Still Thinking Of You Part 22

'Well, there are millions of other things to do. We could go scuba diving under ice,' suggested Tash, who had entirely bought into Jayne's phony give-it-a-go persona.

Jayne looked horrified.

'Maybe not with hangovers,' conceded the genuinely active Tash. 'How about bowling or ice skating?' Jayne shook her head. 'Take a walk. Or shop.'

'Let's shop. I'll dress quickly and see you downstairs in ten.' Jayne's face transformed from sulky to radiant in a flash. Tash sighed with relief and agreed. She wandered back down the stairs to wait, unsure whether she'd imagined Jayne's initially chilly mood.

44. Retail Therapy.

Tash and Jayne mooched around the tiny clothes boutiques and souvenir shops. Although there were only a limited number of retail outlets, the girls still managed to find opportunities to flex their plastic it was almost a matter of principle. Tash picked out a pair of pink, furry Quiksilver snow boots, which were as impractical as they were fun. Jayne bought the same pair in blue. Tash also bought a new pair of yellow, heart-shaped sungla.s.ses and a tacky plastic snow shaker that dispersed s.h.i.+ny scarlet hearts, rather than snow, around a bemused-looking St Bernard dog. Jayne bought two Roxy fleeces and the same snow shaker. They didn't have a second pair of the gla.s.ses, not even in another colour. Jayne made a mental note to buy them once she was back in London. The retail therapy did as it was required to do and cheered both girls. Tash knew Rich would adore her purchases, and she couldn't wait to show him. Jayne had exactly the same thought.

It didn't take long to exhaust the small supply of shops, so the girls soon found themselves tucking into crepes and a carafe of wine.

Tash could see that Jayne was much more relaxed and therefore felt brave enough to ask, 'Are you disappointed that Jason took someone to his room last night?'

'That he s.h.a.gged some slapper?' asked Jayne, riding roughshod over Tash's tactful question. 'Not in the slightest. I expected as much. Men are faithless b.a.s.t.a.r.ds.'

'Not all men,' said Tash. She was thinking of Rich.

'All men,' said Jayne, who was also thinking of Rich. 'Is Mia boarding with Rich this morning?'

'No, I think she's having a professional lesson, but it's supposed to be a secret.'

Tash didn't think it was an important enough secret to earn her respect or silence. She liked Jayne and didn't like Mia, so she also thought it was OK that they swapped smirks.

'Oh, I thought she'd be with Rich again,' said Jayne.

'Well, she might be, I suppose. I'm not sure where he is. He left before I woke up.'

'But he left a note, right?'

'Rich isn't good at that sort of thing. He doesn't think like that.'

'Like what? Considerately?' asked Jayne. She pulled her face into an expression which approximated sympathy.

'He is considerate,' Tash defended. 'He just doesn't think about plans and arrangements.'

'And consequences,' added Jayne, raising her eyebrows. 'Men. They're all the same.'

Of course, she didn't believe this for a second. Rich was different to all men. Rich was her hero, her deity. She knew that when Rich was hers, in totality, once and for all, he would always leave notes detailing his plans. In fact, he probably wouldn't even have any plans that didn't include Jayne, so there would never be any need for notes, except love ones. It was just politic that Tash believe Rich was the same as other men. Jayne wanted Tash to be mistrusting of Rich. She wanted to fill her with hesitancy and doubt. Jayne needed to rupture Tash's peace of mind. She wanted Tash to interpret innocent situations incorrectly, to be consumed with jealousy and fury. Iago seemed a laudable role model. Jayne crossed her fingers because it really wasn't nice to say cruel things about Rich, and pushed on.

'It's no big deal. I had my own plans,' shrugged Tash.

'Yes, but he didn't know that, did he? As far as he knows, you might be on your own today.'

'He wouldn't have meant to leave me out. He's a live-for-the-minute type of guy. I love that about him,' beamed Tash, not showing any sign of the Oth.e.l.lo complex that Jayne was hoping to nurture. Jayne refilled Tash's gla.s.s.

'That devil-may-care att.i.tude is always an attractive attribute in the beginning,' agreed Jayne.

Tash stared at her crepe. She was hoping that Rich's joie de vivre would always be attractive, full stop. Jayne could see that her approach was having all the effect of drilling a diamond with a toothpick. She tried another tack.

'Isn't it remarkable that Rich and Mia can be just friends? Considering that once upon a time he made love to her and all that involves smelling her, tasting her, nibbling her nipples, kissing her thighs. Even now, she's always watching him, laughing with him, chatting with him. I don't think I could be friends with someone after I'd shared that intimacy.' Tash took a huge bite of her chocolate crepe. Suddenly she had an overwhelming urge for something sweet. 'And, my G.o.d, you're amazing. If it were me, I'd be eaten up with jealousy thinking about that past closeness.'

Tash s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably on her chair. 'I don't let myself think about it,' she said, truthfully.

'With my ex I was completely consumed by the green-eyed monster.'

Tash was relieved that the focus of the conversation would now move away from her and Rich. She nodded for Jayne to go on.

'I hated the fact that there had ever been other women in his life. I wanted to be them all.'

Jayne stared at her barely touched crepe, unwilling to meet Tash's eyes in case she saw the tears of frustration and self-pity that were welling in her own.

'I hated them all. I wished none of them had existed, but, as they had, I had this weird, illogical fantasy. I wanted to be every girl he'd ever touched. The one that took his virginity, the college girls, the white ones, the black ones, the holiday flings, the air hostess, the ones he had loved, the stripper he slept with in Amsterdam for a bet. Even the ones he couldn't remember the names of.'

'But that's impossible. What you wanted was impossible,' said Tash gently.

'But it was how I felt,' insisted Jayne.

Tash reached for the carafe of wine and was surprised to find it empty. How had they drunk it that quickly? She ordered another. Jayne could do with another drink. h.e.l.l, she could do with another drink.

'It's such a waste of emotional energy being jealous of someone's past. I don't want to be part of Rich's past it's far more important being his future,' said Tash. 'And the fact is everyone has a past.'

'My jealousy wasn't misguided, you know,' spat Jayne angrily, incensed by Tash's clearly patronizing comment. 'He was seeing some bimbo on the side, and eventually he '

'Chose her?' asked Tash.

Jayne glared, 'No, he didn't choose her. She forced him to leave me.' Jayne's breathing was fast and shallow. Clearly she was still deeply moved by her ex. Tash reached out and patted her hand. Jayne s.n.a.t.c.hed it away. 'You have no idea,' she snarled, then added, 'Has Rich always been faithful to his girlfriends in the past?'

Tash was annoyed with herself for blus.h.i.+ng. 'Er, not absolutely.'

'I think it's a yes-or-no issue. Not a grey area. Either he has been faithful or he hasn't,' Jayne insisted.

'He hasn't been in the type of relations.h.i.+p where it was an issue. His affairs of the loins have always been casual,' Tash explained.

'Always?'

'Well, he has had two or three girlfriends that have lasted six months or so.'

'Was he faithful to them?'

Tash chose not to reply because she didn't like the answer. Instead she said, 'Why do you ask?'

'Just because so few men are monogamists, and Rich doesn't appear to be that way inclined and I wondered how important fidelity was to the pair of you.'

'Paramount,' said Tash hotly. 'The difference is Rich has never promised fidelity in the past, but now he wants to be exclusive. We both feel that, very strongly.'

'And his past behaviour doesn't worry you?'

'Rich may not have always behaved entirely honourably, but as I was the one who insisted that we talk about our old flames it would be crazy to distrust his future intentions because he was honest with me about his past actions. I insisted that we had no secrets at all. Our entire relations.h.i.+p is, and always will be, based on trust.'

'Oh,' Jayne nodded.

She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. This stupid girl had no idea. 'I just wondered if you were going to go for one of these open marriages. I mean, you are so cool with the fact that he's s.h.a.gged Mia, and you have that 100 per cent honesty thing. I wondered if you were the sort of couple that didn't mind what you each did, as long as you swapped stories.'

Tash felt grubby. She had always been so proud of her 100 per cent respect and honesty policy. It was so simple, so full of morality and good intention. The way Jayne had interpreted it was grimy. Tash scrambled in her pockets for her purse. She pulled out a bunch of notes and threw them on the table.

'I think I need a lie-down. I've a headache. It must be the glare off the snow.'

'Or the hangover coming for its second round of attack,' smiled Jayne.

Tash nodded, and stood up, 'That should cover my half.'

'Oh, yes, more than,' agreed Jayne, as she counted up Tash's money. 'Go and have a lie-down before dinner. You do look pale. I'll settle up here.' Jayne beamed.

Tash shook her head. It must be the hangover. She wasn't seeing things clearly. A second ago she thought she'd seen malice in Jayne's eyes, but that couldn't be right. Jayne was her friend. A friend that was clearly a little weary and battle scarred, but... Tash didn't try to complete the thought. Jayne's situation was nothing to do with her own happy one. She must not let the things sad and cynical Jayne said spoil anything at all. Tash stumbled back to the hotel and waited for Rich.

45. A Lot to Digest.

Dinner on Tuesday night was devoid of buoyant moods, flirtatious chat, hilarious anecdotes or giggly overindulgence in food and wine. Instead the atmosphere was drenched with deceit, despair and despondency. It wasn't just that everyone was battling with now almost permanent hangovers. The gang of old friends, who had been sure they knew everything about one another and who had prided themselves on their intimate history, were now beginning to sense that there was a lot they didn't know about one another. Furthermore, anything they had recently discovered was shocking, scandalous and serious.

If there had been a compet.i.tion to see who was the most miserable, it would have been a close-run thing with a photo finish. Ted, Kate and Lloyd had skied all day, and yet had filled the hours with superficial chitchat about weather conditions. Rich agonized over his confession to Jason, and Jason agonized over the fact that he'd been taken for a complete fool by Jayne plainly she had used him to try to make Rich jealous. And while Jayne knew that she had upset Tash and disturbed her almost Zen-like calm and confidence (she didn't believe that headache story, not for an instant), she still agonized over what Rich would do next. Why hadn't he had the big talk with Tash yet? It was overdue.

Rich had returned to the hotel only twenty minutes before dinner. He'd left it as late as he dared because he didn't want to be alone with Tash. When he was, his conscience stung and fought miserably with his sense of self-preservation. The battle left him feeling like the b.a.s.t.a.r.d he was.

'Where have you been?' Tash had asked the moment he walked in the door. The tone of the question was a curious mix between relief at Rich's return and anger and indignation that he had been away at all. She was sitting at the dressing-room table in her bra and knickers, applying her lipstick. Her hair was still wet and wrapped in a huge towel which was twisted turban-like up on top of her head. She wished he hadn't caught her in this half-dressed state she looked comical and not at all glamorous. He thought she looked beautiful.

'I've had a great day on the slopes with Jase,' Rich'd replied, kissing Tash briefly on the forehead. He'd wanted to kiss her lips. He longed to. He knew he'd feel safe there. But would she taste Jayne's kiss? Would she somehow know?

Of course not. He wasn't being logical. Her skin was almost translucent. He kissed her cheekbones, her nose. She closed her eyes, and he kissed her eyelids. He broke away. 'Then we went to a bar.'

'Which one?'

'The one next door.'

Tash fumed, 'You could have come to find me.'

'Sorry, babe,' called Rich. He was in the bathroom, towel-drying his hair, which was damp with snow fall. 'Mia said you were ill, needed a lie-down. I didn't want to disturb you. I know you hate people fussing around you when you're feeling rough.'

It was true that Tash didn't require much in terms of bedside manner when she was ill. She'd much rather hide under the duvet until the lurgy had subsided, then re-emerge. But today she wasn't really ill, or at least not with anything infectious. She could have done with some company. But, then, Rich wasn't a mind reader.

'Mia was with you? I thought you said you boarded with Jase.'

'I did. We b.u.mped into Mia at about six-thirty. She'd been out with Jayne. It was Jayne that told her you were ill.'

'Right,' said Tash because she didn't know what else to say.

In fact it wasn't right. Nothing seemed in the least bit right. She wasn't happy that Rich had left her alone all day. She wasn't ecstatic with the conversation she'd had with Jayne. It had stirred up an ugly c.o.c.ktail of emotions jealousy, fear and distrust, to name but a few. And while she knew she was being irrational, she was also unhappy that Jayne had spent the afternoon with Mia. It seemed like a betrayal. Of course, it wasn't. She was being silly. Jayne had every right to spend time with whomever she liked. And she hadn't ever said she didn't like Mia. Not in so many words. There was no real reason Jayne ought to dislike Mia. After all, it wasn't her boyfriend Mia was trying to seduce.

Aaghhh. It was all too much.

She didn't like the idea of Rich, Mia and Jase sat around a bar, drinking and laughing without her. About her?

No, that was ridiculous.

Tash had wanted to tell Rich all of this. She'd wanted him to sit down with her and allow her to offload a number of preposterous ideas that Jayne had slipped into her mind. Ideas which Tash could not shove out again. She was sure he would stroke her back and play with her hair. Kiss her lips and tell her everything was OK. Instead Tash sighed, saying, 'You'd better get changed quickly. We're booked for an eight o'clock dinner.'

Only Mia was feeling sparky.

The fertility test had shown a bright-green light today. She was slap bang in the middle of the most fruitful part of her cycle. That information, combined with the discovery of the relations.h.i.+p between Rich and Jayne and Scaley Jase's predictable response to the news (random s.h.a.gging) meant that her plan was back on track. Yes, it would have been ideal if Scaley had turned to her for consolation last night, rather than that time-wasting tart, but it wasn't a major disappointment. Jayne had been genuine compet.i.tion, but she couldn't believe that the touring slappers would be.

It was novel that when she arrived at dinner she found that she was the most high-spirited.

'My G.o.d, why the long faces?' she asked, as she slipped into the seat next to Jason. No one replied. 'Glad to see you're feeling better, Big Ted,' she smiled. Ted nodded politely. 'Are you feeling rested, Barbie Babe? Jayne said you had a headache. Shame you missed out. We went boarding. Great fun, wasn't it, Jayne?' Jayne smiled and nodded. Mia's fun would have been increased tenfold if Jayne had taken the opportunity to discuss the 'Rich foyer kiss', but both girls had discreetly avoided the subject. 'Great snow, hey, you guys?' The question was thrown out to include Kate, Lloyd, Rich and Jason. More nods and more silence. 'What is it? Have you all worked out that you've already broken your New Year's resolutions and it's still January?' joked Mia.

'I hate New Year,' said Kate, not answering the question.

'I thought you loved New Year, Ms Monopoly,' said Mia in surprise. 'You always throw the best parties.'

'I love it,' said Jayne with a fake smile.

Jayne knew that she had to rouse herself. This was a crucial time. She knew that her self-appointed role in life was to be extremely enthusiastic about everything from cute puppies, to dangerous black runs, to New Year's Eve. Men such as Rich didn't want moaning Minnies. In truth, Jayne wasn't fond of New Year's Eve celebrations. She had spent too many on the edges of Kate and Ted's parties, hoping that Rich would acknowledge her. He never had, and sometimes he'd even arrived at those parties with another woman. Some gawky, hopeless girl or other. On those occasions, Jayne always went home early and slept through the midnight hour. However, this was not the moment to share.

'It's all so pressurized. New Year's Eve is the time when everyone asks, "What have you achieved this year? Have you scaled a mountain? Popped out a baby? Run the New York Marathon?" I hate it,' said Kate. The group stared at her.

'That can't be a problem for you,' said Jason. 'You achieve so much every year. You do regularly pop out babies, or renovate new overseas homes, or buy new yachts. You always have good news. If accounting for your past year is a challenge, it's one that you more than rise to.'

Kate felt ashamed. She shouldn't have said anything. She should have just continued to pretend to love New Year. Just because these were her dearest friends, it didn't give her licence to be so honest, not if her honest opinion had a dampening effect on the evening. What was she thinking of?

'I so missed your champagne bash this year. It has become the most important feature on my calendar.'

'I'm sorry,' apologized Kate, blus.h.i.+ng at the compliment that her parties were a success and the guilt of not throwing one this year, when it was expected of her. 'It will be back next year, bigger and better. We didn't bother this year because Ted was working on something ma.s.sive in the office and we simply didn't have time for all the prep. Isn't that right, darling?'

Ted nodded, and turned pink to match his wife.

'What were you working on, Big Ted?' asked Mia, as she hungrily bit into a bread roll. She liked to show an interest in her friends' careers, particularly cerebral, thriving careers. She hadn't ever had the urge to find out exactly how Tash dressed windows.

'A merger,' replied Ted.

'Oh, which one? Will I have read about it in the qualities?'