Kung Fu Nuns Part 15

"Old Master has written over eight hundred books about our order. It keeps the coffers filled. We're not begging monks, you know. There is only one book about us that he didn't author. A pack of lies. Old Master collected all the copies and now we use them in our literature cla.s.ses as examples of bad writing."

"Thank you!" said Uncle Ma, turning away from her and fearfully hurrying down the road toward the truck.

She shouted, "Mr. Ma!"

He stopped to look back at her nervously and asked, "Yes?"

"You're a nice man. A million hard-ons for your old age!"

"Please! No!" he gasped as he began to run.

Before he disappeared around the bend, she shouted, "And one for tonight!"

When he reached the truck, he leaned against the hood to catch his breath. He thought, "This is all totally ridiculous!" when his Joy Stick sprang to life and almost burst the b.u.t.tons of his fly. "Fu!" he shouted. "Fu! Let's get the f.u.c.k out of here!"

The young man wasn't in sight. Uncle Ma looked in the body of the Russian-built vehicle, then up and down the road for him, without success. He shouted again, "Fu!"

Finally, a m.u.f.fled voice replied from the underbrush above the road. Uncle Ma climbed up to the bramble and found the young man crouched behind a rock with his coat thrown over his head. He whispered, "Is she gone?"

"Yes! Now get me back to Henan as soon as possible!"

Shan Fu rose cautiously and lifted his coat just enough to get a view of Uncle Ma's huge hard-on. "I warned you," he said with a smirk.

"A hundred thousand yuan if you don't dawdle getting me back to town!"

"I can see it from here. Lian Pow has her work cut out for her."

"And you'll be a poor subst.i.tute for her if you don't get behind the wheel and drive standing on the gas pedal!"

Feeling a pang in his behind, Shan Fu rose, got into the car with Uncle Ma, and took off.

CHAPTER NINE.

Beautiful Birthday Present had a strange dream. In it, she was back in school, a wonderful school, but it wasn't the Ecole de St. Marie in Paris. It was far from France and she was free to walk through lush evergreen forests, rich with a piney odor. She was safe, so safe, that no man could touch her unless she wanted him to because she was guarded by two giants. Suddenly Eugenia awoke with a scream. An image of her guardians formed in her head, and they each had Joy Sticks over three feet long. Kee Djung Pau stirred, but did not awaken. She looked down at the decrepit old gangster sleeping beside her and prayed, "Come, giants! Kill my owner and set me free."

She prayed silently for exactly that to happen and wished that she had a rosary in her hands to enforce her incantations. Her Mystic Place suddenly came to life, drawing her right hand to itself, and hardening her nipples at the same time. Unconsciously, she sucked the back of her hand. "I'm a wh.o.r.e!" she sobbed. "They made me a wh.o.r.e. All I really want to do now is f.u.c.k and suck!"

She yanked down the covers to reveal Kee Djung Pau's boney, prostrate form, and then thrust her tongue into his mouth, which was agape in sleep. Driven on by the furnace between her legs and an insatiable hunger, she tongue-bathed him downward until he began stir, muttering, "Yes! Yes!"

By the time her drooling lips reached his Joy Stick, he was firmly erect. She sucked his member clear down her throat in one gulp, her tongue relentlessly striking every one of the old and jaded nerve endings. His wrinkled, flabby, creased b.u.t.tocks start ed to pump uncontrollably, and he came more awake, pleading, "Please, wife! In morning! I tired." It seemed bizarre that the h.o.r.n.y old wh.o.r.emaster was balking at s.e.x.

Paying him no mind and finding the state of his erection to her satisfaction, she straddled his hips, placed her Mystic Place directly above his Joy Stick, and thrust down, forcing herself onto his up-raised member until it was seated so deeply inside that it could enter no further. But she wasn't satisfied, not at all. She yanked the hard pillow from under his head and, with a show of strength she didn't know that she had, lifted his body upward, clear off the mattress, and rammed the pillow under his behind, so that the angle of his Joy Stick suited her precisely. Brus.h.i.+ng back her hair and then drying her sopping lips on the back of her hand, she began to ride Old Boss as if she were galloping a racehorse.

In a fleeting moment of memory, she recalled that the other girls at school in Paris took riding lessons, but her father could never afford that added extra in her curriculum. There was always a pang of jealousy and pain when they returned from the stables. The memory was gone and, soon, she wasn't riding a horse, but the high mountain wind. She was in full control of the reins, driving the steed ever upward, until she was beyond the clouds. Old Boss screamed loudly, but it was of no matter to her if he was in agony or ecstasy; she had to reach her destination, which suddenly came into sight. She saw a s.h.i.+mmering temple of gold which led her on and on. She didn't notice that she was bathed in her own sweat, and that her hair, demurely braided to please her owner, had flown free, and each strand, on its own, was striking the air in frenzy.

Without warning, her mouth opened wide and she screamed, much louder than the old man she had in her power. Her Mystic Place tightened on his Joy Stick with such force that she thought she might be destroying it. "Oh, G.o.d!" she screamed, with a pleasure that she had never before experienced.

Kee Djung Pau screamed too, but the sound froze when it reached his mouth. Expecting his Golden Orbs to disgorge, she forced her Mystic Place to tighten even further. But instead of the flow of warm juice, he heaved with a great convulsion and it felt to her like that frail body beneath her had actually split in half down its center. A great feeling of relief pa.s.sed over the very essence of her being, and she came down to earth again wondering why she felt so wet, so very wet. She dismounted from his still-erect Joy Stick to fetch a towel. As she dried herself, she turned to look at Old Boss. The scream was still frozen on his face, and his Joy Stick fluctuated from side to side, disgorging the contents of his Golden Orbs straight up into the air.

She dutifully moistened a damp cloth and cleaned him off before sliding back into bed next to him. She felt relaxed for the first time since the moment she realized that her father had sold her. Knowing that she would sleep well, she closed her eyes, but a strangeness kept her awake. It was half an hour before she noticed that there was a change in the room tone that she was unaccustomed to. It took the rest of an hour for her to realize that it was because Kee Djung Pau was no longer breathing.

She turned on the light, looked at him, and then shook him roughly. There was no response even after she shouted, "Get up! Get up!"

Eugenia had never seen a dead body before but had watched enough movies to know what to do next. She went to her sewing kit, found a needle, and jabbed the old man with it. He did not stir. More emboldened, she p.r.i.c.ked the base of his Golden Orbs. When again there was no reaction, she grew even bolder and shoved it all the way in. When he still didn't stir, she smiled happily, withdrew the needle, returned it to the kit, and dressed quickly. Then she pulled back the rug, pressed the two tiles, and opened the Old Boss's treasure crypt. Within the hour she had everything sorted out according to value, and had st.i.tched together a rather rough sort of money belt which she stuffed with the most valuable precious stones, and the larger denomination pound and dollar notes. She added her little h.o.a.rd from the next room which no one could tell her she hadn't earned. She was going to return the rest to the hiding place under the floor when she giggled childishly for the first time in months. She turned off the lights and looked out the front door. There was no one astir. She then proceeded as quietly as possible to the little bamboo kiosk at the entrance to the compound. The guard was fast asleep.

Returning to the bedroom, she took the key to Kee Djung Pau's tomb from his pants and, gathering up as much of his treasure as she could carry at once, carefully made her way to the graveyard at the rear of the compound; she entered the crypt, totally unafraid of the darkness. It took her six trips to denude the Old Boss's quarters of anything of any real value. On her seventh and last trip, she carried a shovel from the cook house and a flash light. With a supreme effort she was able to shove his coffin aside. When her stamina returned, she dug a shallow hole in the earth. She buried everything, carefully raking the dirt over so that her handiwork would not be noticed. She then shoved the coffin back into its original spot, locked the tomb, returned the shovel to its place, and then went back to her own apartment where she bound the thick money belt around her waist before dressing.

Her appet.i.te was such that she prayed for an early dawn so she could demand breakfast, but she did not have the effrontery to kick the cook out of bed. She was trying to get up enough courage to do just that when she realized that it was already light. With another giggle, she hurried to the dining room, sat, and banged on the table like a petulant child. Thinking that the Old Boss was a few steps behind her, the staff wasted no time in placing a breakfast in front of her. She had stuffed herself to the point of being unable to lift her teacup when one of the Aunties entered the kitchen, looked at her, and scolded, "Beautiful Birthday Present! What are you doing in here eating with the servants? Don't let Old Boss catch you."

Biting her lips in an unsuccessful attempt to keep from giggling, she said, "My husband kept me awake all night with his moans, and now he won't stir no matter how much I shake him." She then said, deliciously, "I'm afraid he's a little sick!"

The shout of "Aaayeee, Aaaayeee! A tragedy!" awoke Chuk Foo Kee, and his eyes opened just as his mother entered the room, her hands tearing at her clothes, and tears streaming from her eyes. "Wake up! Wake up! Our honorable, most powerful elder is already on his way to the First Gate of h.e.l.l!" "You mean the old b.a.s.t.a.r.d is dead?" he yawned.

"Dead!" she screamed.

"Great!"

Chuk Foo Kee closed his eyes and turned over to bury his head in the pillow once more, this time with a smile on his face. Elder Niece Kee slapped him across the back of the head and then, twisting his ear, forced him to his feet. She whispered, "Hurry!"

"Hurry what, Mother? Let me get dressed first!"

"Don't bother. f.u.c.k her! f.u.c.k her immediately!"

"Who mother?" said Chuk Foo Kee, trying to awaken fully.

"Your new wife!"

"My new wife?"

"Beautiful Birthday Present! You always wanted her! Now prove that you new boss!"

"This calls for some discussion!"

His mother unceremoniously yanked on his Joy Stick. "No conversation! You get over there right away!" As she ran out the door he shouted after her, "Where are you going?"

"Where am I going? To make sure she no marry anybody else before you get there!"

Elder Niece Kee stopped before she stepped out onto the veranda to make sure that she looked sufficiently distraught, tearing her clothes some more and scratching a couple of long b.l.o.o.d.y gashes in her cheeks. When she finally entered the Old Boss's apartment the tears poured from her eyes in a torrent. She was beat out in the histrionics department by Eugenia, already dressed in white, who sat on the side of the kw.a.n.g holding Kee Djung Pau's lifeless hand, his still-erect Joy Stick having been discretely covered by a quilt; she was sobbing softly. There was an aura of reverence in the room, but all the Aunties and the senior bodyguards present were doing their best to not to break into broad smiles. Taking the practical approach, Elder Niece Kee sobbed, "No good remaining a widow too long! Today I give you honor of marrying my only son, Chuk Foo Kee."

The haste in suggesting the match shocked the other women present, and they stared at Elder Niece Kee. The tension was only abated when Chuk Foo Kee stumbled into the room, barefoot and clad only in pants and T-s.h.i.+rt. When he caught sight of the corpse on the bed, he did what everyone else would have liked to do. He said, "Great!"

"What you mean great?" screamed his mother. "Shut up and go sit by your new bride!"

"New bride? I'm not going to marry him," said Eugenia, her sobs stopping suddenly.

"Best thing for family if you marry him!" shouted Elder Niece Kee.

The others in the room decided, for the moment, to take her side and nodded in approval. "I'm elder boss lady!" said Eugenia. "I can do what I want."

The words sounded so silly coming from her, that Elder Niece Kee thought she had her opening. She waited for Beautiful Birthday Present to utter another silly remark so that she could step forward to strangle her. But Eugenia suddenly felt a twitch in her Magic Place similar to the one she had experienced before awakening Kee Djung Pau the night before; her tongue flicked against her upper lip, and her eyes fell upon Kee w.a.n.g, the most able of the bodyguards in the house. He, in turn, did something none of the young men in the compound dared to do while the old man was alive. He stared at her and found her so much more than just appealing that his Joy Stick jumped to attention. Without quite realizing what he was doing, he said, "She is technically right!"

Elder Niece Kee screeched, "What business is to you? You just bodyguard, have no opinions!"

"She's right," ventured another young bodyguard, siding with Kee w.a.n.g.

It was the moment for Elder Niece Kee to act, and Eugenia, sensing danger, let her hand fall to the money belt strapped around her waist to see if it was secure enough to stay in place if she ran. One of the old Aunties sighed "Ah," rushed to her, and touched her stomach gently. Eugenia tensed, thinking that the old woman was after her hard-earned treasure, but the Auntie stepped backed and shouted, "Aaaay! Another miracle! The miraculous erection has produced fruit!"

The Aunties turned in one group and stared menacingly at Elder Niece Kee and her son. Kee w.a.n.g elbowed his way through them and, peering directly into Elder Niece Kee's eyes, snarled, "She pick husband that she wish. No one touch the mother of the heir of the beloved boss, son of the son, of the son, of the son, of the great pirate." Kee w.a.n.g had already seen fortune in Eugenia's smile, and co-leaders.h.i.+p of the family through the mastery of what lay between her thighs.

Elder Niece Kee hurried out of the room, dragging Chuk Foo Kee after her. The remaining family members in the room turned towards Eugenia and bowed politely.

"What we do now, Boss Mother?" asked one of the bodyguards.

Eugenia, not sure of what had transpired, couldn't reply. An old Auntie spoke for her. "It gonna be hot day! Better stick Kee Djung Pau in the ice house before he stink worse than dead pig."

When Elder Niece Kee returned to the Old Boss's apartment with an expensive present for Beautiful Birthday Present in her hands, and a small ampule of poison hidden in her sleeve, she found Kee w.a.n.g posted outside the door. He said, "We all decided she true boss-lady. Anything happen to her now, I hold you upside down in bucket of pigs.h.i.+t until you drown."

Taking a less direct tack, she wired all the senior cousins in the family, informing them of the recent events. Aware of her discomfort, and the fact they themselves or one of their sons could be the one to marry Beautiful Birthday Present and hence take over the family, they replied in one voice, "We crawl through the darkness of night to kiss the toes of bereaved Old Mother, leader of us all."

"Drive faster," she insisted, as Chuk Foo Kee guided the Old Boss's Mercedes towards Saigon. "Faster!"

"We'll get a ticket and have to pay off a lousy cop."

"Faster!"

"What's up? You hate to part with any tea money!"

"You have to go talk to Black Sam."

"That animal!" said Chuk Foo Kee, who knew that his mother was referring to a mixed blood of Tamil-Ceylonese and, possibly, American, who ran a bar and wh.o.r.ehouse in the city. He was so low cla.s.s and totally inept at crime, that he was looked down upon by everyone in Vietnam, even the worst of the Kees. "He's a low-life, a punk gangster."

"You a gangster!"

"Only in your mind!"

"We make business with him! Still take over the family."

"You make business with him. Leave me out of it."

"It have to be you! Then everybody think you got a big pair of Golden Orbs." Then, thinking silently for a moment, Elder Niece Kee told herself "Maybe Chuk Foo Kee better not know my plan now. He too weak!" She shouted, "Okay! I talk Black Sam. Don't get drunk. Pick me up later."

Pulling up in front of the Red Rose on Back Street, she got out of the car and said, "No get drunk. Go wh.o.r.ehouse like man. Come back one hour!"

Chuk Foo Kee looked at his watch and said, "There's time for an early show. I'll pick you up by four!"

"Movie!" she screeched. "Go movie like your spineless Uncle Ma all the time."

"I'm going to the cinema, Mother, not a movie. There are a few significant French films playing in town. Uncle Ma goes to the movies! I'm an intellectual!"

"Movies! Cinema! All the same s.h.i.+t! Meet on terrace of Palace Hotel, six-thirty!" Elder Niece Kee didn't look back as she stepped out of the automobile and entered the bar.

Black Sam, a wisp of a man with angular features, who dressed elegantly, always in a white suit, was sitting at a rear table drinking coffee. He looked up from his newspaper when Elder Niece Kee entered and said to himself, "s.h.i.+t! A Kee Auntie! What did I do to deserve this?"

Forcing a smile to his lips, he rose and said with false politeness in Vietnamese, "Ah, Mrs. Kee."

"We make good business if keep mouth shut," Elder Niece Kee said snidely.

"Would you like coffee?"

"No time for coffee. Talk, talk!" Without any ceremony she took down a chair that had been stacked the night before and sat. She then slammed her handbag on the table, pushed it toward him, and said, "That yours. One little deal. We alone here? Can talk?"

He nodded and then, not knowing what he was getting into, hesitated. She said, "Open and look! What matter, you got no b.a.l.l.s?"

Gingerly, Black Sam eased himself back into his chair, took the purse, and snapped it open to find it stuffed with stacks of U.S. fifty dollar bills. The sight of so much money confused him. The Black Families rarely ever threw any business his way. They barely tolerated him, and would have had him killed long ago if he had shown any signs of success in any one of his enterprises. When they did throw him a bone, it was garbage work, and they compensated him for it proportionally.

"You want to count?" said Elder Niece Kee. "Twenty-five thousand dollar, U.S. money."

Black Sam was more than just suspicious. He couldn't think of anything that he could possibly do that was worth that much, even moving yellow bricks out of the country. A courier could be had for less and, since he was known by almost every police department in Southeast Asia, he was a poor choice for the task. The price was way above the going rate for murder. "Wait a minute!" he said. "I'm not going to kill any boss! I couldn't get near one, and you're crazy if you'd think I'd even try."

"No kill boss! f.u.c.k woman! f.u.c.k pretty woman!"

Black Sam didn't reply, still lost in a quandary. Elder Niece Kee shouted, "What you look so dumb for? No want you to f.u.c.k me! f.u.c.k young girl!"

When he finally got the gist of her request, he said, "I see! A virgin! You want a foreigner to rape a virgin to break a marriage contract."

"She virgin like your a.s.shole!"

"Too dangerous! I'm not stupid, you know!" He shook his head. "Her family will kill me."

"All arranged! Getaway and everything!" said Elder Niece Kee.

Black Sam laughed right in her face. "It's been done before! Get some poor jerk to do it and then kill him on the spot to prove that she was f.u.c.king a foreigner. You need a number-one jerk to fall for that."

"I not say you do it! I want you to find white-faced foreigner to do it. They hang out this bar! They so h.o.r.n.y they f.u.c.k your daughter. Of course, kill! You keep all the money."

Realizing that she was talking about the possibility of him actually making a large amount of money in a short time by doing very little, he relaxed and smiled. "This a Kee woman, right?"