The American Credo Part 19

--337

That an Italian who earns and saves $1,000 in America can take the money home, invest it in an estate, and live like a rich man thereafter.

--338

That all Mormons, despite the laws against it, still practise polygamy, and that they have agents all over the world recruiting cuties for their harems.

--339

That when a man goes to a photographer's to have his picture taken, the knowledge that he is having his picture taken always makes him very self-conscious, thus causing him to a.s.sume an expression which results in the photograph being an inaccurate likeness.

--340

That if the lower line on the palm of one's hand is a long one, it is a sign that one is going to live to a ripe old age.

--341

That Italian counts, before the war, always used to make their expenses when they came to America by acting as wine agents.

--342

That a Russian peasant, in the days of the czar, drank two quarts of vodka a day.

--343

That a German farmer can raise more produce on one acre of land than an American can raise on a hundred.

--344

That a boil on the neck purifies the blood and is worth $1,000.

--345

That whenever a Frenchman comes home unexpectedly, some friend of the family makes a quick sneak out of the back door.

--346

That every negro servant girl spends at least half of her wages on preparations for taking the kink out of her hair.

--347

That the licorice candy sold in cheap candy stores is made of old rubber boots.

--348

That if a boy is given all he wants to drink at home he will not drink when he is away from home.

--349

That the second-cla.s.s pa.s.sengers on a trans-Atlantic steams.h.i.+p always have more fun than the first-cla.s.s pa.s.sengers.

--350

That a drunken man always p.r.o.nounces every "s" as "sh."

--351

That champagne will prevent seasickness.

--352

That thin wrists and slender ankles are unmistakable signs of aristocratic breeding.

--353

That when one asks a girl to go canoeing she always brings along a bright red or yellow sofa cus.h.i.+on.

--354

That when a woman buys cigars for a man she always judges the quality of the cigars by the magnificence of the cigar-bands.

--355

That candle light makes a woman forty-five years old look fifteen years younger.

--356

That the winters in the United States are a good deal less cold than they used to be, and that the change has been caused by the Gulf Stream.