The Adventures of Hajji Baba of Ispahan Part 45

Upon this I kissed his hand with much fervour, and raising it to my head I exclaimed, ?By my head and by my eyes, I will go--and _inshallah_, please G.o.d, I will not return without a white face.?

He then dismissed me, and full of happy prospects I made the best of my way to the English amba.s.sador.

I will not relate all I said and did to induce him to come into the grand vizier?s terms; but in two words, I so entirely and completely succeeded, that I returned with a heavy sack of gold, of good and solid cash, in my hand, as the forerunner of what was to follow in case all was concluded to the amba.s.sador?s satisfaction, and I also secured the promise of a large diamond ring that was forthwith to be transferred from the finger of England to that of Persia, by way of an emblem of eternal friends.h.i.+p between the representatives of the two states.

The vizier was so astonished when he saw me place the sack before him, that he looked at me and then at it, some time before he spoke, and then broke out into exclamations in praise of my activity and zeal.

?Hajji,? said he, ?you are now my property. We are somebody in Persia, and you will not long remain without a cap to your head. Make an _arz_, a representation, and its accomplishment will rest with me.

Many were the protestations I made him of fidelity and redoubled zeal. I disowned any intention of asking for any remuneration, except the favour of being permitted to stand before him; and I looked so humble, and talked in so disinterested a manner, that if he ever could have believed a Persian, I flattered myself he did me.

But he understood the value of such speeches a great deal better than I, and said, ?Do not throw away your words at random. I was once with my head turning round and round in the world for a livelihood as well as yourself, and, therefore, I know the value of the service which you have rendered. Proceed in the path which now lies before you. The Franks are proper materials for your ingenuity. I give you my sanction to work upon them. They have plenty of gold, and are in want of us. What more need be said? The people of Iran are like the earth; they require _rishweh_,[88]

their interests must be highly excited, before they will bring forth fruit. The Franks talk of feelings in public life of which we are ignorant. They pretend to be actuated by no other principle than the good of their country. These are words without meaning to us; for as soon as I die, or when the Shah is no more, all that we may have done for the welfare of Persia will most likely be destroyed; and when his successor shall have well ruined the people in securing himself, the whole business of improvement and consolidation must be gone over again.

Certain privileges and enjoyments are the lawful inheritance of the Shahs of Persia: let them possess them in the name of Allah! And their viziers also have their allotted portion: why should they refuse them?

Certainly not for the good of the country, because not one individual throughout the whole empire even understands what that good means, much less would he work for it.?

My mind was greatly enlightened by this speech, and as the curtain which hitherto had darkened my understanding drew up, I discovered new prospects, and could extend my view over a new and more diversified region of profit. The words, ?the Franks are proper materials for your ingenuity? rung in my ears, and my wits immediately began their career of invention.

CHAPTER LXXIX

Of the manner in which he turned his influence to use, and how he was again noticed by the vizier.

I gave myself much pains to have it well understood in the city, that I was a confidential agent of the grand vizier, and did my best endeavour to impress upon the infidels that without my interference nothing could be done. The fruits of this proceeding were soon manifest, and my services put into requisition in a manner highly conducive to mutual advantage.

One of the most remarkable features in the character of our English guests was their extreme desire to do us good against our inclination.

Rather than not attempt it, they put themselves to infinite trouble, and even did not refrain from expense to secure their ends. They felt a great deal more for us than we did for ourselves; and what they could discover in us worthy of their love, we, who did not cease to revile them as unclean infidels, and as creatures doomed to eternal fires, we were quite at a loss to discover. However, I had nothing to do with their tastes; my business was to study how to turn them to account, and the subject in all conscience was rich, and repaid me well for my trouble.

My readers will perhaps recollect that, in the first volume of this my narrative, I mentioned my acquaintance with an infidel doctor, who, among other novelties in medicine, did his utmost endeavours to introduce into Persia a new mode of curing the small-pox. The practice was now totally laid aside; our faculty continued to treat the disorder as our forefathers had done, and the usual quant.i.ty of children died as heretofore. A doctor was also attached to the suite of the present elchi, and he was impelled by more than common anxiety to do us good.

His zeal to renew the practice of the cow medicine was unbounded, and the quant.i.ty of mothers whom he enticed to bring their children to him astonis.h.i.+ng.

I, in pursuit of my own schemes, was the first to cry out, that this great influx of women of the true faith into the dwelling of an infidel, be the object what it might, was highly indecorous, and I persuaded the grand vizier to place an officer of the police as sentry at the doctor?s door to prevent the women entering. This very soon stopped his practice, and he was in despair.

?But why should you grieve?? said I to him. ?You get nothing for your trouble, and the people are not obliged to you.?

?Oh,? said he (for he and his countrymen had learnt our language), ?you know not what you say. This blessing must be spread throughout the world; and if your government stops it here, it will be guilty of the blood of all those lives which might have been saved.?

?What is that to us?? answered I: ?let them die--we get nothing by their being alive.?

?If it be profit that you require,? exclaimed the doctor, ?I will willingly pay any sum you may demand, rather than lose my vaccinating matter, which must dry up and be lost if my practice ceases.?

Here we entered into a negotiation, and after much difficulty and show of apprehension concerning the risk I ran of incurring the grand vizier?s displeasure, it was agreed that for certain advantages which I should enjoy, the restriction should be taken from the doctor?s house; and I leave those who know me to guess the numbers of children who now flocked to the man of medicine. His gate was thronged, and nothing more was said respecting the impropriety of the women?s attendance.

Another of his manias was a desire to cut up dead bodies. He did so languish after every corpse that was carried by his house for burial, that I was surprised the people did not set upon him for his impure propensities.

?But what possible good will accrue to mankind in general,? said I to him, ?if you dissect a dead Mussulman??

?It is impossible to say what good may be lost by my not dissecting him,? said he; ?besides, if I do not keep my hand in practice, I shall lose my former skill.?

He then of his own accord proposed to give a large sum for a corpse, and avowed that he was not particular about its quality, for that of a Jew, Christian, or a true believer, would be equally acceptable.

I kept this in remembrance; and indeed I had so many opportunities afforded me of advancing the designs of the infidels, and of filling my own pockets at the same time, that I felt myself gradually growing into wealth.

The amba.s.sador himself was not without his desires of improving (as he called it) our state; and I cannot resist relating a circ.u.mstance which took place between him and the grand vizier. He announced it as his intention to make a present to us of a certain produce of the earth, unknown in most parts of Asia, but much cultivated in Europe, which would not fail to be of incalculable benefit to the people of Persia; and he requested the vizier to a.s.sist him in his undertaking, promising shortly to send him a specimen of the intended gift. The vizier, whose nose was always carried very high whenever a present was in the wind, did not fail daily to discuss with me what this great benefit which the amba.s.sador was about to confer might be, and his impatience to gain possession became very great. He discovered through me, that the English representative had brought with him a store of fine broadcloth, upon which he had constantly kept a steady eye. Finding that the projected public benefit was not forthcoming, he conceived in his wisdom that the elchi would have an easy bargain, if he agreed to commute it for a private gift to himself. Therefore, one morning at his uprising he called me, and said, ?By the blessing of G.o.d, whatever we want we have: we have bread and meat--we have salt, and rice, and corn, and fruits, such as the infidels never even saw in a dream; in short, we have everything that it is possible to conceive. Then why should we become indebted to this infidel amba.s.sador for things that we do not want? A happy thought has struck me, by which he will be a gainer, and be saved the trouble he wishes to incur: I will agree to receive cloth in lieu of the public benefit. This is so easy a transaction, that you, who, praise be to Allah! are a man of sharp wit, will easily negotiate. Go, say this to the amba.s.sador, and without loss of time bring me the cloth.?

I forthwith presented myself, and delivered the message. Will it be believed that he and all his beardless suite, upon hearing it, set up such shouts of laughter, as might be heard from the top of Demawend?

?What affinity has cloth to potatoes?? said one. ?We wish to give a cheap and comfortable article of food to your countrymen,? said another.

?But it seems that your vizier likes to transfer the whole advantage of the gift from the bellies of the nation to his own back,? cried a third.

The amba.s.sador, however, who appeared the most reasonable of the party, without hesitation very politely ordered a piece of cloth to be delivered to me, which he requested me to present to my master with reiterated expressions of friends.h.i.+p; and with the a.s.surance that it could make no alteration in the sentiments which he entertained for the Persian nation, who he hoped would still receive the potato, as a mark of his high esteem and consideration.

I returned to the vizier full of exultation at the success of my visit; and this, with the preceding and subsequent instances of my abilities, so entirely won his affections, that I soon outstripped every rival, and became his princ.i.p.al favourite and confidant.

CHAPTER Lx.x.x

The conclusion--Misfortune seems to take leave of Hajji Baba, who returns to his native city a greater man than when he first left.

The negotiations with the infidels were now about being closed; and it was agreed, in order to strengthen the bonds of friends.h.i.+p between the two, that an emba.s.sy on the part of the Shah should forthwith be sent to the king of England.

The experience of each succeeding day convinced me of the influence I had acquired over the mind of the grand vizier; and the event just recorded was the means of showing me to what extent he depended upon my services and zeal. The day after the treaty with England was signed, he called me into his private apartment, and spoke to me in the following manner:--

?Hajji,? said he, ?give me your ear. I have things of importance to impart, and as I look upon you as one exclusively mine, I am sure that you will listen to them with becoming attention.?

I was proceeding to make the necessary protestations of my entire devotedness, when he stopped me, and proceeded thus:--

?Well or ill, our business with the English amba.s.sador is at length concluded, and the Shah has ceded to his wishes of sending an amba.s.sador to England in return. Now, you know the Persians as well as I, how they detest leaving their own country, and the difficulty I shall find in selecting a man to devote himself to this service. I have one in my eye, whom I wish to send above every other; and as it is of the utmost importance to me that he should be removed for the present from Persia, and particularly from the presence of the Centre of the Universe, I require that you use your best endeavours to persuade his acceptance of the appointment.?

I immediately felt a.s.sured that he could mean no other than me, although I did not see what reason he could have for removing me from the presence of the king; and elated by so bright a prospect of sudden elevation to rank and honours, I sprung towards him, and seizing his hand with fervour to kiss, I exclaimed, ?The least of your slaves will always prove to be the most faithful of your servants: speak, and you will always find me ready, even to death.?

?That is well spoken,? said he, with great composure, ?and now listen to me. The man I allude to is Mirza Firouz? (here my countenance fell, and I drawled out in answer a long ?_belli_, yes?). ?The truth is, I have lately discovered that his influence with the Shah has been considerably upon the increase. He possesses such great volubility of speech, and such vast command of language,--he flatters so intensely, and lies so profoundly,--that the king is more amused by him than by any other man of his court. Who knows how far he may go? Besides, I am a.s.sured that secretly he is my most bitter enemy, whilst openly he affects to be my most devoted of servants; and although to this day I have never for a moment dreaded the hatred or the intrigues of any one, yet I cannot but own, that, in this instance, I am not without my fears. By sending him among the infidels, as the Shah?s representative, I at once cut off the source of my uneasiness; and once let him be gone, I will so arrange matters, that even should he return successful from his mission (which, please G.o.d, he never may!) he shall never acquire the influence over the Shah which he is now attempting to establish.?

I agreed to all he said with hesitation; and was losing myself in the reflection how I could possibly turn this piece of confidence to my own advantage, when the vizier accosted me again, and said:--

?I have only let you into one part of my scheme: the second object is, that you, Hajji, should accompany the amba.s.sador in the capacity of his first mirza, or chief secretary. You, who are my friend and confidant, who know all my wishes, and who have an intimate knowledge of all that has occurred since the arrival of the infidels, you are precisely the man to fill this situation, and you will render me the greatest of services by accepting my proposal.?

However delighted I might have been at the prospect of becoming the chief of an emba.s.sy, yet when I was offered the inferior appointment, my feelings were very different. I felt that in quitting the situation I now enjoyed, I should leave the high road to preferment, to get into one of its crooked lanes. Besides, I strongly partic.i.p.ated in the national antipathy, the horror of leaving one?s country, and particularly dreaded the idea of going to sea; and when I came to reflect that the country to which I was likely to be sent was unknown land,--a land situated in eternal darkness, beyond the regions of the sun, and whose inhabitants were an unclean and unbelieving race,--I drew back from the vizier?s offer with the fear of one who had the gulf of perdition placed before him.

The answer I made to the prime minister was by a string of cold a.s.sents, such as constantly hang on every Persian?s lips, whatever may be his real feelings. I said, ?By my eyes; I am your servant; my ear is in your hand; whatever you ordain I am bound to obey?; and then remained mute as a stone.

The vizier easily discovered what pa.s.sed within me, and said, ?If you dislike my offer, you are your own master, and another may easily be found to accept it. I have your advantage in view as well as my own.

In the first place, you should immediately proceed to Ispahan, as the Shah?s deputy, to collect a considerable portion of the presents intended to be sent by our court to the King of England, and which must be levied upon the inhabitants of that city. You would then have an opportunity of enriching yourself.?

I did not let the vizier proceed further. The temptation of returning to my native place in such a character, clothed with such powers, was too great to be withstood, and in a very altered tone I immediately exclaimed, with great earnestness:--