Dark Guardian - Moonlight Part 21

"If you accept me-"

"Wait, what do you mean if I accept you?"

"You have to accept me as your mate."

"How do I do that?"

He grinned again. "With a kiss."

I smiled back at him, then my nerves kicked in and I grew serious. "So this is a s.h.i.+fting and a mating ritual?"

I thought he was blus.h.i.+ng again. "It doesn't go any further than a kiss . . . unless both parties want it to."

"Have you ever done it? I mean, as a wolf?"

He laughed. It was a deep rich sound, the first time I'd ever heard him truly laugh. It made me feel good,

made some of the tension inside me uncoil.

"I can't believe you asked me that," he said.

"What? You never even thought about it?"

He gave me a wry grin. "No, I've never done it as a wolf."

"How about . . . you know. In human form."

He took my hand and shook his head. "Wolves mate for life."

I swallowed hard. "So you've been, like, waiting for me?"

"My whole life."

No wonder Devlin had lost it. But I didn't want to think about him or all the heavy stuff that Lucas might be dealing with. I needed to get through tonight so I could help him get through the baggage he'd picked up. My therapist was going to have a field day a.n.a.lyzing me when I got back from summer vacation.

"So this silky thing we're sitting on, you'll wear it?"

He nodded.

"And you stay in human form until . . .?"

"We s.h.i.+ft together-or as close together as possible."

"And you tell me what to do?"

He nodded again.

I squeezed his hands. "Look, I know this is coming, but . . . I can't just sit here and wait for it. Don't take this wrong, but I need to walk around. And I need to be alone for a while to psych myself up."

"Okay."

"Okay." I should have felt relief that he didn't argue. He needed to rest anyway. It was still a couple hours until the time for my transformation. I got up and started walking along the edge of the clearing. What amazed me was that it was such a calm night. It felt like there should be storms, thunder, and lightning. Like the world should feel the turmoil that was rumbling inside me. This morning I'd thought the impa.s.sioned wordsI love you when Lucas had faced death. But he'd yet to repeat the words to me. Mates for life. Shouldn't the words be given easily?

So maybe after tonight, we'd start dating-let our human side catch up with our wolf side. It seemed sort of backward, but I guessed he'd had no choice since I hadn't known the truth about my circ.u.mstances. The unknown was big and scary.

I don't know how long I walked. I walked until my legs were too tired to run away or climb the slopes that surrounded us.

Face your fears,Dr. Brandon had said.

But no way could he have known the fears that were cascading through me now. At the edge of the woods I stopped walking-and waited. The moon rose higher. I'd always found it peaceful. It had the power to change the tides, and tonight it would possibly change my life.

Eventually Lucas got up and walked over to where I waited. My knees grew weak and I was grateful that I had a st.u.r.dy tree to lean against. He lifted his arm and pressed his forearm against the bark, over my head, as though he, too, needed some sort of support. The action brought him even closer. I felt the welcoming heat of his body reaching out to mine. I'd slept nestled against that body. I knew it in both human and wolf forms. It didn't frighten me.

He dipped his head down. His lips were almost touching mine. Almost.

"Kayla," he whispered, and his warm breath caressed my cheek. "It's time."

Tears stung my eyes. I shook my head. The reality was that I didn't want to change into a wolf. It sounded painful. It wasn't how I'd ever envisioned myself. It was a gigantic step that terrified me. "I'm not ready, not yet."

I heard an ominous, throaty growl in the distance. He stiffened. I knew he heard it, too. He shoved away from me and glanced over his shoulder. That's when I saw them. The wolves had returned and were prowling the perimeter of the clearing.

Lucas looked back at me, disappointment reflected in his silver eyes. "Then pick another. But you can't go through it alone."

He turned his back on me and began striding with purpose toward the wolves.

"Wait!" I screamed after him.

But it was too late.

He started discarding his clothes with each quickening step. Then he was running. He leaped into the air- By the time he hit the ground, he was a wolf. Always before I'd missed the transformation. He'd either s.h.i.+fted when I wasn't looking or he'd hidden himself. I'd expected it to be ugly. To be like it was in the movies. His body fighting the metamorphosis. Instead it had been a quick s.h.i.+mmer, graceful and powerful in its intensity. It had been . . . right.

He threw back his head and howled at the moon. The anguished sound reverberated through me, called to me. I wrestled against answering, but the wildness that resided deep inside me was too strong, too determined to have its way.

I started running toward him. The gra.s.s was soft and cool beneath my bare feet. He'd almost died for me. I could live without him saying he loved me. But I couldn't live without him. As I crossed the open s.p.a.ce, I dipped down and picked up the black cloak. I continued on until I reached him. I draped the cloak over him and knelt. "I choose you."

In another s.h.i.+mmering blink, he was standing before me, again in human form, his body cloaked in black. I rose and smiled at him. He was a warrior, a guardian. Whether in human or wolf form, he was Lucas. He was courageous. And a year ago, he'd looked at me and known-known what I was afraid to face. That we belonged together. He'd had my name etched permanently on his skin.

He took my hand and led me to the center of the clearing. When I glanced back, the wolves had quietly disappeared. So they'd only been there to offer me options, to force me to choose. Privacy once more belonged to Lucas and me. I was relieved that they were gone. I didn't want to share this moment with an audience.

Lucas stopped walking and drew me into the circle of his embrace. And waited. Waited for me to accept him. To kiss him. In some ways, this moment was more monumental than what would follow. I lifted myself up on my bare toes. It was all the encouragement he needed. He lowered his mouth to mine.

In a way, it was like every kiss I'd ever had before. Soft and warm. In a way, it was like no kiss I'd ever had before. Hungry and wild.

In the blink of an eye-or I might have blinked if my eyes had been open, but I'd closed them with the first gentle touch-it s.h.i.+fted fromwe're friends testing the waters towe're mates, our lives in each other's hands, our destinies intertwined.

Face your fears,Dr. Brandon had told me. But how did I face this? How did I face that I felt so much for him already, that if anything happened to him, my life would be over?

Mates. Destiny. Forever.

The words were a gentle refrain going through my mind. Sure, I had choices. I could walk away, but even if I did, I thought my heart and soul would remain behind with Lucas.

He drew back from the kiss, but his arms tightened around me. He nuzzled the side of my neck and I heard him inhale my scent. I inhaled the masculine fragrance that was him.

And waited.

I waited for the moon to reach its zenith. I waited for my body to respond. I waited for unbearable pain. I waited, wondering if I'd be disappointed or relieved if nothing happened.

I felt the first caress of moonlight and my skin began to tingle. I stiffened with awareness and nervousness. Moonlight couldn't be felt and yet I felt it.

Lucas said in a low voice, "Relax. Don't fight it, but stay with me."

I felt little pinp.r.i.c.ks, a thousand tiny jabs inside and out. I could hear my blood thrumming between my ears. I could smell the earthy fragrance of the woods and the s.e.xy scent of the guy standing with me. I heard the rapid thudding of my heart. My toes cramped. My ankles popped.

"I love you, Kayla."

I jerked back and met Lucas's silver gaze. As far as distractions went, he was incredible.

"I couldn't say it before, not until you chose me. I love you."

He kissed me again. It was wonderful and terrifying. It was possessive and liberating.

I felt fire shoot down my spine.

"Not yet," he urged. "Stay with me. Hold on to me. Focus on my voice." He kissed the side of my neck.

I'd had cramps before, but nothing like this. It was all-encompa.s.sing, from my head to my toes. It built

and built- "Let go," he rasped. "Now, let go."

There was a burst of white, a flash of color, a concussion that made no sound, but was deafening- Then I was looking into Lucas's silver eyes and staring at his furry face. I looked down at my paws, my

legs. At the red fur washed by moonlight.

Are you okay?

It was his question, asked without words.

Yes.

He touched his nose to mine, nuzzled my neck, then my shoulder. Even though he was a wolf, I could smell Lucas, could smell the essence that was him in human form. You're beautiful, he thought. Only when I'm a wolf?I was a little vain. Always. It's easier to think than to say. I don't feel different. It's just a shape.

I wanted to laugh. I'd been so afraid. And it had been so easy. With him beside me, it had been like stepping into silk.

Will I be sore tomorrow?

A little.

What do we do now?

We play.

What about your wound?

It's almost healed.

He pounced on me, teasingly, lightly. We rolled. We jostled. Catch me, I thought just before I started racing across the clearing. He gave me a head start. I loved the feel of the wind in my fur. I loved the speed with which I traveled. I ran faster than I'd ever run. But I couldn't outdistance him. He easily caught up with me. Then we ran together while the moonlight washed over us.

SEVENTEEN.

That night I slept within the coc.o.o.n of Lucas's arms, with the white cloak around me. I'd s.h.i.+fted back to human form with no problem at all.

"You're a natural," Lucas had said with a hint of pride in his voice.

We'd spent a lot of time kissing and talking before we'd finally drifted to sleep.

I woke up first. The light inside the cavern was dim, but it was enough so I could watch Lucas sleep. Being here with him, sleeping beside him-I knew it was where I belonged.

Last night when I'd transformed into a wolf, all that I'd been, all that I thought I'd ever be, had changed as well. I wasn't who I had thought I was, but strangely, I now knew myself better than I ever had before.

The fears that had resided inside me-I knew now that they were my inner beast awakening. Deep within me, I'd known a change was waiting, but I hadn't realized what it was, I hadn't known what to do.

This morning there was no fear. Not of my past and not of my future. I'd discovered my true self last night, and in the discovery my fears had dissipated.

And now I had Lucas. I was everything he'd expected, all that he wanted. And he was what I wanted.

Very quietly, I got up and walked to the waterfall.

I wondered if my mother had experienced her first s.h.i.+ft here. Had my dad helped her through it? I tried to remember if I'd ever seen a mark on his shoulder. I was just a kid when they died. There was so much I hadn't paid attention to.

But I had reconciled my memories of the day they'd died. The transformation had unlocked my past. I could clearly see them now on that last day we were together. They'd been trying to explain what I was, what we were. I could see them looking at me and each other with love. They held no fear. For them the transformation was a celebration of what they-we-were. They'd been so focused on making certain I wasn't afraid that they hadn't heard the hunters.

It had been a long time since I'd missed them. But I missed them now. I missed them terribly.