Fruits of Culture Part 9

DOCTOR. All right, if I have time I'll pop in. [Exit].

ANNA PaVLOVNA [noticing the Peasants] What's this? What? What people are these? [Peasants bow].

THEODORE IVaNITCH. These are peasants from Koursk, come to see Leonid Fyodoritch about the sale of some land.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. I see they are peasants, but who let them in?

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Leonid Fyodoritch gave the order. He has just been speaking to them about the sale of the land.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. What sale? There is no need to sell any. But above all, how can one let in people from the street into the house? One can't let people in from the street! One can't let people into the house who have spent the night heaven knows where!... [Getting more and more excited] I daresay every fold of their clothes is full of microbes--of scarlet-fever microbes, of smallpox microbes, of diphtheria microbes!

Why, they are from Koursk Government, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria ... Doctor! Doctor! Call the doctor back!

Leonid Fyodoritch goes into his room and shuts the door. Gregory goes to recall the Doctor.

VASiLY LEONiDITCH [smokes at the Peasants] Never mind, mamma; if you like I'll fumigate them so that all the microbes will go to pot! Eh, what?

Anna Pavlovna remains severely silent, awaiting the Doctor's return.

VASiLY LEONiDITCH [to Peasants] And do you fatten pigs? There's a first-rate business!

FIRST PEASANT. That's just so. We do go in for the pig-fattening line now and then.

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. This kind?... [Grunts like a pig].

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Vovo, Vovo, leave off!

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. Isn't it like? Eh, what?

FIRST PEASANT. That's just so. It's very resemblant.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Vovo, leave off, I tell you!

SECOND PEASANT. What's it all about?

THIRD PEASANT. I said, we'd better go to some lodging meanwhile!

Enter Doctor and Gregory.

DOCTOR. What's the matter? What's happened?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Why, you're always saying I must not get excited. Now, how is it possible to keep calm? I do not see my own sister for two months, and am careful about any doubtful visitor--and here are people from Koursk, straight from Koursk, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria, right in my house!

DOCTOR. These good fellows you mean, I suppose?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Of course. Straight from a diphtheric place!

DOCTOR. Well, of course, if they come from an infected place it is rash; but still there is no reason to excite yourself so much about it.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. But don't you yourself advise carefulness?

DOCTOR. Of course, of course. Still, why excite yourself?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. How can I help it? Now we shall have to have the house completely disinfected.

DOCTOR. Oh no! Why completely? That would cost 300 roubles or more.

I'll arrange it cheaply and well for you. Take, to a large bottle of water ...

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Boiled?

DOCTOR. It's all the same. Boiled would be better. To one bottle of water take a tablespoon of salicylic acid, and have everything they have come in contact with washed with the solution. As to the fellows themselves, they must be off, of course. That's all. Then you're quite safe. And it would do no harm to sprinkle some of the same solution through a spray--two or three tumblers--you'll see how well it will act.

No danger whatever!

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Tanya! Where is Tanya?

Enter Tanya.

TaNYA. Did you call, M'm?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. You know that big bottle in my dressing-room?

TaNYA. Out of which we sprinkled the laundress yesterday?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Well, of course! What other bottle could I mean? Well then, take that bottle and first wash with soap the place where they have been standing, and then with ...

TaNYA. Yes, M'm; I know how.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. And then take the spray ... However, I had better do that myself when I get back.

DOCTOR. Well then, do so, and don't be afraid! Well, _au revoir_ till this evening. [Exit].

ANNA PaVLOVNA. And they must be off! Not a trace of them must remain!

Get out, get out! Go--what are you looking at?

FIRST PEASANT. That's just so. It's because of our stupidity, as we were instructed ...

GREGORY [pushes the Peasants out] There, there; be off!

SECOND PEASANT. Let me have my handkerchief back! [The handkerchief in which the presents were wrapped].

THIRD PEASANT. Oh Lord, oh Lord! didn't I say--some lodging-house meanwhile!

Gregory pushes him out. Exeunt Peasants.

PORTER [who has repeatedly tried to say something] Will there be any answer?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Ah, from Bourdier? [Excitedly] None! None! You can take it back. I told her I never ordered such a costume, and I will not allow my daughter to wear it!

PORTER. I know nothing about it. I was sent ...