Discworld - The Fifth Elephant Part 58

"Exactly," said Carrot. "But I'm glad to see you made so much headway with the paperwork, Fred."

Colon stood nailed to the spot until n.o.bby, saluting desperately with the other hand, dragged him out of the office.

Angua could hear them arguing all the way down the stairs.

Carrot stood up, dusted off the chair, and placed it carefully under the desk.

"Well, we're home," he said.

"Yes," said Angua, and she thought: You do do know how to do nasty, don't you. But you use it like a claw; it slides out when you need it, and when you don't there's no sign that it's there. know how to do nasty, don't you. But you use it like a claw; it slides out when you need it, and when you don't there's no sign that it's there.

He reached over and took her hand.

"Wolves never look back," he whispered.

*Not rock and iron in their dead form, as they are now, but living living rock and iron. The dwarfs have quite an inventive mythology about minerals. rock and iron. The dwarfs have quite an inventive mythology about minerals.

*Vampires evolve long names. It's something to do to pa.s.s the long years.

*At least, of the sort she she normally wore. normally wore.

And, just lately, Corporal n.o.bbs.

*They couldn't bring themselves to utter the word "her."

*At least, by proper explorers. Just living there doesn't count.

*At least, if you hit them hard enough.

*Especially if it was green, and bubbled.

*Except that the ones around it were not good stones to tread on if it was a Tuesday.

*As a member of the dead community, Reg Shoes naturally thought of himself as an ethnic majority.

*Miles and Miles of b.l.o.o.d.y Uberwald.

*One that no no other creature in the world would ever adopt. other creature in the world would ever adopt.

*After all, this made it so much harder for the hand to feed you tomorrow.

*Detritus's silicon based brain was, as with most trolls, highly sensitive to changes in temperature. When the thermometer was very low he could be dangerously intellectual.

*whatever the name Vimes rec Buckwheat dumplings stuffed with stuff.

Bread made from parsnips, and widely considered to be much tastier than the dull wheat kind.

*He'd noticed that s.e.x bore some resemblance to cookery: It fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination-but at the end of the day they'd settle quite happily for egg and chips, if it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.

*Vimes had once discussed the Ephebian idea of "democracy" with Carrot, and had been rather interested in the idea that everyone had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a vote, there was no way in the rules that anyone could prevent n.o.bby n.o.bbs from having one as well. Vimes could see the flaw there straightaway. had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a vote, there was no way in the rules that anyone could prevent n.o.bby n.o.bbs from having one as well. Vimes could see the flaw there straightaway.

Apart from women, children, slaves, idiots and people who weren't really our kind of people.

*The Marquis of Fantailler got into many fights in his youth, most of them as a result of being known as the Marquis of Fantailler, and wrote a set of rules for which he termed "the n.o.ble art of fisticuffs" which mostly consisted of a list of places where people weren't allowed to hit him. Many people were impressed with his work and later stood with n.o.ble chest outthrust and fists balled in a spirit of manly aggression against people who hadn't read the Marquis's book but did did know how to knock people senseless with a chair. The last words of a surprisingly large number of people were "Stuff the b.l.o.o.d.y Marquis of Fantailler-" know how to knock people senseless with a chair. The last words of a surprisingly large number of people were "Stuff the b.l.o.o.d.y Marquis of Fantailler-"

*The key was in the pattern of scars.

*The treacle mines below Ankh-Morpork had long been exhausted, leaving only a street name to remember them by. But the collision with the Fifth Elephant had buried thousands of acres of prehistoric sugar cane around the borders of Uberwald and the resulting dense crystalline sugar was the foundation of a large mining, confectionery and dentistry industry.

About the Author.

TERRY PRATCHETT's novels have sold more than forty-five million (give or take a few million) copies worldwide. He lives in England. novels have sold more than forty-five million (give or take a few million) copies worldwide. He lives in England.

www.terrypratchettbooks.com Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

Terry Pratchett's acclaimed Discworld novels have been number one bestsellers in England for more than a decade, elevating him among the most celebrated pract.i.tioners of satire and parody including Kurt Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, and Carl Hiaasen. At last, his irreverent humor-brilliantly displayed in The Fifth Elephant The Fifth Elephant -is being embraced across America. -is being embraced across America.

Unanimous Praise Praise for for THE FIFTH ELEPHANT.

"He's arguably the purely funniest English writer since Wodehouse."

Was.h.i.+ngton Post Book World "Acclaimed British author Pratchett continues to distinguish himself from his colleagues with clever plot lines and genuinely likable characters in this first-rate addition to his long-running Discworld fantasy series...Pratchett cheerfully takes readers on an exuberant tale of mystery and invention. Along the way, he skewers everything from monarchy to fascism, as well as communism and capitalism, oil wealth and ethnic ident.i.ties, Russian plays, immigration, condoms, and evangelical Christianity-in short, most everything worth talking about."

Publishers Weekly, starred review starred review "Discworld takes the cla.s.sic fantasy universe through its logical, and comic evolution."

Cleveland Plain Dealer "Trying to summarize the plot of a Pratchett novel is like describing Hamlet as a play about a troubled guy with an Oedipus complex and a murderous uncle. Pratchett isn't Shakespeare-for one thing, he's funnier-but his books are richly textured, and far more complex than they appear at first."

Barbara Mertz and Terry Pratchett "Pratchett has now moved beyond the limits of humorous fantasy, and should be recognized as one of the more significant contemporary English language satirists."

Publishers Weekly "Unadulterated fun...witty, frequently hilarious."

San Francisco Chronicle "Truly original...Discworld is more complicated and satisfactory than Oz...Has the energy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and the inventiveness of and the inventiveness of Alice in Wonderland Alice in Wonderland...Brilliant!"

A. S. Byatt "For lighthearted escape with a thoughtful center, you can't do better than...any...Discworld novel."

Was.h.i.+ngton Post Book World "If I were making my list of Best Books of the Twentieth Century, Terry Pratchett's would be most of them."

Elizabeth Peters "Consistently, inventively mad...wild and wonderful!"

Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine "Simply the best humorous writer of the twentieth century."

Oxford Times "A brilliant story-teller with a sense of humour...whose infectious fun completely engulfs you...The d.i.c.kens of the twentieth century."

Mail on Sunday (London) (London) "The funniest parodist working in the field today, period."

New York Review of Science Fiction "Terry Pratchett does for fantasy what Douglas Adams did for science fiction."

Today (Great Britain) (Great Britain)

ALSO BY T TERRY P PRATCHETT.

The Carpet People The Dark Side of the Sun Strata Truckers Diggers Wings Only You Can Save Mankind Johnny and the Dead Johnny and the Bomb The Unadulterated Cat (with Gray Jollife) Good Omens (with Neil Gaiman) THE D DISCWORLD S SERIES.

The Color of Magic*

The Light Fantastic*

Equal Rites*

Mort Sourcery Wyrd Sisters Pyramids Guards! Guards!

Eric (with Josh Kirby) (with Josh Kirby) Moving Pictures Moving Pictures Reaper Man Witches Abroad Small G.o.ds*

Lords and Ladies*

Men at Arms*

Soul Music*

Feet of Clay*

Interesting Times*

Maskerade*

Hogfather*

Jingo*

The Last Continent*

Carpe Jugulum*

Mort: A Discworld Big Comic (with Graham Higgins) The Streets of Ankh-Morpork (with Stephen Briggs) The Discworld Companion (with Stephen Briggs) The Discworld Mapp (with Stephen Briggs)