Outsiders. Part 15

Has Fran told her what's going on? Samantha wondered as she ignored the increased beat of her heart and left her cigarette to burn in the ashtray. She noted the way they moved, the slight distance between their bodies, and as one song slipped into another, she was unaware that she, too, was being observed.

A wordless emotion filled and welled up through her, strong enough to make her blink, to turn away for a moment. When she looked once more at the dancers, she stared at the last thing she expected to see: Nina approaching the pair as the song changed once more. Samantha put her water down on the bar and unconsciously leaned forward as she watched, the music that filled the air gone beneath the beat that hammered her within. The exchange was brief and seemingly polite, even friendly, but the conclusion shocked her: Nina cut in and was dancing-with Ren.

Samantha leaned back, released the breath she didn't realize she held, and blindly reached for her water once more. Her fingers trembled slightly as she raised it to her lips, and took a long pull. The water soothed and cooled on its way down, and a feeling flooded through her as it did. The emotion increased as she saw Fran look for her, then make her way over-it was relief.

"How do you prefer to be addressed...Toya or Ren?" Nina asked as they moved through the opening bars of a tune that she had requested earlier. She had, in fact, arranged the majority of the set list, since she wanted it all to be right.

Eyes, slate-blue and s.h.i.+ny, stared back at her and the slightest of grins-or was it a smirk- played in their corners.

"It depends on the situation."

Nina paid attention to the tone, where the tension was and wasn't in the body before her, as well as the expression she could see.

"This situation," Nina told her, her own smile sharp and angular as it cut across her face and she acknowledged the game they played. "This here and now."

The hint of a grin became a smile that mirrored Nina's as the rhythm that sounded around them changed. "Are you always so...acquiescent?"

"Hardly," Nina retorted. "I'm being polite...allowing you a choice before I make one for you."

It was very confusing. All Nina truly knew about Ren Toya previous to this day was her first name, that she was related to Graham's wife, Maeko, that at one point she and Fran were something more than friends and, after viewing clips of her group's performances, that Ren had a great concept going with even better execution. And it turned out now that person was someone she spent a few hours with earlier, working very companionably.

The name confusion she could mostly excuse-mostly. In the few times that Ren was mentioned over the last years, both Samantha and Fran probably a.s.sumed they'd mentioned it, but she never picked it up. When they were once again introduced just a short while ago, she remembered the cultural difference, but still...She enjoyed the confusion. I knowshe did, Nina reflected, her conclusion based on what she felt in that hand shake earlier and saw before her now.

Between that time and this, Nina was also caught up with the same meet-and-greet niceties as Fran and Samantha. Although social obligations separated them, Nina still kept an occasional eye out for them during their various wanderings.

When Nina spotted Samantha by the bar, her first intention was to put arms about her beloved partner, ask how she was, then plan their exit, but there was something about Samantha's demeanor that stopped her. Nina read a tension to Samantha's shoulders, stress in the lines of her back, as she watched somethingand Nina honed in on that.

For a moment, she saw what Samantha saw, felt what Samantha felt, as they watched Fran and Ren move together. Nina didn't stop to think, she just did. And now she was dancing with-"Toya," Nina decided. It was how shemet her, her first a.s.sociation. If she thought of her as Ren, she couldn't consider her objectively at all. Ren was someone who'd been connected to Fran in ways Nina didn't want to think about. Ren was someone that Nina instinctively knew had hurt Fran as well. Toya was someone Nina worked beside, was someone she could get along with. Maybe someday, Nina would be able to call her Ren. Today was not that day.

"You're letting me lead."

"I'm letting you think that." Nina laughed outright, and with the slightest twist of her leg and a s.h.i.+ft in her hand position, proved it.

Toya laughed back. "Touche," she agreed, and moved in tandem. "And do you always...how does that phrase go...switch hit that way? Isn't that...deceptive?"

"I am what I am-I don't pretend to less, more, or other," Nina answered as the s.p.a.ce between them narrowed for the next step. "What are you?"

"I am whatever I want to be, whenever I want, with whoever wants me to be it." Toya's body, quickly, briefly, brushed against Nina's and despite the layers they both still wore from the stage, Nina recognized clearly the subtle protuberance that b.u.mped against her thigh. She pushed slightly away.

"Thank you for the dance," Nina excused. "I should-"

Toya stepped closer, this time deliberately leaving the slightest breath of s.p.a.ce between them. She brought her face closer to Nina's shoulder. "Does this scare you? Play with your sense of who you are?"

"Youdon't scare me," Nina said pointedly and turned away.

Toya slid into step behind her and gently touched Nina's shoulder. "What about that?" she asked softly and inclined her head in another direction. "Does thatscare you?"

Nina followed Toya's gaze through the crowd to find Samantha and Fran, sitting together on one of the many scattered sofas. They were so close their knees touched, crossed over into each other's body s.p.a.ce. The way they leaned into each other made Nina's heart smile, and that smile grew while she watched Fran reach across the s.p.a.ce between them and brush the hair off Samantha's cheek.

The palpably obvious emotion in Fran's lingering touch, the expression that played across Samantha's face, was discernible to Nina even from where she stood. It once again filled her heart to ache with the beauty of what she saw, stretched it with the intensity of how so very much she loved them. Those emotions were netted in with the fear of losing either one of them, for Nina was very aware of the crazy reality thrust upon them that might make that happen all too soon.

But in this here and now, Nina gratefully welcomed and allowed her true feelings for Fran and Samantha to rule her.

Love softened her mouth, cleared her eyes to true blue and made the almost-silver ring that surrounded them flash. Nina worked her jaw and swallowed down the fear. She let love fill and square her shoulders, set her spine with pride. "No," she answered with uncensored honesty, then faced Toya's raised-brow appraisal. "That I embrace."

Nina neither saw nor cared about the open-mouthed reaction she left behind her as she walked away.

Fran was delighted. Preliminary buzz for the performance was better than good; it was d.a.m.n good, and some of the casual discussion she'd had with the potential investors and partners had gone from c.o.c.ktail chitchat to opening-round negotiations. Although she knew much better than to take anything other than officially agreed-upon and signed contracts as guarantee, it augured for a strong and positive position, especially when she considered the verbal promise she'd received from one of the larger interested backers in the presence of Ren's own representation.

She'd not noticed when either Samantha or Nina had left the party and so, full to br.i.m.m.i.n.g with excitement that she half-expected her skin to vibrate, Fran thought of nothing other than the news she had and the discussions they would have over the next few days. They're probably sleeping, she reminded herself as she carefully slid her key card into the lock then quietly opened the door.

Music played, loud enough to hide the sound of the door as she shut it but low enough not to be heard in the hallway, and light glowed from just around the corner where the room opened into larger s.p.a.ce. Fran stepped quietly forward.

The image froze her, stunned her mind into complete immobility as well, leaving her able to do nothing other than witness. Sight and sound melded, swelled in her throat and became the air she breathed, stopped her heart and took over with an almost painful rhythm as the mirror played its unblinking image for her.

They moved together and they were one. They moved again and revealed open heat and hunger. The movement continued and they already possessed each other; now they possessed her. She had known and deeply loved them both, and when Samantha pressed her face to Nina's back, rubbed her cheek against the soft skin that covered the sharp angle of the shoulder blade, Fran viscerally remembered. She could taste Nina's skin in the place where Samantha's lips touched, felt Samantha's open kiss there, right there.

Nina's head turned, exposed her throat and the length of her body. She arched her neck and the mirror lay bare the reflection of raw desire even as Samantha filled it. The intensity that flowed between them overran and filled the room, and the aching twist of love followed a whisper that Fran saw but could not hear, turned Nina's head once more until her eyes, their eyes, reflected back to the gla.s.s, to bounce and lock with Fran's, frozen as she watched and loved and missed and wanted.

It was too late for her to move, too late to stop for them, no way to pretend or undo. Love and desire together spun a web, sent their net through the air and caught her within. Now Fran could feel Nina's body yielding to hers, the delicate taste of Samantha on her tongue. Her own hands curved and curled, landscapes of love alive in her palms and under her skin, electric and knowing, until it seemed as if the very knowing itself was what made her blood flow, her heart beat.

Yes, Fran was caught in those eyes, wrapped in the energy that blanketed and made her one with them; the pleasure pushed, edged to pain, a tearing burn into her heart, her body. The fine line point of Light closed in, tightened, rendered time and distance meaningless, and when the moment came, it took them all.

Ren was restless. The time zones played havoc with her sleep schedule, and unable to stay still any longer, she dressed and left the room.

"Isamu," she addressed the guard outside her door, "I'm going down to the lobby for coffee and possibly a paper-I would prefer if you stay here." There was no need for him to protect her in what she was sure would be a lightly peopled lobby, and if there were to be any danger, it would more likely occur somewhere much more private, somewhere like her rooms. To leave them unattended as well as unoccupied was foolish.

Isamu silently nodded acquiescence and displayed the press-b.u.t.ton pager he held. Its indicator light glowed a solid green. Ren touched the pendant she wore. Should she need to, the press of it in just the right place would cause the device Isamu held to silently vibrate and change the light from green to red-the signal that she needed immediate a.s.sistance. Since the final dissolution of her father's operation, she had yet to need it.

Precautions in place, Ren took the elevator to the main lobby. The hotel had a small twenty-four-hour cafe where Ren could do exactly as she planned: find the cup of coffee she wanted, obtain a copy of the most recent Wall Street Journal, and ensconce herself in a comfortable spot in the ample seats that made up the lounge next to the cafe.

Ren sipped and read at her leisure. The lateness of the hour was no deterrent to the occasional murmur of voices from people coming and going to the concierge or the reservations desk. Porters with loaded trolleys walked behind her at random intervals and it all combined to become a soothing background noise.

Though it was not addressed to her, a familiar voice cut through her pleasant reverie, and Ren craned about to see Fran at the reservations and check-in desk. Surprised, Ren got up from her seat and walked over with her cup. "You're up late," she said over Fran's shoulder.

Fran turned to give her a brief but troubled smile, and Ren saw instantly the mark of tears. In that same instant, Ren's friendly surprise gave way to concern, and the clerk returned.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," he said with a properly apologetic shrug, "but the first available s.p.a.ce won't be until tomorrow, after one in the afternoon."

"That will be fine," Fran answered as she reached into her bag for her wallet. A second later she pulled her credit card and slid it across the counter.

"That's unnecessary," Ren interrupted, covering Fran's hand with her own. "I've extra s.p.a.ce...you're welcome to share it."

Fran shook her head. "Ren...I appreciate that, but I really can't. I-"

"No, nothing like that," Ren quickly interrupted while the clerk coughed politely and attempted to make himself un.o.btrusive. She quickly curled her fingers about Fran's, then let go. "Where will you sleep?" she asked simply. "You can't stay down here." She pointedly stared at Fran's lack of luggage. "And you'll need your things, too."

Fran gazed about the lobby. "s.h.i.+t," she exclaimed quietly.

"Why don't you join me for a cup?" Ren suggested, hoisting her own into view. "You don't have to tell me anything," she added hastily, reading the objection in Fran's reddened eyes. "Just think a bit...and then I can help you move your things if you'd like."

The clerk coughed loudly. "Shall I hold this for you, then, while you think on it?"

"Yes, yes. Please do," Fran answered, still clutching her card.

"Come," Ren said again and offered her hand. "Take the moment."

Fran rubbed her temple. "All right, yeah. Sure." She dropped her card back into her bag as she followed Ren the few feet to the sitting area, and just as carelessly dropped herself onto the thick seat, then buried her face in her hands.

Ren considered from where she still stood before her. "Will you be all right for a moment? You still take your coffee the same way?"

"Ren, don't. It's...I'm okay," Fran lifted her face to answer. "Things...they're just...they're complex right now."

"I'll be right back with that cup," Ren told her, then took hurried steps to the cafe. As she ordered at the counter, she realized she didn't really know what Fran's sleeping arrangements were. But something has happened, something that's upset her and if I can't literally offer her a place to rest, then at least I can do so metaphorically.

Besides, tomorrow was bound to be a big day: she had meetings in the morning with her team, with Fran's, and then later they would all meet with the other investors. She already met the drunken man who had strange ideas about what this venture was about, and Ren wanted to come to an agreement with her team as well as Fran's about how best to cut him and his company out of it. Also, she wanted Fran to be at her best, for all of their sakes, especially her own.

She handed over a few bills to the cas.h.i.+er and accepted the cup placed on the counter. Ren took careful steps back toward the lounge area and, in an action born of very necessary habit, quickly surveyed the area.

The main lobby was quiet, though not completely devoid of people, as yet another couple walked through on their way to the elevator. It arrived just as her gaze landed on it, and she was only mildly surprised to see Cray, in a half open s.h.i.+rt over jeans and bare feet, step from its open doors. Ren didn't stop to think about why she found that only mildly surprising but followed the direction of Samantha's gaze, expecting to find it on Fran.

Nina's back was to Ren, but she too, had bare feet and wore what was more than likely a hotel robe that hit the carpeted floor as she knelt before Fran. Their heads touched as they spoke, and from the tremble that ran down Nina's back and into the fingers that reached for, then caught, Fran's face, Ren knew that she cried. That did surprise her, so much so that she halted sharply, causing the cup in her hand to tilt dangerously.

She muttered a curse as she righted the cup, then strode forward again. Whatever this was, it couldn't be good for any of them, not if there were so many tears involved, not if it had people running about in the middle of the night for reasons other than jet lag. This has got to stop, Ren resolved grimly as she walked.

She was close enough to hear the broken words Nina spoke. "Please...I knowwe have to talk-we will-I promise. Just...please don't leave."

The pain that wove between them was a living thing, an open wound that bled freely and visibly. It built a wall around them that halted Ren once more, and she felt the pain reach through to her own heart, an echoed repeat of days long gone.

"Leave them," Cray said urgently into her ear, catching up to her just a few feet before the perimeter. She pulled gently on Ren's arm.

"This...this is unacceptable," Ren said indignantly as she followed Cray. Together they found a table and had a moment's silent negotiation as to which would get the seat with the view of the lobby. Ren conceded the claim. Why does that always happen between us? she wondered fleetingly, but in truth, she knew why. Ren pa.s.sed the cup to Cray, then angled her own chair for a better view.

Cray signaled the lone waitress for another cup for Ren, which was quickly deposited and they both sipped in quiet.

Ren's gaze kept s.h.i.+fting back and forth from Cray to the two seated not more than twenty feet away. Why is she just sitting here? Ren wondered. Why doesn't she do something, say something? The calm stillness from Cray baffled her completely. Earlier, Cray very clearly had shown her feelings for both Nina and Fran, who were now experiencing some sort of emotional connection that easily rivaled what Ren had seen before. "How can you stand it? How can anyof you stand it?" Ren finally broke into the silence as she watched Cray brood into her cup.

"Stand what?"

"That," Ren answered, "them...the whole thing. Where is your pride? Possession? Something? Anything?"

Cray's eyes looked steadily and unblinkingly at her. "What would you have me do? Yell? Beat my chest? Glower and threaten? I don't feel those things, nor the need to do them. Pride and possession have no place in love."

Ren returned her gaze to the scene before them as she thought about what she'd heard and what she'd witnessed earlier. She understood jealousy, rivalry, respect, had seen them all at play in various guises throughout the night. She understood power and its subtle increases when coupled with restraint. She understood friends.h.i.+p and undying loyalty, but this- "I don't understand any of you," Ren said quietly as she watched Nina take Fran's hands in her own and stand. When Fran followed, Nina held Fran to her, heedless of the fall of her robe that revealed a glance of very pale bare skin.

Ren glanced at Cray who gave her a wry grin, then said, "Is this one of those cultural things, like first names versus surnames?"

Ren shook her head and, despite herself, grinned in return. "You t.o.s.s.e.r. That was an easy accident...you know that. And no," she continued, "it's not cultural." Ren held her fingers up in quotes. "I grew up in the UK until I was twelve or so, so it's not some great East-West mind divide."

Are we actually joking? Ren wondered. Have we ever done this before? This, she decided, is the result of too many odd and discordant things jammed into one day. Or-Ren narrowed her eyes in thought-it's Cray's way of distracting us both.

She turned serious again, and faced Cray. Eyes the color of a summer storm, Ren decided, not knowing that her own could be described similarly. "You love her," Ren said quietly, indicating Fran with a nod of her chin where she stood still wrapped in Nina's arms, the return embrace so close they seemed entwined.

"You married her...and then broke her heart! You'rethe reason we were ever together at all, and now..."

Ren took a breath. "And now," she continued with a slight shake of her head, "you and Nina are together, and yet..." She glanced back again, only to see that Nina and Fran had gone.

"And yet...perhaps I know something that you don't," Cray answered then sipped calmly as Ren stared at the now-empty s.p.a.ce.

Returning her attention once more to Cray, she contemplated the woman before her. This time, Ren really looked and saw what she had missed before.

Cray was pale; her eyes held a dark burn over bruise-colored smears. The way she angled her head, held the nearly-empty mug. This was more than jet lag combined with over-confused emotions and nerves. This was something other, this was- "Samantha," Ren said quietly, carefully addressing Cray by her given name for the first time ever, "what's really going on? What don't I know?" A chill raced across her shoulders when Samantha's gaze rose once more from the depths of her cup to meet hers.

Those eyes gleamed with the emotions they held in check, and the s.h.i.+ne of them seemed to cut with their intent. Ren found herself leaning forward.

"You don't know how much I never wanted that-any of it-to break with her, to hurt her, but it kept her safe." Samantha's voice was low and harsh, a vehement whisper of a growl. "You don't know why she broke off with Nina. You don't know howshe lived, you don't know why she did it, and you don't know-" She turned her head away, the words seemingly caught in her throat as she breathed around them.

The coffee sat neglected on the table and the waitress who approached hesitated when once again Samantha faced Ren. The visage that confronted Ren made the chill that had raced across her shoulders earlier grab a firm hold. Samantha's face was stone, stone broken only by the flow of a single tear down her cheek. She made no move to brush it away, and she made no sound. She barely breathed.

Samantha's broken stoicism turned chill to fear in Ren. But Ren was no stranger to fear, so she embraced it and let it flow through her while tears continued to silently fall from Samantha's eyes.

Ren took a deep breath and let it out in a controlled flow as she reached out and lightly rested her fingertips on Samantha's fist where it lay on the table. Her decision made, she said the only thing she could.

"How can I help?"

It was the last thing I expected, especially at six in the morning, eastern standard, which meant it was three a.m. in California. The timing didn't bother me, either; I'd already been up for an hour, and that was a habit everyone was aware of. It was just that I thought the first discussion I would have with any of them might be about how the initial events had gone, a joke about some of the people they were dealing with, and even though I winced to think of it, maybe even a complaint about the sleeping arrangements.

I definitely did not expect a request for the itinerary over the next six months, any copies that could be obtained from the home label of their HR policies and benefits, and a double-check of their pa.s.sports. And especially not at that hour.

"No problema, Sam," I promised, and began to tally the items I needed, and the number of calls I'd have to make as I quickly jotted down the essentials. It definitely seemed like today was going to be one of thosedays. "I'll get that all together and to you. Bear will have it when he gets there at"-I took a quick second to dredge up his itinerary and calculate-"uh, four in the afternoon, your time. If you think of anything else while he's traveling, I'll have it faxed or overnighted."

Her voice was rough as she thanked me again. d.a.m.n, but she needed to sleep. There were two more nights of full performances and I knew how important they were.

"It's all right-don't worry about it. Just make sure you both get some rest so you can knock 'em dead later," I told her through her apology for the hour and the thanks. "Oh, and keep me posted on how the deal's going," I reminded her before we clicked off.

I took a quick gulp of the coffee I'd poured while balancing the phone and a pencil, then dialed Bear.

"Is it a new label yet?" he asked. From his tone, I guessed he was halfway through his first cup of caffeine.

"Good morning to you too, and I don't know yet. I think we're still in labor. But dude, Samantha just called and I need you to get to the office as soon as you possibly can. There's a bunch of stuff Sam asked for that's got to go with you. I'll explain when you get there, and I'll get you to the airport on time."