Horror Stories Part 30

The Internet told him they were herbivores, which was a relief. But then Weston thought of another gray carnivore.

Rats.

Weston didn't want to be a wererat. He hated rats. Hording nuts was one thing. Swimming in the sewers, eating garbage and feces and dead animals, that was awful. He held his armpit up to his face and sniffed, seeing if he could detect any sort of sewage smell. It seemed okay. Then he checked the time and saw he had two hours to get to the SA meeting. So he hopped in the shower, dressed, and got on his way.

It had snowed during the night, making Naperville seem even more Winter-Wonderlandish. The cold felt good on Weston's bare face. He attributed the slight fever to his condition: Google told him wolves had an average body temperature of 100.5.

His first stop was Dr. Waggoner's, to pick up the silver cross. Weston didn't want to keep it for himself, but it was evidence of a murder, so it was best to get rid of it.

The nurse handed it to him in an envelope.

"Are you going to put it on?" she asked, eyes twinkling.

"Not right now."

But when he stepped outside, he did open the envelope to take a look. It was, indeed, silver. But all of the movies, all the books, said silver killed werewolves. Weston took a deep breath and dumped it into his palm. It didn't burn his skin. Or was that only with vampires?

He was bringing it up to his face, ready to touch it to his tongue, when he remembered where it had been. Besides, it had already pa.s.sed through his system without killing him. Obviously the legends were wrong.

He tucked the cross into his coat pocket and walked into town, toward the bakery. On his way, he pa.s.sed a man dressed as Santa Claus, ringing a bell for some charity. Thinking of the cross, Weston approached and dropped it in the steel collection pot.

"Beware," Santa muttered, voice low and sinister.

Weston wasn't sure he heard correctly. "Excuse me?"

"There's a killer on the loose in Naperville." Weston could smell the NyQuil on Santa's breath. "Not an ordinary killer, either. Only comes out when the moon is full."

"Uh, thanks for the warning."

Weston began to walk away, but Santa's hand reached out and s.n.a.t.c.hed his wrist, pinching like a lobster claw.

"Naughty boys get what they deserve," Santa intoned.

"Okay..."

Santa's eyes suddenly lit up, burning with some internal fire.

"They will be torn limb-from-limb! Their heads severed from their unholy bodies! Burned to ash on sacred ground! BURNED! BURRRRRRRRRNED!!!!!"

Weston pulled free, then walked briskly to the other side of the street, badly shaken. What kind of charity allowed cough syrup crazed psychotics out in public? Wasn't there some kind of screening process for volunteers?

He glanced once over his shoulder, and Psycho Santa was talking on a cell phone, still pointing at him like Donald Sutherland at the end of the first Invasion of the Bodys.n.a.t.c.hers remake. It gave Weston the chills.

The uneasy feeling stayed with him all the way up to Russoff's Bakery, where he bought a dozen a.s.sorted donuts and a black coffee. When he stepped back onto the street, Weston considered taking another route home so he wouldn't have to see Looney Claus again, then chided himself for being afraid. After all, he was a werecreature. What did he have to fear? If that Santa was really a bad person, chances were good that Weston's inner therianthrope would eat him tonight during the full moon. Weston allowed himself a small smile at the thought of seeing a white beard in his toilet tomorrow morning.

So he steeled himself, and walked the regular path home. But when he pa.s.sed the spot where Psycho Santa had been, he saw the volunteer was no longer there. Crazy Kringle had packed up his charity pot and left.

Weston walked to his apartment parking lot, hopped into his car, spent a minute programming his GPS, and headed for the suburb of Schaumburg. During the drive, he tried to get his mind around the events of the past twenty-four hours. But he wasn't able to focus. He kept seeing Santa's face. Kept hearing his threats. Once, in the rearview mirror, he swore he saw someone several car lengths behind him in a pointy red hat.

"You're being paranoid," he said to himself, refusing to drink any more coffee.

Just the same, he drove a little faster.

Ten minutes later he was at St. Lucian's, an una.s.suming Catholic church with a 1970's vibe to the architecture. It was orange with a black s.h.i.+ngle roof, shaped like an upside down V. Two large stained gla.s.s windows flanked the double entry doors, and a statue of someone, possibly Jesus, perched atop the steeple. There were only six cars in the parking lot, which Weston appreciated because he wasn't good at remembering names, and no one would be short a donut. He parked behind an SUV and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. It was 10:46.

"Here goes nothing."

Bakery goods in hand, he approached the double doors and let himself into St. Lucian's.

The church was dark, quiet. It smelled of scented candles, many of which were burning on a stand next to a charity box. Weston looked down the aisle, to the altar, seeing no one. Then he caught a handwritten sign taped to the back of a pew that read, "SA MEETING IN BAs.e.m.e.nT."

He did a 360, opened a storage closet, then a confessional booth, before finding the door to the stairs next to a baptism font. The concrete staircase wasn't lit, but at the bottom he heard voices. Weston descended, the temperature getting warmer the lower he went. At the bottom he walked past a large furnace, down a short hall, and over to a meeting room.

A bored looking man whose gray hair and loose skin put him somewhere in the sixties, peered at Weston through thick gla.s.ses. He wore jeans and a faded turtleneck sweater. From his stance, and his severe haircut, Weston guessed he was ex-military. He stood guard over the doorway, preventing Weston from seeing inside.

"Sorry, sir. This is a private meeting."

The conversation in the room stopped.

"This is SA, right?"

"Yeah. But it's invitation only."

Weston was momentarily confused, until he remembered the hotline conversation.

"Talbot," he said.

"Tall what?"

"Talbot. Isn't that the pa.s.sword?"

"No."

"It's last week's pa.s.sword," someone from in the room said.

"Sorry, buddy." Old Guy folded his arms. "That was last week's pa.s.sword."

"That's the one I was told to use."

"By whom?"

"The SA hotline woman. Tina or Lena or someone."

"Sorry. Can't let you in."

"I brought you donuts." He meekly held up the box.

Old Guy took them.

"Thanks."

"So I can come in?"

"No."

Weston didn't know what to do. He could call the hotline back, but he didn't have the number handy. He'd have to find Internet access, find the website, and by then the meeting could be over.

"Listen." Weston lowered his voice. "You have to let me in. I'm a thespianthrope."

Several snickers from inside the room.

"Does that mean when the moon rises you start doing Shakespeare?" someone asked.

More laughs. Weston realized what he said.

"A therianthrope," he corrected. "I'm the Naperville Ripper."

"I don't care if you're Mother Theresa. You don't get in without the correct pa.s.sword."

Weston snapped his fingers. "Zela. Her name was Zela. She liked to grab people's nuts."

Old Guy remained impa.s.sive.

"I mean, she said she was a weresquirrel. She horded nuts."

"I'll call Zela." It was woman's voice. Weston waited, wondering what he would do if they turned him away. For all of his Googling, he'd found precious little information about his condition. He needed to talk to these people, to understand what was going on. And to learn how to deal with it.

"He's okay," the woman said. "Zela gave him the wrong pa.s.sword. Said he's kind of a schmuck, though."

Old Guy stared hard at Weston. "We don't allow for schmuckiness at SA meetings. Got it?"

Weston nodded.

"Oh, lighten up, Scott." The woman again. "Let the poor guy in."

Scott stepped to the side. Weston took his donuts back and entered the room. A standard church bas.e.m.e.nt. Low ceiling. Damp smell. Florescent lights. Old fas.h.i.+oned coffee percolator bubbling on a stand in the corner, next to a trunk. A long, cafeteria style table dominated the center, surrounded by orange plastic chairs. In the chairs were five people, three men and two women. One of the women, a striking blonde, stood up and extended her hand. She had apple cheeks, a tiny upturned nose, and Angelina Jolie lips.

"Welcome to Shaps.h.i.+fters Anonymous. I'm Irena Reed, chapter president."

The one who called Zela. Weston reached his hand out to shake hers, but she bypa.s.sed it, grabbing the donuts. She brought them to the table, and everyone gathered round, picking and choosing. Irena selected a jelly filled and bit into, soft and slow. Weston found it incredibly erotic.

"So what's your name?" she purred, mouth dusted with powdered sugar.

"I thought this was anonymous."

Irena motioned for him to come closer, and they walked over to the coffee stand while everyone else ate.

"The founders thought Shapes.h.i.+fters Anonymous had gravitas."

"Gravitas?"

"You know. Depth. Sorry, I'm a school teacher, that's one of our current vocab words. When this group was created, they thought Shapes.h.i.+fters Anonymous sounded better than the other potential names. We were this close to calling ourselves Shapes.h.i.+fters R Us."

"Oh. Okay then." He looked at the group and waved. "My name is Weston."

Weston waited for them all to reply in unison, "Hi, Weston." They didn't.

"You're welcome," Weston tried.

Still no greeting.

"They aren't very social when there's food in front of them," Irena said.

"I guess not. So... you're a therianthrope?"

"A werecheetah. Which is kind of ironic, being a teacher."

He stared blankly, not getting it.

"We expel cheetahs." Irena put a hand to her mouth and giggled.

Weston realized he was already in love with her. "So who is everyone here?"

"The ex-marine, Scott Howard, he's a weretortoise."

Weston appraised the man anew. Long wrinkled neck. Bowed back. "It suits him."

"The small guy with the big head, that's David Kessler. He's a werecoral."

Weston blinked. "He turns into coral?

"Yeah."

"Like a coral reef?"

"Shh. He's sensitive about it."

"How about that older woman?" Weston indicated a portly figure with a huge mess of curly black hair.

"Phyllis Allenby. She's a furry."

"What's that?"

"Furries dress up in animal costumes. Like baseball team mascots."

Weston was confused. "Why?"

"I'm not sure. Might be some sort of weird s.e.x thing."