The Job: A Fox And O'Hare Novel Part 9

"It is where I come from. Having dinner tonight in a fancy restaurant would mean leaving the car parked on the street with hundreds of thousands of dollars of gold coins in the trunk. I'd rather not take the chance just so you can have a gourmet dinner."

"Tapas isn't gourmet," he said. "Think of it as high-quality fast food."

"Can you get it at a drive-through?"

"No."

"Then it isn't fast food," she said. "It's slow food."

"So are you going to take the turnoff to Seville?"

"Absolutely. I'm all about acorn ham."

They crossed the border into Portugal and arrived in Lisbon shortly after midnight, approaching the city from the south on the Ponte 25 de Abril. It was a half-mile-long replica of the Golden Gate Bridge spanning the Rio Tejo, the gateway to the Atlantic. A Golden Gate Bridge clone was a good fit for Lisbon, which, like San Francisco, is a coastal city built on steep hills and once devastated by a ma.s.sive earthquake. The Lisbon temblor hit on November 1, 1755, and was immediately followed by a huge tidal wave and then a h.e.l.lacious inferno sparked by cooking fires. The fires lasted for five days and destroyed two-thirds of the city, which still bore the scars more than two centuries later.

Once off the bridge, Kate headed east along the riverfront, past the historic city center to the decaying industrial area.

Running along Rua Cintura do Porto behind a high graffiti-covered stone wall topped with razor wire was a derelict, trash-strewn gravel yard with a rotting wharf jutting out into the river. The gate to the property was open. A rutted dirt road lined with tall, dry weeds led to the wharf, where a 150-foot cargo s.h.i.+p was docked.

The s.h.i.+p had a low main deck, close to the water, and a high proud bow. The crane attached to the deck resembled a claw raised in fury, raging against the moon. The three-story deckhouse was aft. The bridge atop the deckhouse was dark, but a few windows were lit on the floors below, where the cabins, galley, and mess were located.

Kate drove down the road that cut through the lot, the car bouncing and rocking over the uneven ground. As she got closer to the s.h.i.+p, she could see sparks from someone welding on the deck near the crane. She parked beside a pickup truck and a van and got out with Nick, who lifted the hatchback and took out the suitcase full of gold.

They walked to the end of the wharf, and floodlights flashed on atop the crane and the deckhouse, illuminating the boat deck and the steep gangway. Kate and Nick trudged up the gangway and were met on deck by Jake.

"Welcome aboard the Seaquest," Jake said. "How'd it go in Cartagena?"

"We've got the gold," Nick said. "Your daughter has the makings of a master thief."

"That's my girl," Jake said.

"That's not me at all," she said, kissing her dad on the cheek. "I'd much prefer to arrest thieves than be one. There's a lasting sense of accomplishment that only comes from a deep, methodical investigation."

"You sound like the keynote speaker at a proctology conference," Jake said. "And by the way, I'm clean as a whistle."

Nick grinned. "Congratulations."

"Yeah, Dad, that's great."

"I suppose," Jake said, "but I feel like I didn't get my money's worth. I was sort of hoping they'd at least find a polyp."

They all crossed the deck to where Tom was working. He was welding a tail fin onto what looked like an enormous mechanical shark with floodlights for eyes, a surveillance camera on his nose, and a basket for collecting treasure where his mouth was supposed to be.

Tom turned off the torch, lifted up his protective mask, and took a step back to admire his creation. "I know it looks rough, but I haven't added the robotic claw or put all the bling on it yet."

"What bling?" Kate asked.

"The chrome and blinky lights," Nick said.

"That's a remotely operated submersible survey vehicle," Kate said. "Why does it need chrome and blinking lights?"

"The same reason you used cleavage as bait for the bank robbers," Nick said. "You knew it would get their attention. If Menendez is hooked by the sub, he'll go along with everything else."

"Wait until you see it with the nacelles," Tom said.

"What are nacelles?" Kate asked.

"The two big, bada.s.s tubes on the back of the stars.h.i.+p Enterprise that hold the propulsion system," Tom said. "Only these will be a lot smaller, like the ones on the bottom of the Enterprise's shuttle craft. Are you ready to see how the command center is coming along?"

"Absolutely," Nick said. "Lead the way."

They took the metal stairs to the second level and entered a narrow corridor leading to a conference room dominated by a large boomerang-shaped control panel. The control panel was crammed with a keyboard and an array of k.n.o.bs, dials, and multicolored b.u.t.tons. At the center of it all, in front of a console with a forty-inch monitor flanked by several smaller ones, was a joystick that could have come from a fighter jet. There were two smaller joysticks on either side of it.

"Let me guess," Kate said, gesturing to the center joystick, "our sub fires missiles, too."

The three men stared at her like she was an idiot, but it was Nick who spoke up. "Why would a remotely operated vehicle have missiles?"

"Why would it have nacelles?"

"To make it go."

"It has propellers for that," Kate said.

"In the nacelles," Nick said.

"What are they doing in there?"

"Looking a lot cooler than propellers that aren't in nacelles."

"So if the ROV doesn't fire weapons," Kate said, "why do you have a such an elaborate joystick?"

"So it looks fun to drive," Nick said.

Tom hit a switch somewhere and the multicolored b.u.t.tons on the control panel lit up and the console began blinking like a Christmas tree.

Jake nodded. "Very impressive."

"It's silly," Kate said. "What are all the lighted b.u.t.tons supposed to do?"

"Blink," Tom said.

"What I mean is, in the real world, what are they supposed to control?"

"Nothing," Nick said.

"Then why do we have them?"

"Have you ever watched Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica?" Nick asked.

"Sure."

"Well the bridges on those stars.h.i.+ps are loaded with blinking lights that have absolutely no function and lots of monitors with meaningless readouts constantly scrolling on the screen."

"This isn't a stars.h.i.+p," Kate said.

"But it has to look like one or Menendez won't be impressed. Authenticity is not what we are going for here," Nick said. "It's creating a fantasy that Menendez can't resist. We don't want him thinking. We want him dreaming."

"Nick is right," Tom said. "If there's one thing I've learned building treehouses, it's that all men are kids at heart. They will jump at any opportunity to fulfill their childhood fantasies. h.e.l.l, that's why I'm here."

"What fantasy is this for you?" Kate asked.

"Tom Underhill, fearless samurai, living a life of intrigue in exotic locales."

"You're on an old cargo s.h.i.+p docked at an abandoned gravel yard," Kate said.

"I'm on a boat in Lisbon with three deadly mercenaries, a master of disguise, a secret agent, and a mysterious security guy."

"I'm not a secret agent," Kate said.

"I'm married with two kids," Tom said. "I live in Rancho Cucamonga, and I build treehouses for a living. Don't rain on my parade."

Jake took Nick and Kate to the s.h.i.+p's mess so they could meet Billy Dee Snipes.

Billy Dee was sitting at a table, smoking a cigar. He looked like a skeleton that had been painted black, dressed in a blue tracksuit, and propped in a chair facing the door to startle people. Kate's first thought was that the man was either dying of some horrible disease or was at the end of a long hunger strike.

"Billy Dee Snipes," Jake said. "This is my daughter Kate and her a.s.sociate Nick."

Billy Dee stood up and shook hands with them both. For a man with a skeletal hand, Billy Dee had a surprisingly strong grip.

"Thanks for helping us out on this," Kate said. "We really appreciate it."

"My pleasure, but if you'd come to me earlier, I could have hijacked a boat like this for you and saved you a lot of money."

"You did hijack this boat," Jake said. "Only it was twenty years ago."

"I'll be d.a.m.ned," Billy Dee said. "You found my mark?"

Jake nodded. "There's a tiny skull and crossbones carved into the bulkhead up on the bridge."

"Then this was meant to be." Billy Dee reached for Nick's suitcase. "I'm thinking you must have the treasure in the suitcase, so I'll take it off your hands for safekeeping."

"Where's it going?" Kate asked.

"It's staying here on the boat, in a bucket of water under my cot. I sleep with my machete under my pillow, and I a.s.sure you that I am a very light sleeper."

"I would be, too, if there was a chance I'd roll over on a machete," Nick said.

"It's safer than sharing the bed with a woman," Billy Dee said, then smiled at Kate. "No offense, my dear."

"None taken," Kate said.

Nick grinned. "Kate prefers a loaded gun next to her bed."

"Is that all?" Jake asked Kate. "Where's your hand grenade?"

"I don't have a hand grenade."

"What happened to the one I gave you for Christmas?"

"I forgot about that," she said. "I guess it's around the apartment somewhere."

"You lost a hand grenade in your apartment?" Nick said. "Next time I visit I'll be more careful."

"Next time?" Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "I've never invited you over. You jerk! You broke into my apartment, didn't you?"

"That's what you get for not having it properly b.o.o.by-trapped," Jake said.

Nick handed the suitcase over to Billy Dee and turned to Jake. "Shall we meet the other new member of our crew?"

Everyone trooped to the engine room, and as they got closer, they could hear the clanging of tools against metal and Barnacle Bob singing an ancient sea shanty in a heavy, almost incomprehensible c.o.c.kney accent. "What will we do with a drunken sailor, what will we do with a drunken sailor, what will we do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?"

It was hot and humid in the dimly lit room, and there were hundreds of engine parts all over the floor. Standing amid it all, covered in oil and grease like a pig who'd been rolling in mud, was Barnacle Bob, singing away.

"Way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, early in the morning ..."

Barnacle Bob, with his squarish, flat-topped head, jutting jaw, and no neck, resembled a cartoon character after a boulder has been dropped on him. He had broad shoulders, and a big belly over a narrow waist and thin legs, as if his belt had been cinched way, way too tight. He banged a tool against a pipe in time with his singing.

"Bob, I'd like you to meet my daughter Kate and her a.s.sociate Nick," Jake yelled over the singing and clanging. "They're running this operation."

Bob looked dubious.

"It looks like you've dismantled the engine," Kate said. "That's what I did, guv."

"But I thought that it was recently rebuilt."

"Not by me. An engine is like a woman. I have to get to know her. Only way to do that is to get under her skirt."

"Have you tried talking?" Kate said.

"To an engine?" Bob asked.

"To a woman."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"I'm a woman. You're talking to me."

"You're Jake's daughter. I'm not going to s.h.a.g you."