do something that is beyond us. Gaming nerd hikkomoris. Losers... But, so what. We already knew this. From the very beginning. We just like gaming. We chose this path."

But even if they failed, even if this was the end, he would not stop.It was fine even if it ended, William thought.

There was something he could not let go of.

William felt a burning heat go up his spine and continued.

"This is no big deal. Just losing in a raid. This is not the first time. No need to be so surprised. This is just a mark on the win lose column of this server. Gaming is for kids. Be an adult and return to society... I won't say anything like this. I won't let anyone say this. We lost, and are the worst kind of people. But even if there is a G.o.d, I won't let him say we are wasting our time."

Raids were special for William.

It was the heart of Elder Tales, the center of this universe.

"You ask if there is any meaning behind this statistic recorded by the server. Of course there is. Because I said so. I decided that it is a great and amazing thing. Even if G.o.d had decided the correct value of everything, it is not applicable in the whole world. People who believe such a dumb idea will never understand. You are wrong because the things you believe in have no value, people who say that will never ever understand. No matter how stupid it looks, or if all of this is a b.l.o.o.d.y fake, it doesn't matter if I, if we feel that it matters. Isn't this our choice? This is what I choose!"

He could not forgive anyone insulting the sacred oath in his heart. William remained defiant despite the unbearable pain in his heart.

The members of Silver Sword pushed themselves up and sat on the floor, looking at their guild master.

"We have lived inside Elder Tales for a very long time... Whenever formidable foes appear, we will ready our bows and sharpen our swords and take them on. a.s.saulting them while shouting like children. We win some, we lose some. That's right, all of this are just 1s and 0s in the database, so what. We are in this for the thrill of battle. That was great. We party hard when we win, splitting the phantasmal spoils cheerfully. If we lose we will hold reflection meetings till the break of dawn. If you dare say this is meaningless then let them say it. This has nothing to do with toys or cheap loot. If we feel that this matters enough for us to spend our time here, then this is our reality!"

William shouted. Filled with regret and fury, he spat out the thoughts in his chest.

But that was all he could do.

His action was like a flame burning bright and hot and then smothering out. Winning and losing was a part of battle.

And raids were the most sacred of all battles.

Inviolable.

Denying this was the same as denying the large amount of time William and the others had invested into this. William lost in this fight and was the loser. And they were unable to do anything to overturn this fact.

That's why William and the others had nothing else to say.

He had nothing left to inspire his guild mates.

"... Because this is the way we are, right? We don't give a s.h.i.+t about guys who have this or that. Those Mr. nice guys have everything, so they have no need to do this... Do you guys have it too? Good at everything. Able to make friends wherever you go. Or maybe you are smart, cool, or have a cheerful demeanor, even the knack for telling jokes is fine. Anything, able to glitter in the real world, a sparkling feeling. Do you have it...? I have nothing, nothing at all."

William lowered his head, rumbling on in a tiny voice.

It was no longer about the secret of holy battles.

It was a work of non-fiction, mild and uninteresting compared to Elder Tales, the small confession of William.

William had truly exhausted everything. But even so, the guild master of Silver Sword continued to face everyone.

4

"I have never mentioned this before, was hesitant to say it, but all of you are my friends. Because I can't make friends if I don't play games. How pathetic. I have no motivation... I only made it this far because of this game... It is the reason why I am able to understand how you feel. Just controlling the character with my keyboard. Ah, this guy wants to heal. That guy has retreated, but he really wants to stay at the front lines, something like that. This dude is hesitant to ask, but he really wants those magic buffing gauntlets. Not just these. This one cares about his teammates. Even though he is scared, he still shouted out loud. Giving your all into the game despite being dead tired. I know, I understand very well. I really do."

William squeezed out his thoughts in fragmented sentences.

These were his unpolished, real thoughts.

All he had left was a tiny flicker of fire.

Elder Tales had taught William many things. If not for this, this inarticulate high-schooler wouldn't have been able to found a guild.

Unable to empathize with others. Introvert. Inconsiderate. Uncoordinated. Impatient. Unable to read the mood. Unable to gel with others.

Being accused of all this, the boy withdrew socially. Elder Tales gave the boy a chance to connect with others. He treasured this connection and guarded it carefully. Elder Tales was the first friend he hugged with his skinny arms. If William listened carefully, Elder Tales would reveal many secrets to him.

The first secret was teamwork.

There would be players who did well and players who didn't. If there were people with great skills, there would be people with mediocre skills. What needed to be done in order to cooperate was easy: just accommodate them. Players fared poorly because William did not know what they wanted to do. By adjusting their styles to each other's, most players would be able to get along well.

Over time, he started raiding.

The level of difficulty in group fights increased gradually, but William did not give up. The group of people he networked with became larger over time. They were people he could get along well with once he got to know them.

The second secret was that their win rates improved as they chatted mindlessly through the night. William learned that those lame jokes had the mysterious power to decide the outcome of a raid.

William learned so many things.

Everyone would have good or bad days. The condition of each individual was important. He would care about how the others were doing. There would be hot headed guys and moody guys. His friends would bear all sorts of problems. This was expected. William realized everyone was in the same situation as him. He understood slowly what they wanted. It was very simple. They were all here for the raid battle, of course they wanted victory.

Who should we heal? Which enemy should we focus our fire on? Move in to attack or take turns and conserve energy? Do we go all out or cap it at 70%?

Even if conflicts arose in their quest for victory, everyone was still working for the best outcome, it was just that the execution wasn't smooth enough. They worked out the errors one by one. Eventually, they edged out a small victory, bringing enormous joy for William and his friends.

The third secret was bitter for Williams.

He learned to seek the advice and forgiveness of others.

Williams learned this after his team mates endured his tantrum. He understood after learning it that it was a necessary lesson.

Most battle guilds are short lived. There are at least 20 members winning and losing in harsh raiding conditions. It would be fine if they obtained treasures from every hunt, but phantasmal items might not drop even if you won a challenging raid. There would be members who would be unhappy, and bickering for spoils would in turn harm their relations. Under such conditions, battle guilds would disperse in less than 6 months.

When the inevitable intra-guild feud pushed Silver Sword to the brink of dissolving, William learned the de-escalation effect of dialogue. William learned to trust people around him, to say what he really felt. His guild mates understood that their leader was rash, but he was not malicious. This was a lucky break for a battle guild.

William thought about how much better it would have been if he had learned these secrets earlier. But on the other hand, he only learned them because he wanted to protect his guild.

As William learned the secret of being with others, Silver Sword gained fame as an up-and-coming raiding guild.

"That is why I understand... the feeling that this is the end. Game over. We are finished. I can genuinely feel it. This is probably it. But..."

William understood.

Everybody was disheartened right now.

He knew, challenging such an important raid and ending up here like pitiful dogs. He couldn't even look his pathetic friends in the eye.

"To be honest, I was so happy when I came to this world. You guys probably felt some joy too. There shouldn't be anyone here who totally hates this situation right? This is the world of Elder Tales. The world we are so pa.s.sionate about. The place where we are better at fighting raids than anyone else. I think things will work out. Putting this nonsense aside, I am glad I can spend time with you guys. All of you are losers. Well, I'm a loser too. Whatever, it's fine if we can fight in raids. In this world, no one can treat us like idiots."

William sniveled.

The battle-hardened sniper elf known as the Eyes of Mystery was no more.

"Even so, it is unacceptable to run away because we failed! Come on! We might not win. We will probably lose. It's almost a given we will fail. But no, there are things we cannot give up on. What are we going to do if we go back now? What legacy will we leave behind if this goes on...? Our addiction to Elder Tales is on the stupendous level. I have played Elder Tales for 2 years. I think about it from morning to night. I think about it even when I eat, shower, or sleep. I even study for the sake of Elder Tales. It's fine if you say I have no life. I am a gamer with no social life. I will be overjoyed the whole night because of one unique item, a social outcast. I give my heart and soul for this. That's why I won't back down even if the number of raid bosses increases by 2 or 3. Besides, where can we escape to! Escape to a place where gamers are treated like r.e.t.a.r.ds? Making friends without fighting raids? Calling this a waste of time with a smug smile? Such b.a.s.t.a.r.ds should just die."

Unreasonable.

Not escaping meant you would keep on dying? He considered this for a while.

They were able to hold on so far because there was a chance of victory. But it was hopeless now.

'What you are doing is playing games, it is the same even if this world had changed. You bunch of good for nothing can't even beat the game now...' How were they going to face this reality?

"I... I have run away before. It weighs heavily in my heart, but I understand now. In the city of Akiba, at the first Round Table Conference. I just came into contact with this world back then and all I wanted to do was fight in raids. For the sake of raiding, I gave up on joining the Round Table Council. It's true, no lie. Also, I was thinking, 'what is this bunch of people trying to accomplish. Isn't that a waste of time?' I also thought, 'going at it so seriously even though there is no way it will work, what a bunch of pigs.' I despised them. I almost wanted to beat them all up, I really did. What a joke. I understand now. I was running away. I ran away because I thought it would fail."

But there were players who didn't run.

For William, it was a sense of longing.

In the face of challenging raids, a legendary group that did not form a guild held their own against powerful battle guilds.

The newbie William was thrilled by their exploits.

This newbie aimed to join this excellent group one day and worked towards that.

When William grinded to level 90, that group disbanded. William felt betrayed. They didn't wait for him. The members all went their own ways and did not form a guild. He didn't understand why they were abandoning their legacy. That's what William thought.

"But s.h.i.+roe won. He completed a quest I thought was meaningless and impossible to win, and established Akiba. That was a quest to build a city, not an easy thing to do... I think he is a great raid commander."

The players who persevered and didn't run.

The player he looked up to in the past was amazing indeed.

"That s.h.i.+roe lowered his head and asked for help, so I took the job gleefully... It is natural to have no chance of success. With the Black Heart Gla.s.ses here, you know how hard this trip is going to be. Just look at his smug and s.a.d.i.s.tic face and you will understand! But... I still felt happy. I thought it would be fine if we won. Because... we are crazy game addicts!"

The atmosphere was heated. When William looked up, he saw the pained expressions of his comrades who had nowhere to go.

They might win if they tried again.

He entrusted the heat of this feeling to them. William had ignited the fire in his guild mates.

But he didn't feel victorious or any sense of accomplishment, just a heavy sense of pressure and responsibility.

Guild Master William was leading his guild to a hopeless place with no chance of victory. Neither Krusty nor Isaac would make such a decision. They would maintain their ident.i.ty as a battle guild, understand the intent of the Round Table Council and provide a.s.sistance, that's how good they were.

(I am a seriously stupid guild master.)

William bit down on his trembling lips.

The taste of iron spread in his mouth as he ignored the eyes on him and searched for a solution.

He wanted to win. He thirsted for victory like never before, not for his own glory, but a strong desire to win it for his friends.

5

s.h.i.+roe awakened just like the dawn dying the sky blue. He could hear a speech like rays of light reflected from the water.

A sorrowful groan.

The voice of a man protesting against an unreasonable reality.

William's voice was soft, but s.h.i.+roe heard him clearly as he regained consciousness. Pushed along by William's words, s.h.i.+roe began to talk to himself.

s.h.i.+roe, who spent plenty of time alone, talked to himself frequently. Since there was a 'self' that answered questions, it was evident that he was consciously replying to the question.

He started with working out the situation and evaluating what the future held.

Sweeping aside the feeling of being hung over and his doubts about resp.a.w.ning, s.h.i.+roe started a.n.a.lyzing the strategy for the raid battles and the surrounding zones.

He understood within the first 15 seconds that they were in a very difficult situation. It was more appropriate to say it was impossible. Only 24 players could invade this zone, so it was impossible to match the enemies in strength.

They could defeat '7th of the garden' Ruseato by itself.

They understood its 'characteristics' very well. Black mode possessed powerful single unit attacks and reflected close proximity attacks with wide area attacks. White mode regenerated health and summoned minions.

In general, all raid bosses had 'characteristics'. They would perform special actions or take on alternate forms according to the amount of time that had pa.s.sed or the percentage of health left. Understanding these 'characteristics' and coming up with plans to counter them were the basics of fighting raid bosses.

They had completed their research on the 'characteristics' of '7th of the garden' Ruseato. This didn't mean that victory was a.s.sured, but they could win this by practicing a few times. The practice run need not be a fight to the death. Even if the front line collapsed, they could make a strategic retreat. This meant there was a chance of victory.

The attacks of the t.i.tans, '4th of the garden' frost giant Tarutauruga and '3rd of the garden' flaming serpent Ibra-Habura were another matter. The scouting reports for these raid bosses were incomplete. They were not sure how similar they were to '4th of the prison' Tarutauruga and '3rd of the prison' Ibra-Habura, but the blows that wiped out s.h.i.+roe and the others were wide area attacks. Probably normal area attacks with cool down times of 50 to 150 seconds. They were not mortal blows or 'characteristics' they had to work around. s.h.i.+roe didn't know where to start.

The attack were launched simultaneously. On top of that, there was a chance the other boss in this zone would enter the fray. No matter how you looked at it, you had to wave the white flag. There was no way to win this.

s.h.i.+roe heard the alarm ringing in his heart. "Don't think about why it can't be done, think about a way to solve this." s.h.i.+roe was thankful for this quote, but it was easy to say, but the requirements were always so intense.

In s.h.i.+roe's mind, there were blue cards to his right. These were his advantages and weapons. Silver Sword's proficiency, the existence of allies, and the support of the Round Table Council, things he knew.

The challenge he faced morphed into cards some distance away on his right. Ruseato, Tarutauruga, and Ibra-Habura. And an unknown boss. They had explored and mapped out the dungeon for the most part. There were just 3 or 4 more bosses left.

He came up with several plans and lined them up before him according to their feasibility. All of them provided dismal chances of success, so he tried to mix them up to increase the probability of winning. There was not much to discuss as they were not ready for practical application.

All sorts of reforms in this world were limited to individuals. Take the development of cooking recipes for example, the level of the Chef dictated the success of making the dish. The constraints were much stricter in battles. There were lots of powerful weapons in this world, but they were governed by the level requirement. For example, if s.h.i.+roe made a Gatling gun or a mortar, he couldn't use them. Instead of powerful weapons and magic, what was important was coming up with a way to break through.

He knew this was just picking on semantics, but s.h.i.+roe was dismissing the word retreat from his dictionary.

This time, s.h.i.+roe was a.n.a.lyzing the weak points of the enemy instead of the advantages s.h.i.+roe had.

Most raid bosses had a fixed attack pattern. There might not be any obvious weak points, but looking carefully, there were gaps between attacks which he could exploit.

The moment of inspiration struck, and s.h.i.+roe grabbed hold of this line of thought desperately.

Be it prison or garden, they were the guardian of something. Now that they were self-aware, were they still bound to their obligations? Although they worked together in the last fight, the fact that reinforcements only arrived when the battle was heating up was something they could use. But he might be putting too much expectation in this.

s.h.i.+roe threw his wishful thinking away and searched for a more practical strategy. But after dozens of simulations, he couldn't think of a more realistic idea.

The plan with so many flaws held the best probability of success.

He didn't work out the correct probability, but it was worth a shot.

"Yo, s.h.i.+roe, are you awake?"

"... Yeah."

The voice came from Naotsugu who was observing him.

s.h.i.+roe sat up and stretched his stiff back. Beneath him was a marble platform covered with a blanket. He was not sure what happened, but it seemed that someone carried him onto this marble while he was asleep.

Naotsugu, who was glancing his way, relaxed when he saw s.h.i.+roe adjust his gla.s.ses. He turned around and gazed into the central square.

Tetora sat with her knees to her chest nearby. There were just the two of them beside s.h.i.+roe.

He could hear William talking. He couldn't believe that this was the guild master of one of the leading guilds within the server. His voice was trembling slightly but it was full of pride.

s.h.i.+roe heard his speech when he was lying there with his eyes closed.

He could hear plenty of groans and sighs of frustration at their own powerlessness.

s.h.i.+roe let out a long sigh and nod.

As s.h.i.+roe's group gazed at them, the Silver Sword members in the central square picked themselves up slowly with their eyes on their guild master. This speech was not meant for outsiders like s.h.i.+roe to hear. s.h.i.+roe felt awkward about this and was glad that Naotsugu moved him to this corner away from the crowd. But William's speech was necessary for s.h.i.+roe. The man standing there was the 16-year-old version of s.h.i.+roe.

Elder Tales brought too much pain to s.h.i.+roe.

He was given lots of nicknames. He was constantly used like utility tools by others and no one looked him in the eye.

But at the same time, it brought him great gifts.

Chief Nyanta, Nurukan, Aihye. Everybody was great friends. He learned to be easygoing from Kanami. He learned self-restraint from Kazuhiko. He learned about trust from Naotsugu.

s.h.i.+roe watched Silver Sword from afar, thinking to himself that it was a fine guild. Not only was William a fine guild master, but so were the guild members who made it through 'that'. He felt a stinging pain in his chest. What if he were the one there under these circ.u.mstances? He would definitely pull himself up, but whether he would be able to inspire his comrades was another question.

What would he say to Minori and Tohya when he was disheartened? What could he do for Isuzu and Rudy? He couldn't see himself being able to do anything.

He thought briefly about Akatsuki, but all he could see in his mind was the angry face of the pet.i.te a.s.sa.s.sin.

s.h.i.+roe was amused and laughed.

'Protecting my lord is my duty, so mind your own business,' she would probably say something like that.

Humans were complicated. s.h.i.+roe knew that Akatsuki was worried about him. She always looked like she was shunning away from others, but s.h.i.+roe noticed that she was more worried about him than anyone else. s.h.i.+roe knew that Akatsuki was fighting her own battles out there too.

This was not the time to wallow in self-pity.

"You want them to win. Right, Mr. s.h.i.+roe?"

Tetora, who was hugging her knees, swayed her body and muttered.

s.h.i.+roe could only see her back from his view. But he still replied with a determined 'yeah'. He was relieved. s.h.i.+roe wanted to win. He wanted to make it through this challenge with this raiding group, Silver Sword. Tetora's straightforward words helped s.h.i.+roe materialize the will in his heart.

"You have a way with words."

"I am a top-cla.s.s idol after all."

Naotsugu and Tetora made a short exchange as they looked at William, who was gazing into the distance.

Even though they didn't say much, their wills overlapped. They were not sure what victory entailed, but they definitely wouldn't let Silver Sword rust away.

They had already decided. The problem now was how to execute it.

"So, what should we do? Any ideas, strategist?"

Naotsugu tone remained bright and positive. Although he phrased it as a question, he just needed confirmation. s.h.i.+roe's best friend had no doubt that there was a way to win this. He was confident that s.h.i.+roe would definitely think of something. s.h.i.+roe adjusted his gla.s.ses and replied.

"I have something I need to tell Naotsugu. And Tetora. And William. And everybody. Why we are fighting this raid. What lies in the deepest end? Why do I need money? I need to explain myself. I ignored the good will of everyone, hoping to complete the objective by myself. If you are willing to forgive me... I have a plan that just might work. But just barely. The chance of success is about 15%."

"Just the way I like it."

"Perfect."

"I also have things I need to tell Mr. Kinjo, and the things regarding this land. This time, I am going to look him in the eye and say it."