The Eugenic Marriage Volume I Part 13

WHEN TO WEAN THE BABY.--Medically there is no exact time at which the baby should be weaned. Certain conditions indicate when it should be undertaken.

It is desirable to wean the baby between the tenth and twelfth months. A month or two one way or another will not make much difference if the mother and child are in good condition. It should be weaned between the periods of dent.i.tion rather than when it is actively teething. The time of year is important. It would be better to wean it before the hot weather if it is strong and has been accustomed to taking other food than the breast milk.

On the other hand it would be decidedly better to defer the weaning until the fall, rather than risk weaning at the tenth or twelfth months if these fall during the height of the hot weather.

METHODS OF WEANING.--The best way to wean is to do it gradually. It is not desirable to take the mother's milk away suddenly unless there is a very good reason for it. The child should be fed small portions of suitable other food at the beginning of the tenth month. By the end of the tenth month he should be taking a feeding two or three times a day of food other than the breast milk. This feeding may be given in a bottle. In some [124]

cases the mother may be able to feed the child with a spoon instead of the bottle. The subst.i.tute feedings allowable at this age are given in another chapter.

TIMES WHEN RAPID WEANING IS NECESSARY.--There are times when the child must be weaned suddenly, as, for example, at the death of the mother, serious sickness of the mother, or in cases where for any cause the mother suddenly loses her milk. In these cases it is best to wean at once. If an infant refuses to take the bottle under such circ.u.mstances, the best plan to adopt, and the wisest one in the long run, is to starve the child into submission. If he gets absolutely nothing but the bottle he will shortly take it without protest. If a meddling individual attempts to feed the child some other food and tries to coax it to take the bottle in the meantime, much harm may result; it is safe only to fight it out for a day or two and win than to half starve the child and lose in the end.

The child should be weaned if it is not gaining in weight. This may indicate a deficient quality of the mother's milk, or it may indicate a lack of proportion between the child and mother. If a robust child is depending upon the nourishment furnished by a mother who is not in good physical condition the milk may not be adequate in quality and quant.i.ty.

The child will not therefore develop normally and it may be necessary to wean it.

If the mother becomes pregnant it will be necessary to wean, because pregnancy invariably affects the quality of the milk. It is a very good habit to accustom the child to take its daily supply of water from a bottle from a very early age. This procedure will make it easier to wean at any time.

Menstruation is not an indication for weaning as has been explained. If, however, the return of menstruation affects the milk so that it disagrees with, or fails to satisfactorily nourish the child, it may be necessary to wean, but not unless.

The best reason for weaning a child at the twelfth month is that a mother's milk after that time is not adequate in quality for a child of that age. A child at one year of age has grown beyond the capability of its mother[125]

to nurse it: nature demands a stronger and a more substantial food than any mother can supply. A mother who nurses her child beyond that period is not only injuring herself, but she is cheating her child. The exception to this rule is, as has been explained, the second summer.

The child will evidence its dissatisfaction with the breast supply if it is not enough; it will not gain in weight, it will be irritable and fretful, it will tug long and tenaciously at the nipple, it will be unwilling to cease nursing after it should have finished, and it will drop the nipple frequently with a dissatisfied cry. These are all signs of insufficient nourishment, and to the observant mother they will at once indicate that the child must be weaned and fed upon a mixed diet.

CARE OF b.r.e.a.s.t.s WHILE WEANING CHILD.--The process of weaning should cause little or no discomfort. If the weaning is gradual it is necessary to press out enough milk to relieve the tension from time to time. It usually takes three or four days.

If it is necessary to wean abruptly, as it is occasionally, there may be considerable distress. In these cases it is necessary to ma.s.sage the b.r.e.a.s.t.s completely,--until all the milk is out, or as much as it is possible to get out,--then rub the b.r.e.a.s.t.s with warm camphorated oil, and bind them firmly. When the b.r.e.a.s.t.s are ma.s.saged for any reason, the rubbing should be toward the nipple and it should be done gently. If there are any hard lumps, or caked milk, in the b.r.e.a.s.t.s, they must be ma.s.saged until soft, and the binding renewed. It may be necessary to repeat this process for a number of days. In binding the b.r.e.a.s.t.s use a large wad of absorbent cotton at the sides, under the arms, to support the b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and another wad between the b.r.e.a.s.t.s. This renders the binding more effective; permits the binder to be put on tighter; and prevents it from cutting into the skin. When weaning has to be done quickly the patient should absolutely abstain from all liquids. A large dose of any saline, Pluto, Apenta, or Hunyadi Water, or Roch.e.l.le salts, or Magnesium Citrate, should be given every morning for four or five days. [Page 126]

If the weaning is gradually undertaken the child should be allowed to nurse less frequently. One less nursing every second day until two nursings daily are given. Keep the two daily nursings up for one week and then discontinue them, after which the above measures may be adopted. To dry the milk up, the b.r.e.a.s.t.s may be anointed with the following mixture: Ext. Belladonna, 2 drams; Glycerine, 2 ounces; Oil of Wintergreen, 10 drops.

NERVOUS NURSING MOTHERS.--Nervousness, considered not as the product of a diseased condition, but as a temperamental quality, is an unfortunate affliction in some nursing mothers. Let us ill.u.s.trate just how this characteristic is detrimental to the helpless baby. A mother was instructed to give her baby a half teaspoonful of medicine one-half hour after each feeding. She was told how to give it, and how to hold the baby when giving it. She was also told that the baby would not like it, and would try to eject it from its mouth rather than swallow it, and that when it did swallow it, it would make a little choking noise in its throat, but not to mind these, to go ahead and give it, as the baby could not strangle or choke. It was essential to give the baby this medicine, and hence the physician explicitly instructed her in these details. What was the result?

On the following day when the physician called, and found the baby much worse, the mother said: "Oh, doctor! I couldn't give the medicine, the baby wouldn't take it, she nearly strangled to death when I tried to give it."

The physician asked for the medicine and placing the baby over his knee, gave it without the slightest trouble, much to the mother's amazement. The servant girl who was a hard-headed, cool, Scotch girl, was instructed and shown how to give the medicine, which she did successfully. The mother was temperamentally nervous, was easily excited and became helpless the moment the baby objected, though she was a strong, robust, healthy woman.

Another mother was carefully instructed to drop into the eye of her baby two drops of medicine every four hours. She was told and apparently appreciated the urgent necessity of the medication as her baby's eye [127]

was badly infected. She was further told that if she did exactly as shown, the eye would be better in two or three days, and if she did not, the other eye would become infected, and blindness might result. She undertook to carry out the directions faithfully. She absolutely failed, however, to carry out the instructions. Her husband informed the physician on the following day that she became so nervous and excited that she utterly failed to treat the eye once, and when he and a sister offered their a.s.sistance she became so unreasonable in her fear that "they might hurt the baby" that it was impossible to do anything with her. Her sister was finally shown how to do it and carried the case through quite successfully.

Inasmuch as this book is intended to convey helpful instruction to every mother, the author would suggest to those of this type the necessity of resisting this tendency. It is a matter of will power, just make up your mind not to be silly and if you find that you cannot trust yourself to follow instructions, let someone else do it. When the physician tells you a certain thing must be done, and that no harm can result, do it, and don't imagine all kinds of impossible happenings.

So much anguish and annoyance is caused in this world by imagining and antic.i.p.ating trouble, that half the pleasure of life is denied us. You cannot do your whole duty by a helpless baby if you do not reason and act upon sound judgment. Many babies are lost by mothers being afraid to do what should be done, and what they know should be done. It is not what the doctor does that brings a baby through a dangerous sickness; it is the faithfulness of the nurse in carrying out his instructions that is responsible for the outcome. A timid, halting, doubting nurse can quickly undo all a physician hopes to accomplish; while a prompt, faithful nurse, with initiative, and good judgment, can save a little life in a crisis, even in the absence of the physician. Follow instructions implicitly, even though the carrying out of the instructions seem to cause the baby pain and suffering,--it is for the baby's best interest.

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BIRTH MARKS.--Much has been written on this subject which a later study of biology and eugenics have shown to be utterly false. Let us consider the actual facts. The baby is already a baby, floating in a fluid of its own manufacture. It has absolutely no connection with its mother except by means of its umbilical cord,--which is composed of blood vessels. The blood in these vessels is the child's blood and never at any time does it even mix with the blood of the mother. It is sent along these vessels into the placenta, or after-birth, in which it circulates in small thin vessels, so close to the mother's blood that their contents can be interchanged. Yet the two streams never actually mix. The carbonic acid and waste products, in the child's blood, are taken up by the mother's blood, and given in exchange oxygen and food, which is returned to nourish the child. There is absolutely no nervous connection between the mother and the child. How then is it possible for the mother to affect her child in any way except insofar as the quality of its nourishment is concerned? Nor can a mother affect her child in any other sense. If the intermingling of blood could affect a child's education we would frequently resort to surgery. In the article on Eugenics, under the heading, "Education and Eugenics," it is explained that the child is "created" at the moment of conception; that absolutely nothing can affect it after it is created; that no influence of the mother or father can in any way affect it for better or worse. A mother cannot create in her child any quality which she may desire no matter how she conducts herself. It was formerly thought that a mother could for example create a musical genius by devoting all her time to the study of music while she carried the unborn child; or that she could make a historian of it if she studied history; or an artist if she studied paintings. We now know this to be wholly wrong and for very excellent reasons.

The mother must realize that the only aid she can bestow upon her unborn child is to give it the best possible nourishment. She must provide good blood because the quality of the maternal blood stream bespeaks a healthy or unhealthy, a fit or unfit, child. Whatever the child is to be is [129]

already fixed, its innate characteristics art part of itself. Whether it will have the vitality to develop its inherent possibilities depends, to a great degree, upon its intra-uterine environment,--and its intra-uterine environment depends upon the health of its mother and the quality of the blood she is feeding it upon. After birth its health, its success, its efficiency, depends upon the care it gets and the quality of its mother's milk. A mother therefore must be in good physical and mental health if she hopes to do her full duty as a mother.

QUALIFICATIONS OF A NURSERY MAID.--When a helper, or maid, is employed to aid in caring for the baby, much precaution should be exercised in selecting her. The a.s.sociation of the nursery maid and the child, is necessarity an intimate one, and she should be willing to submit to a medical examination to prove her physical fitness. Her lungs should be examined thoroughly, so also should the condition of her mouth, throat and nose be known. An observant and tactful mother will also find out if there are any other objectionable conditions existing, which would render her unfit for the position. A nursery maid should be naturally fond of children, she should be industrious, and sensible; of quiet tastes and good disposition. Her work should be a pleasure not a task.

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CHAPTER XI

CONVALESCING AFTER CONFINEMENT

THE SECOND CRITICAL PERIOD IN THE YOUNG WIFE'S LIFE--THE DOMESTIC PROBLEM FOLLOWING THE FIRST CONFINEMENT.

The first three or four months following the first confinement is the second important period in the young wife's life. In one sense it is the most critical period. The first important period you will remember we stated to be the first few months after marriage. During these months the young wife pa.s.sed through the period of adaptation. She found out that matrimony was not all suns.h.i.+ne and happiness. She learned that her husband was not the paragon she had idealized. She discovered his human side. She met daily trials and annoyances incident to domestic life. She found her level, and, in finding it, she discovered herself. She is not very safely anch.o.r.ed yet but she is trying to succeed and the future promises well.

Some day she awakes to the knowledge that she is pregnant and a mult.i.tude of new speculations enter into the situation. She finds she must go on striving and hoping and praying that she may have the strength and courage to do her part. Time pa.s.ses, and if she is an ordinary woman she scarcely does justice to herself. Her duties are exacting, and her physical condition is not given the study and care which she ought to give it. She does not understand the importance of the hygiene of pregnancy, and the day of the confinement finds her more or less exhausted, and worn out. She pa.s.ses through the crisis of maternity, however, and spends the customary ten days in bed. At the end of that period the nurse and physician leave her to face the most important problem of life alone. She is a mother, and has in her exclusive charge a human life.

Let us exactly understand what the real situation is. It would not further the object of this book or help in the solution of the problem the author has in mind to depict a false situation. We must concede the following[132]

facts to be true, if we understand the subject:

1. That the mothers of the human race are, in the vast majority, the poor.

2. That they are uneducated in the sense that they are not versed in the science of hygiene and sanitation, and consequently health preservation.

3. That even the fairly well educated are innocently ignorant of the science of heredity, environment, hygiene, sanitation and health preservation.

4. That to benefit the majority we must depict conditions as they exist among the poor, and reason from that standard.

Such books as have been written on this subject have based their facts upon too high a plane. Their remedies are beyond the means and the understanding of the average poor mother. Their a.n.a.logies are based upon conditions that exist among the better cla.s.s. The average poor housewife gets no practical a.s.sistance or help from their deductions, because her environment precludes any utilization of the data furnished; the data is not practical in her particular case.

Our young mother is in all probability a physically and mentally immature girl. She most likely entered the marriage relations.h.i.+p without a real understanding of its true meaning, or even a serious thought regarding its duties or its responsibilities. She was not taught the true meaning of motherhood before actual maternity was thrust upon her. She has probably innocently acquired habits which are detrimental to her health and her morals; and she has no conception of the fundamental duties of a homemaker.

Yet into the keeping of this woman a human life has been given.

Her home surroundings are not such as to inspire confidence or from which to elicit encouragement. It has been a struggle to make ends meet; to keep the peace; to be hopeful and cheerful. If she has succeeded in keeping her home neat and clean and comfortable, it has been at the expense of her not too robust const.i.tution. If she has made efforts to observe the amenities of life, to be true as wife, companion and confidant, it has taxed her[133]

nerves, her courage and her vitality. She has frequently been at the breaking point but she has kept up because she felt it was her duty, and because there was nothing else to do.

As she rests from her weary labor during the first long days after getting out of bed, the loneliness of it all crushes her. She is weak, nervous, and discouraged, and her white, wan face, with its tired, appealing eyes, bespeaks her anemic and hopeless condition. She is only a child herself, yet fate has crowned her with the holy diadem of motherhood. There are thousands of such mothers and yet posterity need not despair. This is just the beginning, and from such beginnings have sprung the heroes of the race.

If the reader has carefully read the chapter on Heredity she will understand that the temporary condition of this mother is not important so far as the destiny of the child is concerned. The really important question is, How will this mother develop? The environment of the child depends upon the conditions with which its mother surrounds it. If she is a failure, the child's environmental influences will be unfavorable; if she proves worthy of her trust, if she progresses and masters her difficulties; if she is a good mother and a good homemaker the child's surroundings and influences will be favorable to the full development of its hereditary endowment. But it must be remembered that even an unfavorable environment need not prevent the hereditary promise from dominating the life of the individual.

To return to our girl mother, upon whose slender shoulders the weight of a great responsibility rests,--we wish to concede that her burden is great.

Her home duties are rendered more onerous because of her physical weakness and disability. The strain of nursing her fretful child is taxing her vitality and her nerves to the limit. Her disposition is imposed upon by the exactions of an uncomprehending husband. She is inclined to fretfulness and melancholia by the seeming uncharitableness of fate and fortune. Her moments of introspection are almost bitter. It is a critical period,--she has reached the breaking point. [Page 134]

Such moments are apt to be epochal. The turning of the wheel of fortune will decide the destiny of a human soul.

It may be a friend who will supply the needed inspiration that will revitalize hope, and courage, and the determination to succeed. Or it may be a prayer, breathed in the silence of despair that will inspire the courage to fight on, and change the complexion of life.

Once again we would advise such a young wife to calmly think matters over; to find out "what she is working for"; to a.s.semble her ideals and to "know what she wants." There is nothing organically wrong. It is a condition, not a disease. She is discouraged, despondent, nervous and weak. The discouragement, despondency, and nervousness is a result of reduced physical vitality and lack of system. She is not efficient because she is not a trained worker. She is easily discouraged because anemia or bloodlessness fails to supply the oxygen necessary to a fight. There is no period in a woman's life when she is more apt to fall into a rut than at this time. Every element, spiritual and physical, which is necessary to stagnation and indifference is present, and it will take a bold and brave effort to resist the temptation to failure which has encompa.s.sed her.

How can we suggest a remedy? She must first regain her health. She has simply a condition to combat, not a disease, and a definite system, a well laid out plan strictly adhered to will effect the result. She must regain her health, because, without health, she cannot hope to be efficient in work or agreeable in disposition, and she owes both to herself, to her husband and to her child. She must get out of doors. She must walk in the open air. There is absolutely nothing in life that will effect so miraculous a transformation in a discouraged, tired, weary and sick woman, as systematic daily walks in the open air. She must walk briskly, however, and she must desire to get well. We cannot get well if we do not wish to get well. One who walks with a purpose will walk erect, firmly and briskly; she will hold her chest up, and will breathe deeply, and she will drink in hope, and health, and happiness. It takes time to regain strength [135]

after the strain of pregnancy and labor. Many women complain that they feel weak and do not regain strength quickly, but they make no effort. They must make a beginning. Sitting around waiting for it to come will not bring it.

If they cannot walk a mile, they must walk half that distance to begin with; the five mile walk will follow in time. Many young mothers get into the habit of taking baby out in his carriage for an airing, and regard this as exercise for themselves. They join the baby brigade and parade up and down the block, or select a sunny spot where there are others on a like quest, and sit around exchanging confidences. These outings usually degenerate into gossiping parties and are a dangerous and questionable practice. They are no doubt good for the baby, but they are morally and physically bad for the young mother. This daily habit is called exercise, but it is in no sense physical exercise. The young mother should select a certain time each day, immediately after a nursing when baby is likely to sleep, and devote this period to walking. One hour each day will accomplish much in regaining and establis.h.i.+ng health and strength, and appet.i.te for the mother. No indoor work can take the place of a walk out of doors. It is a duty on the part of the nursing mother to do this. It will enable her to supply better milk; it will banish her tendency to nervousness; it will ensure a good appet.i.te, good spirits, and sound sleep. It will make her a better mother and a better wife. Many young wives sow the first seeds of discontent, and ultimate failure during the natural depression that follows maternity.

She must adopt system in the performance of her household duties. A good plan is to set aside a certain definite time for meals, when to begin cooking and when to end was.h.i.+ng the dishes. Then arrange regarding the general household duties. Make a schedule for a week devoting each day to a certain task so that at the end of the week all the essential work will have been completed. By systematizing work in this way a great deal of ground can be covered and as time pa.s.ses it will become easier, as many helpful ways will suggest themselves whereby time will be economized. [136]

Adopt a system with the baby. Many mothers are worn-out, nervous wrecks for no other reason than a lack of system in the management of the daily life of their offspring. If system is not adopted in feeding and caring for an infant it becomes irritable. To a sick, tired, weary mother an irritable child is an unspeakable torture. Begin right. Give it adequate, but no unnecessary attention. Nurse it every two hours, and at no other time. Wake it to nurse at its regular time. It will in a few days acquire the habit of feeding regularly and will sleep between feedings. Do not overfeed it.

Remember babies never die from starvation, but many do by overkindness, and overfeeding is the most prolific cause of infant mortality known. Read the article on "How long should a baby nurse?" Keep the baby clean, comfortable and happy and you will not have a fretful child, but one that will be a constant inspiration and incentive to you.