Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 17

There was no response from any of them, but they'd do it because I asked. I wanted clarity and more information about what they'd seen, how they felt about Royal being gone, and what they needed from me.

I put Benji to bed and went to my room, switching on the television and lying against the bed sideways. I went through all four hundred channels twice before stopping on a cooking show.

I'd just dozed off when there was a knock on the door. "Come on in," I said sleepily.

Macy peeked her head in the door before pus.h.i.+ng it open and walking in and closing it behind her. "Can I talk to you for a minute, Mom?"

I sat up, patting the mattress for her to sit. "Of course you can. Come on."

She climbed on the bed and curled up with her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her soft hair and waited for her to start.

"Why is he so stupid? Why did he have to do this?"

A lump formed in my throat, choking me as I looked down on her. "I think he made a bad decision, but I don't think Daddy meant to hurt us."

She looked up at me. "I wanted to hit him, and I want to kill that lady, like, seriously, Mom. I wish she was dead. I knew she wanted Daddy. The way she looked at him at Aunt Tara's house made me sick."

I bit the inside of my cheek. f.u.c.king Lana.

"You shouldn't have had to see that, or deal with any of this. It's not your place, and I am so, so, sorry."

"I don't think he kissed her back, though, Mom. I mean, I was shocked when she reached up and kissed him, but he didn't move. But, that's just it! He should've socked her or pushed her down!"

I chuckled at her. "Baby, there's one thing you know about your Daddy, and he would never lay a finger on a woman-no matter how nasty she is. I don't know what's going on in his head, but we'll work very hard to clear it up.

"Why does he even talk to her? I don't get it."

"He feels like he has this connection with her because they've known each other a long time. He thinks they're friends. I don't know, Macy. I can't answer that because I don't know myself."

She was quiet for some time while I played with her hair, the way I'd done when she was a little girl. She'd always had a hard time falling asleep-like her father-and it soothed her.

"I know you love Daddy, and I'm sorry he's hurting you. You don't deserve it."

I gave her a sad smile. "Why don't you sleep in here with me tonight? We can watch something until we fall asleep."

She smiled. "Okay, just no cupcake or baking shows. I hate those," she said, pointing at the television.

I shrugged. "There's always Golden Girls," I teased.

"You know, I secretly love that show. Just don't tell Skylar and Laney," she said. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and then snuggled closer to me.

I smiled. "I won't, cross my heart and hope to die."

I slid her off my lap and crawled under the covers, lifting the quilt so she could get in next to me. "I kind of like it being just me and you sometimes," she said, laying her head on my shoulder.

"I do too. We'll do this more often, okay."

I clicked around on the remote until I found the show and then laid it on the side table and snuggled next to her. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, but I was wide awake. I couldn't get my mind to slow down. My thoughts raced and my heart ached.

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and ghosted over Royal's number. As much as I wanted to continue wallowing and avoid things, I knew in good conscience that I couldn't. I had to do something-we had to do something. I had to find out what happened to us, about the night with Lana, and where his head was at that very moment. Once everything was out in the open, we could finally move forward.

I punched in a quick text, my fingers shaking as I tapped the screen.

I'm ready to talk. I miss you. Sweet dreams, Love-J I waited a few minutes for a reply, and when it didn't come, I put it back on the nightstand and turned off the TV, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Chapter 12.

"Unf," I groaned.

I twisted, cracking my back, and groaned again. I woke up to a bed full of kids and a big old dog. Sometime during the night, our sleepover had grown.

I was in serious pain.

I hobbled to the bathroom, hunched over and aching, and started the shower. It had been one of the longest and most painful weekends of my life, and the emotional toll on my body was fierce. My eyes were swollen and red, my back felt like I'd been bent backwards over a fence, and the rest of my body just felt worn out with exhaustion. I wasn't sure how I would manage being on my feet for six hours at work.

On top of everything else, I had to deal with Royal when he arrived for breakfast with the kids. It was bound to be awkward.

My whole life had become this foreign ent.i.ty-a big, giant, belligerent soap opera I couldn't turn off. It was an infection that had diseased my soul. The urge to empty my stomach was almost constant.

I wasn't used to the dramatics and turmoil. Chaos, sure, but never complete upheaval.

The spray of water felt so good, I stood under it and let the spray of hot water melt away the tension for several minutes. Once my joints loosened up, I soaped up, scrubbed, rinsed, and then climbed out and wrapped up in a towel.

After pulling my hair into a twist, I dried off and headed straight for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. There was no way I'd get through the day without it.

I heard sounds coming from the kitchen when I got to the bottom of the stairs and paused. The distinct sound of the can opener and then the rustling and crinkle of the dog food bag let me know someone was already up feeding Angus.

"Good morning. Did that dumb ol' dog get you up to feed him?" I asked as I entered the room.

"I think I woke him up," Royal said from beside me.

"Ah!" I screamed, clutching at my towel. "You scared the c.r.a.p out of me. G.o.d!"

He looked down at the floor, took in my toweled body and gave me a perplexed look.

"I didn't think I'd scare you." He frowned, and I had never seen him look more miserable.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "What are you doing here so early? I didn't even hear you come in."

He raised his eyebrow. "Am I supposed to knock now?"

"No, but maybe you should call from now on. Let me know you're on your way so I'm not walking around... you know... naked."

"Why should it matter?" he bellowed, throwing his hands in the air. "You're my wife, Jenna! It's a f.u.c.king towel. You don't feel comfortable around me in a towel?"

All the wounds that had started healing the night before tore wide open again. "I don't know the rules, okay! I don't know what I'm doing."

I turned my back on him and pushed my face into my hands. Sobs wracked my body as he came up and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to push him off, but it was in vain. He squeezed harder.

"Just let me hold you. Please."

I did; for a moment, I let myself be. My good sense wouldn't allow for much more, so I pried his fingers away from my waist when I felt his erection against my back.

"I need to get my coffee started," I whispered, pus.h.i.+ng away.

He was quiet behind me as I busied myself with the coffee maker. I felt so stupid-lost in a sea of doubt and uncertainty.

"Jenna, we don't have to do this."

I nodded my head but couldn't face him yet. "Yes, we do. For now, I think we do."

Even though it was hard-probably the hardest thing I'd ever had to do-I knew the s.p.a.ce would make things easier. My body and mind screamed for him, but my heart had to heal and my brain had to rest. For once, I needed to stand on my own two feet if we wanted to fix what was broken.

"So what the f.u.c.k did you call me over here for? To rub it in my face? I thought you said you wanted to talk!"

I turned to face him. "Why didn't you text me back? I'm getting really sick and tired of having to hunt you down all the time!"

"I hadn't slept for a few days so I crashed when I got back from your parent's place. I didn't hear it, Jenna."

"Oh," I mumbled.

"So, now that we have that all squared away, can we talk?"

I sighed. "I need to get dressed. I don't feel comfortable standing here in a towel."

"You're being ridiculous, Jenna. You're my wife. I want to see you in a towel, I want to rip the f.u.c.king towel off d.a.m.n it! Talk to me. Let me explain what happened at least."

"I don't want to talk about it while the kids are here. But I do want to talk about visiting the kids."

I felt white hot flames lick at my skin-hot all over. I wanted to disappear as soon as the words fell out of my mouth. In a million years, I never thought we'd end up becoming that couple-the separated kind.

"Visit my kids? Visit? Are you f.u.c.king insane?" he raged.

I held my finger up to my lips. "Keep your d.a.m.n voice down! The kids are still sleeping. Haven't you done enough?"

"Why the h.e.l.l am I the bad guy here? I'm trying to tell you that I didn't kiss her, but you won't listen. Seems like you were looking for a reason to kick me out. Why don't you leave?" he hissed.

I stared at him and wondered who the h.e.l.l he thought he was. "This is my house. Don't you talk to me that way again-ever," I warned. "You're the bad guy because you're an insensitive idiot and you gallivant around with your ex-girlfriend. You're the bad guy because I really just don't like you anymore."

He looked like I'd punched him. His face fell, his shoulders slumped, and he almost lost his footing. I didn't want to be cruel, but in a way, I wanted to hurt him. He needed to feel the way I did, to break down and show an emotion other than anger.

"Fine. We'll talk later, but, Jenna, we will talk. I didn't kiss Lana."

"I think I believe you, but it doesn't change everything else. That was the cherry on a very messed up cake, and right now, I want to rip your head off. You'll have to wait until I've had time to sort myself out."

"f.u.c.k," he hissed. "This is killing me; do you even understand what this is like? I want to come home to my wife and kids."

I took a deep breath before I said something ugly-again. "You need to get your head on straight, and figure out where you belong. You haven't been here, really been here in so long. I need you with me, wholly. I think we need to see someone about things."

"My head is on straight, Jenna. The longer we drag this out, the longer it'll take to fix it."

I shook my head, frustrated and sick of the bickering. "Look, it's only been ten minutes, and we're fighting again. I won't say it again. I'm not ready. We do, however, need to figure out what to do with the kids, to make things as normal as possible. Them first-then us."

His anger boiled over, ready to tip. I couldn't deal with a full-blown argument before work. The day would be hard enough on me.

"This whole thing isn't normal, Jenna. We promised-you promised. You said you'd never leave me, that we'd always be a family."

I huffed. "Yeah, well, you said a lot of things, and now look where we are. I mean it-not today, and not here. Stop being such a pain in the a.s.s. The kids come first."

He glared at me, murderous and wracked with pain. "Yeah, the kids. I tell you what's going to happen. I see them whenever I want, and whenever they want. Problem solved. Discussion over."

I grabbed at the roots of my hair and groaned. "No. I told you I need s.p.a.ce! It's always what you want. Always. I'm sick and tired of it. I give in and give in and you know what? f.u.c.k that."

His eyes widened. He knew I was at the end of my rope. "So what have you decided would be best for everyone else, Jenna? Enlighten me."

He crossed his arms over his chest, challenging me to prove my strength and resolve. He had a long wait if he wanted me to back down. I was done being that Jenna.

"I think Tuesdays and Thursdays would be good since I work late. Your mom picks up Benji on those days, anyway, so he'd already be there. You can swing by and get the girls on your way home and spend the evening with them."

"Two f.u.c.king nights? No way. You know what, Jenna..."

I held up my hand and shook my head. "Every other weekend, too. They need structure. I'm firm on this, Royal."

"You don't determine what happens with my kids, Jenna. You're taking this too far."

"I need to get ready for work. Enjoy your time with the kids. Tara is picking up Benji at eight o'clock and taking him and Lily to your mom's house. I'll talk to you later, Royal."

I blinked back tears and sucked away a sob before going upstairs to get ready for work. Things had backfired, and I should've known. The black curtain between us was pulled so tight, I wasn't sure we'd ever emerge.

The kids were still asleep, so I nudged Macy's shoulders. "Sweetie, you gotta get up."

She groaned, threw her arm over her head and told me to leave her alone. "Come on," I chuckled.

I poked Benji in the side, hoping that his ticklish nature would work in my favor. "Bubba, get up. Daddy's downstairs."

Delaney's eyes popped open and fixed on mine from the other side of Benji.

"He is?" she asked.

"Yup. He came for breakfast. I thought you girls could whip up pancakes or something."