Heartache Falls Part 15

"To me, too." She licked her lips, then said, "I guess it's as good a place to start as any."

When she fell silent again, he thought it might help to give her a place to start, so he repeated his question. "I need to know why you made love with me in the shower this morning and had s.e.x with me a few minutes ago."

The distinction was subtle but vitally important. Ali understood his point, because she whirled around and said, "Don't you see? That's the problem. We weren't making love this morning. We were having vacation s.e.x. We've always been good at vacation s.e.x, at shower s.e.x and picnic s.e.x and in-front-of-the-fireplace s.e.x. It's s.e.x with no worries, no distractions, and no reality. Well, it was lovely and fun and it made us both feel better for a while, but it wasn't real."

"It felt real to me." Knowing it wouldn't help, he bit back the additional words he was tempted to say. More real than what just took place on that blanket.

She appeared to wilt before his eyes. "I'm sorry, Mac."

"Don't tell me you're sorry. Tell my why. Why did you shut me out today? Why did you shut me out a year ago?"

At first he thought she wasn't going to answer him, but after a long moment, she said, "I think ... I'm afraid."

"Of me?"

"Of being empty."

"Of being empty? What does that mean?"

Ali wrapped her arms around herself and resumed pacing, her words tripping over themselves and making little sense. "It's because we're like a creek and our bedrock eroded and we're quicksand."

"Oh, for G.o.d's sake. Let go of dramatic metaphor for just this one conversation, would you, please? Focus. You need to focus. You're not making sense. This is important."

"I know it's important," she fired back, temper snapping in her eyes. "You don't get it. This isn't a dramatic metaphor. It's my life! It's your life. It's our children's lives. Do you think I'm not cognizant of the effects my actions have had on you and on our children?"

Despite his best intentions, Mac's temper stirred. "I don't know, Alison. I don't know what is going on in your head."

"Guilt." She threw out her arms. "That's what's going on in my head. I feel guilty for leaving you. Guilty for what that has done to our children. Guilty for needing more when you've all given me so much. I'm being selfish and I hate that, but I can't help it, either. It's like these feelings have been fermenting inside me for years."

"So what do you want? What more do you need?"

"I need a life, Mac."

"You haven't had a life with me?"

"Of course I've had a life with you. A life as Mrs. Mackenzie Timberlake. I've had a life as my father's daughter and as Stephen, Chase, and Caitlin's mom. I've had a life as a volunteer and fund-raiser and team mom and the dog walker and the keeper of the Kleenex. When I say I need a life, I'm talking about Alison Timberlake. Me. That's what I've found in Eternity Springs-a life for Ali Timberlake. A life for me."

The drama queen was back. Mac literally bit his tongue to keep from firing off one of the smart-a.s.s remarks that came to mind. Unfortunately, he was unable to hold back a bit of a sneer as he said, "I didn't realize you were so unhappy with the life I've helped provide."

She waved her hand. "It's not that at all. I was happy to be your wife and happy to be the kids' mother. For many, many years that filled me up. But the kids grew up and you achieved your dream. I think it made me regret never reaching for my own. I'm in my forties, and what do I have? So much is over. It's too late for Ali's dreams."

That one stumped Mac. What dream had she abandoned? "Have you had dreams you haven't shared, Ali?"

She shot him a chastising look. "Culinary school in Europe. I wanted a restaurant of my own. Don't you remember?"

"I remember the argument you had with your father about spending the summer after your soph.o.m.ore year in Italy. I thought that was ..." He snapped his mouth shut, but she finished the sentence for him.

"A silly, childish dream?"

A rich girl's tantrum. "I never thought it was that important to you."

"After I realized I was pregnant, I didn't allow it to be important. But I never forgot. It wasn't drama. It was real. It was my dream!"

At that, Mac knew a slither of guilt of his own. "So, what's the deal? You want to go to Rome now?" Then before she could answer, he added, "If that's what you wanted, then why didn't you go there instead of coming up here?"

She laughed without amus.e.m.e.nt. "Right. Like you and the kids would have let me get away with that."

Mac slipped his hands into his pockets. How had he missed this? She really did want something more. It wasn't drama. It wasn't a tantrum. It was a dream she'd lost.

A dream he had taken from her.

Ali bent and plucked a bright yellow wildflower from the ground. She twirled its stem between her thumb and index finger and said, "I don't regret our life, Mac. You need to know that. What I miss is having something that is mine. Something I've earned, something I've built. I want something that I've accomplished on my own, and it's not going to cooking school in Rome or Paris or Timbuktu. Frankly, I've learned a lot over the past twenty years. I've learned a lot the past few months as I've worked to get the Bristlecone reopened. If I wanted to open my own restaurant, I could do it and probably be successful at it."

"I'm sure you could. You're an excellent cook."

She closed her eyes and ma.s.saged her temples with her fingertips. "I know this whole thing sounds like one great big pity party, and frankly, it embarra.s.ses me. I don't regret the choices I made. I'm proud of the job I've done as a mother. I think that until recently I've been a good wife to you. So my kids grew up and left home about the same time you got the judges.h.i.+p you've worked for all your life. I wouldn't have it any other way. Really."

"Except now you are empty."

Mac watched her set her mouth into a grim line and knew he should have kept the guilt-fed bitterness out of his tone.

"No. I'm actually doing just fine. I love my job, and I've made wonderful new friends."

"Like the sheriff?"

She folded her arms. "Is that why you came to Eternity Springs? Do you think there's something going on with me and Zach?"

He looked down at the ground, then back up at her. "I came here because I wanted you. I was desperate for you, Alison. Desperate enough to risk ..."

"Risk what?"

He pursed his lips, then decided the time had come to face that particular elephant. "The deep freeze. I hate it when you do that to me, Ali. It makes me so d.a.m.n lonely."

She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't vacation s.e.x, Ali. We made love. Yesterday and this morning, for the first time in months and months, we made love. I want that back in our lives."

"Me too, Mac. I want that, too."

"Then come back to Denver with me today. We can put this whole ugliness behind us."

"What about my job? Do you think I'm so irresponsible that I'd walk out on my job and other commitments in Eternity Springs at the drop of a hat?"

"Why not? Didn't you walk out on our marriage at the offer of an omelet?"

She flinched as if he'd struck her. "See? This is why I don't like to talk about our problems. We invariably end up saying hurtful things."

"Maybe so, but failing to talk about our problems didn't exactly work, did it?" Mac rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, Ali. I'm thinking we might be better off if we did this with a referee. Sometime last winter you brought up the idea of seeing a marriage counselor, and I vetoed it. I realize now that I probably made a big mistake there."

She blinked, her surprise evident. "You'll agree to counseling?"

He hated the idea. Anytime she'd even hinted at marriage counseling in the past, he'd shot the idea down. The last thing he wanted was to have a stranger snooping around his psyche. He knew that if a psychologist took to probing around in his head, they might just uncover things he wanted to stay buried. They might find truths that had the power to destroy his marriage for good.

However, if he chose the right therapist and set some ground rules going in, he was confident that he could control the situation. Right now their marriage needed more help than he knew how to give it. "Yes, I'll agree to counseling."

It was a huge concession from him, and when Ali heard it, her smile bloomed slowly and tremulously. "Oh, Mac. That's huge. I never thought you'd make that concession, and it makes all the difference in the world."

"It does?"

"Yes. Mac, I don't feel right about abandoning Celeste before Bristlecone reopens. I think I could fix it to where I work part-time in Denver and part-time in Eternity Springs, at least until the restaurant is up and running smoothly."

That wasn't what he wanted, but it was better than nothing. "So you'll do it? You'll come home?"

"Yes." She took two steps toward him, about to fling herself into his arms, when the sound of a motorcycle's engine grabbed both his attention and hers. They turned toward the noise and spied Celeste Blessing racing toward them on the path from the road through the forest. She drove to within a few feet of them, then braked the bike. Removing her helmet, she said, "Ali, I'm so glad I found you. Rose called. You'll never believe who wants to talk to us about the Bristlecone. Lorraine Perry!"

"Lorraine Perry?" Ali repeated. "You're kidding me."

"No. She apparently stayed at Angel's Rest last week incognito and peeked in while Zach was installing the curtain rods for you. She wants to meet with the two of us right away."

"Who is Lorraine Perry?" Mac asked. And why was the sheriff installing Ali's curtain rods?

"She's a famous chef," Ali explained. "She has a television show and is a best-selling cookbook author." To Celeste, she said, "What's her interest in the Bristlecone?"

"They haven't given me all the details, but what they have said leads me to think it could be big for Eternity Springs. Huge." Celeste smiled apologetically at Mac. "I'm so sorry to break up your afternoon, but I really need to borrow your wife for a few days."

"Days?" Ali repeated. "Not hours?"

"The meeting will be in Los Angeles. Tonight."

Mac exclaimed, "Tonight?"

Ali said, "Los Angeles!"

"Yes. Luckily, Jack Davenport is up at his mountain estate today and he said he'd fly us to Gunnison in his helicopter if we can get there in ..." She checked her watch. "Forty minutes. He's leaving to catch his own flight home, so he can't wait any longer."

Mac shook his head. "You can't get anywhere from here in forty minutes."

"She can if I take her on the Gold Wing and we go straight to Eagle's Way. Once we get to California, we can stop and buy clothes and whatever else we need."

Mac didn't like this plan at all. The situation was spinning out of control. He and Ali had been in the midst of a significant discussion that would have far-reaching consequences for their marriage, and now she was just going to dash away on a motorcycle? Wearing a wet s.h.i.+rt? "Do you even have an extra helmet?" he demanded of Celeste.

"Bear loaned me one of his."

Great. Just great. "Just who is this Davenport person, anyway?"

"He owns an estate on Murphy's Mountain-actually, I think he owns the whole mountain."

Mac didn't care what was in the guy's bank account. "Is he a licensed helicopter pilot? Do you know what sort of training he has? I don't like the idea of you just winging away with some rich frat-boy type who flies his own birds on the weekends for just enough hours to keep his license."

Ali gave him an entreating look as Celeste explained. "Jack was a pilot in the Marines, and he's still connected with the government in some way. You need not worry about her safety with him."

"He's not a sheriff somewhere, is he?" Mac asked, a definite grumble in his voice.

Celeste asked innocently, "Do you have an issue with sheriffs, Mac?"

He shook his head and waved the question away. "I just want to take care of my wife."

Ali placed her hand against his chest. "I appreciate that, Mac. I do. You've been taking care of me in one way or another since the day we met. Don't you think it's time I learned to take care of myself?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You're one of the most capable people I know." When she smiled, he realized he'd made her point for her.

"I'm sorry to run out on you. This isn't how I wanted our picnic to end." She rose up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'll call you when I get to Los Angeles."

Mac watched as his wife climbed on the back of a motorcycle, donned a hot pink helmet, and put her arms at the waist of a spry senior citizen who gunned the engine and darn near popped a wheelie as she drove away.

Mac watched until the dust from their pa.s.sing settled and the sound of the motorcycle faded on the breeze. Then he picked up his fis.h.i.+ng pole and turned toward the creek. The isolation that he'd enjoyed so much an hour ago now pressed down upon him with the weight of Murphy Mountain.

He should have brought the dog.

ELEVEN.

Mid-August A hot summer day had cooled into a pleasantly warm evening as Chase Timberlake pulled into the driveway to his childhood home. He'd completed his interns.h.i.+p the previous week and had made a mad dash to the mountains, trying to cram a summer's worth of fis.h.i.+ng and fun into a couple of weeks. He braked to a stop, s.h.i.+fted into park, then looked at his pa.s.senger, Lori Reese. "Here we are. Casa Timberlake."

Today's visit was a command performance because his brother was visiting from California and his parents had announced a family barbecue. Chase was glad to sacrifice a day of vacation to family bonding. He loved his brother and he was anxious to see him. It was too bad that Caitlin hadn't been able to make it due to some summertime sorority commitment.

"You are so lucky, Chase," Lori said, admiration warming her tone as she studied the house. "When my mom and I came here for Nic Callahan's baby shower, I told her this house makes me think of My Three Sons and Leave It to Beaver."

Chase shot her a curious look. "Leave It to Beaver?"

"My mom bought the DVDs. She's a fan of old-time TV."

"Ah. Parents can be very strange."

"Ya think?" Lori clapped a hand against her chest. "One time for the Halloween party at school she borrowed one of my grandmother's dresses and pearls and handed out popcorn b.a.l.l.s as June Cleaver."

Chase imagined it and grinned. "Your mom is much hotter than June Cleaver."

Lori sighed. "She is, isn't she? I keep hoping one of the newcomers to town will notice and do something about it."

Chase opened his mouth, then shut it abruptly.