The Marilyn's: Sorry Charlie Part 11

"I didn't break anything." She reached into her cleavage and pulled out a key. "I borrowed your key."

"You pickpocketed me?" He'd never been pickpocketed before. He hadn't felt a thing. He had to admit that it was impressive.

"Yep." Neither denial nor guilt showed on her face. She waggled a manila file folder at him. "Care to explain this?"

It was the file Jerome had given him, and he really did not care to explain it. "You need to leave... now." He pointed to the door.

She sat on the sofa across from his bed. "I'm not going anywhere."

He held up his phone. "I'm calling 9-1-1."

"Oh goody." She clapped her hands. "Today's Thursday, so Elroy'll be manning the desk. He'll send Jenkins and Bertrand because they're probably closest. Everyone knows that Bertrand has a thing for one of the strippers at Dej Vu, and Jenkins does whatever Bertrand tells him to do." She nodded. "I know, it's an outrage-two of New Orleans's finest holding up barstools while on the job. It's terrible, but what can you do?" She shrugged one shoulder.

He had absolutely no response to that. While he loved New Orleans, it was a strange place. When it came to being weird, it could give Los Angeles-maybe even Hollywood-a run for its money.

She held up the file. "Why are you romancing Charlie on behalf of Jerome Breaux?" She set the file down. "You're better than that."

He felt the smallest tw.a.n.g at the thought that she was disappointed in him.

"I'm not working for him anymore." He knew Mama was a huge part of Charlie's life, and she would be sure to tell Charlie the truth. What were the chances he'd be able to win Mama over to his side? Christ, did he have a side? "I just quit."

"Uh huh, sure. Do I look like an idiot?" She glanced at her reflection in the TV. "I think I look hot and nothing like an idiot."

"It's true. About me quitting. You can..." He was about to say call Jerome, but Jerome wasn't likely to be helpful. There was no proof that Wagner no longer worked for Jerome. He had no idea how Claire had sent Jerome's money back. If it was by check, would Mama wait until after it cleared to see that the funds had been returned?

Mama folded her arms and glared at Wagner. "I love Charlie like a daughter. In fact, at the moment, I love her more than my own daughter." She threw up a hand and shook her head. "Don't ask. Anyway, when I ran your fingerprints and found out that you're some kind of Ray Donovan wannabe-"

"Let me just stop you right there. No matter where I go, it's always the same thing. Ray Donovan is fiction. This might be hard to believe, but Hollywood didn't get it right. There isn't some knuckle-dragging gangster with a heart of gold cleaning up Hollywood messes with a briefcase full of cash and a bottle of Irish whiskey. I'm an attorney. Most of what I do is-"

"Charming ladies out of whatever they have that you want?" She pulled a pair of bra.s.s knuckles out of her cleavage.

He put his hands out like a traffic cop. "Now let's all calm down."

"I don't know about you, but I'm calm." She slid the fingers of her right hand through the loops of the knuckles.

"Where did you even get those? They're illegal." Pointing that out wasn't likely to help him, but he just wanted to go on the record in case she didn't know.

"I bought them from RayDonovanweapons.com. They were half price." She shook her head. "Apparently no one uses bra.s.s knuckles these days. It's all cyber-bullying and hacking. Explains why the world is going to h.e.l.l. People don't beat the s.h.i.+t out of each other anymore. Beatdowns have been around since we sprouted opposable thumbs, but now it's all about cyber-beatdowns." She pointed to him. "Mark my words, all this cyber stuff is the downfall of Western civilization. Exactly what happened to the Romans."

He didn't follow. "The Romans had cyber-bullying?"

He knew the Egyptians had batteries, but Roman cyber-bullying was a thing? The History Channel must have missed that one.

"No, of course they didn't have cyber-bullying. In the end, they had too much politics and not enough beatdowns. They went from being the toughest country on earth to being a bunch of toga-wearing blowhards who sat around bathing each other and drinking wine. That's why the Attila the Hun wiped them out."

He wasn't sure what Attila the Hun had to do with him, but as long as she was talking, she wasn't a.s.saulting him. "Okay."

"Back to the problem at hand. Why should I believe you?" She cracked her knuckles.

"I'm in love with Charlie." He held her eyes so she would know he was telling the truth.

She looked like she wanted to believe him. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, dropping her arms. "If I hadn't seen the way you look at her, I'd have already punched you in the b.a.l.l.s."

His hands dropped to cover his crotch while he took an involuntary step backward. "How do I look at her?"

"Like you could spend forever with her and it still wouldn't be enough time." Mama slipped the bra.s.s knuckles off and dropped them on the small end table next to the sofa. "Convincing Charlie that you're for real isn't going to be easy."

He sat in the chair adjacent to the sofa. "You believe me?"

She glared at him one more time for good measure. "Yes, but if you hurt her I'll beat you to death and feed your body to the gators in Falgout Ca.n.a.l. Last week, a friend of mine pulled a twelve footer out of Falgout Ca.n.a.l."

"Okay. Deal." What else could he say?

"So, what's your plan?" Mama crossed her legs, clearly waiting for him to wow her. "When you tell her the truth, she's going to cut you out of her life."

He knew that, but hearing her say it just made things worse.

"Still working on a plan." He sat back in relief that he wasn't about to be beaten to death.

She gave him a very mom look. "You have no clue what you're doing, do you?"

"I'm completely lost." His head lolled back against the chair back. "I need to tell her about Jerome, but I don't want to hurt her or lose her. Any ideas?"

Mama thought about it for a couple of beats. "I think you should knock her up, marry her, and then tell her about Jerome on your golden wedding anniversary. Just a heads-up, I expect your firstborn to be named after me."

It might be awkward to explain that he'd already seen Angelique Cherie and she was indeed named after Mama.

"Basically, you've got nothing too." He racked his brain. "I really need to romance her before I tell her the truth. We're talking pulling out all the stops. I thought I'd start with dinner and hundreds of red roses."

Mama made snoring noises. "I fell asleep just thinking about that. If this is the c.r.a.p you normally do, I can't believe you were able to romance anyone out of anything."

"Now, wait a minute, give me a second. How about a hot-air balloon ride?" He watched her face carefully for signs of approval.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed like the weight of his stupidity was a heavy burden. "Betts's father died after falling out of a hot-air balloon."

"Oh my G.o.d, really?" His hand covered his mouth.

"No, but if I could figure out which of the three men I slept with that month was her father and he took me up in a hot-air balloon, I'd throw him over the side and then he'd have died in a hot-air balloon accident." She looked very disappointed in him. "Is this really your A game? 'Cause it sounds like you've just binge watched the Hallmark Channel and are picking random romance script ideas. Are you planning on finding her long lost hobo grandpa and bringing him home for Christmas?"

"I'm struggling, cut me some slack. I need ideas." When he worked, he was usually focused. He found what the woman wanted and he gave it to her. He had stacks of reports on Charlie that gave him exactly no insight. In person, she was nothing like she was on paper.

Had this been true for the other women too?

Guilt punched him right in the heart. He'd never stayed around for the devastation. They'd all just been a job to him. He felt the need to call each one and ask for forgiveness, and he was afraid that he was about to experience exactly what they had.

If he didn't end up with Charlie, it would destroy him.

"I have to say, guilt doesn't look good on you." Mama looked him up and down. "Me, I don't really do guilt. I was raised Baptist and they do guilt big time. No drinking or dancing or s.e.x before marriage. I'm proud to say, I do a lot of all three, sometimes all at the same time. And d.a.m.n if I don't feel the least bit guilty about any of it."

"Back to me. Can we focus on the problem at hand? Once Charlie finds out the truth, she's going to hate me." The thought sent a s.h.i.+ver down his spine. He missed her and he'd only just seen her a couple of hours ago. "I need to figure out how to make her fall in love with me before she finds out the truth."

That was a sound plan... well, it was more a direction to head in and not an actual plan, but it was a start.

"How do you make someone fall in love with you?" Mama sat back and waited for him to reveal the secret to love.

He'd done it dozens of times before, but when it was personal, he didn't have a clue. He dropped his head into his hands. "I'm so screwed."

"Yep." She reached over and patted his arm. "Stop overthinking this. Name five things you love about Charlie."

"Her smile, the fact that she's unpredictable. I love watching the way her mind works. She's kind and generous. She's resourceful and smart and funny and beautiful. She enjoys life and judges people based on their actions and not how they look. She doesn't mind getting her hands dirty-"

"Oh Jesus, stop. I can feel my blood glucose level rising, you're so d.a.m.n sweet. Since you don't know Charlie that well, let me break this down for you. She is loyal and never gives up. She's been after her father's love since she was old enough to realize that she didn't have it, and she puts family above all else." Mama wanted the world to think she was a dumb blonde, but she was wise beyond her years. "She's had a lifetime of grand gestures, but it's the small ones she loves. She never had a childhood because growing up in the limelight sucks the child right out of a person." Mama folded her hands in her lap. "Now, does that sound like the type of lady who wants a bazillion roses?"

"No, she's a simple picnic in her favorite spot in the park kind of girl. Or, she'd prefer pizza and a movie at home instead of going out." He could feel a goofy smile break out across his face. "She's Sat.u.r.day morning antiquing and Sunday morning sleeping in, and she'd appreciate getting my grandmother's engagement ring over me buying her something new."

"That sounds like Charlie." Mama sniffled and blinked rapidly. "The last of my girls is getting married." She leaned over and punched him in the arm. "If you don't screw it up."

"Don't start planning our wedding. She still has to forgive me first." He couldn't plan the future before he told her everything.

His phone buzzed with a text. He picked up his phone and read the screen. "She wants to know what I'm up to this afternoon."

He knew his face had a goofy smile on it, but he didn't care. He texted back, Just hanging out with Mama.

"You two are so sweet it's giving me cavities." Mama made gagging noises.

There was a sc.r.a.ping coming from above the front door.

He opened the door, expecting to find some sort of animal on the roof. Instead, he found Charlie wearing a white Marilyn Monroe dress, blonde wig, and sitting on Lucky Strickland's shoulders using a crowbar to pry open the dormer window above the front door.

Charlie's mouth dropped open. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question." He folded his arms and leaned against the doorframe. "I'm sure there's a logical explanation for why three women are dressed as Marilyn Monroe and breaking into my room. I can't wait to hear it."

Chapter 13.

Charlie smiled as widely and as manically as possible, hoping to blind Wagner with her professionally whitened teeth while she tried to come up with a reason why she was on Lucky's shoulders trying to climb in his window.

She glanced at Betts, who looked like a deer in the headlights.

"Charlie got on my shoulders to get a better vantage point to see into the attic. We heard Angelique walking around." Lucky bent at the waist and Charlie slid her left leg down and then her right. Unfortunately, her skirt got tangled in Lucky's Marilyn wig as she slid to the ground.

After Charlie and Lucky had settled their clothes, Charlie stood tall on her Marilyn heels and tried the blinding smile again.

"Only problem is, Angelique is that way." He pointed to the main house behind her.

Charlie looked at Betts and then at Lucky. "I got nothing, how about either of you?"

"Nope, we were totally breaking in." Lucky pushed past him. "We're here to find out why you're in New Orleans."

Betts just glared at him as she followed Lucky into the guesthouse.

He waited patiently for an explanation from Charlie.

"What she said." She pointed vaguely at Lucky as she stepped inside.

This wasn't precisely her most embarra.s.sing moment, but it sure made the top ten.

Mama Cherie shook her head and looked at each Marilyn in turn. "I'm so disappointed in you."

"Why? You broke into my house first." Wagner looked like he couldn't believe what was happening. Charlie could see how he might be shocked by this, but to be honest, this was pretty run-of-the-mill for the Marilyns.

"Yes, but I broke in the right way." Mama pulled something out of her cleavage and held it up. "I stole the key." She pointed to the window over the front door with the key. "I don't know what that was, but I taught y'all better than that."

Lucky hung her head. "You're right. I should have planned this out, but Betts and I are only in town until tomorrow morning. We needed a quick in and out."

Wagner looked around like they were all lunatics, opened his mouth to say something, thought about it, and then closed his mouth.

Betts watched Mama. "What did you find out?"

"I'm standing right here. Not only did you guys break into my place, but now you're going to discuss me... in front of me."

"You're welcome to leave the room." Lucky was always so helpful; unfortunately, she was somewhat of an acquired taste. Most people didn't understand her humor or even know she was kidding.

"I'm good right where I am." Wagner turned to Mama. "What did you find out?"

Lucky nodded her approval. If he had backed down, she would have written him off.

For some reason, it was really important to Charlie for both Betts and Lucky to like Wagner.