Sasami-san @ Ganbaranai Vol 1 Chapter 9

VOLUME 1

Chapter 9: Job Hunting

“So let us use a few of your computers.”

“…………”

I didn’t know whether they were aware or not that I was spying on my brother all this time… but in either case, Tsurugi unceremoniously threw my doors open and came into my room without any prior warning, with a huge smile on her face.

I had been told to expect company, so I changed out of my pajamas and cleaned up my room a bit… but they had gotten here way faster than I had expected…

I dwelled on that for a moment, but decided to go with the tactful, polite approach. “Good afternoon, sensei. Umm, could I please ask what you came here for today?”

“Wow, this room is really huge!”

“Last time we were here, the room was completely covered in chocolate, and even after it returned to normal we were kicked out before we could take a good look… but I see, this room certainly has quite a bit of s.p.a.ce for a private room.”

Both Tama with her red backpack and Kagami with her uniform and school bag rudely came stepping into my room.

They sure seemed like they were pretty excited as they looked all around the place.

“You have so many stuffed animalllls~~”

“Hm… this is… quite…”

Kagami hugged the only friends I had in the world (stuffed animals) to her so tight that I thought she might crush them and jumped onto my bed, pulling the futon covers over here. Don’t sleep, dammit.

These people sure just did what they wanted…

Tsurugi grimaced at the sight of her sisters and then asked me in a low voice.

“Well, we won’t dwell on how you’ve been absent from school so much… so in return, help us out.”

“You’re blackmailing me, even though you’re a teacher…?”

“It’s a negotiation, Tsukuyomi Sasami. It’s also not inconvenient for you and your brother to make allies of us. I just want us all to get along.”

Well, whatever.

They didn’t seem to have any bad intentions for now… and at any rate, it’s not like I could force them out with my own power.

So maybe it would be better here for me to just make nice with them and use that to my advantage later.

“Well, fine then. But it’d be a bother if you stayed here forever, so let’s finish this quick, alright?”

“Got it.”

Tsurugi gave me a carefree laugh.

“We’re not here to enjoy this ‘Yamata no Orochi SNS,’ but to investigate it and resolve any evil ‘irregularities’ we find within. If there’s something suspicious in this game we’ll find it quick enough, and if the ‘enemy’ isn’t a complete idiot, he’ll come at us the minute he realizes we’re there… so it shouldn’t take that much time.”

“Enemy, you say… do you already know what kind of suspicious activity in ‘Yamata no Orochi SNS’ (?) you’re looking for? Also are you sure there’s some ‘irregularity’ (?) going on here?”

“We’ll be finding that out shortly.”

Also, from her tone, it sure sounded like Tsurugi was aware that I was spying on them… I guess playing dumb was a bit…

“Alright, just wait a second.”

Just as Tsurugi asked, I got a few laptops I didn’t really care about and set them on the floor. I plugged them in and turned them on. I also placed a few cus.h.i.+ons on the floor, and like that the preparations were complete.

I returned to the middle of the room.

From this position, I could see the screens on all the laptops.

I’ll have to watch them from here to make sure they don’t try anything suspicious…

“Alright, my sisters. Come over. Tama, stop touching things that aren’t yours. Kagami, stop sleeping. Even I’m behaving myself here, so don’t embarra.s.s your sister!”

While she said that, Tsurugi went over to the red futon cover and knocked her little sisters on their heads.

Not being able to do whatever they wanted anymore, Tama and Kagami reluctantly moved over and sat in front of the computers.

I had already set up the computers so that all they had to do was push the power b.u.t.ton.

However…

“It’s fine and all that you all have laptops now, but this house only has one Internet line… Yamata no Orochi SNS is a mix between an online game and a social networking service, right? We’ll have to set up a line for each person…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll use an alteration and do something about that.”

Tsurugi said that like it was nothing, and I was shocked.

“If you’re going to tamper with things and make things convenient for yourself like that, you could have just found your own laptops while you were at it…”

“We’re not all-powerful, you know… and using an alteration is also pretty tiring. I also don’t know what’s going to happen, so I try to use them as little as possible.”

Tsurugi gave a huge stretch and yawned like a cat.

“Also, if Yamata no Orochi SNS is an irregularity, it’s one on a huge scale that’s sucked in a lot of people, so that’s something that’s bothering me a little. This may not be an ‘evil G.o.d’ who can exercise influence even without the help of humans or ‘foreign enemies‘ with no business being in this land. Rather, our opponent might be a ‘human calamity.’”

She also seemed to have no intention of hiding the fact that she wasn’t human.

“And if we’re dealing with a ‘human calamity,’ then it’s possible than even we would get our feet swept from under us… they’re a bit of a special breed… so having Tsukuyomi here with the power of the Supreme G.o.d would be a great help, and actually, you might be the most fit to deal with this out of any of us… Sasami.”

“Me?”

But I was just a hikikomori without any real talents…

While I was stood there in confusion, my brother (who hadn’t shown himself yet) came in carrying a tray filled with snacks and plastic bottles in both hands.

It seemed that he had made all the necessary arrangements to entertain our guests.

“Oh, nice work. Set those down over there.”

Tsurugi ordered my brother around with more arrogance than if she were the head of the house.

Maybe my brother was happy at getting ordered around by this midget teacher, but he was almost trembling as he obeyed Tsurugi’s commands.

My brother was sure acting as servile as usual…

Astounded by what was happening, I leaned back deeply into my computer chair.

Well then, what should I do here…?

“Howawawa…”

Tama seemed troubled as she sat in front of the computer and some weird noises came out o fher mouth.

“What should Tama do? What should Tama do?”

“Funyaa. For now, you can just do what me and oneesan are doing.”

The computer beginner Tama sat in the middle of her two sisters; Tsurugi was on her right and Kagami was on her left.

Also, my brother was sitting on Tsurugi’s right.

The four of them sat in a line on the floor and turned on their computers on almost the same time.

The whirl of their machines filed the air, and I could feel the characteristic crackle of electricity in the air.

“Huh?”

Tama was looking with excitement at her computer screen as the display filled with color, but then she looked at me as I sat off by myself and c.o.c.ked her head to the side.

“Sasami-oneechan isn’t going to play Yamata no Orochi SNS?”

“I’ll pa.s.s…”

I acted like I wasn’t interested, turned on my own computer, and browsed pointlessly through a random mail order site.

“It’s annoying… and I’ve never even written a blog entry, let alone owned a blog. I’ve also never used a forum, so I have no idea why people find these SNS things so fun.”

“Are you even a hikikomori online…?”

Tsurugi mumbled in amazement and sighed.

“Well, it would be pointless to force you… and I’m grateful just to be able to use our computers. Tsukuyomi, you’ll help us, right?”

“Hmm… well, if the students are so obsessed with this Yamata no Orochi SNS that they’re not even coming to school, that certainly is a problem, so I suppose I should at least take a look…”

My brother sounded like he had just remembered that he was a teacher.

Still keeping an eye on those four, I looked back at my own computer screen.

From where those four were sitting, the probably couldn’t see what I was doing.

I put on my headphones and clicked an icon on my desktop.

–

And Yamata no Orochi SNS booted up.

–

I couldn’t say it…

I couldn’t tell them that I was already completely obsessed with Yamata no Orochi SNS and had already used my hikikomori status to my advantage to log thousands of hours on that game…

On the screen was displayed my almost foreign-looking character name, “Sasamisan.” (1) She was completely decked out in rare items and was being gazed at with looks of respect from all the other Yamata no Orochi SNS players.

I would have never expected that the Yagami Sisters would set their eyes on Yamata no Orochi SNS…

“……”

I gloomily began to move around my character on screen.

If the Yagami Sisters judged Yamata no Orochi SNS to be an irregularity and decided to destroy it… I would have to do everything in my power to stop them.

At the very least, I had to make sure that they didn’t erase the very existence of Yamata no Orochi SNS… after all, I just didn’t even want to think of the possibility that the character I had spent so much time working on, all these items I had gathered, and the story that had been unveiled so far would all go to waste…

Depending on what happened, there was a chance that the Yagami Sisters and I would find ourselves on the opposite sides of the battlefield.

While everyone registered their characters for Yamata no Orochi SNS and downloaded all the necessary files, Kagami read the “School Entrance Guide” for Yamata no Orochi SNS that she had printed out using my printer a bit ago.

Yamata no Orochi SNS was a mix of a sword and magic fantasy game and a school life game, so it came with a “School Entrance Guide,” not a guidebook.

Well, sadly, this was an online game, so once you got past a certain level of depth, you would either need to go buy the huge, thick guidebook that was available or would need to spend hours and hours on end researching information online.

I could also offer advice, but for now I just decided to watch.

After all, the minute these three got involved, I was pretty sure that things wouldn’t proceed normally…

“Yamata no Orochi SNS appears to be an SNS that has quite a history, and has existed since the days when the World Wide Web was integrated into society and when everyone became used to working in an online environment.”

Kagami was referencing the “School Entrance Guide.”

“It seems the game was made carefully by a small company, and was not very popular… it’s a cross between a online game and an SNS, but people have complained that neither half is very good, and it wasn’t too well received because of that.”

“So it’s like an eroge with a lot of gameplay.”

Tsurugi nodded, seeming convinced.

“It’s like when the gameplay part of an eroge is too hard, and you can’t beat it and get to the H-scenes, and then the game itself isn’t even that fun! Even though I bought the game to watch the H-scenes! But just reading text on and on and on gets boring too…”

“Please stop turning every conversation into a conversation about eroge.”

Kagami spat that out and looked at her sister like she was looking at something filthy.

“At any rate, this Yamata no Orochi SNS also began to realize its potential as the Internet and technology improved, the number of users increased, and lately it’s just exploded in popularity. But it seems a bit unnatural… in such a cruel consumer society like this one, it’s hard to believe that there would be people who would be so patient as to wait for this game to grow. So how has the company that produced this game managed to keep from going bankrupt for all this time?”

“You’re saying that maybe some peculiar alteration has kept it from going bankrupt?”

Tsurugi mumbled with a serious look on her face.

“Or they didn’t care about profit. They might not have been in it for the money. Even if n.o.body saw what they were doing, even if they didn’t earn a single penny… there were still a lot of people keeping the homepage up and writing the blog. Humans are creatures that want themselves to be known, and will spin tales even if those tales do not lead to profits.”

The midget teacher smiled but for some reason looked a bit jealous.

“They say that anyone and everyone can write at least one book. Everyone wants the story of their own life to be seen by others. They want to be immortalized. And to not disappear like steam vanis.h.i.+ng into the air. I understand how they feel. Even the G.o.ds live on in their own legends. And great men live on in history books. But even normal people can live on through stories.”

On the Internet, countless homepages and blogs and other things exist here and there in their own little world and form their own little private gardens.

Even if n.o.body asked for it… even if n.o.body was profiting from it…

Humans were creatures who wanted to create stories and leave those stories behind.

“The countless words spun into stories, the countless photos that seem to cut away a piece from reality, the many drawings and musical pieces that spring from people’s imaginations… there is a vast quant.i.ty of stories swirling around the Internet. But in most cases… those stories are left unseen and just collect like sand on the beach.”

Tsurugi looked off into the distance.

“Where do these forgotten stories end up? Even if there’s no point, even if there’s no profit, why do humans continue to create stories? What could be their goal in just crafting these ‘human legends’ with themselves at the center and letting them pile up?”

I had no idea what Tsurugi was talking about, but after she was done with her monologue, she put on a complicated look.

“But no matter what, the present state of this world was built out of the Schrodinger’s box of human fantasy, so divine existences who acc.u.mulate human desire grow stronger. No matter how small and weak the G.o.d was to begin with, if they gather enough followers, their sphere of influence widens, and their ability to impact the world grows. And there are three-hundred-thousand people using Yamata no Orochi SNS… so that could become a bit of a problem.”

“I’m not too sure what you’re talking about, but…”

Kagami mumbled, sounding concerned.

“Umm… if a G.o.d allies himself with a lot of humans, he can take their life energy and power up… is that what you’re saying? So the G.o.d who is in control of Yamata no Orochi SNS is becoming absurdly strong because of that…?”

“Well, you could say it like that. I guess it’s a bit similar to the image of a demon sucking out the life force of its victims. But even if you don’t understand it completely, we can still deal with these phenomena that are cropping up. And also, no matter how strong he got… he’s still no match for us three sisters.”

Tsurugi didn’t seem worried at all as she muttered, and she gripped the game controller for the computer.

You could play Yamata no Orochi SNS with only a keyboard and mouse, but Tsurugi insisted that it would be hard to play without a controller, so I lent her one.

“Well, let’s just try to enjoy ourselves then. This guy was stupid enough to lay a hand on the students, so let’s make him regret it… so this is like an RPG, right? We make a character, have an adventure, and we level up…”

“Funyaa. You could do those things, but that’s not the point. It’s still an SNS at the heart of it. There’s a story, and many events happen following that story, and the primary goal is to communicate with other people in the game in accordance to those events.”

Kagami vaguely looked at the “School Entrance Guide” and explained.

“It’s possible to focus on the game side of things if you want to, but you’re left relatively free to do what you want, whether you want to play minigames, make a community, or even just make a blog. So you could call it an ‘SNS with a heavy game element.’”

Kagami spoke irritatingly slowly, slmost as if she was a slow reader (even though she gave off the impression that she was always reading), or as if she had trouble understanding things after thinking about them.

“We’ll make a character, and first we will enroll into one of the many schools in Yamata no Orohi SNS. And then we’ll control htat character for three years and live out our school life.”

“For three years?”

Kagami showed no visible reaction at Tsurugi’s question.

“It’s not real time, but the time system in the game. If we were to put it in terms of real time… well, one year of game time translates roughly to one month of real time. Once you go through three years of game time, your character ‘graduates’ and you make and enroll a new character who inherits all the items and money of the old character… and this pattern repeats itself endlessly.”

“Do you get anything special for ‘graduating’?”

“Yes. New game functions are unlocked. New ways to customize your character’s appearance and species become available, and you also unlock new events. You also inherit your blogs and communities, as well as the ‘companions’ that are similar to what are called ‘friends’ in other SNS programs. The more you play, the more items and money you acc.u.mulate, and you will eventually be able to play to your heart’s content, however you wish. The graduation mechanism also keeps the game from growing too stale.”

Exactly.

I had already graduated dozens of characters.

The graduated characters become NPCs, and there were cases where they became shopkeepers or teachers in the game. Sometimes I would come across one of those characters accidentally and that was always a happy experience… and sometimes something happens and those characters turn into monsters and attack, but that was also interesting in its own way.

“Also, the characters who earn superb grades in those three years don’t graduate, but are rather sent to a special stage called “Valhalla,” where they engage in a grand and endless survivor game. You can find high-experience monsters there and other players who were sent to Valhalla, and you can battle on as long as you want. Well, this part of the game is more aimed towards players who love games and want a high-leveled adventure…”

“But I don’t think we’ll be getting into it that deep.”

Tsurugi’s eyes sparkled, almost as if she was pretty excited.

“Oh, looks like the download finished. So we can start now, right?”

“It seems so. Has everyone’s download finished?”

Tama and my brother both nodded. Those two really didn’t seem like they were very good at games…

Anyhow, the four sitting in front of me simultaneously clicked the Yamata no Orochi SNS icon… an icon that was shaped like an eight-headed dragon, just as the name would suggest.

A beautiful opening movie played.

The movie showed one planet.

It was a blue, beautiful planet, surrounded by five moons.

The seas were dotted with reds and purples, and scattered amongst those seas were a number of continents and islands.

It was a fantasy world, filled with dragons whoos.h.i.+ng through the air and giants striding across the land.

And as the image on the screen seemed to fly around this world, captions suddenly began to appear across the screen.

–

Once upon a time, the G.o.ds were frustrated.

The G.o.ds had played with the world however they wished.

But in the end, their actions had thrown the world into a horrifying state of chaos.

”Let’s do it over.”

”This was a failure.”

And so, the G.o.ds that had come to that conclusion came together.

First, to restore peace to the world, they became the Yamata no Orochi, the destroyer of everything.

And that monster, each of its eight heads a symbol of destruction, began to mercilessly rampage through the world.

But there was one thing the G.o.ds had not predicted.

The countless beings living in this failed world.

They discovered the G.o.ds intentions and began a fierce resistance.

”We are not failures,” they declared.

With courage and conviction, the world’s inhabitants unified into one.

And in the end, after waging a violent war against the demon G.o.d of destruction, Yamata no Orochi, they sealed the monster and brought a brief period of peace back to the land.

But Yamata no Orochi was by no means destroyed.

So in preparation for the next time that demon G.o.d would revive and bring the world to the brink of ruin…

Places of learning were erected in various places, and young people with bright futures gathered there.

They were tasked with protecting the world… and were called “Guardians.”

At the same time, those who had lived sinful lives full of hedonism and indulgence during the chaotic age…

They reformed themselves and swore to live honest, upright lives.

So that the G.o.ds would never again judge the world to be a “failure.”

And so, br.i.m.m.i.n.g with hopes and dreams for the future, you will enroll.

Enroll into one of these schools erected for self-discipline and the protection of the world.

If you would like, spend your days having fun and seeking pleasure.

But do not forget.

Because of that shameful laziness and crude way of life.

We have already once been abandoned by the G.o.ds.

In order to protect the world, or rather, in order to gain the trust of the G.o.ds…

Young ones, share in the fruits of youth, but also cultivate yourselves through diligence.

–

In the end, the screen zoomed in on the center of a huge continent, and you could see a strange city filled with brick buildings and a large mechanical-looking towers with gears everywhere.

The screen zoomed in on the most conspicuous building in town; a white-walled palace with a grand World Tree sprouting from its ceiling. The huge doors to that palace opened.

The gate guard stepped out of the way, and the camera proceeded along a red carpet into a lobby filled with light.

A small, artistically-designed room appeared at the end of that lobby, and a bespectacled elf smiled into the camera from the other side of a table filled with scrolls and parchment.

Makina: New students, welcome to the Academy Management Building.

“Ohh, it talked.”

Tsurugi seemed surprised when a nasally voice belonging to a famous seiyuu (2) came from the screen in synch with the text that appeared.

This Makina-san acted as a guide for the new students and also showed up in quite a few events. She was a really popular character (although, because she worse loose clothing, there was a pointless argument in the fandom now and in doujins.h.i.+ (3) about whether she had small b.r.e.a.s.t.s or was hiding big ones).

Makina explained what Kagami had been saying a minute ago in simple terms, and then pa.s.sed over a single doc.u.ment.

Makina: First, please choose the academy you would like to enroll in.

The doc.u.ment suddenly jumped up and filled the entire screen.

Makina: This seems to be the first time you’re playing Yamata no Orochi SNS, so please choose from the three academies aimed towards beginners. If you like games, I recommend choosing Olympus Academy. For those who want to make friends, I recommend Jerusalem Academy. And for those greedy ones who want to enjoy both, my suggestion is to enroll in Takamagahara Academy.

“Greek mythology, Christianity, and j.a.panese mythology, huh…?”

Tsurugi mumbled to herself.

“We want to work together, so let’s pick the same school. Is everyone okay with Takamagahara Academy? It seems like a safe choice and I’m pretty okay with j.a.panese mythology too.”

“I don’t mind.”

My brother just went with the flow and picked the Takamagahara Academy option that was displayed on the screen.

Everyone else did the same.

Makina nodded, seeming fully satisfied, and pa.s.sed over the next doc.u.ment.

Makina: Understood. Well then… next, won’t you tell me a bit more about yourself? Please fill in the requested information here.

The screen changed completely.

On a parchment-colored background, a number of items were displayed.

Most of the items still showed blank s.p.a.ce.

Tsurugi nodded, seeming to know what was going on.

“We have to make our characters. You use this menu to make the character that you will control when playing Yamata no Orochi SNS. This type of system exists in normal games too… hmm… you put in your name and s.e.x, your species and occupation…”

“Funyaa.”

Kagami showed no fear and proceeded to click here and there.

“You have a lot of freedom to choose your appearance for a game that takes place in a school… you can have a beard, you can be bald… and even though you’re a student you have to pick an ‘occupation’…”

“Well, try not to be bothered by the small details. Let’s see… looks like there are only three species you can pick from. Human, elf, and demon…”

“If you ‘graduate,’ there will be other options depending on how well you do in school, it seems. Elves are weaker than humans but are smarter and specialize in magic. Demons have the same abilities as humans, but they have some kind of back-story of infiltrating and trying to take over the school to help the demon king’s plans of world domination. They seem to have a lot more special events.”

“Hmm.”

Tsurugi sprawled herself down sloppily onto the floor.

“Let’s not make the characters look too confusing, so let’s base them off how we look in real life. Oh, it looks like you can take a photo of yourself and the game will automatically make a character that looks like you… hey Sasami, camera please.”

“Yeah yeah.”

I was called, so I prepared a camera that could connect to the computers.

Everyone’s photos were taken, and those photos were sent over to everyone’s computers.

And everyone’s characters were made using those photos as references.

After a bit, the gorgeous graphics of the game created characters that looked just like the real life people and those characters were displayed on screen (although, all the characters were wearing similar Middle-Ages European-style clothing).

“Ohh, amazing. It’s like I’m inside the screen.”

Tsurugi looked happy.

“Although to be honest, I really would have liked it better if they made me into a beautiful, s.e.xy woman!”

“Seeing neesan like that would be depressing, so please stop.”

“Tama thinks smaller is better too.”

Tama let out a lonely-sounding mumble as she listened to her sisters’ conversation.

“Umm, you know, Tama, you know, she’s big. Tama always has to sit in the back, and even if she eats the same as everyone else she gets hungry again so fast. Tama wishes she was just as short as everyone else.”

“What a first world problem…”

Tsurugi grumbled and began to type away at the keyboard.

“Let’s make the names the same as our real names too. It’ll be easier to tell everyone apart that way. So I’m Tsu. Ru. Gi. Alright.”

“Then I’ll be ‘Kamiomi.’”

“I’ve always thought this, but your name is really hard to p.r.o.nounce… Tsukuyomi Kamiomi… there are way too many ‘mi’s in there! I almost bite my tongue every time I say your name!”

“Even if you say that… Kagami-san’s name is also pretty difficult, isn’t it? Yagami Kagami… it sounds almost like a tongue twister.”

“That’s none of your concern.”

“Hmph! That’s not fair! Tama also wants to have a hard name like everyone else!”

Tama seemed jealous for some inexplicable reason.

In the midst of all this random chatting, Tsurugi quickly finished making her character.

“Alright, done!”

“That was quick!”

Kagami seemed surprised and looked at her sister’s screen.

“What kind of character did you make?”

Tsurugi’s character had the following stats:

Name: Tsurugi // Species: Human // Gender: Female // Age: 16

“…… Sixteen?”

“I couldn’t write in any other age except for 16!”

Yamata no Orochi SNS was set in a high school, so it seemed that when everyone enrolled their age was sixteen.

There were also fields for “hometown,” “future goals,” “hobbies,” and “special skills,” but those weren’t really important so whatever.

The probably was more the thousands of “occupations” you could choose from.

What you chose there would determine what you could do in the game and also would put limitations on what equipment and things like that you could equip. There were also secret occupations and upper-cla.s.s occupations you could change to after you gained enough experience… even I didn’t know what all the occupations were.

“I’m the kind of person who wants to just get through this stuff quickly, so I went with a warrior-type occupation. Here, look, I’m a ‘Greatswordsman.’ Don’t I look strong?”

“A lot of power in a small body, as they say?”

Kagami seemed impressed, as Makina smiled and took Tsurugi’s doc.u.ment from her.

Makina: Great, everything seems in order… oh?

Makina frowned and looked closely at the doc.u.ment

Makina: Tsurugi-san, this just won’t do. You shouldn’t lie on your paperwork!

“Eh?! Problem in the paperwork?! c.r.a.p, maybe I really shouldn’t have put sixteen in the age column?! But what’s so wrong with lying about your age on an online game, and taking back your youth…?!”

“No, wait. This is…”

As Tsurugi was completely confused, Kagami c.o.c.ked her head to the side while looking at the “School Entrance Guide.”

Makina: Your real occupation is this one, isn’t it?

As she spoke, Makina put a red X through the doc.u.ment and overwrote Tsurugi’s occupation.

The “Greatswordsman” that was in the occupation column cleanly vanished, and in its place…

“How lucky, neesan. If you get that message when you’re enrolling, it means you received one of the very rare occupations. These occupations work at least three times as well as the normal occupations. This is a good sign.”

“Eh, no way. There’s stuff like that too?”

Tsurugi suddenly cheered straight up and turned her gaze towards the screen.

“What kind of occupation is it, I wonder…?”

Tsurugi’s eyes were filled with excitement, but she suddenly stiffened.

–

Makina: Tsurugi-san’s occupation is not “Greatswordsman,” but “Banchou,” isn’t it? (4)

–

“Banchou?! What the h.e.l.l?! I’m a teacher in real life! Also, how is banchou even an occupation?!”

Makina: Well then, I’ll give you the beginning equipment for banchou.

Makina completely ignored the raging Tsurugi and opened a treasure chest with a kind smile on her face.

In Yamata no Orochi SNS, when you started, you were provided with 200 gold and beginning equipment suitable for your occupation.

“What kind of equipment do I get…?”

Tsurugi checked the items she was handed and read them aloud.

“Well the game’s just beginning, so most of my equipment slots are ‘empty,’ but… oh, I have a wooden sword in my right hand… wooden sword?! And I’m wearing a biker’s jacket?! And I have ‘cigarettes x 3’ for starting items… what the h.e.l.l?! It’s still before the opening ceremony, so isn’t this way too intense?! Wasn’t this supposed to be a school fantasy filled with swords and magic?!”

Makina: Well then, please have a great time at school~~!

“No no no, when you see a student who looks like that, you shouldn’t just send them off with a smile! This girl definitely isn’t planning on having a great time at school! No, she’s just going to rampage around and turn everything into some scene right out of a school gang manga!”

“My sincere condolences, neesan.”

Kagami laughed mockingly at her sister’s tragic situation and finished her own character.

“I’m done too.”

“Ugh… I hope Kagami’s character also turned out weird…”

Tsurugi was close to tears as she peeked at her little sister’s screen.

Name: Kagami // Species: Elf // Gender: Female // Age: 16

“Ah, you chose to be an elf.”

“Yes. Even if we move around as a group, I thought that we would need a healer… so I tried to pick an occupation along those lines. But if healing will be my main ability, then elves with their higher intelligence and magical abilities seem more suitable than humans with their higher physical strength.”

“Ah, I see. So what occupation did you pick? Maybe a priest or a doctor?”

“I picked this one.”

Br.i.m.m.i.n.g with confidence, Kagami pointed at the screen.

Occupation: Veterinarian

“Veterinarian?!”

“My dream is to sleep peacefully forever while surrounded by lots and lots of animals with fluffy fur. How lovely it would be to be a veterinarian…”

“If there really is a vet who would just sleep with her patients without treating them I would give her a black eye… but you wanted to be a healer, right? Vets… can they even heal humans?”

“Ah.”

Kagami had already handed her doc.u.ment to Makina, and at that point there was no taking it back anymore. But at Tsurugi’s statement, she seemed to realize something and her eyes widened.

And then she quickly closed her eyes, fell to her side, and started sleeping.

“You fall asleep whenever things aren’t going your way, don’t you…?”

The occupation that Kagami had chosen could no longer be changed at this point. Kagami was sleeping, so Tsurugi checked her little sister’s starting equipment instead.

Right Hand: Syringe.

“That’s scary!”

Tsurugi seemed quite terrified, and her little sister mumbled something as she got back up from her nap.

“Ah, and I also have ‘anesthetics x 3.’ It seems that I can load the syringe with various medicines and inject people. Hm, if we can melt the cigarettes that neesan has into liquid, nicotine is a deadly poison, so I could probably instantly kill our enemies with that.”

“Like I said, that’s really scary!”

“Tama’s also doooone~~!!”

As her two older sisters talked about things that did not sound quite appropriate for a fantasy game, Tama threw both her arms into the air.

Name: Tama // Species: Demon // Gender: Female // Age: 16

“… Why did you pick ‘demon’?”

“Huh? But but, Tsurugi-nee said we should pick something that’s closest to our real self-“

“Well, if you had to choose from ‘human,’ ‘elf,’ and ‘demon,’ I guess in the end, we’d be closest to ‘demon.’”

Kagami nodded, seeming convinced.

“What occupation did you pick?”

“Ummm, well… Tama picked… ehehe.”

Tama pointed at the screen happily.

Occupation: Pâtissier

“Pâtissier?!”

Tsurugi yelled, and Kagami uneasily asked a question.

“… what’s that again? I vaguely know, but… what kind of job is that?”

“I don’t really know either but… umm… something like a sweets maker?”

“Umm, well, umm, Tama was thinking, if she becomes a person who makes sweets, then maybe she can then eat lots of chocolates and sweet things every day. So Tama picked pâtissier… ehehe.”

That girl sure was loyal to her own desires…

Tsurugi let out an exasperated sigh.

“This is supposed to be a school fantasy with swords and magic… but all the occupations are pretty realistic, aren’t they? Well, leaving my banchou aside, we have a vet and a pâtissier… we sound like a group who would earn a lot of money, but what a group like that would ever do together is way too unclear.”

“Ah, Tama got her equipment!”

Tama checked the items she had received from Makina.

Right Hand: Kitchen Knive

“That’s also so d.a.m.n scary!”

“But but, Tama can’t cook without a knife…”

“That’s true! That’s true, but…!!”

As the three sisters were having their friendly chat, my brother sat in silence.

He didn’t speak a word and a gloomy atmosphere surrounded him.

“Sensei?”

Kagami noticed him and approached him from behind.

“It seems there’s a time limit for this, so you should choose quickly…”

Exactly. There was a countdown timer on the screen, and at this point only ten seconds were left on the clock.

But unfortunately, my brother was too indecisive.

Name: Kamiomi // Species: Human // Gender: Male // Age: 16

He seemed to have at least figured it out up until there, but it looked like my brother couldn’t decide on an occupation.

Well, my brother had come this far in life by just doing what other people told him to do, so it was almost impossible for him to choose an occupation that he wanted…

My brother nodded and seemed to be completely puzzled.

“What should I do…? What in the world you should I do…? E-Everyone, what kind of person should I become? What kind of occupation should I pick…?”

“Can’t you just pick one you like?”

Tsurugi looked like she was at a loss.

But in the time it took all that to happen, the countdown timer hit zero and the screen completely changed.

Makina: …………

Makina collected the doc.u.ment and inspected it closely.

And then she took off her gla.s.ses while heaving a sigh, and threw a scornful look out the screen.

Makina: It seems that you really couldn’t pick an occupation in the time limit… it’s just a game, and you still can’t choose? Even in real life, you must be some parasite piece of trash who can’t decide anything for yourself and just mooches off your parents…

“The person who was treating me so nicely is now hurling insults at me?!”

My brother was being treated badly by even the game characters.

Makina: Well, fine, I guess I’ll just have to pick your occupation for you then… hmph, I guess something like this would be best for a good-for-nothing like you!

Makina put on a completely different expression and shouted, after which she scribbled something on my brother’s doc.u.ment.

Occupation: Loser

Makina: Well, go have fun in school, you loooooser~~… kyahahaha!! You’re probably trying to use this game to make up for your pitiful social life in real life, but don’t think the Internet is that nice of a place, you idiot! I hope you fall into despair and go hang yourself to death!

“Did I really do something to deserve such terrible abuse?!”

“You have a pretty hard life even in games, don’t you…”

Tsurugi heaved a deep, deep sigh as she stared at both my astonished brother and Makina, who was laughing uproariously in the voice of a famous seiyuu.

The future was already way too uncertain…      h.e.l.lo this is a       test

 

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) Sasamisan is written completely in katakana, which gives it a foreign-ey feel.

(2) Voice actress. For various personal and cultural reasons, I have conventionally kept this word untranslated.

(3) Amateur-published manga, often parodying official works.

(4) Banchou is like… a high school gang leader. The head of a group of delinquents. It’s not exactly gang leader though, and I don’t think there’s a very good English equivalent , so I left it as is.