Calling Me: Calling Me Away Part 7

Haven started to chew the inside of her cheek and fixated on her wine.

"What's bulls.h.i.+t?" I asked.

"What happens if you just never see him again? The way you're going, you might just end up avoiding each other until you're both old and gray. He doesn't know what you want, and to be honest, neither do I."

My pulse was hammering in my chest. Had I been an enormous idiot?

"Sorry, I'm a compulsive truth teller. I sometimes forget we're not related and it's less acceptable," Beth said.

"Don't be sorry for telling me what you think." I welcomed her opinion. "It boils down to trust. At first, I thought it was all about me not trusting his change of heart. I didn't want to be the second prize-he couldn't be bothered to go out and find what he really wanted, so I got him by default. And that's only half of it. I need to trust myself as well. I need to be willing to risk it all-my family, my friends, my future-everything that's important to me to give it a shot with Luke."

Beth took a deep breath. "You need to understand how we'll support you and love you no matter what. You're not risking your family or friends. But, if you never take that next step with him, you might be risking your future."

Her words. .h.i.t right to my core. Maybe she was right, that I was risking more by not giving us a chance.

Luke "Would you like white or red?" I asked as our sommelier approached the table.

Fiona shrugged. "I don't mind. You choose."

This was new territory for me. Dating, and then having to think about what would make someone I didn't know very well happy. Emma always drank s.h.i.+raz no matter where we were or what we were eating. Haven and Ashleigh would drink pretty much anything, but sauvignon blanc was their favorite white and pinot noir their favorite red. Now I was learning another woman's preferences. It felt weird.

"We'll take a bottle of the champagne," I said to the waiter. I knew she liked fizzy stuff because we'd had it at the bar. "Goes with anything, right?" I asked Fiona as the waiter turned away.

"Sounds good."

She was smiling so that had to be good.

"You look beautiful," I said. She'd clearly put some effort into looking good and it suited her. She never wore much makeup to work, and none when we went running, but tonight she looked glamorous, s.e.xy even, but not in a showy way. I'd never seen her brown hair down. It suited her, made her more feminine, as did her pink dress. She looked more like a woman than I'd ever seen before. This really was a date, which was . . . confusing.

"So do you. Handsome, I mean." Her cheeks flushed. It was sweet.

I smiled. I was aware of every part of my body. It was as if I had to consciously remember to put one foot in front of the other, lift my arm, breathe in and out. I filled my lungs and fisted my hands at my sides. I could do this. There was nothing to be nervous about. Fiona and I spent loads of time together. I liked her; we got on. I'd known her for a long time, but only for a couple of months as anything except colleagues. But tonight shouldn't be difficult. We had plenty in common and we liked each other.

"So, did you train today?" she asked.

I was grateful that she took hold of the conversation. I had migrated into idiot land and forgotten how to do small talk.

"Yeah, in the gym. I did a session with that trainer I told you I was thinking about getting. We did some weights then I went on the treadmill."

"It's good that you've got someone helping you with that stuff. I did the same thing at first. It's too easy to injure yourself, but I guess you've used them before." She brushed her hands up and down in the air, indicating the length of my body.

I shrugged. "Not for a goal like this race. What about you? Did you go for a run?"

"Yeah. Sat.u.r.day mornings are my favorite. But I went early. At six. Then I got waxed and I had coffee with a girlfriend."

"You got waxed?" As I was finis.h.i.+ng my question, I realized what she was saying and quickly broke eye contact. s.h.i.+t, why did I have to ask her about the waxing? She'd been to the beauty parlor. She'd been preparing . . . for tonight. My palms started to sweat. Was she expecting to show me the waxed areas? I hadn't even begun to contemplate sleeping with her.

"It was a regular appointment. Not for tonight. I mean, if you're a girl and you're running, it's important to keep . . . Oh Jesus. Please kill me now." Her head rolled back.

I started to laugh. The mention of waxing had broken the ice. "Let's do a U-turn, shall we? How was coffee?"

She shook her head. "I shouldn't be allowed out. Yes. Thank you. Coffee was good. It was a friend I've known since I was five. We grew up together; she's getting married, and she asked me to be bridesmaid. So, yes, it was good to see her."

"Oh, that's really nice. When's the wedding?"

"Next summer. To be honest, I hate the idea. Can't bear the whole big show and ridiculous dress, but it's important to her so it's an honor really."

I smiled. It seemed we had more in common than just triathlons.

"Do you have brothers and sisters?" I asked. Our conversations up until now had been mainly about work or training, so although in some ways I knew her quite well, in reality my knowledge of her private life was limited.

"Two sisters. Both older. I'm the baby. The ugly duckling."

"The what?"

"My sisters are supremely glamorous. I mean knockouts. I was always the tomboy."

"Well you don't look like a tomboy tonight."

"G.o.d, did that sound as if I was fis.h.i.+ng for compliments? I'm sorry, I really wasn't. I love having gorgeous sisters now, well, most of the time. But, you know, in those awkward teen years it was tough. What am I saying? I bet you didn't have those years."

I thought back. I didn't remember any. "I think that's more of a girl thing." I didn't really remember Haven or Ashleigh being awkward.

"Maybe. Anyway, they're happy; I'm happy. One lives in LA with her producer husband. The other lives in Barnes. She's a lawyer too."

I liked hearing her talk about her family. "Are you close?"

She seemed to think about that for a couple of seconds. "We don't fight. But no, we're not super close. I babysit and stuff, but we all have very different lives. What about you? You're close to Haven."

I realized she already knew I had a sister. I must talk about her without even realizing it. "Yeah, we're close. I get on well with her husband too." I didn't mention Ashleigh. Was I still close to her? Would we find a way back to each other, even if not as lovers? The thought turned my stomach. I hated not having her in my life.

"You okay?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah, fine. I remembered that I said I would call Haven today and I forgot." The lie was easier than the truth.

I shook my head and took a breath. I couldn't be thinking about Ashleigh.

After that, I relaxed and it became more natural to share details of my life with her and her with me. It was comfortable and nice. I liked her. She was sweet and caring.

"Can you just wait here a minute?" I asked the cab driver as Fiona climbed out, and I followed her onto the pavement. "Thanks for a lovely evening," I said as we walked toward her building.

"Thank you. I had a really good time, Luke." She smiled a half smile at me as we came to her front door.

"So, I'll see you at work on Monday?"

She nodded. This was when I was meant to kiss her goodbye. She definitely gave the impression that it wouldn't be unwelcome, but it had been so long since I'd been in this position. I got that same consciousness in my limbs that I'd had at the beginning of the evening. I liked her, and it was just a kiss. Glancing at the ground, I took a half step toward her, put my fingers under her chin and tilted her head. My gaze flicked between her mouth and her eyes once, then twice and then I bent, pressing my lips to hers. Her body swayed toward me, and I caught the scent of her for the first time that evening. It was unfamiliar. She ran her hands down my arms, but before it could turn into anything more, I pulled away and whispered, "Good night."

I tried to remember the first time I'd kissed Emma. It had been similar. Nice. There'd been an awareness that we didn't quite fit yet, but that we might. With Fiona it was the same. She was a nice girl, easy to be around and we had a lot in common-more than Emma and I ever had.

But she wasn't Ashleigh.

Ashleigh "This one is super comfortable," I said to Richard as I rearranged myself on the sofa. Richard had moved into a new apartment and had asked me to help him find some new furniture.

"You don't like the brown leather?"

My stomach churned. Brown leather sofas always reminded me of Luke, even if he had finally thrown his away.

I shook my head. "Leather is cold in the winter and sticks to you in the summer. I've never understood its appeal. And it squeaks."

"Squeaks? Like talks to you? Have you seen a doctor for that?" Richard's eyes were wide.

"They do. You know-when you move around on them." I blushed and looked away. I had totally imagined having s.e.x with Luke every which way on his battered old sofa and every time I had, the squeaks had been off-putting, even in a fantasy.

Richard collapsed next to me. "Yeah, this one is comfortable. And it's nice and deep. Do you think two people could lay on it together? I think we should spoon. Just to be sure."

I elbowed him in the ribs. "Stop it." Richard had been flirting with me all morning, teasing me by saying we were going straight to the bed department to test out mattresses.

"You're meant to be here to help." He slipped his hand around my shoulders and stuck his feet on the low table in front of him. "This works. But if you've vetoed leather, can I at least get a corner one?"

What was it about boys and corner sofas? "If you have the s.p.a.ce."

"Yeah, you've not seen it, have you? You should come round. I can cook. What about tonight?"

My heart sped as I remembered the evening at Luke's new place. I'd never gotten to taste the duck he said he'd cooked.

"It's no big deal. We can go straight to mine when we've finished here." He clapped his hands and rubbed them together.

We'd been firmly in the friend zone for weeks now, so I'd expected the flirting to stop. But it hadn't, and I was beginning to enjoy it. It was attention that felt safe.

"Maybe. Let's see how we get on." I appreciated his company, but the last thing I wanted to do was be a p.r.i.c.k tease. I pointed across the showroom. "Let's try that gray one. I like it because it's a corner but not a corner with the bit that sticks out on one end for your feet."

"Very eloquent, Ash. Really." He squeezed my shoulder and stood, then offered to pull me up.

"I'm not an old lady. I can manage standing up just fine."

"Okay, Miss Grumpy Knickers. I was trying to be a gentleman." He turned and headed to the other sofa.

G.o.d, I was a witch sometimes. I was clearly channeling Haven. "Sorry. And you don't need to try. It comes naturally to you," I said as I caught up with him.

"That's better." He nudged my shoulder. "You see? You can be charming when you put your mind to it. Now, this I like." He flung himself full length across the cus.h.i.+ons of the sofa. "I'm going to ask some random stranger to lie with me and test out the spooning capabilities of this sofa if you're still refusing to cooperate."

"Yeah? Good luck with that. You wouldn't dare."

He rested his head on his elbow and raised an eyebrow. "You're daring me? You're actually daring me?"

Richard seemed to have loosened up in the last couple of weeks. I suppose without the pressure of a relations.h.i.+p, I had too, and we were getting on better than ever. I'd started to see his fun side. My feelings for Luke had led to me label Richard as not being the one. I'd thought Luke was . . . but I hadn't made that work either.

Perhaps I'd been wrong to write off Richard too soon.

"Excuse me, Miss." Richard leapt to his feet and caught the attention of a woman with a pushchair. I watched, open-mouthed.

"My wife," he said, pointing to me, "doesn't like public displays of affection. She won't spoon with me on this sofa to see if we fit. Would you mind standing in for her?"

The woman turned her head toward me, and I could do nothing but shrug. She looked as if she were in pain, but replied, "I'm sorry. I'm running late." She scurried to the opposite end of the show room, toward the lifts.

Grinning, Richard turned to me. I rolled my eyes. "For the record," he said, "it's not a good idea to dare me to do anything. I find it impossible to pa.s.s up a challenge."

He winked at me as if I were next.

"Pinot noir, right?" Richard asked as he pa.s.sed me a gla.s.s of wine.

"Perfect, thanks." How had he known which wine I liked? I'd had a really good time shopping with him. He'd bought the gray corner-not-a-corner, sofa, despite him being unable to spoon before he purchased. He'd been funny and laid back and all the things I'd wanted him to be when we'd dated. I genuinely didn't want our time together to be over, so when he asked me again to go back to his flat for dinner, I'd gone along with it.

"How come you moved?"

He joined me on his old sofa and rested his sock-covered feet on the table in front of him. "I think I was holding off until I found someone to share a place with. And then, after we . . ." He paused, and I took a sip of my wine, trying to ignore the discomfort that pushed between us. "I just thought I needed to get on and live in the place I wanted to."

I nodded, struck that he hadn't simply moved on to the next girl when I'd ended things. He'd got on with his life, but kept the door between us open. He'd basically done what I'd asked Luke to.

He turned toward me, rearranging his body so he was sitting with one leg hitched on the cus.h.i.+on, his arm resting on the back of the sofa and his hand just behind my head.

"It's a nice place." I glanced around the room. Everything was neat and matching in various tones of gray. I turned to look at him.

He was watching me. "It's not very family friendly, but I reckon I can move again when the time comes."

"You feel ready for a family?"

"Yeah, I want to find that special someone and have a bunch of rowdy kids. Don't you?"

I thought about Luke, Haven and I sitting under the magnolia tree, reading, fighting, laughing. "At some point."

"I thought that maybe you and I were right. I think that's why I was so tense when we were dating."

"You were tense?" Had I not seen the real him?

"Yeah, I was crazy for you, and wanted to make it all just so." He shrugged. He seemed to find it easy to be open with me about how he'd felt, and I really liked that he did.

"Crazy?" I asked. Had we been dating long enough for him to be crazy for me?

"You know how I felt-how I feel. I could see how we could have been so perfect together. I was impatient and pushed when I shouldn't have."

"Richard . . ." I suppose we were bound to have this conversation at some point. We'd been spending time together, and we'd never discussed what had happened between us. Still, it felt uncomfortable.

"I just wanted you to know that I get it. I understand that I got it wrong. I don't want you to think that I'm a total idiot."

I s.h.i.+fted slightly so I was facing him, mirroring the position of his legs with mine. "I don't think you're an idiot. Not at all. But we learn from each relations.h.i.+p, don't we? And we take that into our next one."

"Maybe . . . it's just . . . I think when it's like this between us, I wonder if there's a second chance in there somewhere . . . for you and me." His dark brown eyes were staring at me intently.