The American Credo Part 24

--437

That all gamblers eventually go broke.

--438

That the worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.

--439

That an elephant in a circus never forgets a person who gives him a chew of tobacco or a rotten peanut, but will single him out from a crowd years afterward and bash in his head with one colossal blow.

--440

That it is unlucky to put your hat on a bed.

--441

That an old sock makes the best wrapping for a sore throat.

--442

That lighting three cigarettes with one match will bring some terrible calamity upon one or other of the three smokers.

--443

That milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent that is possessed only by yokels, and that a person born in a large city can never hope to acquire it.

--444

That whenever there is a rough-house during a strike, it is caused by foreign anarchists who are trying to knock out American idealism.

--445

That, whatever the demerits of Jews otherwise, they are always very kind to their old parents.

--446

That the Swiss army, though small, is so strong that not even the German army in its palmy days could have invaded Switzerland, and that it is strong because all Swiss are patriots to the death.

--447

That when two Frenchmen fight a duel, whether with pistols or with swords, neither of them is ever hurt half so much as he would have been had he fought an honest American wearing boxing-gloves.

--448

That whenever Prohibition is enforced in a region populated by negroes, they take to morphine, heroin and other powerful drugs, and begin murdering all of the white inhabitants.

--449

That all the great writers of the world now use typewriters.

--450

That all Presidents of the United States get many hot tips on the stock-market, but that they are too honourable to play them, and so turn them over to their wives, who make fortunes out of them.

--451

That Elihu Root is an intellectual giant, and that it is a pity the suspicion of him among farmers makes it impossible to elect him President.

--452

That no man not a sissy can ever learn to thread a needle or darn a sock.

--453

That all gla.s.s blowers soon or late die of consumption.

--454

That all women who go in bathing at the French seaside resorts affect very naughty one-piece bathing suits.

--455

That George M. Cohan and Irving Berlin can only play the piano with one finger.

--456

That farmers always go into gold mine swindles because of the magnificently embossed stock certificates.