So Hard To Forget Part 10

The question set off a lively argument between the brothers, and JD and Penny demanded more answers from Nicole. Max felt it was as good a time as any to slip away. He touched Nicole's shoulder and whispered, "I have a couple of things I need to take care of. I'll be back in a little while." She was so wrapped up in relating what had happened that she absently acknowledged Max's departure with a wave of her hand.

But a minute later, she suddenly stopped talking, pushed the chair away and stood. "I've got to go call Charlie and tell him before Jeff does."

As soon as Max reached his bedroom, he locked the door, then picked up his cellular phone from the bedside table. He dialed Doug and was surprised when his partner answered on the second ring. "Why the h.e.l.l haven't you called me back?" Max demanded.

At the same time Doug said, "Where the h.e.l.l have you been?"

"I've been right here," Max growled. "Where have you been?"

"Let's don't play this again, Max. I tried to call you all day yesterday, half the night and this morning. You never answered."

Max realized he'd turned the cell phone off and apologized. "It's gotten complicated here."

"Well, if it's complicated there, it's downright chaotic here. Matt, Sandra was adopted."

"I'm not surprised. Are you? We kind of figured that's what it had to be." At the moment he was more concerned about filling Doug in on what he'd found out about Bedford. But his partner was wound up tight and wasn't about to let him get a word in. The phone began to crackle and buzz. Doug's voice started sounding like he had the hiccups, then faded out all together. Then, abruptly, it blared back.

"Helen said she never told us because she stopped thinking of Sandra as being adopted when she was a baby. As far as she was concerned, Sandra was her daughter. When I asked her if there was another baby, if Sandra had a sister, a twin, the old gal was positive there wasn't."

The phone hissed in Max's ear. "I thought... Can you hear me, Max?"

"Barely," Max said. "But go on, anyway."

"I thought, for reasons known only to her--you: ":'

know, maybe guilt--she was lying, and so I kep pressing her. Remind me never to even hint that Hel, en'S a liar. I don't remember ever being told what dark place to put my questions. But I'd piqued her interest, I had to fill her in about Nicole--everything from the same birthdays to the identical birthmarks.

"She was shocked, Max, flabbergasted. Then something really strange happened. Her vehement denials drastically changed and she started asking more questions about Nicole, wanting to know all about her. Then just as fast as they came, her questions dried up. She got real quiet and couldn't get me off the phone fast enough. Said she was going to make a personal visit to the law firm and the attorney who handled the adoption for them. From what little she was willing to tell me, the lawyer was an old personal friend of Helen's husband. She said she'd get back to me, but Max--" "

"That's all great, Doug," Max interrupted. "If you hear from her today, let me know what she has to say. Otherwise, I'll be back at the ranch tomorrow. But listen, we've got a problem." He filled him in on what had happened on the mountain and Bedford's men. "I'm working out a plan, but we'll never pull it off if the Dawsons ever find out we're working for Bedford."

He could hear Doug talking, but the volume kept cutting in and out, and he couldn't make out what was being said any longer. "Doug. Doug. We'll be back at the ranch around noon. I'll. fill you in then." He turned off the phone and tossed it into his duffel bag. Then he decided to spend some time getting his gear together.

He felt better after talking with Doug and realized it was because he'd dumped some of his guilt on his partner. Nicole was a reasonable woman, he told him self. Back at the ranch, when they were alone and he had time to explain everything calmly and rationally, she'd understand. And he'd have Doug to back him up. He was sure once Nicole learned about Sandra and heard all the facts, she would see the genius and brilliance of his idea. He was sure she'd be more than willing to go along with it.

He was halfway down the stairs, feeling good about everything in general, when he stopped. Somewhere in the house a door slammed, hard enough that it echoed like thunder. He gave a dismissive shrug and continued, crossed the entry and strolled into the kitchen. Silence met his entrance. Conversation ceased, and eight pairs of eyes bored holes in him. For one fleeting moment he thought if looks could kill, he'd be dead meat. "Where's Nicky?"

JD turned his back and refused to answer.

Reed and Ash stared at the tabletop, looking as if they wished they were anywhere but the kitchen.

Penny was the only one to speak up. "She's gone out." When he started toward the door, she stopped him. "Young man, I don't know what your game is or what you've done, but Nicky's very mad at you. Let me give you a little warning for your own good.

I'd watch my step, if I were you."

"Mad? At me?"

"Yes, you. She wouldn't say why, just that you were a stinking polecat, and that was the nicest of the things she said."

He headed for the door. "I can't imagine what she's upset about."

"Best you find out--" JD faced him armed with a cleaver "---and make it right. We don't take kindly Nick getting" hurL"

Now he was worried. These people were serious. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't, either. But I swear I've done nothing." It took him fifteen minutes to find her. He searched the area where the Jeep was parked. Even the garage and barn. He called her name as he jogged around the side of the house. Then he saw her sitting in a rocking chair.

"I've been looking for you everywhere." He took the porch steps two at a time. "JD has this crazy idea..." He saw the cellular phone gripped tightly in her hand and had a gnawing sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Nicky--"

"Tell me something, Max. What possible use would seducing me be for your client, Bedford?"

"Listen, Nicky. I know it looks bad, but..." He was a professional, dammit. He should have known better. Cellular phones were not, by any stretch of the imagination, secure lines. Transmissions were iffy in the city, cutting in and out, and when directional signals happened to get crossed, conversations could be picked up and listened to by anyone with a cellular phone. Why had he thought the mountains would be any different? That was the problem. He hadn't thought.

"If the two of you believed a s.e.x scandal would embarra.s.s me or Dad, then let me remind you that I'm a grown woman. If I want to screw around with every guest that comes up here, that's my business." She watched him flinch but pushed on, oblivious to anything other than her need to strike out against the cause of the ache in her heart. "Don't tell me it's not what I think, either. Are you working for Bedford?"

"Yes. But it's really not what you think."

Her smile was knife sharp with disgust. "You're trying to weasel out of it."

"I swear. It's not what--"

She cut off anything else he might have said. "Let's see. I believe it went something like ... you're working on a plan. But you'll never pull it off if Dawson ever finds out you and Doug are working for Bedford. That's fight, isn't it? That's the way it went, wasn't it?"

"Yes." He started to hunker down in front of her, but she jumped up and moved out of his reach so fast he was almost knocked over. He stood up and took a couple steps back so she wouldn't feel threatened and bolt. "I don't give a d.a.m.n about Bedford and never was really working for him, not after I saw you." He knew he wasn't making any sense and figured his best out was to" come totally clean. Now was as good a lime as any to tell her about Sandra.

"You're a real pistol. After you saw me? Don't you dare start spouting some bull about caring for me or about our being instantly attracted to each other. Especially not after today. You saw firsthand what Bedford's men are like and I told you what he'd been doing, and you just stood there like a ... like a... "Dammit to h.e.l.l, New York, I liked you. For some odd reason I even flus ted you. You're nothing but a lackey for an unscrupulous greedy man." She spun around and headed for the door.

Max reached out and grasped her arm, pulling her back a step. "I didn't mean to hurt you. If you'll just stay and listen, I'll try and make some sense out of all this. Nicky, there was something between us."

She free. indeed. s.e.x."

witi to drive home meaning. "Don't try and put any other name to it. You were handy and I was h.o.r.n.y. That's it pure and simple." She could tell by the intense deepening blue of his eyes that he was furious. "And don't try and fancy it up."

She started to leave and stopped again. "Stay away from me, Max. I don't want to see you or talk to you unless it's business and has something to do with you and your friend being a guest."

He watched her until she'd disappeared through the door, then sat down in the nearest chair. He'd had plenty of dealings with angry women before. But the cold unfeeling delivery that belied the hurt in her eyes tore at his gut. Well, pal, you've really stuck your foot in it now. What he needed to do was figure out how to make amends. He rested his head back and thought of Sandra.

THE TREK DOWN the mountain was always faster than the ascent. Nicole told the guests they'd be back at the ranch for lunch and have plenty of time to clean up, get their gear together and make the trip to the airport in Bartlet to catch their connecting flights out.

It was one of those beautiful mornings that come only to the mountains. The sun shone brightly from a sky dotted with cottony clouds. But Nicole wasn't fit to appreciate it. Lack of sleep and anger had taken their toll. She trudged down the path, and with every step, her head pounded like a jackhammer.

She was amazed at how she'd managed to get through the farewell dinner last night with the men. At first all she'd wanted to do was hide and wallow in self-pity. But she wasn't about to give Max the satisfaction of seeing her like that. Instead, she'd laughed and talked, eaten dinner with them and choked down champagne as she made a farewell toast.

Everyone had been in good spirits and no one seemed to notice that neither she nor Max had laughed at the jokes and fish stories that were pa.s.sed around. They'd never noticed that she only pushed her food around and never once lifted her gaze to the big man sitting across the table.

She put one foot in front of the other, keeping ahead of the others as they strung out in single file behind her. She couldn't face their conversations and laughter. If only she could turn back time and make it stand still, she might have done things differently. Or would she?

Once more she'd been a fool. For some reason, the hurt she was feeling was more painful than when she'd found her ex-husband cheating on her. She should have known better. One thing was sure, she'd learned she was becoming an expert at hiding her feelings.

With every step she tried to figure what it was she'd done wrong. Thinking back, seeing what had happened in the clear light of reason, she came to the stunning realization that she wasn't the one at fault. Not for what happened to her marriage or with Max. Shrugging off the Roger fiasco, she thought of Max. So she was attracted to him from the start. That was human. Being impulsive and rash, even reckless, wasn't wrong. She wasn't the one who'd lied.

d.a.m.n him. It was all his fault. He'd brought out the worst in her. Sidestepping a protruding tree root, she continued down the trail. More than anything she wanted the day to be over and Max out of her life.

"Nicole." Hal sprinted to catch up with her and was grateful when she slowed "Hi. Are you and the others getting tired? We can take a rest stop anytime."

"No. I wanted to tell you how much I've enjoyed this week. This place..." He seemed at a loss for words. "This place does wonders for a person, doesn't it? I think it's magic."

Nicole shared his smile. How many times had she heard that, maybe not the same words, but the same sentiment? Too many times to remember.

The men and women who came to the mountain brought more baggage with them than gear and clothes. But she'd never failed to see a change, as if the mountain and river somehow healed their turmoil.

"I'd also like to apologize for the way I acted on the trip up."

Nicole was touched. Hal was not the type of man to face, much less admit his faults. She laughed and told him, "All the sweet talk in the world won't get your gun back."

"No, no. I wasn't..." He saw she was teasing and grinned. "This place has been good for me. I'm coming back next year." He gave her a c.o.c.ky smile. "Maybe you'll take me on then." They both laughed.

Max trailed along at the rear of the line beside Reed and Pepper, the pack mule. He'd kept a close watch on Nicole and hadn't miss Hal making another move on her. What surprised him was hearing their laughter. His scowl gathered into a stormy frown. He started to pick up speed to catch up with them, but was stopped by Reed.

"You know," the boy said, "my dad says when a woman is madder than a wet hen, it's best to let her be, let her feathers settle before you say anything."

Max shook his head ruefully. "Your dad's a smart man. Do he and your mother argue much?" he asked absently, for he was only half listening, his attention riveted on the two people in the lead.

Reed nodded, his face as wise as an old sage. "She doesn't let him win many arguments. When he does, he pays for it later. So, he says, it's always best to let women think they're right. Easier on the nerves." He cleared his throat and switched Pepper's reins to his other hand. "JD said you hurt Nicky. Did you?"

"Yes, but I didn't mean to." Max tried to smile, but failed miserably. "I'm going to take your father's advice and let her cool off some before I explain."

"Might be the thing to do. I've seen Nicky lose her temper at a hired hand, some dweeb who was mistreating one of her horses. It was awesome."

There were a million things to think about and figure out about his plan, so Max let the conversation die naturally. The more distance the group put between themselves and the lodge, the less, it seemed, they cared to talk. Maybe they were reliving the past week. He tried not to. The problem was, the harder he tried to think only of the fis.h.i.+ng and the men, the more he kept seeing Nicole as she'd walked away from him. It bugged him that he couldn't shake the picture of her on the bed, either. If he didn't know better, he'd think he cared about her. But he didn't, he told himself. She was the means to an end, a closure that was long overdue. , When the ranch house came into sight, he realized what his problem was--guilt. It lay in his stomach like a heavy stone. Suddenly, despite Reed's wise advice, he was driven with the need to try to clear the air between Nicole and himself before they mac bed the ho. Admit & he thought. cold shoulder she was giving him was getting to him. He picked up his pace, pa.s.sing Clarence and George, then Preston.

He reached her side just as they stepped onto the driveway that curved around to the front of the house. He waited for Hat to get the hint and fall back before he said, "Nicky. Nicky, would you slow down a second and let me talk to you?"

"Why?" There was a look of determination in his eyes and a set to his jaw that made her think of a dog with a bone. He wasn't going to give up, and she wasn't about to let any of the men overhear them. She stopped to let the group pa.s.s by them. "Why?" she said again.

"So I can explain, dam reit "I think all that's necessary has been said. It's simple. You're a weasel and I'm a fool."

He would have replied, but as he glanced toward the house and the people standing on the porch, the words stuck in his throat. Charlie was holding the door open, motioning the guests through. Doug was talking to an elegantly dressed older woman. Max closed his eyes. He'd wanted to be alone with Nicole and smooth things over before springing the past on her. But Helen Applewhite's presence was going to put a wrench in the works and foul up all his plans.

Nicole sensed a change in Max, saw the way his body straightened and his attention swung from her to the people on the porch. It was a good time, she figured, to escape. She began walking toward the house. As she hounded up the steps, she glanced at her father, then at Max's partner. For a flash sho lhought it was her imagination that everyone was mimicking Max's watchful demeanor. It was as if they were all waiting and holding their breaths. She looked to the only person she didn't know and stopped.

There was something in the way the woman's hand clutched at her throat that made taking another step forward impossible. Or maybe it was the mesmerizing way the nickel-size diamond on her finger rained fiery sparks over the pale lined face.

The woman was about her father's age, with short silver hair, stylishly cut in a free-moving swept-back fas.h.i.+on. She was wearing a simple white linen dress that screamed money and black-and-white spectator pumps. It was the woman's expression, the initial stunned shock that had quickly melted into a look of deep abiding pain that held her frozen in place.

Nicole saw her lips move but couldn't make out what she'd said. Then the whisper came again. A little stronger this time, and she thought she'd been called Sandra. Suddenly the pain and the light and life went out of the blue eyes. They fluttered closed and the woman went limp, falling sideways and into Doug's arms.

It was the catalyst that got everyone moving at once. Nicole bounded up the remainder of the steps but was outdistanced by her father as he hobbled to the woman's side, Taking a step out of the way, she b.u.mped into Max and would have said something when he placed his hand on her shoulder, but suddenly the woman was awake and talking.

"Her name's Helen Applewhite," Max whispered. Helen brushed off Doug's and Charlie's hands with a shooing motion and stood, a little unsteady on her feet. She stared at Nicole. "Even after all the pictures Charlie showed me, they couldn't have prepared me for how "much alike you are." Helen fought for COntrol She stood straight and proud, composed her face and her voice. "We're confusing you, aren't we, Sandra ... Nicole?" Just saying her daughter's name, seeing her double alive and standing in front of her was too much. Fat tears squeezed from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Praying for strength, she said softly, "I'm Helen Applewhite. Your sister's mother."

Now it was Nicole's turn to stare in stunned disbelief. "My sister? Dad, what's she talking about?"

"Nick," Charlie began, then cleared his throat. "Sweetpea, we ... I just found out yesterday. Helen arrived and Doug told me the whole sorry tale. They thought I should be the one to tell you're Oh, h.e.l.l and d.a.m.nation, this is harder than I thought. Pumpkin, you had a twin sister named Sandra. This brave lady is her mother." Suddenly at a loss for words and unsure what to do, he made a rumbling helpless sound. "Reed and Ash are helping Prissy with the men's lunch, and I think we should go in and have a talk."

"Twin sister?" Nicole allowed Max to guide her into the house. But she quickly pulled away when they reached the living room. If Doug had something to do with what was going on, then in all likelihood Max had his hand in the turmoil, too. "Dad, these two---" she s.h.i.+fted her gaze between Max and Doug "--are working for Bedford."

"Don't worry, Plum-lump. It's all taken care of." She scowled, suddenly more disturbed by her fathers use of the three terms of endearment in such quick succession. And the fact that his eyes wouldn't meet hers. He was in trouble again, and she would have called him on it but Helen captured her hands, intent on steering her toward the sofa.

"Nicole, please sit down and I'll tell you all you want to know. Oh, child, if you only knew how just looking at you fills my heart with happiness."

Nicole glanced at her father for help, but coward that he was, he was backing toward the doorway. "Dad!"

"I know it all," he said, "and we have a houseful of guests to attend to." With that he was gone, closing the door behind him with a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry." She looked at Helen. "What did you say?" Max and Doug had made themselves comfortable on overstuffed chairs directly across from her and Helen. Max's smile was meant to rea.s.sure her, but it didn't. Nothing was making sense, She'd lost control of the situation, and all she could do was wait it out.

"I guess it's hard to understand," Helen said. "But here, let me show you." She picked up a thick photo alb.u.m, one of several on the coffee table.

Nicole gazed at the heavy book in her lap. She'd always known she was adopted and had been satisfied with her parents" explanation. She'd never been curious about her birth parents. It never crossed her mind that she might have a sibling. Now she was faced with the disturbing idea of having a sister. A tin sister. "Mrs. Applewhite--"

"Helen, please.." She flipped the cover over. "That's your sister."

Nicole felt the stirrings of uncertainty and doubt, and was reluctant to look at the alb.u.m. She continued staring at Helen as if waiting for a sign. She had a feeling her life was about to change forever. Slowly she dropped her gaze. The face in the color photograph was her face, the same green eyes, her mouth and smile. She had her chin, even down to the faint cleft and ghost of a dimple in her fight cheek. Nicole studied the smile again and swallowed hard. It was weird seeing herself and knowing it wasn't.

"Uh, the hair's different. Blonder, longer and straight." It was the only thing she could think of to say.

Helen dabbed at her wet cheeks and managed a chuckle. "She hated her curly hair and worked hard at keeping it that style. The lighter color is thanks to her hairdresser." Without thinking, Helen raised her hand and gently stroked Nicole's short wavy curls.

Nicole sat very still. For a moment she was a child again, and her mother was stroking her hair. It had been her mother's way of getting her to sleep at night. Between the years of childhood and growing up she'd forgotten what it was like to be touched in that special way. She felt the ache of memories as they crowded in on her, the good mixed with the pain of losing her mother when she was just ten.

Abruptly she jerked her head away from Helen's touch, then immediately saw the confusion and hurt in her eyes. "I'm sorry. My mother used to do that to get me to sleep at night."

Helen pressed her lace handkerchief to her lips, struggling to regain her composure. "I did the same with Sandra. Especially when she was sick or just wouldn't settle down."

Nicole smiled. "Did you sing to her, too?"

"Oh, Lord, no. Never. I can't carry a tune in a wet paper bag."

"Neither could Morn, but she sang to me, anyway." Nicole felt better, ready to take another look at her sister.

As she started to turn the page, Helen stopped her by placing her hand over hers. "I had to come. As soon as Doug told me about you, I just couldn't stay away. If I'd known about you, I swear I would have adopted you, too. Never, never would I have allowed sisters, twins, to be separated."

"Why did it happen? Do you know?" "

It was only natural that Nicole would ask. Helen had no choice but to answer. "You have to understand. Harry, my husband, didn't really want a child. He was set in his ways and we traveled a lot with our Thoroughbreds. He knew a child would change our lives, but he loved me and finally agreed only because I wanted a child so badly. Never think that he didn't come to love Sandra, though. He doted on her.

"When Doug called me and told me about you, that you had to be Sandra's twin sister, I made a visit to the lawyer who handled the family business and the adoption. Nicole, I just learned that the firm knew there was a twin sister and so did Harry. But he only wanted one child, and the private agency handling the adoption was willing to split up the two of you. They had a family to place you with. Please understand that Harry was older and used to having his orders followed. He wanted me to be happy, but he was selfish and possessive of my time, and he didn't want his life or routine interrupted. Two babies, even with nannies and nurses, would have taken more of me than he was willing to give. I'm sorry for that. I loved my husband, and even though he's pa.s.sed on, I don't think I'll ever forgive him for what he did." She leaned back and sighed. "Things might have been so different if you'd been with us."