Julius Caesar Chapter 51

"Well?" I was waiting for him to continue, but he was too busy staring and smiling openly at me . "Well?"

"I just realized-" He started with a soft sigh . "-that I've never witnessed you being vexed or angry before now . "

"Well, sorry for disappointing you," I retorted blandly as he raised his eyebrows . "What di-"

"You did not disappoint me . " He said quickly . "Quite the opposite, love . " He suppressed a smile . "In fact, you're thoroughly entertaining me . "

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised," I told him . "Talking about death and violence thrills you . "

"Ah, love!" His bright eyes crinkled as he tilted back his head, leaving me his bobbing throat to stare at . "You're starting to understand me!"

"What are those two things?" I was being serious and he was being ignored again .

He uncrossed his arms and surprisingly got to his feet with a slight sway . He held his jacket to his waist and it covered him to his knees . I took a step back . He noticed but didn't glance at me as he draped his jacket over his shoulders and reached for his folded pants . I looked away .

"It's okay, darling . I'm almost decent now . You can look . " He said after a few moments and I turned, my eyes landing on his unb.u.t.toned, zipped pants . I looked up at his face . His hair was unkempt, but away from his face . And I realized that I liked the black hair on him more . It perfectly complimented his emeralds and tan .

I also noticed that he maintained a considerable distance between us . Like he couldn't trust me on himself . Or the opposite . Like we were no more than strangers . And perhaps that was what we were . Perhaps it should be only kept this way .

He was smiling and looking at his feet when he started talking . His hands were clasped together . "So . My two conditions for the deal . " He looked up . "Well, in return to all the questions you will ask me, I will want you to tell me about yourself when you were younger . The story of your life . " He was smiling, but not looking at me . "Before you became blind . And before you met me . " He raised his head to study my face which must be a mixture of confusion, disbelief and disgust .

"As for the second one-" He looked down again and smiled hesitantly . "This might take a quant.i.ty of your time . Do you think you can free yourself to do it?"

I pursed my lips irritably . "It obviously depends . "

"I-" He shrugged slightly . "I want you to accompany me every day . Even if it were for five minutes . " His voice was irrelevantly solid . He looked up and captured my wandering, surprised eyes . "Leaving me here, discarded and unaware of what's happening in the world is quite cruel . But not coming for three days, love-" he breathed, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment . "-this is even more inconsiderate . "

And needless to say, I was absolutely caught off guard by the sincerity in his eyes . By the restrained emotion in his voice and body . By how he repressed everything so skilfully . Voice barely soft and enviously steady . Fists unwavering by his sides and eyes so sharp, sharp enough to sever any hint of emotion that'd dare to make an appearance .

I then snapped out of my thoughts, watching his expectant face . "I wouldn't want to spend time with a murderer," I replied, c.o.c.king an eyebrow . "I mean, I thought you didn't care . "

"I do not," he retorted vehemently . "But I might just spare enough care to make sure that your brother didn't somehow manipulate you, or maybe even try to kill-"

"Do not!" I lifted both my arms and shook my hands in front of me . "This topic- my brother is off limits . "

He raised his eyebrows, said nothing then strode three solid, big steps toward me with hands clasped behind his back . He was just a few inches away from me when he stopped .

Wow . He has long legs- was all I could think of at this moment .

He lifted his head and caught my eyes . "As a friend-" His voice was a mere whisper . I hadn't even realized how close he got until I felt his body's heat radiate in the few inches between us . "-I have the right to warn you . Advice you . If I shall ever feel that you might get even slightly hurt, my love . That's friends.h.i.+p rules . "

"That's your rules!" I spat at him and took a step back . He didn't flinch, but instead looked down and clenched his jaws .

He then looked up at me unkindly . "My rules or not-" He towered over me, voice clipped and face serious . "I'll do what it takes to ensure that you protect your innocence and purity . "

I gaped at him and watched his furrowed eyebrows return to their normal positions . "Well . Too bad you're locked down here, helples-"

"Are you trying to torment me?" His voice was breathy from all the reserved emotion . "That is not fair . This is for your own good . I wouldn't care . "

"I know my own good . " I shrugged his words off coldly as he glared at me . He looked like he had more to say, but he resorted to silence as his deep, green eyes combusted eternally . "So, back to the deal . "

He clenched his jaws, unclenched them then exhaled loudly . "Yes . " He shook his head unhappily . "What do you say to my conditions?"

"I accept them," I retorted with a raised brow . "As long as you keep to your wor-"

"I'm a man of my word . " He cut me off with his deep voice . He then looked in my eyes . "You know that . "

I scoffed . "So . Are you ready?" I asked him with a smirk and he raised his eyebrows .

He then inched his upper half closer to me and whispered loudly, "I'm not the one who's supposed to be ready, darling . A murderer is always ready . " He then backed away from me and pressed a smile .

Whatever it was that he meant, definitely unnerved me, but I shook it off and stared into his now darker eyes . A beautiful shade of jade-green that ignited with confidence . It was just his presence that demanded some kind of attentiveness . Attentiveness derived from the fear that his persona implanted on people's hearts . And I realized that he was right . He was the epitome of darkness and irreparable damage . He was a lost hope . An exponentially fading light .

His demons swam freely beneath his breathtakingly transparent, segreen eyes . And his anger . His anger was their fuel . You'd see his eyes become a blur of darkness . A blur of swimming demons when rage got the better of him .

And then I thought that I never really thought of Julius as scary . I didn't think of him as a monster until I really knew him . The real him . A murderer . Beautiful in his apathy . I was almost ashamed .

So instead of looking in his eyes, I watched his demons .

"Why didn't your father show up?" I asked and he smiled a twisted sort of smile . "You knew he wouldn't show up . "

"It isn't my fault," he started indifferently, looked down and tried smiling . "-that you overestimated the unbreakable bond I have with my father . " He then looked up, his lips pressed to a small, fake smile .

I frowned at his words . "What do you mean?"

"And you claim, you know me-" He trailed off, laughing humorously, before looking at me with dazzling eyes . He blinked and his eyes died . "There is nothing binding us whatsoever except for blood, darling . Maybe you should've thought of the possibility that not everyone has an exceptionally great family . Like yours . "

And I swear, his eyes revealed secrets, his lips swore to contain .

And I wanted those secrets out . And he stepped closer to me . And maybe I stopped breathing . Maybe I stopped breathing because the look in his eyes was dark . It was diving into my soul . In places that were too dark for even me to visit . And I realized that he knew a thing or two about me . And those things were definitely not good .

I breathed out and clenched my fists . "Your turn . "

I wasn't ready . He was right . Again .

He c.o.c.ked his head bemusedly then nodded with a smirk . "Now, let me not be irrelevant," he was looking down thoughtfully as he shrugged slightly . "Tell me about your perfect family . Tell me about Amanda . Your father . Brothers . You know . Anything belonging to that delightful party . "

I looked at him with a slight frown then began to talk . "I hate it that I'm sharing this with you . "

"Come on! In the name of 'friends.h.i.+p' . " He teased, his deep smile lines making an appearance . "Don't be unpleasant . " He rasped and I suppressed a scowl .

"I don't even know where to start . " I raised my arms and dropped them by my side in defeat .

He smiled slightly before his face neutralized again . "Start from your parents' divorce . "

I inhaled sharply at his statement . How did he know? Did I tell him? I probably did . It wasn't my favourite topic to discuss or even think about .

"They divorced because Mom didn't like the way Dad worked . Or at least that was what I was told," I said, swallowing hard . There was no way I was going to show him weakness . I wanted to represent my family in the best way . I wanted to show him that, yes, my family was everything your family wasn't . "I was just sixteen . The year my life changed completely . "

I looked up at him to find him watching me with a carefully serious expression . He was nodding at me . And his eyes . Were clear . It was like their demons decided to take a deeper dive in the depths of his irises . And his eyes' odd familiarity was like a lost echo reminding me of something I wanted to forget . It reminded me of Caesar .

"Dad was very mad at the fact that Mom asked for a divorce . I remember being very surprised at Mom's request . I never heard them fight," I said in wonder . "Never witnessed them being disagreeable with each other . So I just sat and watched them sign the papers . " I shrugged slightly and asked myself, when did my voice turn into a raspy whisper? When did I look down and decided to confide totally in Julius?

But there was no stopping . Memories gushed out of my mouth into the ears of a person who could use them against me at any moment . Of a person who could use them as his weapons . It was stupid, really .

"Dad drank a lot . He was mad that Mom left him and returned to Paris . She left me with him . " I smiled momentarily as my heartbeat fastened . "Because she told me it was for the greater good . Then Dad took me for a ride . And I told you, he was very drunk-" I nodded to myself as I fumbled with my fingers . I was frowning and sweating and swallowing hard . I was shaking my head and biting my lips . "So we hit a car or a car hit his-" I then stopped and inhaled sharply as the memories of this dark night swirled in front of my eyes, clouding everything else . It was asking for special treatment and every other thing, every other worry seemed to sublimate and submit to this memory . This storm of unwanted memories .

"' I was grasping at anything in the car to hold on too . My dad was going way too fast and the music was way too loud for my liking .

And I was also crying at how Dad wasn't listening to me . When I screamed at him that he has to slow down, that he'll get us dead, that he'll get over it, he'd just raise the music's volume . And my screams would just be a lost cause in the chaos awoken by Dad's deep grief .

It was very dark and the light from the car's headlights was constantly swerving from left to right . And it scared me that we weren't moving in a straight line . That this could be why we die .

I was crying hysterically and Dad never glanced at me . He was too consumed by his grief, too consumed by his rage to think straight . To save our lives .

The windows were way down and the wild air that rushed in slapped my hair to my face and into my mouth . But my eyes never blinked . I never dared blink . Who knew what'd happen in those moments of darkness .

If I looked out of the windows, all I'd see was the grey, tall, hideous forms of leafless trees . Their branches poking into the lifeless, empty sky like some guardians to something I never thought about . And I wondered, where were the stars? Why did they allow themselves to get devoured by this monstrous darkness? I thought stars were so bright .

I thought we were supposed to be like stars .

But my lungs weren't working when I noticed Dad press the heel of his right hand to the horn .

My eyes never blinked when a truck crashed with the very front of our car . And then there was impossible silence . Silence when my hands' grasp around the car's seat slackened by the intensity of the force . Silence when I could've sworn to see gla.s.s shards defying gravity, hanging in the air in front of me . Silence when I never dared blink . Silence when the gla.s.s shards swivelled in the air with utmost fluency- I could hear them slice the air into quarters and eighths . Silence when they welcomed my mouth and shook hands with my eyes .

I hated silence . I blinked .

And the world came cras.h.i.+ng down on me with pain so intense, so uncontainable . A pain that couldn't be expressed by the loudest of screams .

So consciousness, I lost . "'

So consciousness, I lost . "'

I was being shaken . My arms were clutched with strong, steady hands . And I almost suffocated . I didn't know why I couldn't see . I couldn't see! I was hyperventilating and shaking my head .

Darkness . Darkness . Inky black darkness . Blindness . Inky, black blindness .

"Samantha!" A voice echoed in my ears, but I was gasping for air . My hands reached for my chest as whoever was holding me slackened his hold around my arms .

"Samantha!" A voice so intense, so demanding was calling me . "Samantha, open your eyes and breathe . Please, love . Samantha . "

Then I remembered . My eyes were shut . I dared flutter them open as tears tumbled down my cheeks . Julius was too close now, his lips were parted and his eyes staring at me with so much intensity and concern . His neck was taut and his breathing was hard .

His hands were rubbing my arms absentmindedly as he sighed with relief . His face was mere inches from mine as I breathed with difficulty . I looked down at myself . I could see . No, no, I wasn't blind . It wasn't real .

"Samantha, are you alright? Are you feeling okay?" His voice was urgent and I couldn't speak . I thought I'd spit out gla.s.s instead of words .

"Samantha, please, look up at me . " And I didn't notice his shaky hands approach my cheek to graze it gently . My head snapped up to him and his finger accidentally brushed my lips . He immediately retracted his hand like I burnt .

I looked in his eyes and took deep, steady breaths . I needed to think clearly . I needed to breathe to think clearly . I needed him away from me too . So I broke free from his hold and stumbled back away from him .

I watched his face turn from worry to shock then to seriousness . I was backing away from him . I really needed him away from me . I watched him shake his head at me . I watched him mouth my name, tell me to be careful . I thought he was being ridiculous .

There was nothing to be careful of . All I needed was to get out of here . Heavens, he was the only thing I needed to be careful of .

So I backed away more and watched him stride toward me with tensed muscles and slight fear etched on his face . But my thoughts were too disoriented . I couldn't think of a reason why he'd look at me the way he looked or act the way he acted .

So I backed away more and more and was shocked to breathlessness when he leapt at me and clutched me from the middle of my s.h.i.+rt . He then pulled me so hard toward him that somehow air found its way miraculously into my lungs .

His face was the definition of shock and confusion . He was searching my face for answers . But I knew I offered none . I looked down and noticed that my feet weren't implanted on solid ground . That half of them were still in the air . That I wasn't holding my body together . I was like jelly, supported by Julius's hand .

And it hit me .

I was about to fall from the stage platform . And Julius saved me from the fall by clutching my s.h.i.+rt with his right hand solidly curled into a tight fist above my sternum, in the middle of my chest and his biceps tensed .

He was still holding me . And maybe that was why he was looking at me that way . He was confused as to why I wasn't stepping forward to help me from not falling .

What was wrong with me?!

I faintly stepped forward and his hand dropped, leaving my s.h.i.+rt creased and loose . I breathed and looked at him . He was frowning and shaking his head . He was muttering out sorries and Samanthas . He was trying to reach for my arms, but I slapped his hands away .

Couldn't he see?

I was breaking down .

His lips parted in despair and his forehead creased in concern . He was looking at me like he was terrified he did something terribly wrong .

He did something terribly wrong . But he didn't know . It wasn't his fault .

So I turned around, sat on the platform's edge, and quickly jumped off it .

I then ran away . I ran and ran and ran until I reached the door . I dared let myself turn to glance at his powerful figure standing on the stage with his hands caught in his hair . But that was all I could figure out from this distance .

I then turned to face the door and rapped rapidly at it before it was swung open by a guard .

Even then I ran .

---

When I said I was breaking down, I wasn't lying .

I didn't even remember how long I'd stayed in my room with my face firmly planted in my pillow with another pillow over my head as I cried all the remaining hours of the night . And I didn't realize I'd slept until I felt hands on my shoulders shake me awake .

"Go away!" I groaned in my pillow as tears washed my eyeb.a.l.l.s, yesterday's memories. .h.i.tting me .

My brother literally calling me a s.l.u.t . The Julius I no longer knew . My sudden panic attack triggered by my past that I thought I had made peace with . But it took one night to realize that I had a k.n.o.b of a brother, a murderer I'm attracted to and my past to deal with .

And all I could do was cry and cry and cry and cry and cr-

And all I could do was cry and cry and cry and cry and cr-

"Samantha . " My brother's deep voice came and my eyes widened in the pillow . I dug my face more as my fingers tightened their hold around the pillow above my head .

"Are you awake? We need to t" He said and I bit my tongue to prevent myself from crying more . I didn't want to even see him .

"Go away!" I shouted furiously and immediately felt his hands lift from my shoulders .

"Please, Sammy . " He pleaded . "I need to talk to you . "

"I'm sleeping, go away!" I shouted more, but my voice was m.u.f.fled by my pillow .

"You are not sleeping . And it is twelve in the afternoon . " He then deadpanned .

That was late, but I, in my defence, returned to my room by two in the morning and slept by five or six . I usually woke up by seven .

"Go . Away!" I repeated nevertheless .

"But-"

"Get out, Maxime!" I finally yelled as more tears wet my pillow .

"Merdé* . Fine . " I finally felt his weight off my bed as he cursed more under his breath . I then heard the sound of the door shutting, closed my eyes and exhaled loudly .

I didn't even feel like moving . I felt like dying . Everything was so messy . I didn't know who or what to believe . I didn't know who to trust . I was suddenly doubting everything I thought I had figured out . I felt like I was standing for all the wrong people .

Julius was right . I didn't belong here .

I couldn't handle all the stress . All the unanswerable questions that inhabited my head . They were sucking and sucking all my energy and composure .

Why did my parents really divorce? And did my dad really risk my life by his recklessness? Was it intentional?

All that triggered those questions was Julius's ridiculous request . I groaned in my pillow and pushed the pillow above my head to my ears .

Stop thinking, dammit!

But doubt wrapped its hands around my neck and merged its body with mine . I could see it in my darker shadow .

I sighed heavily and threw the pillow off my head . I heard it come intact with something and knock it off . I then pushed myself from the bed and sat up with my mouth open and my head throbbing . My feet reached for my bunny-like slippers as I huffed out a breath and got to my feet . My head was heavy and my back was hunched . I then dead-walked to the washroom and stood right in front of the mirror .

I looked disgusting .

Messy, ebony hair . Dull, blue eyes . Smudged eyeliner and mascara . Dark eye circles . Red nose . Parted, chapped, pale lips .

Ew . EW .

I turned the tap open and ran water in my pale fingers . I then tilted my hand and cringed at the sight of my broken nails . I never really knew how to properly clip my nails . Or take care of them . So I always applied nail polish to cover them .

I then curled my fingers into fists and thought that I should probably wear some gloves or do something . I looked back at my reflection before I washed my face with a heavy sigh . I couldn't allow myself to look like this .

And so I decided that today I'd pamper myself .

I'd start with putting on some nail polish and choosing something exquisite to wear .

My weakness . My feelings . My doubts and questions . All those things belonged to me . No one should know about them . No one should figure them out .

So I'd contour my pains and insecurities, apply some blush on my tear-stained cheeks, eyeshadow and eyeline my dark circles and straighten the mess out of my hair .

Today, I decided to be Julius . To be apathetic .

With determination, I padded to my closet after a good, hot bath and a nail care session . I yanked it open, straightened my back and took a slow glance at all the clothes hung and folded neatly .

Today, I decided to wear green . Green as in harmony and serenity . So I found me a simple, sleeveless, knee-length, dark-green dress . It had a white collar that settled gracefully on my collarbones . I then picked some really high and thin, white heels that I slipped on with ease . I stood tall and straight .

I walked to my dresser, picked a black headband that I pushed past my open, shoulder-length, black hair to hold it out of my face . I then reached for my pearl necklace, bracelet and earrings and put them on .

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror before applying a thin layer of brown lipstick and mascara .

I looked perfect . I suddenly felt perfect .
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror before applying a thin layer of brown lipstick and mascara .

I looked perfect . I suddenly felt perfect .

I then sprayed some vanilla and white musk perfume and walked straight out .

I was going to head to Maxime . Then Julius . I was going to act like they didn't have the power to hurt me . That the one they saw yesterday was not me .

That it was merely a mistake . And that I should not be underestimated .

---

"Goodmorning . " I chirped as I waltzed my way to my brother who was watching something on his laptop in the reception on his laps with a wide smile . When he heard my voice, his face fell and he snapped his laptop shut . I narrowed my eyes at his laptop and wondered about what he was watching . I shrugged it off .

"Samantha . " He stated with a shaky breath as he drew up his eyebrows and hesitantly smiled . "I thought you were sleeping . " His eyes diverted to his laptop and I smirked .

I batted my eyelashes at him . "What were you doing on the laptop?"

He was taken aback by my question . Momentarily . He then tilted his head, clasped his hands over the laptop and smiled charmingly . "Do you really wanna know? Souer*?"

I looked at him curiously, before sighing loudly . I diverted my eyes away . "You're right . I do not care . "

Maxime raised his thick, dark eyebrows as I watched his fingers drum on his laptop . "Okay let's cut the chase," he told me . "What do want?"

I considered his question and smirked . Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I eyed the floor . "I want to understand . "

There was a pause before I looked up at him . "What?" He whispered with perplexity . "Understand what?"

I felt my chest constrict as the questions flooded my mind again . I took in a deep breath . "Why did my parents divorce?"

He looked taken aback by the question . His mouth hung open as he stared at me . "How would I know?"

"You would know . " I a.s.serted . "You lived with my father more than I did . You are the oldest . You'd understand . "

Maxime almost scoffed . "Your mom isn't my mom, Samantha . I wasn't there . I seriously wouldn't know . "

"Blimey, you must've figured it out, somehow!" I was getting frustrated at his inability to satisfy my hunger for answers .

Maxime frowned . He examined me closely, before getting up and carefully placing the laptop on the chair he sat on . He then approached me slowly, but steadily . When he was a few inches away from me, he lowered his head and whispered slowly with wide, grey eyes . "Are you okay?" He searched my face . "Why did you come up with all those questions? Now?" His right hand reached for my left arm . "Is there something bugging you? Is it related to Leonard?"

I moved his arm away and stepped back . "Of course, I am okay," I lied easily . "I was just going through -uh- the photo alb.u.m in your room yesterday . And those triggered my memories and some questions too . "

Maxime's intense glare lingered on my face for a while before he blinked away . "Alright . " His lip's corner twitched . "Maybe, your mother got mad at the fact that père* was letting you see us when you were young . Maybe that's why . " He tilted his head a bit as my lips parted .

"You think so?" I whispered for no reason and he nodded slowly with an unsettling smile .

"Women are crazy . " He muttered and I raised an eyebrow .

"You're standing in front of one," I said lifting my head a bit . "Good you know we're crazy . "

Maxime smirked before he looked down . "I am sorry . For yesterday . "

"You should be," I uttered solidly . "You better not underestimate me too . "

He lifted his head at that . "I never did . " His grey eyes twinkled disturbingly . "I always thought you were the smartest of us . "

"I'm flattered," I deadpanned . "This was something you should have never given yourself the permission to even think about . You should very well know your limits with me . Maxime . "

He didn't say a thing . I smirked .

"I'm going down to Julius . I really want to end all of this . I can't bear a day over here anymore . " I then told him solidly .

He looked up and I was surprised to find tears in his eyes . Was I too harsh on him? I averted my gaze away from him as I threatened my heart not to soften .

"Good luck . " He muttered with a thick voice .

I glanced at his form again . Brushed, slick, dark-brown hair, bloodshot, metallic eyes, parted lips and tall, black-clad body .

I then turned on my heels and began the descent to Julius's prison . Well? I was waiting for him to continue, but he was too busy staring and smiling openly at me . Well? I just realized- He started with a soft sigh . -that Ive never witnessed you being vexed or angry before now . Well, sorry for disappointing you, I retorted blandly as he raised his eyebrows . What di- You did not disappoint me . He said quickly . Quite the opposite, love . He suppressed a smile . In fact, youre thoroughly entertaining me . Well, I wouldnt be surprised, I told him . Talking about death and violence thrills you . Ah, love! His bright eyes crinkled as he tilted back his head, leaving me his bobbing throat to stare at . Youre starting to understand me! What are those two things? I was being serious and he was being ignored again . He uncrossed his arms and surprisingly got to his feet with a slight sway . He held his jacket to his waist and it covered him to his knees . I took a step back . He noticed but didnt glance at me as he draped his jacket over his shoulders and reached for his folded pants . I looked away . Its okay, darling . Im almost decent now . You can look . He said after a few moments and I turned, my eyes landing on his unb.u.t.toned, zipped pants . I looked up at his face . His hair was unkempt, but away from his face . And I realized that I liked the black hair on him more . It perfectly complimented his emeralds and tan . I also noticed that he maintained a considerable distance between us . Like he couldnt trust me on himself . Or the opposite . Like we were no more than strangers . And perhaps that was what we were . Perhaps it should be only kept this way . He was smiling and looking at his feet when he started talking . His hands were clasped together . So . My two conditions for the deal . He looked up . Well, in return to all the questions you will ask me, I will want you to tell me about yourself when you were younger . The story of your life . He was smiling, but not looking at me . Before you became blind . And before you met me . He raised his head to study my face which must be a mixture of confusion, disbelief and disgust . As for the second one- He looked down again and smiled hesitantly . This might take a quant.i.ty of your time . Do you think you can free yourself to do it? I pursed my lips irritably . It obviously depends . I- He shrugged slightly . I want you to accompany me every day . Even if it were for five minutes . His voice was irrelevantly solid . He looked up and captured my wandering, surprised eyes . Leaving me here, discarded and unaware of whats happening in the world is quite cruel . But not coming for three days, love- he breathed, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment . -this is even more inconsiderate . And needless to say, I was absolutely caught off guard by the sincerity in his eyes . By the restrained emotion in his voice and body . By how he repressed everything so skilfully . Voice barely soft and enviously steady . Fists unwavering by his sides and eyes so sharp, sharp enough to sever any hint of emotion thatd dare to make an appearance . I then snapped out of my thoughts, watching his expectant face . I wouldnt want to spend time with a murderer, I replied, c.o.c.king an eyebrow . I mean, I thought you didnt care . I do not, he retorted vehemently . But I might just spare enough care to make sure that your brother didnt somehow manipulate you, or maybe even try to kill- Do not! I lifted both my arms and shook my hands in front of me . This topic- my brother is off limits . He raised his eyebrows, said nothing then strode three solid, big steps toward me with hands clasped behind his back . He was just a few inches away from me when he stopped . Wow . He has long legs- was all I could think of at this moment . He lifted his head and caught my eyes . As a friend- His voice was a mere whisper . I hadnt even realized how close he got until I felt his bodys heat radiate in the few inches between us . -I have the right to warn you . Advice you . If I shall ever feel that you might get even slightly hurt, my love . Thats friends.h.i.+p rules . Thats your rules! I spat at him and took a step back . He didnt flinch, but instead looked down and clenched his jaws . He then looked up at me unkindly . My rules or not- He towered over me, voice clipped and face serious . Ill do what it takes to ensure that you protect your innocence and purity . I gaped at him and watched his furrowed eyebrows return to their normal positions . Well . Too bad youre locked down here, helples- Are you trying to torment me? His voice was breathy from all the reserved emotion . That is not fair . This is for your own good . I wouldnt care . I know my own good . I shrugged his words off coldly as he glared at me . He looked like he had more to say, but he resorted to silence as his deep, green eyes combusted eternally . So, back to the deal . He clenched his jaws, unclenched them then exhaled loudly . Yes . He shook his head unhappily . What do you say to my conditions? I accept them, I retorted with a raised brow . As long as you keep to your wor- Im a man of my word . He cut me off with his deep voice . He then looked in my eyes . You know that . I scoffed . So . Are you ready? I asked him with a smirk and he raised his eyebrows . He then inched his upper half closer to me and whispered loudly, Im not the one whos supposed to be ready, darling . A murderer is always ready . He then backed away from me and pressed a smile . Whatever it was that he meant, definitely unnerved me, but I shook it off and stared into his now darker eyes . A beautiful shade of jade-green that ignited with confidence . It was just his presence that demanded some kind of attentiveness . Attentiveness derived from the fear that his persona implanted on peoples hearts . And I realized that he was right . He was the epitome of darkness and irreparable damage . He was a lost hope . An exponentially fading light . His demons swam freely beneath his breathtakingly transparent, segreen eyes . And his anger . His anger was their fuel . Youd see his eyes become a blur of darkness . A blur of swimming demons when rage got the better of him . And then I thought that I never really thought of Julius as scary . I didnt think of him as a monster until I really knew him . The real him . A murderer . Beautiful in his apathy . I was almost ashamed . So instead of looking in his eyes, I watched his demons . Why didnt your father show up? I asked and he smiled a twisted sort of smile . You knew he wouldnt show up . It isnt my fault, he started indifferently, looked down and tried smiling . -that you overestimated the unbreakable bond I have with my father . He then looked up, his lips pressed to a small, fake smile . I frowned at his words . What do you mean? And you claim, you know me- He trailed off, laughing humorously, before looking at me with dazzling eyes . He blinked and his eyes died . There is nothing binding us whatsoever except for blood, darling . Maybe you shouldve thought of the possibility that not everyone has an exceptionally great family . Like yours . And I swear, his eyes revealed secrets, his lips swore to contain . And I wanted those secrets out . And he stepped closer to me . And maybe I stopped breathing . Maybe I stopped breathing because the look in his eyes was dark . It was diving into my soul . In places that were too dark for even me to visit . And I realized that he knew a thing or two about me . And those things were definitely not good . I breathed out and clenched my fists . Your turn . I wasnt ready . He was right . Again . He c.o.c.ked his head bemusedly then nodded with a smirk . Now, let me not be irrelevant, he was looking down thoughtfully as he shrugged slightly . Tell me about your perfect family . Tell me about Amanda . Your father . Brothers . You know . Anything belonging to that delightful party . I looked at him with a slight frown then began to talk . I hate it that Im sharing this with you . Come on! In the name of friends.h.i.+p . He teased, his deep smile lines making an appearance . Dont be unpleasant . He rasped and I suppressed a scowl . I dont even know where to start . I raised my arms and dropped them by my side in defeat . He smiled slightly before his face neutralized again . Start from your parents divorce . I inhaled sharply at his statement . How did he know? Did I tell him? I probably did . It wasnt my favourite topic to discuss or even think about . They divorced because Mom didnt like the way Dad worked . Or at least that was what I was told, I said, swallowing hard . There was no way I was going to show him weakness . I wanted to represent my family in the best way . I wanted to show him that, yes, my family was everything your family wasnt . I was just sixteen . The year my life changed completely . I looked up at him to find him watching me with a carefully serious expression . He was nodding at me . And his eyes . Were clear . It was like their demons decided to take a deeper dive in the depths of his irises . And his eyes odd familiarity was like a lost echo reminding me of something I wanted to forget . It reminded me of Caesar . Dad was very mad at the fact that Mom asked for a divorce . I remember being very surprised at Moms request . I never heard them fight, I said in wonder . Never witnessed them being disagreeable with each other . So I just sat and watched them sign the papers . I shrugged slightly and asked myself, when did my voice turn into a raspy whisper? When did I look down and decided to confide totally in Julius? But there was no stopping . Memories gushed out of my mouth into the ears of a person who could use them against me at any moment . Of a person who could use them as his weapons . It was stupid, really . Dad drank a lot . He was mad that Mom left him and returned to Paris . She left me with him . I smiled momentarily as my heartbeat fastened . Because she told me it was for the greater good . Then Dad took me for a ride . And I told you, he was very drunk- I nodded to myself as I fumbled with my fingers . I was frowning and sweating and swallowing hard . I was shaking my head and biting my lips . So we hit a car or a car hit his- I then stopped and inhaled sharply as the memories of this dark night swirled in front of my eyes, clouding everything else . It was asking for special treatment and every other thing, every other worry seemed to sublimate and submit to this memory . This storm of unwanted memories . I was grasping at anything in the car to hold on too . My dad was going way too fast and the music was way too loud for my liking . And I was also crying at how Dad wasnt listening to me . When I screamed at him that he has to slow down, that h.e.l.l get us dead, that h.e.l.l get over it, hed just raise the musics volume . And my screams would just be a lost cause in the chaos awoken by Dads deep grief . It was very dark and the light from the cars headlights was constantly swerving from left to right . And it scared me that we werent moving in a straight line . That this could be why we die . I was crying hysterically and Dad never glanced at me . He was too consumed by his grief, too consumed by his rage to think straight . To save our lives . The windows were way down and the wild air that rushed in slapped my hair to my face and into my mouth . But my eyes never blinked . I never dared blink . Who knew whatd happen in those moments of darkness . If I looked out of the windows, all Id see was the grey, tall, hideous forms of leafless trees . Their branches poking into the lifeless, empty sky like some guardians to something I never thought about . And I wondered, where were the stars? Why did they allow themselves to get devoured by this monstrous darkness? I thought stars were so bright . I thought we were supposed to be like stars . But my lungs werent working when I noticed Dad press the heel of his right hand to the horn . My eyes never blinked when a truck crashed with the very front of our car . And then there was impossible silence . Silence when my hands grasp around the cars seat slackened by the intensity of the force . Silence when I couldve sworn to see gla.s.s shards defying gravity, hanging in the air in front of me . Silence when I never dared blink . Silence when the gla.s.s shards swivelled in the air with utmost fluency- I could hear them slice the air into quarters and eighths . Silence when they welcomed my mouth and shook hands with my eyes . I hated silence . I blinked . And the world came cras.h.i.+ng down on me with pain so intense, so uncontainable . A pain that couldnt be expressed by the loudest of screams . So consciousness, I lost . I was being shaken . My arms were clutched with strong, steady hands . And I almost suffocated . I didnt know why I couldnt see . I couldnt see! I was hyperventilating and shaking my head . Darkness . Darkness . Inky black darkness . Blindness . Inky, black blindness . Samantha! A voice echoed in my ears, but I was gasping for air . My hands reached for my chest as whoever was holding me slackened his hold around my arms . Samantha! A voice so intense, so demanding was calling me . Samantha, open your eyes and breathe . Please, love . Samantha . Then I remembered . My eyes were shut . I dared flutter them open as tears tumbled down my cheeks . Julius was too close now, his lips were parted and his eyes staring at me with so much intensity and concern . His neck was taut and his breathing was hard . His hands were rubbing my arms absentmindedly as he sighed with relief . His face was mere inches from mine as I breathed with difficulty . I looked down at myself . I could see . No, no, I wasnt blind . It wasnt real . Samantha, are you alright? Are you feeling okay? His voice was urgent and I couldnt speak . I thought Id spit out gla.s.s instead of words . Samantha, please, look up at me . And I didnt notice his shaky hands approach my cheek to graze it gently . My head snapped up to him and his finger accidentally brushed my lips . He immediately retracted his hand like I burnt . I looked in his eyes and took deep, steady breaths . I needed to think clearly . I needed to breathe to think clearly . I needed him away from me too . So I broke free from his hold and stumbled back away from him . I watched his face turn from worry to shock then to seriousness . I was backing away from him . I really needed him away from me . I watched him shake his head at me . I watched him mouth my name, tell me to be careful . I thought he was being ridiculous . There was nothing to be careful of . All I needed was to get out of here . Heavens, he was the only thing I needed to be careful of . So I backed away more and watched him stride toward me with tensed muscles and slight fear etched on his face . But my thoughts were too disoriented . I couldnt think of a reason why hed look at me the way he looked or act the way he acted . So I backed away more and more and was shocked to breathlessness when he leapt at me and clutched me from the middle of my s.h.i.+rt . He then pulled me so hard toward him that somehow air found its way miraculously into my lungs . His face was the definition of shock and confusion . He was searching my face for answers . But I knew I offered none . I looked down and noticed that my feet werent implanted on solid ground . That half of them were still in the air . That I wasnt holding my body together . I was like jelly, supported by Juliuss hand . And it hit me . I was about to fall from the stage platform . And Julius saved me from the fall by clutching my s.h.i.+rt with his right hand solidly curled into a tight fist above my sternum, in the middle of my chest and his biceps tensed . He was still holding me . And maybe that was why he was looking at me that way . He was confused as to why I wasnt stepping forward to help me from not falling . What was wrong with me?! I faintly stepped forward and his hand dropped, leaving my s.h.i.+rt creased and loose . I breathed and looked at him . He was frowning and shaking his head . He was muttering out sorries and Samanthas . He was trying to reach for my arms, but I slapped his hands away . Couldnt he see? I was breaking down . His lips parted in despair and his forehead creased in concern . He was looking at me like he was terrified he did something terribly wrong . He did something terribly wrong . But he didnt know . It wasnt his fault . So I turned around, sat on the platforms edge, and quickly jumped off it . I then ran away . I ran and ran and ran until I reached the door . I dared let myself turn to glance at his powerful figure standing on the stage with his hands caught in his hair . But that was all I could figure out from this distance . I then turned to face the door and rapped rapidly at it before it was swung open by a guard . Even then I ran . --- When I said I was breaking down, I wasnt lying . I didnt even remember how long Id stayed in my room with my face firmly planted in my pillow with another pillow over my head as I cried all the remaining hours of the night . And I didnt realize Id slept until I felt hands on my shoulders shake me awake . Go away! I groaned in my pillow as tears washed my eyeb.a.l.l.s, yesterdays memories. .h.i.tting me . My brother literally calling me a s.l.u.t . The Julius I no longer knew . My sudden panic attack triggered by my past that I thought I had made peace with . But it took one night to realize that I had a k.n.o.b of a brother, a murderer Im attracted to and my past to deal with . And all I could do was cry and cry and cry and cry and cr- Samantha . My brothers deep voice came and my eyes widened in the pillow . I dug my face more as my fingers tightened their hold around the pillow above my head . Are you awake? We need to t He said and I bit my tongue to prevent myself from crying more . I didnt want to even see him . Go away! I shouted furiously and immediately felt his hands lift from my shoulders . Please, Sammy . He pleaded . I need to talk to you . Im sleeping, go away! I shouted more, but my voice was m.u.f.fled by my pillow . You are not sleeping . And it is twelve in the afternoon . He then deadpanned . That was late, but I, in my defence, returned to my room by two in the morning and slept by five or six . I usually woke up by seven . Go . Away! I repeated nevertheless . But- Get out, Maxime! I finally yelled as more tears wet my pillow . Merdé* . Fine . I finally felt his weight off my bed as he cursed more under his breath . I then heard the sound of the door shutting, closed my eyes and exhaled loudly . I didnt even feel like moving . I felt like dying . Everything was so messy . I didnt know who or what to believe . I didnt know who to trust . I was suddenly doubting everything I thought I had figured out . I felt like I was standing for all the wrong people . Julius was right . I didnt belong here . I couldnt handle all the stress . All the unanswerable questions that inhabited my head . They were sucking and sucking all my energy and composure . Why did my parents really divorce? And did my dad really risk my life by his recklessness? Was it intentional? All that triggered those questions was Juliuss ridiculous request . I groaned in my pillow and pushed the pillow above my head to my ears . Stop thinking, dammit! But doubt wrapped its hands around my neck and merged its body with mine . I could see it in my darker shadow . I sighed heavily and threw the pillow off my head . I heard it come intact with something and knock it off . I then pushed myself from the bed and sat up with my mouth open and my head throbbing . My feet reached for my bunny-like slippers as I huffed out a breath and got to my feet . My head was heavy and my back was hunched . I then dead-walked to the washroom and stood right in front of the mirror . I looked disgusting . Messy, ebony hair . Dull, blue eyes . Smudged eyeliner and mascara . Dark eye circles . Red nose . Parted, chapped, pale lips . Ew . EW . I turned the tap open and ran water in my pale fingers . I then tilted my hand and cringed at the sight of my broken nails . I never really knew how to properly clip my nails . Or take care of them . So I always applied nail polish to cover them . I then curled my fingers into fists and thought that I should probably wear some gloves or do something . I looked back at my reflection before I washed my face with a heavy sigh . I couldnt allow myself to look like this . And so I decided that today Id pamper myself . Id start with putting on some nail polish and choosing something exquisite to wear . My weakness . My feelings . My doubts and questions . All those things belonged to me . No one should know about them . No one should figure them out . So Id contour my pains and insecurities, apply some blush on my tear-stained cheeks, eyeshadow and eyeline my dark circles and straighten the mess out of my hair . Today, I decided to be Julius . To be apathetic . With determination, I padded to my closet after a good, hot bath and a nail care session . I yanked it open, straightened my back and took a slow glance at all the clothes hung and folded neatly . Today, I decided to wear green . Green as in harmony and serenity . So I found me a simple, sleeveless, knee-length, dark-green dress . It had a white collar that settled gracefully on my collarbones . I then picked some really high and thin, white heels that I slipped on with ease . I stood tall and straight . I walked to my dresser, picked a black headband that I pushed past my open, shoulder-length, black hair to hold it out of my face . I then reached for my pearl necklace, bracelet and earrings and put them on . I glanced at my reflection in the mirror before applying a thin layer of brown lipstick and mascara . I looked perfect . I suddenly felt perfect . I then sprayed some vanilla and white musk perfume and walked straight out . I was going to head to Maxime . Then Julius . I was going to act like they didnt have the power to hurt me . That the one they saw yesterday was not me . That it was merely a mistake . And that I should not be underestimated . --- Goodmorning . I chirped as I waltzed my way to my brother who was watching something on his laptop in the reception on his laps with a wide smile . When he heard my voice, his face fell and he snapped his laptop shut . I narrowed my eyes at his laptop and wondered about what he was watching . I shrugged it off . Samantha . He stated with a shaky breath as he drew up his eyebrows and hesitantly smiled . I thought you were sleeping . His eyes diverted to his laptop and I smirked . I batted my eyelashes at him . What were you doing on the laptop? He was taken aback by my question . Momentarily . He then tilted his head, clasped his hands over the laptop and smiled charmingly . Do you really wanna know? Souer*? I looked at him curiously, before sighing loudly . I diverted my eyes away . Youre right . I do not care . Maxime raised his thick, dark eyebrows as I watched his fingers drum on his laptop . Okay lets cut the chase, he told me . What do want? I considered his question and smirked . Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I eyed the floor . I want to understand . There was a pause before I looked up at him . What? He whispered with perplexity . Understand what? I felt my chest constrict as the questions flooded my mind again . I took in a deep breath . Why did my parents divorce? He looked taken aback by the question . His mouth hung open as he stared at me . How would I know? You would know . I a.s.serted . You lived with my father more than I did . You are the oldest . Youd understand . Maxime almost scoffed . Your mom isnt my mom, Samantha . I wasnt there . I seriously wouldnt know . Blimey, you mustve figured it out, somehow! I was getting frustrated at his inability to satisfy my hunger for answers . Maxime frowned . He examined me closely, before getting up and carefully placing the laptop on the chair he sat on . He then approached me slowly, but steadily . When he was a few inches away from me, he lowered his head and whispered slowly with wide, grey eyes . Are you okay? He searched my face . Why did you come up with all those questions? Now? His right hand reached for my left arm . Is there something bugging you? Is it related to Leonard? I moved his arm away and stepped back . Of course, I am okay, I lied easily . I was just going through -uh- the photo alb.u.m in your room yesterday . And those triggered my memories and some questions too . Maximes intense glare lingered on my face for a while before he blinked away . Alright . His lips corner twitched . Maybe, your mother got mad at the fact that père* was letting you see us when you were young . Maybe thats why . He tilted his head a bit as my lips parted . You think so? I whispered for no reason and he nodded slowly with an unsettling smile . Women are crazy . He muttered and I raised an eyebrow . Youre standing in front of one, I said lifting my head a bit . Good you know were crazy . Maxime smirked before he looked down . I am sorry . For yesterday . You should be, I uttered solidly . You better not underestimate me too . He lifted his head at that . I never did . His grey eyes twinkled disturbingly . I always thought you were the smartest of us . Im flattered, I deadpanned . This was something you should have never given yourself the permission to even think about . You should very well know your limits with me . Maxime . He didnt say a thing . I smirked . Im going down to Julius . I really want to end all of this . I cant bear a day over here anymore . I then told him solidly . He looked up and I was surprised to find tears in his eyes . Was I too harsh on him? I averted my gaze away from him as I threatened my heart not to soften . Good luck . He muttered with a thick voice . I glanced at his form again . Brushed, slick, dark-brown hair, bloodshot, metallic eyes, parted lips and tall, black-clad body . I then turned on my heels and began the descent to Juliuss prison .