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CULLEN stood on the step just behind Taige as she unlocked the door. She'd left her hair down, and he wanted to lean forward and bury his face in it, feel the soft, wild curls and just breathe her in.
Instead, he tucked his hands in his pockets, and when she finally opened the door, he held back until she gave him an impatient look and demanded, "Are you coming inside or what?"
He took the two stairs at once and ended up standing so close, he could hear the soft, shaky sound of her breathing. "What are the other choices?" he asked before he could stop himself.
"Huh?"
"Coming inside . . . or what? What does the 'or what' entail?"
She dropped her gaze and moved away, shoving the door wide open and stalking inside.
Her booted feet made m.u.f.fled thuds on the wooden floor as she crossed it, not turning back to him until she had put a good five feet in between them. "Don't go getting cute, Cullen. I said I'd try to find him. Nothing else."
"With me."
She gave him a frown.
He clarified and said, "You're going to try finding him with me. I'm not being left behind on this."
Taige shook her head and stomped into the living room. Cullen followed and rested a shoulder against the arched doorway, watching her as she sat down and started unlacing her boots. They were black, thick-soled boots like a soldier might wear, and they should have looked ridiculous on her. Instead, they suited her. Or rather, they suited the woman Taige had made herself into. She'd gone from a girl with no particular goal in life beyond getting through each day to a dedicated warrior. The promise of the woman he'd glimpsed in her before either of them had even been old enough to consider themselves adults had come to life, and she was more than he'd ever thought she could be. And he'd always thought she could become a great deal.
The cost had been d.a.m.n high for her, though. She'd risked her life, her sanity, her heart, time and again. Whatever the cost to her, she'd done what she had to do, and she'd done it alone. Not this time. This time, he'd be with her. When it was over, he had every intention of keeping her. If she'd let him.
"Cullen, you have no idea what you're asking. Besides, Jillian needs you."
"And I told you that Jillian needs to feel safe. She won't be able to do that while he's out there." He moved over to her, hunkering down in front of her and taking her other foot, loosening the laces and slowly pulling the boot away. Taking both boots, he set them aside and then focused on Taige's face. "I'm going with you on this."
She c.o.c.ked a brow. If he didn't know her, he wouldn't have seen through her bravado as she said, "Exactly how are you supposed to help me? Got any law enforcement experience? Got a permit for a gun? Do you have eyes in the back of your head, or have you suddenly become psychic?"
"I don't need a gun, or law enforcement training to watch your back, Taige." Unable to resist, he placed his hands on her knees and squeezed gently. "I saw you that morning after I told you about Jillian. You were all but helpless. You need somebody with you."
"I'll get somebody from the task force."
"And if it takes a while?" He c.o.c.ked his head, studying her. "I'm willing to hire you, pay whatever you want for as long as it takes. You freelance for them, so you can take however much time you need on this. Can anybody else?"
She glared at him. "And you'll take al that time away from your daughter?"
Cullen shook his head. "No. I'm not going to disappear from her life until we find him."
"So you plan on taking breaks from watching my back?" You went and got catty on me, sugar, he thought. But he couldn't really blame her. "No. I plan on making sure you take breaks and take care of yourself." Slowly, he slid his hands to the outside of her thighs and watched her pupils flare as he started to rub his hands up and down, edging higher and higher. "You could come home with me. Spend some time with Jillian. She could use somebody in her life who knows what she is dealing with. Somebody who understands her."
Her gray eyes narrowed and flashed hot. "That's low. Using that girl to get to me."
"No. It's a fact. What would be low would be if I used her to get close to you so I could seduce you back into my bed." Leaning in, he stopped just a breath away from her mouth before he added, "I plan on seducing you before the night is up, just so you know.
I'm going to f.u.c.k you blind, until you can't see or hear or feel anything but me. Then I'm going to make love to you, soft and slow. Then I'm going to start al over again. You'll welcome me back into your bed, Taige, and sooner or later, you'll welcome me back into your life."
Taige's breath hitched, and her eyes widened. He felt the reaction in her body, even though he never once looked away from her face. Her body temperature seemed to spike, and the heat coming off of her set his already hot blood to boiling. The scent of her seemed to grow stronger, and blood tinted her cheeks a dusky pink.
"You sound awful d.a.m.n sure of yourself," she said. Her voice was husky and rough, unsteady. The sound of it reminded him of the way she moaned when he was inside her, soft, broken little moans that spurred him on.
He dipped his head and licked her lower lip. Then he nuzzled her neck and murmured, "Any reason I shouldn't be sure of myself? You going to kick me out?" He leaned back and studied her face. "Might serve me right, and if you tell me to go now, I will. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up."
Taige looked away, her hair fal ing to s.h.i.+eld her face from him. "I'm not going to be your plaything again. If you need somebody to warm your bed, look elsewhere."
Cullen laughed and reached up, fisting a hand in the soft, s.e.xy curls framing her face.
Gently, he tugged her head around to face him. "You were never a plaything, Taige. And if al I wanted was a willing woman in my bed, I could find one. But I don't want any woman, Taige. I want you. I always have."
Slowly, he lowered his head and covered her lips with his. He licked the seam of her lips and coaxed her to open them for him. She did, slowly, almost reluctantly, and Cullen groaned as the taste of her hit his system. He hadn't ever had a woman who tasted as sweet as Taige. Never needed another woman like he needed her. She was like a drug: hot, potent, and devastating.
When she kissed him back, he felt it in every pore of his body. His skin felt too tight, too hot, too small, and he burned for more. He skimmed his other hand up her body and rested it just under the curve of her jaw. She felt so hot under his hand, so silken soft. It didn't seem possible that she was truly as soft as she had seemed in memories, in dreams, but she was.
He needed more.
Slowly, he straightened up and waited until her eyes met his before he ran his hand down the placket of b.u.t.tons on her s.h.i.+rt. It was simple white cotton, veeing down in the front where six plain b.u.t.tons held it closed. It ended right where the waistband of her jeans began. The s.h.i.+rt had driven him nuts over the past few hours, because every time she moved, he caught glimpses of smooth golden flesh. It was demure enough, not dipping low enough at the neckline to give him even a glimpse of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, but the body underneath it was curved, sleekly strong, and he remembered all too well the way she had fit against him.
He freed the first b.u.t.ton, holding her gaze all the while. He'd stop, for now, if she told him to. It might take a two-hour swim in the Gulf before the fire inside him cooled, but he'd stop. Yet as he moved on to the second, then third b.u.t.ton, Taige sat in front of him, frozen. Her hands were on the couch beside her, arms locked as though she had to brace her weight to keep from sinking backward. The s.h.i.+rt parted as he freed the last of the b.u.t.tons, and he lifted his hands to smooth it down her shoulders.
As the s.h.i.+rt fell away, he stared at her nearly bare torso. Her bra was simple and white, no lace, no frills, nothing but a soft sheen that glowed against her skin and cupped her b.r.e.a.s.t.s lovingly. She reached behind her back, but he caught her wrists in his hands, bringing them back around, and eased them to her sides. Then, still staring into her eyes, he reached around and freed the clasp of her bra.
She s.h.i.+vered as he stripped the bra away and tossed it over the back of the couch. He cupped her b.r.e.a.s.t.s in his hands, ran his thumbs over the already stiff peaks, and watched as her head tipped back. One of those soft, s.e.xy little moans escaped her throat, and he gritted his teeth and tried to rein his hunger in. Dipping his head, he skimmed his lips over her throat, down the delicate line of her collarbone. He pressed his lips to the plump upper curve of her breast, savoring the warm, sweet taste of her. She tasted of soap, the ocean, and Taige. Her nipples were stiff, swollen, a warm, rosy brown, shades darker than the smooth slope of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Taking one in his mouth, he bit down gently.
Arching up against him, she cupped a hand around his nape, holding him close. d.a.m.n, her taste. She was hot and sweet under his mouth but it wasn't enough. Cullen was dying on the inside and had been for years. This was the most alive he had felt since he'd chased her away from him, but stil , he needed more. d.a.m.n it, he had to have more. He slid his hands down her sides, his fingers digging into the curve of her hips. Slowly, he tugged her forward as he trailed a line of kisses down her belly. Soft skin and muscle rippled under his touch, and when he slid his fingers inside her waistband, she jerked.
He straightened up and met her gaze. Their eyes were level, him kneeling in front of her while she sat on the edge of the couch. Her pale gray eyes darkened like thunderheads over the ocean as he cupped his hand between her thighs. "I need you naked, Taige. Right now." He leaned forward and kissed her through her jeans. "If you're going to pull back, now is a good time."
He braced himself for just that. But instead, she lifted shaky hands and freed the b.u.t.ton on her jeans. "You know I've never been able to resist you," she said in a husky voice. Her lids drooped low over her eyes as she hooked her hands in her jeans, but before she could push them down, he covered her hands with his, easing her jeans down himself.
She was stil wearing her underwear, and he cupped her b.u.t.t in his hands. Under his palms, her skin was warm-and bare. Cullen swore hotly as he traced the line of the thong that she wore. The soft black cotton clung to her hips, rode between the cheeks of her a.s.s. Lowering his mouth, he kissed her through the cotton and hissed as he found the material already wet.
Sliding a look up at her, he said in a voice gone rough with need, "Lie down." Taige did, but she was too far away. Grasping her a.s.s, he pulled her hips to the edge of the couch, guiding her knees over his shoulders. Cullen tugged the thong aside as he blew a soft puff of air against her. Tight black curls s.h.i.+elded her s.e.x from him. Already starved for her, he pressed his lips against her and used his tongue to open her folds. Slick, hot, and wet, and as he used his mouth on her, she got hotter and wetter, so hot she seemed to singe him and as wet as a spring storm.
Circling the entrance to her body, he held her steady as he pushed his tongue inside her.
Taige screamed and bucked, her hands clutching his head and holding him tight against her. She rocked upward as he shafted her with tongue and fingers, as he suckled on her c.l.i.t, as he pushed her closer and closer. He felt the warning spasm of her body, felt the powerful climax coming on her even before it hit her, and as it broke over her, he continued to lick and kiss.
His hair tumbled into his eyes as he levered his body up over hers. Lifting her lids, Taige stared at him, her body stil shuddering from o.r.g.a.s.m. He s.h.i.+fted her body around so that she lay full-length on the couch and then, before she had even caught her breath, he knelt between her thighs, covered her body with his, and pressed his c.o.c.k against her.
"Look at me," he demanded. Through her lashes, she did, staring at him, hardly able to believe this was happening.
It wasn't a dream, wasn't a memory. It was real; he was real, his body hot and heavy, one big hand wrapped around the base of his c.o.c.k as he pressed close, and then their gazes locked, and he pushed inside. Taige screamed. He was thick, so hard it seemed to bruise her, and he was relentless, forging deeper and deeper until he was sheathed inside her to the hilt.
She groaned and thrashed under him, working to accommodate him. Twelve years was a d.a.m.n long time, and she felt as though everything in the world had ceased to exist, everything but the couch they lay on, the man above her, and the thick length of his c.o.c.k throbbing inside her. Unable to breathe, she worked her hands between them and shoved against his shoulders. Her hips wriggled and Cullen swore heatedly. "d.a.m.n it, be still."
Looping his arms under her shoulders, he caught her head between his hands, holding her still as he kissed her. With his hips, he pressed down to still her frantic movements.
Taige whimpered and pressed backward into the couch as much as she could.
"You're tight," he muttered against her mouth. He didn't try to kiss her, just rubbed his lips back and forth over hers, roaming upward to kiss away the salty tears streaming from her eyes. So tight, she wrapped around him in a snug, silky embrace, wet, soft, and the most sinfully sweet pleasure he'd had-since the last time he'd had her.
Silky sweet-and he was hurting her. He could see it in her eyes. Even though she was stil as hot as fire beneath him, and even though he could feel the power of her need, he was hurting her. d.a.m.n it, how could he not? She was virgin tight, and once he'd pushed the first inch inside her, he hadn't been able to stop until she had taken all of him.
It d.a.m.n near killed him, but Cullen didn't follow the needs of his body and take, take, take, taking her until they were both too breathless and tired to move. Slanting his mouth over hers, he braced his elbows on the thick leather cus.h.i.+on on either side of her head, taking some of his weight off Taige.
He eased his hips back, withdrawing until only the head of his c.o.c.k was wrapped in her warmth and then, slowly, surged forward. When he felt her tighten around him, he stopped, withdrew, working his way inside her, and slowly, she relaxed around him. Her arms slid up over his shoulders, and her mouth sought out his. When her nails started to bite into his shoulders, he started to move faster.
Taige's body bowed up to meet his. Their breathing came in short, ragged pants, and neither of them could see anything for the other. Cullen stroked a hand down her thigh and guided her knee up over his hip, then cupped the curve of her a.s.s in his hand, and held her tight against him. He felt her body clench around his.
Deliberately, he changed rhythm. Taige slid her hands down his back and clutched at his hips, squirming against him. "d.a.m.n it, Cul en . . ."
He reached behind him, caught her hands, and forced her wrists down beside her head.
"After twelve years of dreaming of this, this is going to last longer than a few minutes."
Not much longer, he knew, but longer. And later, he'd do it again, take her as many times in the few hours as he could. Bind her to him again. Remind her of how good they'd been together before he'd screwed it up.
Settling into a shallow, teasing pace, he nuzzled her neck and licked away a bead of sweat from her throat. Her skin glowed, and under his hands it had gone damp. Her body arched and strained against his, and the snug, wet clasp of her p.u.s.s.y around his c.o.c.k seemed to clutch at him as though she could keep him from pul ing away.
Cullen circled his hips against hers and stared at her face, watching her. Too d.a.m.n beautiful. She moaned, a soft, s.e.xy little sound that throbbed through his system like the beat of a drum. Lashes fluttered low, hiding her eyes. Dipping his head, he bit her lower lip and murmured, "Open your eyes, Taige. Look at me."
Slowly, the fan of her lashes lifted, and she stared at him with a blind, foggy gaze. "Tel me that you love me," he rasped.
"Cullen . . ."
He slanted his mouth across hers, kissing her deep and hard. Then he lifted up, tossing sweaty hair back out of his face. "Tell me you love me," he growled against her lips.
She s.h.i.+fted under him, tugging on her wrists and squirming. "Let go of my hands."
Cullen didn't want to. He didn't want to do anything but demand an answer from her, but he'd already done that twice, with no response. Slowly, he loosened his grip on her wrists. If he could have pulled away then, he might have. His heart was like ashes inside his chest, and he wanted to pull back, hard and fast. Instead, he hunkered down low over her, burying his face in her neck and cursing the need that wouldn't let him pull away.
A strong, slender palm stroked up his back. The other hand stil lay over her head, and she sought out his, entwining their fingers. Her free hand curled over the back of his neck, and then her head turned, her lips brus.h.i.+ng against his cheek. "I love you, Cullen.
Did you actually think I could stop?"
Any control he might have had left died in that second. Turning his head, he sought out her mouth. Hooking his arm around the back of her neck, he whispered against her lips, "You're mine, Taige. Mine." Then he pushed his tongue into her mouth and kissed her until all rational thought faded away.
He moved higher on her body so that each deep, hard stroke had him rubbing against her c.l.i.t. Canting her hips upward, he changed the angle of his thrusts so he could hit the buried nerve bed inside her p.u.s.s.y. She lit up like the sky on the Fourth of July, screaming in his mouth, her nails raking down his shoulders, and her back arching. As she came, Taige bucked under him, hard, convulsive little jerks. Cul en banded his arm around her waist and held tight, riding her through it, chasing his own o.r.g.a.s.m with blind fury.
It erupted from him, and he spilled himself into the wet, receptive depths of her body.
Her sheath continued to spasm and clench around his c.o.c.k, milking him dry. It was as though she was pulling fire from inside his body, a pleasure that was d.a.m.n near painful in its intensity.
When it ended, he collapsed against her, burying his face between her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and sucking in badly needed air.
He couldn't think, could hardly focus on anything but the little aftershocks rolling through his system. The one coherent thought he was aware of: I'm never letting you go now, Taige.
MINUTES pa.s.sed-or maybe hours, and Taige continued to lie on her back, staring at the ceiling. She'd gone from self-disgust to acceptance to anger and all the way back again.
Right now, she was right smack in the middle of acceptance. Eventually, she'd be p.i.s.sed off again. At him. At herself. At everything. But right now, she was content to stroke a hand up and down Cullen's back and listen to him breathe.
Her thighs ached, and deep inside, she felt raw and a little sore. Twelve years was a d.a.m.n long time, she mused again. And Cullen hadn't been gentle with her. She hadn't wanted him to be. That greedy desperation eased the ache in her heart, even though it left her body stiff.
I'm never letting you go now, Taige. Catching complete thoughts like that outside of a direct connection wasn't normal for her. It was probably just the physical contact, the very close physical contact that had let her subconscious establish a strong enough connection for her to pick up on that one, clear thought. Just the one, nothing before and nothing since. She was aware of his fatigue, and she'd felt a distant echo from him as they made love. s.e.x, Taige. Just s.e.x, she corrected herself. She'd felt the echo of his pleasure and the burn of need, but she wasn't convinced of anything other than that he wanted her.
A lot.
At least that was what she tried to tell herself. But those few words, I'm never letting you go now, Taige, had managed to undermine all the instincts that demanded she protect herself. Inside, she was in turmoil, practically at war with herself. Half of her demanded that she stop being so d.a.m.n cynical and just see what happened with Cullen. The other half came back with, Tried that route before, and he dumped me on my sorry a.s.s and stomped all over my heart, and that part wasn't at al interested in turning said broken, trampled heart back over to him.
His breathing changed. It brushed over her flesh and made her s.h.i.+ver. Stirring, he lifted his head and stared at her out of bleary eyes. "Crus.h.i.+ng you," he muttered, his voice thick.
Taige smiled and slid her fingers through his tousled hair. "I'm fine."
"Hmmmm." Lowering his face, he trailed his tongue over her belly in an absent, erotic little pattern. "You're not fine. You're perfect. Delicious." Pus.h.i.+ng up on his elbow, he rolled his weight to the side, pressing up against the back of the couch. "You're wet with me. I didn't use a rubber." His lashes drooped over his eyes, and he said, "Seems to be a bad habit with us."
Taige shrugged and tried to dismiss what was clamoring for attention in her heart.
Wouldn't matter even if she did acknowledge it. Dreaming and yearning to have a baby of her own, somebody to love and cuddle and protect, was pointless, because it wasn't going to happen.
"You're too quiet," Cullen said. His voice didn't really change, but she heard something there nonetheless.
Looking up, she met his eyes. He watched her with a soft, loving gaze that made her want to scream. Stiffening, she tried to pul away, but he wouldn't let her. "Don't worry about it," she said brusquely.
Heat s.h.i.+mmered through her, and she hissed when he pushed his finger inside her, stroking in and out of her p.u.s.s.y. "I'm not really worried," he whispered, dipping his head to flick his tongue against her c.l.i.t. "No matter what happened, I wouldn't be worried."
Squeezing her thighs together, she tried to pull back from his caressing hand. "Nothing will happen." Her throat was closing up on her; she could feel it. Eyes blurry with tears, she reached down and grabbed his wrist, trying to pull him away. "Let me go."
"Don't look so scared, Taige." He nuzzled her belly and spoke in a soft, cajoling voice.
"You stil love me. I stil love you. If something happens, we'll deal with it. G.o.d knows, I'd love to see you pregnant with my baby."
Her laugh was bitter, so harsh it hurt her ears just to hear it. "It won't ever happen, sugar. I can't get pregnant." This time, when she jerked away from him, he was surprised enough that she managed to pull free. She ended up on her a.s.s by the couch, and too upset to even be embarra.s.sed, all Taige did was shove to her feet and walk blindly in the direction of her room.
She didn't even make it to the doorway when he stopped her, grabbing hold of her arm and trying to turn her around to look at him. When that didn't work, he planted his body in front of her and caught her face between his hands. "What?" he asked hoa.r.s.ely.
Blinking back the tears, Taige said, "Just let go of me, Cullen."
"Not until you explain that."
This was going to choke her. She knew it. She'd force the words out, and they'd lodge in her throat and choke her. "I got pregnant that day I came to see you when your mom died. I didn't know about it." Forcing the words out was about as easy as it would have been to regurgitate broken gla.s.s, and she figured it was every bit as painful. "I lost weight, was sick a lot, but figured I was just depressed. Then I collapsed at school. I was taken to the ER, and they found a tubal pregnancy, but it was too late. The tube had ruptured."
Mechanically, she recited the details, unaware that the tears had finally won the battle, and they fel unchecked down her cheeks.
Cullen lifted a hand to touch her, and she flinched away. "Don't," she said harshly.
"Have to," he said, pulling her against him.
His hand rubbed in soothing circles over her bare back, but she held herself stiff in his arms, unable to relax, hardly able to breathe. He was quiet for a long while, and then, finally, he blew out a sigh. His arms tightened around her, and he murmured, "I'm sorry, Taige."