Enchanted Dreams Part 9

"Yes!"

"You never got tired?"

She looked at me and kind of laughed. "It's weird, I know, but I never did."

I was genuinely puzzled. "Did you never get sick? Too sick to play dog, I mean?"

She appeared to think about it and then shook her head.

I was silent a moment, thinking.

"Sometimes," she began, "I really thought sometimes...like...like I was a dog. Like maybe I was a dog in another life or something. I was comfortable with it. Everything he wanted me to do seemed natural. It seemed natural to have to eat dog food and beg for table sc.r.a.ps. Chasing the ball for him. All of it...seemed natural. When he would pet me, you know, when he would pat my head-I can't describe it. It was like I felt how a real dog would feel. He was my master and I wanted his approval. I needed it."

"You needed it...s.e.xually?"

"No!" She shook her head emphatically. "I loved pleasing him that way, too, but what I needed was just to please him, period, as his dog." She looked at me dismally. "What am I now?"

I took a deep breath. "So your need to please him was your need...as a dog?" I repeated.

"Yes! It was like I had the needs of a dog."

"Had you ever had feelings of being a dog or any other animal before your husband gave you the collar?" I asked.

She thought about this, then shook her head. "I don't think so."

But we had run out of time. I felt certain I was onto something.

And I was preoccupied with thoughts of Tom. I wondered how his session with Dr. Czernick was going. This week with him has been remarkable-his efforts are having an effect on me. He's so much like when we first met. I find myself thinking about him all the time now. I didn't think that I still had feelings for him, but clearly I do. Surely they are worth exploring.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009.

I have not had the opportunity to listen to the tape of my session with Dr. Czernick today as there is simply too much going on, but I'm beginning to realize that I have been way off base about him anyway. It occurred to me today that my suspicions were really a kind of denial. Clearly I was not ready to look at my own issues, so I distracted myself with delusions about Dr. Czernick. I'm so glad now that I didn't confide in anyone about what I was thinking!

It appears that Tom's sessions have worked wonders. Unlike me, Tom has not been resisting his therapy. I am now wondering why I have been fighting it so hard. Perhaps I had some kind of misguided fear that I could not have it all. That I must give up something if I am to succeed at my practice.

In fact, with things so peaceful at home, I feel clearer than ever with my patients. I realized today, for instance, that Eleanor Dobbs suffers from a mixed delusional disorder, which brings about hallucinations that she is a dog. I'm not even sure anymore that these experiences she relates with her husband ever really happened. I have written her a prescription for an antipsychotic and we will begin cognitive behavioral therapy immediately.

I think today I had the epiphany that Tom has been waiting for. It came in the form of twelve very stunning white carnations that were delivered here this morning. All day long, their delightful scent has acted as a reminder of how sweet it is to be loved. Tonight is the first night of the rest of our lives together!

Tom heard the front door, indicating that Angela was home, and he smiled. How long had it been since he felt excited to see her at night? Too long, and he had all but given up. It had become impossible to make her happy.

He felt a brief twinge of guilt.

But then he saw her expression as she came to him-her shy smile-and he was reminded of how she used to look at him when they first fell in love. It was worth the price, surely, he a.s.sured himself. The end would justify the means. He would use Dr. Czernick's therapy only so far as it was beneficial to them both. He would not take advantage of it or of her.

Angela's manner, so happy and appreciative, made him feel omnipotent, and a wave of protectiveness for her rushed over him.

Mostly there was relief. He could finally relax and trust his own instincts. He could be himself, without worrying that every little action was going to offend. Yet he promised himself yet again that he would not take advantage of her. He knew that with power came responsibility.

Tom noticed the arousal in Angela's eyes and he felt his heart jump. She came to him-willingly? Yes, he insisted adamantly as he pushed aside another wave of guilt. She was clearly willing-and happy.

Tom gently took Angela's face in his hands and brushed his lips over hers every so lightly and tenderly, almost apologetically. She pulled his head closer and kissed him back hungrily. Her response activated the various pent-up emotions in him, triggering an eruption that sent a harsh shudder through him. His earlier guilt was suddenly buried under the anger and resentment that had been building and churning within him for all of these years. It was Angela who had brought their marriage to this point! His embrace turned almost violent in defense of his own actions, and he grasped her head firmly in his hands as he crushed her lips in an all-encompa.s.sing kiss. He felt her shudder in response, and it gave him a sense of power to have that effect on her. In turns, he kept alternating from tenderness to fury, and she responded to both equally. Everything he did seemed to fan the flames of her desire. Her response triggered his, and the kiss became an ardent embrace that left them both gasping for breath. And suddenly everything else was lost to the kiss; she kind of melted against him in a minisurrender as he held her steady in his arms, all the while continuing to ravage her mouth, even nipping at her lightly with his teeth. He could feel the heat emanating off of him, and even his breath seemed as if it might scorch her as it flared from his nostrils.

With every advance from Tom, it seemed that Angela became more pliant and yielding. Was this what she needed from him all along, or was it simply that he could now do no wrong? Tom was beginning not to care. Angela was clinging to him as if she needed him. For whatever reason, she needed him.

Tom struggled to control the overwhelming sense of power he felt over Angela. Her response filled him with confidence. He suddenly picked her up and carried her straight to their bedroom without interrupting their kiss. She appeared to be as consumed by the pa.s.sion as he was. He felt he could kiss her for hours. Since she wasn't complaining that his face was too rough, or his body heat was too cloistering, or anything else she might have said before, he took his time, suddenly wanting to make up for all the lost years. He kissed her leisurely and thoroughly as he laid her out on the bed beneath him. It almost seemed as if he could erase the anguish of all the unhappy years of their marriage if only he could kiss her long enough. Surely that would heal both of their wounds and make it worth the price.

But with so much more pleasure to be had, Tom eventually became distracted from their kiss in his desire to touch Angela's body. His hands moved slowly and introspectively over her body, simultaneously caressing and probing, lingering over every nuance as if he were discovering her for the first time. Here and again he would carefully remove a piece of her clothing, clearing it out of his way decidedly and unapologetically. Where before there had been withholding and restraint, there now was utter freedom. Angela was his willing wife, for him to do with as he wished. He found that he wished to punish and please, both at the same time.

The scant clothing that remained was suddenly in his way. Tom tore at it fitfully. He wanted to see every single inch of her that instant. A part of him felt that he was fully ent.i.tled. All that had previously been forbidden or out of bounds was his by right. He would take all of it-and then some. Where before he had meekly accepted what little crumbs she tossed in his direction, he now would not be satisfied with anything less than all of it. He wanted to push the limits. Later, he would make it up to her, but for the moment he was still too well aware of a score to settle.

With this in mind, Tom bared Angela's body fully to his gaze, moving his hands over her body again and again as he drank in the sight of her. He loved the way she looked and wanted to set every inch to memory. Out of some misguided instinct, she tried to cover her nakedness with her hands, but he grasped her hands in his and placed them firmly at her sides.

"Let me see you," he said earnestly. He wanted to look at the woman he had married. And he wanted her to submit to him willingly. This was still a bone of contention for him. And yet he saw that it was shyness, not willfulness, that caused her reaction. "It's okay," he told her, wanting to put her mind at ease. "The sight of you brings me pleasure. It excites me to look at you here," he said, lifting her b.r.e.a.s.t.s gently in his hands. "And here-" he moved his hands down along the length of her stomach "-and here." He cupped his hands lovingly over her mound. "I love looking at you, Angela," he told her truthfully. He saw that his words had the desired effect, and she visibly relaxed.

From where he held her cupped in his hand, he could feel her wetness.

"Open your legs," he said in a husky voice, and he exulted when she obeyed. He leaned in to reward her obedience with a light kiss to her nether lips, but he became fully diverted and enthralled when he felt them tremble and part with his touch. He grasped her hips gently but firmly to hold her in place as he flicked out his tongue and licked the trembling flesh up and down along its parted folds. He once again felt a sense of power when she jumped and trembled. He slipped his tongue between her silken folds to capture more of the tantalizing taste of her. It drove him temporarily out of his mind, and he delved into her wholeheartedly, licking and sucking at her furiously, devouring her like a man half-starved. She shuddered and jerked, but he held her steady with his hands.

Tom knew well, after all these years, how to please Angela best-although it had been a while, it was something he would never forget-and she squirmed in delight under the effect of his administrations. But he refused to let her be satisfied-yet. Tonight, he wanted much more from her. He was suddenly overcome with an almost childish greed, and he felt gluttonous with power. He could have stayed and feasted between her legs for much longer, but he could see that she was becoming too excited. He would distract her with a slight intermission.

Tom, too, had become aroused to the point of impatience. Yet he had no intention of holding back his own pleasure. On the contrary, his efforts to enhance her pleasure would be more effective if he were to get some relief now. He wanted to keep her highly aroused and teetering on pins and needles, and to do that, he would have to maintain the upper hand.

"It's your turn," he told her, removing his pants and rising up over her. Without hesitation, she got up onto her knees and grasped hold of him with both hands. "Use your mouth," he groaned, feeling the tingling sensation curling up in his t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es. Angela took him into her mouth eagerly, delighted to reciprocate. She sucked and licked at him playfully, just as he had done with her, and was momentarily surprised and stunned when he grasped her head in his hands and thrust himself into her mouth repeatedly. As he released his warm fluid into her throat, she could do little more than swallow. But when he drew himself out of her, she only stared up at him in surprise. And yet, he noticed with an immense thrill that she was not angry but possibly even pleased. He was once again astounded by the immense change in his wife, and felt strangely humbled by the incredible power he had over her. It would please her no matter what he did! It was still so fresh as to have the ability to shock.

And Tom reminded himself yet again that he must never abuse the power. Even now, he had only allowed himself this release so that he could offer his wife extended pleasure. He had much in store for her, and after waiting so long for any intimacy at all, he couldn't bear to simply sample the great bounty that was there for the taking.

In spite of his o.r.g.a.s.m, Tom was still aroused, but the desperate edge had been taken off his desire. Now he could take his time and they both could enjoy the pleasures to come.

Tom reached under the bed and pulled out the object he had hidden there earlier. Angela gasped when she saw it. She looked at her husband with a mixture of embarra.s.sment and shame.

"You didn't think I knew about this?" he asked, waving the vibrator in front of her face. In spite of his newfound joy, a spark of anger flared up within him yet again. He could not help resenting the months-and even years-of neglect that he suffered while she secretly satisfied her own needs. With effort, he forced the anger back down. He knew that what he had planned for revenge would no doubt please her, too.

Angela stared at the vibrator remorsefully, but she remained silent. Tom softened somewhat, seeing that her expression was one of genuine repentance. And in that instant he was able to forgive her.

"It's okay," he gently a.s.sured her. "You're going to use it for both of us this time." Her eyes widened in surprise when she heard this, but she obediently took the vibrator from his hand. He could see that, although she was still embarra.s.sed, she would not deny him. Yet it might have been the first time she ever touched it, considering how awkwardly she handled it.

"I want you to use it just like you used to when you were alone," Tom said. "This time, you'll be pleasing us both with it."

The vibrator Angela had chosen for herself was a finely crafted implement of pleasure. At a glance, it seemed rather ordinary, having the cla.s.sic shape and feel of a medium-sized p.e.n.i.s and t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es. But unlike a real p.e.n.i.s, this simulated one was enhanced with a little appendage that jutted out from the lower front, clearly for the purpose of stimulating the c.l.i.toris while it was in use. Tom had been envious when he first saw it. Technology had surely outdone Mother Nature this time.

Angela rested back on the pillows shyly, clearly uncertain of how to proceed. Yet in spite of her obvious nervousness, there was a definite sparkle of excitement in her eyes. Noticing her uneasiness, Tom rushed himself to a.s.sist her. First he slid in between her legs, opening them wider and preparing a place for himself in the best seat in the house. Next he reached over and adjusted the lamp so that its light shone directly between her open legs. Not only would the light illuminate the event for his view but it would also bring a tantalizing heat to her exposed area that would enhance the experience for Angela. He lifted her hips up so that he could place several pillows beneath them. She was now in a more comfortable position to do what he had asked her to do.

Tom reached up and took hold of Angela's hand that held the vibrator. He encouraged her to bring the vibrator to her mouth.

"Get it nice and wet first," he said, staggered by the sight of her mouth opening to accept the vibrator. He stared in awe as together their hands moved the vibrator in and out of her mouth. He was unused to seeing her take anything in her mouth from this angle. He found himself pressing it farther and farther inside her mouth with every stroke, enjoying the sight of the rubbery t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es when they b.u.mped against her chin. Angela watched Tom with as much amazement as he was watching her. And in the meantime, any remaining awkwardness or inhibitions were melting away.

"That's it. Get it nice and wet," Tom encouraged. "And in the meantime, show me how you get yourself ready for it. And I want you to do it exactly how you do when you're alone."

With the vibrator still being pumped in and out of her mouth, Angela reached her free hand down between her legs. She slid a few fingers up and down her slit, until it popped open to invite her in. With a little moan she slipped both fingers inside. Tom could hear the little slurping sounds of her arousal as he watched her work her fingers in and out.

"Mmm," he groaned. "May I check to see if you're ready?" He pressed his free hand against Angela's and pushed two of his fingers in alongside of hers. She was soaking wet, and they both moaned together again as their fingers stretched her.

Why had she preferred to do this by herself? he wondered.

He pulled both their hands away. He wanted to see her use the vibrator.

When they pulled the vibrator out of Angela's mouth, it was glistening. Together, they brought it down between her legs.

"Turn it on," Tom said.

Angela flipped the switch and the thing suddenly came alive, pulsing and vibrating wildly in her hand. Tom let go of her hand so that she could work the head of it between her parted lips. He watched with mixed emotions as it wiggled and throbbed its way into her body. It was thick but only about average in length, which had puzzled Tom when he first saw it. At the time, he wondered why she hadn't chosen something supersized but now, seeing it lodged inside her, the reason became abundantly clear. In order for the little appendage at the base to have the most effect, the phallic portion of the vibrator had to be all the way in. Anything more than what she could actually take would render the c.l.i.toral stimulator useless. As Angela pressed the last bit of it as far as she could into her body, the little appendage at once began to vibrate and pulse against the trembling little nub that controlled her pleasure. Tom watched in awe as her flesh s.h.i.+mmied and trembled all around the throbbing vibrator. Once she had it lodged all the way in, Angela grasped hold of the rubber t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es at the base and simply held it in place in a kind of ecstasy. Tom stared, enthralled and a little envious of the mechanism in all of its glory.

Needing something to do with his hands, Tom reached out to caress and stroke Angela's body. "You like your little toy, don't you, Angela?" he asked, finding his voice at last. She only moaned and so he asked her again, more forcefully. "Do you like it, Angela? Say it."

"Yes," she admitted with a gasp. He pinched her nipples suddenly and she jumped.

"Yes!" she cried again, more loudly this time.

"Can you still enjoy it with me here?" he asked. When she hesitated to answer, he pinched her nipples again, a bit harder.

"Yes!"

"I want you to share this pleasure with me from now on," he told her.

"Yes!" she cried out again, seemingly incapable of more than that one word. But that one word was all Tom needed to hear.

"And you know, you can still give me pleasure when you satisfy yourself that way," Tom continued. Angela looked into her husband's eyes. The thick vibrator continued to throb and buzz unrelentingly inside her body. "You want to give me pleasure, too, don't you, Angela?" he persisted.

"Yes," she whispered, clearly teetering on euphoria.

"Good," Tom said, carefully pulling one of the pillows out from beneath her head. "Lie back just a little bit. Yes, like that." He lifted her legs up gently, so as not to disrupt the vibrator, and placed each of her ankles onto his shoulders. "Do you know how I want you to please me, Angela?" he asked.

Angela gasped as he rose up over her. He was roaring hard yet again, red and throbbing and standing at full attention. Her legs were forced high up in the air and spread apart as he moved in closer. It was not hard to imagine how he intended to take her. Tom watched her confusion turn to surprise, and then to interest. Yes, there was most certainly interest that he saw there.

Angela was certainly full of surprises, and Tom would know better than to make a.s.sumptions about her from now on. He noticed that there was doubt and fear in her expression as well as the interest, and it occurred to him that she probably never antic.i.p.ated doing more than fantasizing about what he had in mind. But now she would experience it firsthand. There would never be a better time, for she was more aroused than he had ever seen her before. And besides, wasn't his every action guaranteed to bring her pleasure?

Tom was determined to find out. Having already planned this part of their night, he reached inside the drawer of his bedside table and pulled out a tube of lubricant. He applied it liberally, stroking himself in the process, until he was hard and glistening.

As he drew nearer to his target, Angela's legs were pushed higher up and farther apart. He could see by her expression that she was terribly aroused. She clung to the base of the vibrator, clasping it into her with both hands. Tom pressed himself up against her a.n.u.s, thrusting forward gently but determinedly several times. Angela moaned as her tight entrance suddenly gave way and Tom worked the head of his p.e.n.i.s inside her. She moaned again, more loudly this time, but in looking at her face Tom saw that she was experiencing her first o.r.g.a.s.m, so he continued to push forward, only now and again pulling back the smallest bit to spread the lubricant around before making his next thrust forward. He could feel the throbbing vibrations of Angela's little toy through the thin membrane that separated the two parts of her, and it intensified the pleasure for him more than he could have imagined.

Angela was just coming down from the immense pleasure that had shaken her body in great, racking waves when she gasped, suddenly alert to the unsettling sensation of being stuffed to the breaking point. Tom could imagine how she felt; he could feel her body resisting him before gradually stretching to accommodate him. He was lost in the dizzying sensations as he squeezed himself into her. Angela appeared to be suddenly uncertain and afraid. She loosened her hold on the vibrator. She seemed momentarily flummoxed by the discomfort she was experiencing in being stretched to accommodate Tom as he kept pressing forward and breaching her. But then she seemed to relent, giving in once again to the raw, naked hunger for more as she pressed the vibrator even farther into her.

Tom had originally intended to prolong their pleasure in various ways but he was suddenly seized with a need that he could no longer control. He reminded himself that there was plenty of time to experiment in the future. They did not have to do everything all at once. He had the rest of his life to find ways to enjoy his wife from now on.

Tom wrenched his body up, forcing Angela to take even more of him into her as he now began to ravage her, enjoying her thoroughly, throwing himself into her in a kind of frenzy and knowing that she would take everything he gave her and more. Her whole body shook from the force of his thrusts and he knew that he must be hurting her but he could not seem to stop himself. He watched, transfixed as her b.r.e.a.s.t.s jerked and bobbed convulsively with the force of his thrusts. She cried out but he no longer heard her. He kept driving into her until the very last drop of his seed had been spent.

"How do you feel?" he asked somewhat remorsefully afterward.

"I'm happy," she said without the slightest hesitation. Any discomfort was forgotten. Tom clung to her protectively, pus.h.i.+ng aside another pang of guilt. He would take good care of her. She fell asleep in his arms but Tom stared up at the ceiling most of the night, too deep in thought for sleep.

"Here are her tapes and journals," Tom told Dr. Czernick the next morning.

"Thank you, Tom. I appreciate you doing that."

"She almost had it figured out."

"I think she did figure it out, Tom, but on a subconscious level she chose this path over the other."

"Do you really think so?" As much as Tom wanted to believe this, it was difficult, knowing Angela as he had.

"Yes, I do," said the doctor. "Most people, I think, would choose happiness over the alternative if they realized that they had that choice."

"I would never-I mean, I could never do anything to hurt her," Tom said.

"You have no reason to feel guilty," Dr. Czernick told him. "Believe me when I tell you, Tom, there are men who would do unspeakable things to their wives if they were in your position. Many would be tempted to get all kinds of revenge on them."

"I've been tempted..."

"But you'll do the right thing, Tom," Dr. Czernick said. "I have no doubt of that whatsoever."

Tom shook his head. He still couldn't get over the way everything had changed. "She does seem genuinely happy," he said.

"She is genuinely happy, Tom," the doctor a.s.sured him. "And that's all that matters, right?"

Jimmy.

"Don't go, Sara! Mom's right. You'll just be opening yourself up to potential evil."

Sara laughed, but she felt a strange twinge of anxiety in spite of the absurdity of her sister's words. She had never believed in all those evil-spirit warnings, but the old religious teachings were still a part of her. She would not let her sister know this, however. "I can't believe you still buy into all that stuff, Liz," she said.

"I'm not sure that I do," her sister admitted. "But why take chances?"

"I might ask you the same thing," Sara reminded her. "I seem to recall fornication being on the list of forbidden acts that will send you to the fiery pits of h.e.l.l, but that hasn't stopped you. Does Mother know he moved in, by the way?"

"Mom is on a strictly need-to-know basis where my s.e.x life is concerned," Liz replied. "But at least in my case, the crime would be worth the time. Anyway, I think G.o.d'll be lenient on the fornication thing. He understands. But what you're talking about is different. It's like intentionally sinning for something to do."

"Your arguments are so self-serving," Sara said with a laugh. But she didn't want her big sister worrying about her. "Look, this whole thing is probably just a scam. I'm only going because I want to get to know a few of the girls from my office who will be there. This is the first thing I've been invited to and it would be rude not to go. And it might actually be fun."