Heartache Falls Part 14

Like this idyllic mountain stream, her marriage had frothed and bubbled along year after year, enduring periods of white water and enjoying slower-paced moments of peace and beauty. But over time, things changed. The bedrock of her marriage eroded, not by any cataclysmic event, but by the constant wear and tear of life.

Before yesterday, she would have said that all they had left was sand. Quicksand, even. But Mac's trip to Eternity Springs had given her second thoughts about her second thoughts. Maybe portions of their marriage bedrock had eroded, but not all of it. Sure, they had a few sandy spots, but they also had their share of granite.

Because first and foremost, she and Mac still loved each other. Maybe they'd allowed the detritus of life to hide it, but now Ali knew it was still there-solid and steadfast and strong.

Her gaze fell to her left hand and the ring she'd worn for half her life. Mac had chosen quality over carats in choosing the stone, and he'd presented his reasons for doing so with as much care and attention to detail as he'd used when he'd argued his very first case in court. He need not have bothered. Ali had loved the ring from the moment he offered it to her. For years after he'd started making money, he'd tried to replace it with something flas.h.i.+er. She'd refused to allow it. He'd given her the very best he could give. What could be better than that?

She wiggled her fingers. Sunlight glinted off the stone. Solid, steadfast, and strong. Just a little dimmed and dingy. Just in need of a good cleaning and polis.h.i.+ng. Maybe that was the purpose of this time apart, maybe these last few months had been a dust rag for her marriage.

You've mixed up your metaphors, Alison.

"Actually, I've mixed up my life."

She focused on a leaf as it swirled and turned on the water, dancing it's way downstream. What was she doing in Eternity Springs? After this trip, Mac would expect her to come home. She knew that as sure as the creek was cold.

A part of her wanted nothing more than to do just that. She wanted to go to sleep with him beside her in their bed each night and wake up snuggled against him every morning. She wanted to bake him pies and argue politics and battle over control of the television remote. She wanted to kiss him good-bye when he left for work in the morning and revisit his reaction to her garter belt collection at night.

So do it. The work on the restaurant was almost done. She could get serious about hiring a cook instead of piddling along at it like she'd done so far. She could do most of that from Denver. She should just do it. She could go home with Mac tomorrow. Monday he would go off to work and she would ... what?

I can volunteer, join a quilt group, go to lunch with friends. If she went home, all would be right with her father's world once again. He'd surely want to resume their weekly lunches. She'd once again be a lady who lunches.

Oh, joy.

"Yes, joy," she softly declared, wanting to mean it. She'd be with Mac again. The man whom she'd vowed to love and cherish in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health-a vow she'd allowed to get lost in the malaise of her middle age. Well, shame on her. He'd made the first step, and now it was up to her to take the next one-all the way back to Denver-where she would be happy if it killed her.

She'd go back to her therapist. If things got shaky, she'd insist on marriage counseling. Her dad had been right about that. She should have suggested counseling again rather than running off to the mountains. Who knows, he might have agreed. Stranger things had happened. A NASA rocket scientist was living with Bear in the mountains.

I've been so happy in the mountains.

She could be, she would be happy in the city again. Mac would be happy to have her home. Her father would be pleased. The kids would be thrilled.

Everyone would be happy. Everyone would be satisfied.

She blinked away the tears that stung her eyes and told herself to grow up. This was her choice. It was the right choice. She could find ways to occupy herself in the city again. She could get another job if that was what she decided she wanted. She could make a new set of friends, interesting people like Sage and Sarah and Celeste. She could even join another quilting bee if she wanted to continue learning that skill.

Frankly, at this point in her life, she could do almost anything she wanted. She had money. She had time. The world was her oyster. She could do whatever caught her fancy.

As long as she did it in Denver.

Because her husband was a federal judge. A federal judges.h.i.+p was a lifetime appointment. He'd be working in Denver forever-unless political winds blew his way, and then they'd go to Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C., the pinnacle, the culmination of his dreams.

But what about your dream?

Mac was her dream.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're his dream, too, but he doesn't have to give up one for the other, does he?

That was okay. It was just the way it was. She'd known that when she married him and made those vows. It was wrong of her to have buyer's remorse at this late date.

Besides, she wasn't feeling buyer's remorse. She loved Mac. She wanted to be with him. Just because she'd found happiness here in Eternity Springs didn't mean that she couldn't find happiness again back in Denver. She'd been happy in Denver for a lot of years. Just because her kids were grown and gone and her social life no longer revolved around their activities didn't mean she couldn't invite one of the other school moms to join a quilting bee with her. Just because Mac's move onto the bench complicated her relations.h.i.+ps at the family firm didn't mean she couldn't continue to attend yoga cla.s.ses with the trio of female attorneys she'd made friends with years ago. They simply had to try to get past the awkwardness. They could do that. They were all bright women. Ali could have friends in Denver. Could have a life in Denver that was just as enriching and fulfilling as the one she'd begun to build in Eternity Springs.

If she said it often enough, maybe she'd begin to believe it.

How long she sat staring unseeingly at the water lost in thought she didn't know, but it wasn't until Mac reached out and took hold of her fis.h.i.+ng pole that she jerked back to attention.

"Honey," he said, "here's a fis.h.i.+ng tip. You'll catch more fish if you remove the ones you've already caught off the hook."

"Oh." She watched him pull a twelve-inch trout out of the stream. "I got distracted. How did you do?"

"I caught dinner. Made me hungry for lunch." He removed the trout from its hook, added the fish to his stringer, then returned it to the water and washed his hands. "Are you ready to eat?"

"Sure," she said, shrugging off her melancholy and smiling. Moments later, she reached into the picnic basket and set out the bounty they'd purchased at the Trading Post while Mac pulled the cork on a bottle of wine.

While they ate, they spoke of inconsequential things, and Ali thought they both made an effort to avoid subjects that could introduce controversy into the conversation. Gradually, helped by wine, a sweet summer peach, and a silly story Mac told about one of their neighbors, Ali relaxed and pushed the last lingering worries from her mind.

So relaxed was she that she had only a mild grip on her winegla.s.s as she brought it to her mouth for a sip when a noise-a loud animal noise-sounded from right behind her. She startled, spilling half a gla.s.s of wine down the front of her s.h.i.+rt.

"Yeeek," she squealed, whirling around. "Was that a ... moo?"

Mac's gaze was locked on her chest. "Uh-huh."

"From a cow?"

"That's a steer, Alison."

"What's a steer doing here?" She grabbed paper napkins from the picnic basket and wiped at the stain on her s.h.i.+rt. "An elk, okay. A mountain lion, fine. Shoot, even a bear makes sense. But a cow?"

"A steer." Amus.e.m.e.nt s.h.i.+mmered in his voice. "Ranches usually do have cattle, honey."

"I thought we'd crossed into national forest. I saw a sign."

"Hmm. You are right about that. I guess this steer can't read."

"Very funny, Timberlake. This is the first time I've worn this s.h.i.+rt and I've spilled wine on it. It's probably ruined."

"Take it off and rinse it in the creek before the stain sets." When she paused and looked worriedly around, he added, "No one will see you but the steer, and not only is it impossible for him to tattle on you, he doesn't have the equipment needed to take advantage of the situation. I, on the other hand ..." He waggled his eyebrows wolfishly.

Ali frowned at him.

The amus.e.m.e.nt in his eyes transformed to heat. "Take off your s.h.i.+rt, Ali-cat."

A ribbon of heat fluttered through her. "I guess I do need to soak the stain."

"You certainly do."

After glancing around the meadow one more time, she reached down to pull the s.h.i.+rt up and off, then hesitated. "If I do, will you give me your s.h.i.+rt to wear on the way back to town?"

"I certainly will."

He sucked in an audible breath when she revealed the s.e.xy red bra. When she knelt beside the creek and leaned over to rinse the s.h.i.+rt, he s.h.i.+fted to get a better view. Ali tended to the s.h.i.+rt, honestly fretful over the stain.

When she'd done her best with the s.h.i.+rt, she stretched it out to dry atop the boulder where she'd fished. When she turned around, Mac sat stretched out on their blanket, propped up on his elbows. He said, "I want to make love to you, Ali. Here. Now."

She licked her lips. It had been a long time since they'd last made love outdoors. This wasn't like Mac at all. He'd always put the kibosh on similar risky behavior when she'd proposed it. She pointed across the creek. "That is a national park. What if a park ranger comes along? It wouldn't look good for a federal judge to get arrested for public indecency."

"I'm of a mood to live on the wild side for a bit."

Just wait until he got a look at her panties-such as they were.

And yet it didn't feel right. She didn't feel right. She hadn't quite shaken her brooding mood.

Nevertheless, she made an effort to do just that by reminding herself how much she'd missed him, how much she'd wanted his attention, how much she loved him. This was an off-the-charts romantic moment. What sort of fool would she be if she didn't take advantage of it?

Determined now, Ali threw herself into the effort. She toed off her shoes and socks, then turned around, facing away from him. Releasing the b.u.t.ton on her jeans, she tugged down the zipper and slowly, sinuously, slid them down over her hips and off.

"Holy mother of G.o.d," Mac prayed.

She glanced back at him over her shoulder. "Like what you see?"

He scrambled to his feet, grabbed a corner of the blanket, and yanked it out from beneath the picnic basket. He carried it around behind the boulder, where tall gra.s.ses and a leafy bush provided additional shelter from any potential prying eyes, spread it on the ground, then returned to where Ali stood. As he lifted her into his arms, he said, "You take my breath away, Alison. You always have."

He laid her down onto the blanket and made sweet, almost reverent love to her.

Throughout the process, Ali tried to lose herself as she had before. She desperately sought that closeness, that sense of being one with him. She yearned for the connection they had reestablished during the night and earlier this morning, and while he gave her physical gratification, emotional satisfaction remained out of reach. She tried hard to pretend otherwise, but she simply couldn't shake the effects of her decision.

Mac, always perceptive, noticed. He rolled off her and lay beside her. They didn't touch. They didn't speak. Ali thought that if she stretched out her foot, she might find frost on their picnic blanket.

That's when she knew she couldn't do it. Sure, he'd made the first move by coming to her, but nothing really had changed. The problems that had driven her to the mountains still existed. Pretending otherwise, trying to wish it otherwise, didn't change a thing.

Their blissful idyll of peace and togetherness was over.

TEN.

As Mac reached for his boxers, he felt old and tired and worn. Not because of the s.e.x. The s.e.x itself left his body energized. What dragged him down were the thoughts running through his mind. So much for his hope that his wife had returned to her senses. Been here, done this before with Alison.

Welcome back to reality.

Welcome back to misery.

Welcome back to his frostbitten marriage.

He couldn't reach her. She'd gone off into that world of hers where he couldn't follow. No matter how much he tried, no matter how hard he reached for her, she shut him out. They were right back where they'd started.

Mac wanted to drop back his head and howl his frustration toward the heavens. Instead, he pulled on his jeans, reached for his socks, and took a few moments to consider his options. He could pretend he hadn't noticed. He'd had more s.e.x in the past twenty-four hours than he'd had all year, and the prospect of giving it up again was nothing to take lightly.

But the cost of such action was high. In those last few months when he'd continued to try with Ali, s.e.x had given him relief but no pleasure. If that was all he was going to get out of the effort, his hand would do the job well enough with much less fuss.

His other option was to call her on it. Maybe if he did it in a nice, gentle manner, she wouldn't get defensive the way she had the last time he'd attempted to broach the subject. Maybe if he'd confronted the elephant in their bed the first time he'd sensed it, the animal wouldn't have grown so big so fast, and they might have avoided the trouble that eventually sent her running for the mountains.

The trick would be finding that nice, gentle manner within himself and maintaining it. He wasn't feeling very nice or gentle at the moment.

He shoved his foot into first one boot, then the other. One thing he did know with complete certainty was that he didn't want history to repeat. If they were ever going to fix whatever was wrong with their marriage, it had to be now. So hold on to your cool, Timberlake. Keep your eye on the goal here. You want Ali back home where she belongs and for life to be normal again. The way to make that happen is to lock away your emotions for the time being and use your brain.

Mac blew out a heavy breath, yanked on his shoelaces, tied the bows, and then rolled to his feet and turned to face his wife.

Ali had dressed in her underwear, then pulled on the wet s.h.i.+rt. Seeing her in the dripping s.h.i.+rt made him see red that had nothing to do with wine stains and everything to do with the sense that happiness was slipping beyond his grasp. "I told you I'd give you my s.h.i.+rt, Alison."

"I'm fine."

She said it all perky and sweet with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. That only stoked his anger more. Mac shoved his hands in his back pockets and dropped his chin to his chest. A litany of curses ran through his mind and his temper threatened to erupt, but he determinedly reined it in. Finally he judged himself to be in control enough to say, "Okay, I think it's better we have this talk now instead of later. In fact, I think we'd be better off today if we'd had it a long time ago. I need to understand what is going on here, Alison."

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't reach you just now. This morning I could. Yesterday, too." Frustration thickened his voice as he finished, "But not now. I need to know why."

For a moment she looked like she might try to deny it, but he folded his arms and leaned against the boulder nearby, signaling that he was settling in for the duration.

Ali sighed and began to pace. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'd decided-"

She abruptly shut her mouth. When she didn't elaborate, he prodded, "Decided what?"

She halted, shoved her fingers through her hair, then plucked the wet s.h.i.+rt away from her skin and flapped the hem, attempting to dry it. "I'd decided we need to talk about our marriage, too."

And that was such a turnoff to her? Mac clamped his mouth tight to avoid the question that would certainly make her defensive. "Okay, good. Where do you want to start?"

"I don't know. It's almost overwhelming to think about. I know we need to talk, but I'm worried about what we will say. What if we hurt each other and end up making things worse?"

"We're living apart, Ali. How can that be any worse?" When she looked at him then with tears in her eyes, he spoke from the depths of his soul. "Come home, Ali. Please, come home to me."

"I want you to love me."

He waited a beat as frustration flared inside him, fierce and hot. She wanted him to love her? What sort of nonsense was that? "Alison, I do love you. You should know that. Haven't I proved it? I came to you, didn't I? I swallowed my pride and I came to you because I love you. I believe that in your heart of hearts, you still love me. Because we have that going for us, I think we should be able to overcome everything else, don't you?"

She closed her eyes and rubbed them with her fingertips. "I hope so. Oh, Mac, I really hope so."

"Okay, then. Let's face our problems head-on and maybe we'll be able to do something about them. Talk to me, Ali."

"About s.e.x?"

"Yes. I admit that's an important subject to me."