The 'Burg: Hold On Part 79

"Right alongside you livin' your whole life feelin' guilt it was your fault that somethin' happened to you. Mom and you. I love you. You're my father. I felt that pain and guilt right with you. And I felt my own pain and guilt bein' powerless to take yours from you. So, s.h.i.+t yeah, Dad. I lived my whole life thinkin' that. No. Not thinkin' it. Emotionally paralyzed because I was terrified of it."

Dave held his gaze, pain and guilt in his eyes.

f.u.c.k.

It never ended.

"Mia, boy...cute. So cute," Dave started.

Garrett did a slow blink as his chin jerked back.

What the f.u.c.k?

"Not sweet. Sharp," Dave carried on. "Girl's sense of humor like a razor. Made you happy, oh yeah. She did. Loved seein' my boy happy. But even with that, knew she was wrong. Good-time girl. When bad times came, I knew she didn't have it in her. Your mother woulda put up with her, but she'd never really like her," Dave declared.

Garrett sat back, stunned at hearing s.h.i.+t he'd never heard.

Dave kept going.

"And I was right. She didn't have it in her. She wanted smooth, like her daddy gave to her, which meant you had to bust your a.s.s givin' that to her. You didn't have that in you and that is not a weakness. That's a real man. Like no woman should do that for her man, no man should hafta do that for his woman. And no woman should expect that from a man. A marriage is a partners.h.i.+p. Both of you gotta hold on to weather any storm, boy. I was not surprised Mia didn't go the distance. It hurt seein' you hurt. But when you lost her, I wasn't surprised."

He stopped speaking and Garrett didn't start. He had nothing to say and he didn't understand why his father was sharing this now when it should have been shared years ago.

Regardless of that, it was beside the point.

Mia was gone. Everyone now got why, and annoyingly, it seemed a bunch of them, including his father, got why a long time ago.

Discussing her did not have d.i.c.k to do with holding on to Cher.

"Cher Rivers," Dave continued, hopefully getting to the point, "that's a different story. You know it. If you didn't, you wouldn't give a s.h.i.+t about your issues. You'd be just as blind, makin' the same mistakes you've been makin' for years and not givin' a s.h.i.+t. If you didn't know she's a different story, you wouldn't be here, askin' an old man who has no idea how to deal how to deal. And the reason I don't have any idea how to deal, Garrett, is because I learned real good how to weather a storm. And how I learned that is that I could face anything, your mother at my side. When I lost her, I lost that ability. I didn't get it back. Any time I tried, it reminded me how much I missed her. So I quit tryin'. I don't know how to tell you how to keep your head together or how to quit havin' those dreams. All I know is that I'd have those answers if your mother was sittin' at this table with me."

Through his dad's words, Garrett felt his throat close.

He also watched his father's eyes get bright and felt wet hit his own.

He didn't move.

He also still didn't speak.

Dave Merrick cleared his throat, sniffed, and kept talking.

"Last thing I gotta say to you is to repeat, Cher Rivers is a different story. You're worried about these issues you got. You're worried you can't get past them. What you don't see is that you got your hands on a woman who knows how to weather a storm. So what you got is a woman who knows about your issues. This means you don't have to do s.h.i.+t, Garrett, except count your lucky stars you're able to hold tight to your woman so you can weather...the G.o.dd.a.m.ned...storm."

He knew Dave was done.

Then again, he actually was done because, f.u.c.king finally, he'd given Garrett just what he needed.

And it was just plain done because he needed his father to point out that Cher had already given him what he needed. And she did this days before, not putting up with the s.h.i.+t he'd pulled at dinner at her mother's house.

But Garrett still couldn't speak because his throat was still closed and he was having trouble with his breathing.

This meant he cleared his throat and sniffed, just like his dad.

"Now, your sister's pregnant again, which fills me with joy," Dave declared. "But she's forty, so I'll be havin' words with Tanner about another go with that because, more time pa.s.ses, it's gonna start bein' dangerous for her. And anyway, this kid makes four for Tanner and four is enough for any man, for G.o.d's sake."

Garrett smiled.

"But I'm not done with grandchildren," Dave kept on. "Lived empty except for you two kids after we lost Cecelia. Time you two did what you can do to fill me up. Cher's young, got a lotta baby makin' in her. But you best get on that because you're no spring chicken and I ain't either."

Garrett stopped smiling even though what Dave said was funny.

He also whispered, "Love you, Dad."

"I know you do, son, and love you too. You make a kid, you'll know just how much," Dave whispered back.

He knew that. His dad didn't say it often, but he didn't shy away from it.

Since Garrett could remember, before his mother died and after, Dave Merrick always showed it.

Talking low, Garrett stated, "You're not to blame about Mom."

Dave didn't reply.

"You aren't, and Rocky and me never blamed you," Garrett went on.

The guilt and pain sat in his dad's eyes where it had been for years, never leaving, never even dulling.

"Mom wouldn't either," Garrett finished. "And you know it."

Surprisingly, his dad spoke then.

"I know it."

At least there was that.

Dave Merrick said no more.

And Garrett had said what he could. Whether his father took it in, that was his choice.

But he'd said what needed to be said.

Father and son sat at the kitchen table, where his mother put flowers as often as she could, and they just looked at each other.

It took a long time to say it and now there was nothing more to say.

But Garrett learned something else right then at that table.

With anything important, it was better late than never.

"I got a homicide to solve," Garrett eventually told his old man.

Dave tipped his head to the table. "Then I got a cup a' joe I best be pourin' in a travel mug."

They got up. His dad poured his coffee in a travel mug. He also walked his son to the door.

"Want Cher and her boy here for dinner, Garrett," Dave ordered. "Soon's you can work that out."

He stopped and looked at his dad, muttering, "You got it."

He moved in, wrapped an arm around his old man, and slapped his back twice.

He got three back.

That was his father; he always bested on the back slaps.

Grinning, Garrett let him go, lifted the mug, and took off out the door.

"Careful out there," Dave called.

"Always," Garrett called back.

He got in his truck and drove to the station.

Count your lucky stars you're able to hold tight to your woman so you can weather the G.o.dd.a.m.ned storm.

f.u.c.k, he missed his mom.

And he had a great dad.

On the way up the back stairs to the bullpen, his phone sounded with a text.

He pulled it out and read, Eggs and toast are not culinary brilliance. Dinner tonight will be. Warning, I'm introducing vegetables to my kid's diet. Before hitting your pad, please secure an adrenaline shot in case he goes into shock.

s.h.i.+t, Cher. d.a.m.ned funny.

And she had been that way with him since he knew her.

She gave that to everyone else.

But looking back, he'd definitely had his head up his a.s.s. She'd pulled out all the stops to make him laugh, to give him the impression she was just one of the guys but with t.i.ts, which meant hiding the fact that he was not like Colt to her. Or Sully. Morrie. Mike. Cal. Tanner. And not because he wasn't married.

Because she was into him.

s.h.i.+t.

...weather the G.o.dd.a.m.ned storm.

He texted back, What time you need me home?

He gave Mike a chin lift as he walked to his desk.

He was seated at it, ready to brief with Mike before they took on their day, when he got back, It's not me fighting crime. You tell me when and dinner will be ready.

Will do. But later. Good? he texted back.

You got it, boss, she replied.

"Everything okay?" Mike asked.

He looked to his partner.

"Yes," Garrett answered. That word was solid because he meant it in many ways, not all of which he was going to communicate right then. "You know where I can get an extra bed? Need to convert my second bedroom to an eleven-year-old kid's room."

Mike's lips twitched. After years of his partner being the town player, he thought this was hilarious.

"Nope," he answered. "But I'll ask Dusty. Maybe Rhonda has something."

Garrett nodded and reached out to turn on his computer.

He didn't get there.

"You hear from Ryker?" Mike asked.

"No," Garrett answered.

"Time to try and hit Cutler again?" Mike asked.

"Absolutely," Garrett answered.

Mike got up.

Garrett got up without even turning on his computer.

They went to the sedan.

And that day, Garrett drove.

Chapter Twenty.

Matchmaker Garrett In the bullpen, Mike stood three feet from the whiteboard, staring at it.