11/22/63 Part 53

Her voice was flat and lifeless. She was standing in the doorway, bundled into the towel. Her hair fell to her bare shoulders in damp ringlets.

"How much did you have to drink, Sadie?"

"Only a couple of shots when the pills wouldn't work. I think I tried to tell you that when you were shaking and slapping me."

"If you expect me to apologize, you'll wait a long time. Barbiturates and booze are a bad combination."

"It doesn't matter," she said. "I've been slapped before."

That made me think of Marina, and I winced. It wasn't the same, but slapping is slapping. And I had been angry as well as scared.

She went to the chair in the corner, sat down, and pulled the towel tighter around her. She looked like a sulky child. "My friend Roger Beaton called. Did I tell you that?"

"Yes."

"My good friend Roger." Her eyes dared me to make something of it. I didn't. Ultimately, it was her life. I just wanted to make sure she had a life.

"All right, your good friend Roger."

"He told me to be sure and watch the Irish a.s.shole's speech tonight. That's what he called him. Then he asked me how far Jodie was from Dallas. When I told him he said, 'That should be far enough, depending on which way the wind's blowing.' He's getting out of Was.h.i.+ngton himself, lots of people are, but I don't think it will do them any good. You can't outrun a nuclear war." She began to cry then, harsh and wrenching sobs that shook her whole body. "Those idiots are going to destroy a beautiful world! They're going to kill children! I hate them! I hate them all! Kennedy, Khrushchev, Castro, I hope they all rot in h.e.l.l!"

She covered her face with her hands. I knelt like some old-fas.h.i.+oned gentleman preparing to propose and embraced her. She put her arms around my neck and clung to me in what was almost a drowner's grip. Her body was still cold from the shower, but the cheek she laid against my arm was feverish.

In that moment I hated them all, too, John Clayton most of all for planting this seed in a young woman who was insecure and psychologically vulnerable. He had planted it, watered it, weeded it, and watched it grow.

And was Sadie the only one in terror tonight, the only one who had turned to the pills and the booze? How hard and fast were they drinking in the Ivy Room right now? I'd made the stupid a.s.sumption that people were going to approach the Cuban Missile Crisis much like any other temporary international dust-up, because by the time I went to college, it was just another intersection of names and dates to memorize for the next prelim. That's how things look from the future. To people in the valley (the dark valley) of the present, they look different.

"The pictures were here when I got back from Reno." She looked at me with her bloodshot, haunted eyes. "I wanted to throw them away, but I couldn't. I kept looking at them."

"It's what the b.a.s.t.a.r.d wanted. That's why he sent them."

She didn't seem to hear. "Statistical a.n.a.lysis is his hobby. He says that someday, when the computers are good enough, it will be the most important science, because statistical a.n.a.lysis is never wrong."

"Not true." In my mind's eye I saw George de Mohrenschildt, the charmer who was Lee's only friend. "There's always a window of uncertainty."

"I guess the day of Johnny's super-computers will never come," she said. "The people left-if there are any-will be living in caves. And the sky . . . no more blue. Nuclear darkness, that's what Johnny calls it."

"He's full of s.h.i.+t, Sadie. Your pal Roger, too."

She shook her head. Her bloodshot eyes regarded me sadly. "Johnny knew the Russians were going to launch a s.p.a.ce satellite. We were just out of college then. He told me in the summer, and sure enough, they put Sputnik up in October. 'Next they'll send a dog or a monkey,' Johnny said. 'After that they'll send a man. Then they'll send two men and a bomb.'"

"And did they do that? Did they, Sadie?"

"They sent the dog, and they sent the man. The dog's name was Laika, remember? It died up there. Poor doggy. They won't have to send up the two men and the bomb, will they? They'll use their missiles. And we'll use ours. All over a s.h.i.+tpot island where they make cigars."

"Do you know what the magicians say?"

"The-? What are you talking about?"

"They say you can fool a scientist, but you can never fool another magician. Your ex may teach science, but he's sure no magician. The Russians, on the other hand, are."

"You're not making sense. Johnny says the Russians have to fight, and soon, because now they have missile superiority, but they won't for long. That's why they won't back down in Cuba. It's a pretext."

"Johnny's seen too much newsreel footage of missiles being trundled through Red Square on Mayday. What he doesn't know-and what Senator Kuchel doesn't know, either, probably-is that over half of those missiles don't have engines in them."

"You don't . . . you can't . . ."

"He doesn't know how many of their ICBMs blow up on their launch pads in Siberia because their rocketry guys are incompetent. He doesn't know that over half the missiles our U-2 planes have photographed are actually painted trees with cardboard fins. It's sleight of hand, Sadie. It fools scientists like Johnny and politicians like Senator Kuchel, but it would never fool another magician."

"That's . . . it's not . . ." She fell silent for a moment, biting at her lips. Then she said, "How could you know stuff like that?"

"I can't tell you."

"Then I can't believe you. Johnny said Kennedy was going to be the nominee of the Democratic party, even though everybody else thought it was going to be Humphrey on account of Kennedy being a Catholic. He a.n.a.lyzed the states with primaries, ran the numbers, and he was right. He said Johnson would be Kennedy's running mate because Johnson was the only Southerner who would be acceptable north of the Mason-Dixon line. He was right about that, too. Kennedy got in, and now he's going to kill us all. Statistical a.n.a.lysis doesn't lie."

I took a deep breath. "Sadie, I want you to listen to me. Very carefully. Are you awake enough to do that?"

For a moment there was nothing. Then I felt her nod against my upper arm.

"It's now early Tuesday morning. This standoff is going to go on for another three days. Or maybe it's four, I can't remember."

"What do you mean, you can't remember?"

I mean there's nothing about this in Al's notes, and my only college cla.s.s in American History was almost twenty years ago. It's amazing I can remember as much as I do.

"We're going to blockade Cuba, but the only Russian s.h.i.+p we'll stop won't have anything in it but food and trade goods. The Russians are going to bl.u.s.ter, but by Thursday or Friday they're going to be scared to death and looking for a way out. One of the big Russian diplomats will initiate a backchannel meeting with some TV guy." And seemingly from nowhere, the way crossword puzzle answers sometimes come to me, I remembered the name. Or almost remembered it. "His name is John Scolari, or something like that-"

"Scali? Are you talking about John Scali, on the ABC News?"

"Yeah, that's him. This is going to happen Friday or Sat.u.r.day, while the rest of the world-including your ex and your pal from Yale-is just waiting for the word to stick their heads between their legs and kiss their a.s.ses goodbye."

She heartened me by giggling.

"This Russian will more or less say . . ." Here I did a pretty good Russian accent. I had learned it listening to Lee's wife. Also from Boris and Natasha on Rocky and Bullwinkle. "'Get vurd to your president that ve vunt vay to back out of this vith honor. You agree take your nuclear missiles out of Turkey. You promise never to invade Kooba. Ve say okay and dismantle missiles in Kooba.' And that, Sadie, is exactly what's going to happen."

She wasn't giggling now. She was staring at me with huge saucer eyes. "You're making this up to make me feel better."

I said nothing.

"You're not," she whispered. "You really believe it."

"Wrong," I said. "I know it. Big difference."

"George . . . n.o.body knows the future."

"John Clayton claims to know, and you believe him. Roger from Yale claims to know, and you believe him, too."

"You're jealous of him, aren't you?"

"You're G.o.ddam right."

"I never slept with him. I never even wanted to." Solemnly, she added: "I could never sleep with a man who wears that much cologne."

"Good to know. I'm still jealous."

"Should I ask questions about how you-"

"No. I won't answer them." I probably shouldn't have told her as much as I had, but I couldn't stop myself. And in truth, I would do it again. "But I will tell you one other thing, and this you can check yourself in a couple of days. Adlai Stevenson and the Russian representative to the UN are going to face off in the General a.s.sembly. Stevenson's going to exhibit huge photos of the missile bases the Russians are building in Cuba, and ask the Russian guy to explain what the Russians said wasn't there. The Russian guy is going to say something like, 'You must vait, I cannot respond viddout full translation.' And Stevenson, who knows the guy can speak perfect English, is going to say something that'll wind up in the history books along with 'don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes.' He's going to tell the Russian guy he can wait until h.e.l.l freezes over."

She looked at me doubtfully, turned to the night table, saw the charred pack of Winstons sitting on top of a hill of crushed b.u.t.ts, and said: "I think I'm out of cigarettes."

"You should be okay until morning," I said dryly. "It looks to me like you front-loaded about a week's supply."

"George?" Her voice was very small, very timid. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"My car's parked in your-"

"If one of the neighborhood neb-noses says something, I'll tell them you came to see me after the president's speech and it wouldn't start."

Considering how the Sunliner was running these days, that was plausible. "Does your sudden concern for propriety mean you've stopped worrying about nuclear Armageddon?"

"I don't know. I only know I don't want to be alone. I'll even make love with you if that will get you to stay, but I don't think it would be much good for either of us. My head aches so badly."

"You don't have to make love to me, hon. It's not a business deal."

"I didn't mean-"

"Hush. I'll get the aspirin."

"And look on top of the medicine cabinet, would you? Sometimes I leave a pack of cigarettes there."

She had, but by the time she'd taken three puffs of the one I lit for her, she was wall-eyed and dozing. I took it from between her fingers and mashed it out on the lower slope of Mount Cancer. Then I took her in my arms and laid back on the pillows. We fell asleep that way.

10.

When I woke to the first long light of dawn, the fly of my slacks was unzipped and a skillful hand was exploring inside my underwear. I turned to her. She was looking at me calmly. "The world is still here, George. And so are we. Come on. But be gentle. My head still aches."

I was gentle, and I made it last. We made it last. At the end, she lifted her hips and dug into my shoulder blades. It was her oh dear, oh my G.o.d, oh sugar grip.

"Anything." She was whispering, her breath in my ear making me s.h.i.+ver as I came. "You can be anything, do anything, just say you'll stay. And that you still love me."

"Sadie . . . I never stopped."

11.

We had breakfast in her kitchen before I went back to Dallas. I told her it really was Dallas now, and although I didn't have a phone yet, I would give her the number as soon as I had one.

She nodded and picked at her eggs. "I meant what I said. I won't ask any more questions about your business."

"That's best. Don't ask, don't tell."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Just tell me again that you're up to good rather than no good."

"Yes," I said. "I'm one of the good guys."

"Will you be able to tell me someday?"

"I hope so," I said. "Sadie, those pictures he sent-"

"I tore them up this morning. I don't want to talk about them."

"We don't have to. But I need you to tell me that's all the contact you've had with him. That he hasn't been around."

"He hasn't been. And the postmark on the envelope was Savannah."

I'd noticed that. But I'd also noticed the postmark was almost two months old.

"He's not big on personal confrontation. He's brave enough in his mind, but I think he's a physical coward."

That struck me as a good a.s.sessment; sending the pictures was textbook pa.s.sive-aggressive behavior. Still, she had been sure Clayton wouldn't find out where she was now living and teaching, and she'd been wrong about that. "The behavior of mentally unstable people is hard to predict, honey. If you saw him, you'd call the police, right?"

"Yes, George." With a touch of her old impatience. "I need to ask you one question, then we won't talk about this anymore until you're ready. If you ever are."

"Okay." I tried to prepare an answer to the question I was sure would be coming: Are you from the future, George?

"It's going to sound crazy."

"It's been a crazy night. Go ahead."