The History of Sir Charles Grandison Part 46

Their enemies, it seems, carried off their arms; perhaps, in the true spirit of French chivalry, with a view to lay them, as so many trophies, at the feet of the insulted lady.

Mr. Lowther writes, that my brother and he are lodged in the hotel of a man of quality, a dear friend of the late Mr. Danby, and one of the three whom he has remembered in his will; and that Sir Charles is extremely busy in relation to the executors.h.i.+p; and, having not a moment to spare, desired Mr. Lowther to engage his friend, to whom he wrote, to let us know as much; and that he was hastening every thing for his journey onwards.

Mr. Beauchamp's narrative of this affair is, as I told you, very circ.u.mstantial. I thought to have shortened it more than I have done. I wish I have not made my abstract confused, in several material places: but I have not time to clear it up. Adieu, my dear.

CHARLOTTE G----.

LETTER XLI

LADY G----, TO MISS BYRON SUNDAY, MAY 7.

I believe I shall become as arrant a scribbler as somebody else. I begin to like writing. A great compliment to you, I a.s.sure you. I see one may bring one's mind to any thing.--I thought I must have had recourse, when you and my brother left us, and when I was married, to the public amus.e.m.e.nts, to fill up my leisure: and as I have seen every thing worth seeing of those, many times over; (masquerades excepted, and them I despise;) time, you know, in that case, would have pa.s.sed a little heavily, after having shewn myself, and, by seeing who and who were together, laid in a little store of the right sort of conversation for the tea-table. For you know, Harriet, that among us modern fine people, the company, and not the entertainment, is the princ.i.p.al part of the raree-show. Pretty enough! to make the entertainment, and pay for it too, to the honest fellows, who have nothing to do, but to project schemes to get us together.

I don't know what to do with this man. I little thought that I was to be considered as such a doll, such a toy, as he would make me. I want to drive him out of the house without me, were it but to purvey for me news and scandal. What are your fine gentlemen fit for else? You know, that, with all my faults, I have a domestic and managing turn. A man should encourage that in a wife, and not be perpetually teasing her for her company abroad, unless he did it with a view to keep her at home. Our s.e.x don't love to be prescribed to, even in the things from which they are not naturally averse: and for this very reason, perhaps, because it becomes us to submit to prescription. Human nature, Harriet, is a perverse thing. I believe, if my good man wished me to stay at home, I should torture my brain, as other good wives do, for inventions to go abroad.

It was but yesterday, that in order to give him a hint, I pinned my ap.r.o.n to his coat, without considering who was likely to be a sufferer by it; and he, getting up, in his usual nimble way, gave it a rent, and then looked behind him with so much apprehension--Hands folded, eyes goggling, bag in motion from shoulder to shoulder. I was vexed too much to make the use of the trick which I had designed, and huffed him. He made excuses, and looked pitifully; bringing in his soul, to testify that he knew not how it could be. How it could be! Wretch! When you are always squatting upon one's clothes, in defiance of hoop, or distance.

He went out directly, and brought me in two ap.r.o.ns, either of which was worth twenty of that he so carelessly rent. Who could be angry with him?

--I was, indeed, thinking to chide him for this--As if I were not to be trusted to buy my own clothes; but he looked at me with so good-natured an eye, that I relented, and accepted, with a bow of graciousness, his present; only calling him an odd creature--And that he is, you know, my dear.

We live very whimsically, in the main: not above four quarrels, however, and as many more chidings, in a day. What does the man stay at home for then so much, when I am at home?--Married people, by frequent absences, may have a chance for a little happiness. How many debatings, if not direct quarrels, are saved by the good man's and his meek wife's seeing each other but once or twice a week! In what can men and women, who are much together, employ themselves, but in proving and defending, quarrelling and making up? Especially if they both chance to marry for love (which, thank Heaven, is not altogether my case); for then both honest souls, having promised more happiness to each other than they can possibly meet with, have nothing to do but reproach each other, at least tacitly, for their disappointment--A great deal of free-masonry in love, my dear, believe me! The secret, like that, when found out, is hardly worth the knowing.

Well, but what silly rattle is this, Charlotte! methinks you say, and put on one of your wisest looks.

No matter, Harriet! There may be some wisdom in much folly. Every one speaks not out so plainly as I do. But when the novelty of an acquisition or change of condition is over, be the change or the acquisition what it will, the princ.i.p.al pleasure is over, and other novelties are hunted after, to keep the pool of life from stagnating.

This is a serious truth, my dear, and I expect you to praise me for it.

You are very sparing of your praise to poor me; and yet I had rather have your good word, than any woman's in the world: or man's either, I was going to say; but I should then have forgot my brother. As for Lord G----, were I to accustom him to obligingness, I should destroy my own consequence: for then it would be no novelty; and he would be hunting after a new folly.--Very true, Harriet.

Well, but we have had a good serious falling-out; and it still subsists.

It began on Friday night; present, Lord and Lady L----, and Emily. I was very angry with him for bringing it on before them. The man has no discretion, my dear; none at all. And what about? Why, we have not made our appearance at court, forsooth.

A very confident thing, this same appearance, I think! A compliment made to fine clothes and jewels, at the expense of modesty.

Lord G---- pleads decorum--Decorum against modesty, my dear!--But if by decorum is meant fas.h.i.+on, I have in a hundred instances found decorum beat modesty out of the house. And as my brother, who would have been our princ.i.p.al honour on such an occasion, is gone abroad; and as ours is an elderly novelty, as I may say, [Our fineries were not ready, you know, before my brother went,] I was fervent against it.

'I was the only woman of condition, in England, who would be against it.'

I told my lord, that was a reflection on my s.e.x: but Lord and Lady L----, who had been spoken to, I believe, by Lady Gertrude, were both on his side--[I shall have this man utterly ruined for a husband among you]-- When there were three to one, it would have looked cowardly to yield, you know. I was brave. But it being proposed for Sunday, and that being at a little distance, it was not doubted but I would comply. So the night pa.s.sed off, with prayings, hopings, and a little mutteration. [Allow me that word, or find me a better.] The entreaty was renewed in the morning; but, no!--'I was ashamed of him,' he said. I asked him if he really thought so?--'He should think so, if I refused him.' Heaven forbid, my lord, that I, who contend for the liberty of acting, should hinder you from the liberty of thinking! Only one piece of advice, honest friend, said I: don't imagine the worst against yourself: and another, if you have a mind to carry a point with me, don't bring on the cause before any body else: for that would be to doubt either my duty, or your own reasonableness.

As sure as you are alive, Harriet, the man made an exception against being called honest friend; as if, as I told him, either of the words were incompatible with quality. So, once, he was as froppish as a child, on my calling him the man; a higher distinction, I think, than if I had called him a king, or a prince. THE MAN!--Strange creature! To except to a distinction that implies, that he is the man of men!--You see what a captious mortal I have been forced to call my lord. But lord and master do not always go together; though they do too often, for the happiness of many a meek soul of our s.e.x.

Well, this debate seemed suspended, by my telling him, that if I were presented at court, I would not have either the Earl or Lady Gertrude go with us, the very people who were most desirous to be there--But I might not think of that, at the time, you know--I would not be thought very perverse; only a little whimsical, or so. And I wanted not an excellent reason for excluding them--'Are their consents to our past affair doubted, my lord, said I, that you think it necessary for them to appear to justify us?'

He could say nothing to this, you know. And I should never forgive the husband, as I told him, on another occasion, who would pretend to argue, when he had nothing to say.

Then (for the baby will be always craving something) he wanted me to go abroad with him--I forget whither--But to some place that he supposed (poor man!) I should like to visit. I told him, I dared to say, he wished to be thought a modern husband, and a fas.h.i.+onable man; and he would get a bad name, if he could never stir out without his wife.

Neither could he answer that, you know.

Well, we went on, mutter, mutter, grumble, grumble, the thunder rolling at a distance; a little impatience now and then, however, portending, that it would come nearer. But, as yet, it was only, Pray, my dear, oblige me; and, Pray, my lord, excuse me; till this morning, when he had the a.s.surance to be pretty peremptory; hinting, that the lord in waiting had been spoken to. A fine time of it would a wife have, if she were not at liberty to dress herself as she pleases. Were I to choose again, I do a.s.sure you, my dear, it should not be a man, who by his taste for moths and b.u.t.terflies, sh.e.l.ls, china, and such-like trifles, would give me warning, that he would presume to dress his baby, and when he had done, would perhaps admire his own fancy more than her person. I believe, my Harriet, I shall make you afraid of matrimony: but I will pursue my subject, for all that--

When the insolent saw that I did not dress, as he would have had me; he drew out his face, glouting, to half the length of my arm; but was silent. Soon after Lady L---- sending to know whether her lord and she were to attend us to the drawing-room, and I returning for answer, that I should be glad of their company at dinner; he was in violent wrath.

True, as you are alive! and dressing himself in a great hurry, left the house, without saying, By your leave, With your leave, or whether he would return to dinner, or not. Very pretty doings, Harriet!

Lord and Lady L---- came to dinner, however. I thought they were very kind, and, till they opened their lips, was going to thank them: for then, it was all elder sister, and insolent brother-in-law, I do a.s.sure you. Upon my word, Harriet, they took upon them. Lady L---- told me, I might be the happiest creature in the world, if--and there was so good as to stop.

One of the happiest only, Lady L----! Who can be happier than you?

But I, said she, should neither be so, nor deserve to be so, if--Good of her again, to stop at if.

We cannot be all of one mind, replied I. I shall be wiser, in time.

Where was poor Lord G---- gone?

Poor Lord G---- is gone to seek his fortune, I believe.

What did I mean?

I told them the airs he had given himself; and that he was gone without leave, or notice of return.

He had served me right, ab-solutely right, Lord L---- said.

I believed so myself. Lord G---- was a very good sort of man, and ought not to bear with me so much as he had done: but it would be kind in them, not to tell him what I had owned.

The earl lifted up one hand; the countess both. They had not come to dine with me, they said, after the answer I had returned, but as they were afraid something was wrong between us.

Mediators are not to be of one side only, I said: and as they had been so kindly free in blaming me, I hoped they would be as free with him, when they saw him.

And then it was, For G.o.d's sake, Charlotte; and, Let me entreat you, Lady G----. And let me, too, beseech you, madam, said Emily, with tears stealing down her cheeks.

You are both very good: you are a sweet girl, Emily. I have a too-playful heart. It will give me some pain, and some pleasure; but if I had not more pleasure than pain from my play, I should not be so silly.

My lord not coming in, and the dinner being ready, I ordered it to be served.--Won't you wait a little longer for Lord G----? No. I hope he is safe, and well. He is his own master, as well as mine; (I sighed, I believe!) and, no doubt, has a paramount pleasure in pursuing his own choice.

They raved. I begged that they would let us eat our dinner with comfort.

My lord, I hoped, would come in with a keen appet.i.te, and Nelthorpe should get a supper for him that he liked.

When we had dined, and retired into the adjoining drawing-room, I had another schooling-bout: Emily was even saucy. But I took it all: yet, in my heart, was vexed at Lord G----'s perverseness.

At last, in came the honest man. He does not read this, and so cannot take exceptions, and I hope you will not, at the word honest.

So lordly! so stiff! so solemn!--Upon my word!--Had it not been Sunday, I would have gone to my harpsichord directly. He bowed to Lord and Lady L----, and to Emily, very obligingly; to me he nodded.--I nodded again; but, like a good-natured fool, smiled. He stalked to the chimney; turned his back towards it, b.u.t.toned up his mouth, held up his glowing face, as if he were disposed to crow; yet had not won the battle.--One hand in his bosom; the other under the skirt of his waistcoat, and his posture firmer than his mind.--Yet was my heart so devoid of malice, that I thought his att.i.tude very genteel; and, had we not been man and wife, agreeable.

We hoped to have found your lords.h.i.+p at home, said Lord L----, or we should not have dined here.

If Lord G---- is as polite a husband as a man, said I, he will not thank your lords.h.i.+p for this compliment to his wife.