Beebo Brinker: Women In The Shadows Part 5

'These were all taken six months ago," she said. "This boy is German. Isn't he handsome? I love blond hair. He's wonderful looking."

He was indeed. Jack would have appreciated the view more than Laura, for he was young and muscular and nearly naked. His body had been oiled so that every smooth ripple on arms and back and tight hips and long legs was highlighted. He had a shock of rich blond hair and particularly handsome features, and he was shown in a number of poses: some that looked Like Muscle Beach shots and others that seemed like dance positions.

"He does dance," Tris said, antic.i.p.ating Laura's question. "With me. He's named Paul Gate. We have a lot of routines together. We are a sort ofteam."

"Are you engaged?" Laura asked. It sounded ridiculous once it was said, but she found herself unreasonably jealous of the boy.

Tris threw her head back and laughed. "Engaged!" she exclaimed. "He is a h.o.m.os.e.xual, Laura."

"A h.o.m.os.e.xual?" It sounded like fake innocence, even to Laura.

But Tris was too amused to notice. "Yes, of course," she said, still laughing. "Can you imagine two h.o.m.os.e.xuals getting married? Could anything be sillier? What would they do with each other?" And her laughter was too hard.

Laura was shocked at her crude dismissal of the possibility of a h.o.m.os.e.xual marriage, which made her feel instantly protective and tender about Jack. But she had said, 'Two h.o.m.os.e.xuals," and Laura's heart rose. "Are you gay, Tris?" she asked, almost in a whisper, afraid to look at her.

"Not really." Tris flipped the words at her casually, turning pages in the sc.r.a.pbook and concentrating on them. Laura sensed embarra.s.sment in her concentration.

"Either you are or you aren't," Laura said, more boldly.

"Then I'm not," said Tris and startled her visitor. "If you force me to choose between black and white, I'm white," she explained, and Laura thought she heard a double emphasis on the word "white."

"I like men. More than women." Laura was cowed into bewildered silence.

There were many enticing photographs of Tris. "The photographer is a friend of mine," she told Laura with a smile. "He always makes me look good." There was a series of her with the German boy, in dance poses. Tris was so lovely that Laura felt the gooseflesh rise up on her with Tris's breathing in her ear and her warmth touching Laura's arms.

"You would think we were madly in love," Tris said with a little laugh. "Oh, look at this one. This is my former husband."

Laura did look, hard. "You were married?" she said, unwilling to believe it.

"Yes. To him. He is handsome, no?"

"Yes." He was pictured lying on his side, very much of a young athlete, with curly hair and an honest sort of face, a little like Jack's long-lost Terry. He looked Irish. "Was he gay, Tris?"

"Yes," she said and the annoyance was plain in her voice. "It was an ugly mistake. We hated each other after we got married. Before that, we were the best of friends. So you see, I know what I am saying when I tell you gay marriages are h.e.l.l."

Laura considered this in silence while Tris turned pages.

"Have some dinner with me?" Tris said, piling the pictures on the floor at the foot of the bed.

Laura looked at her watch. It was only seven. Beebo wouldn't be home for another two hours.

"I never cook," Tris said, going across the room to pick up the phone. She began to order sandwiches, glancing at Laura for suggestions. "They bring them up from the corner shop," she said when she hung up. Laura looked up at her from her seat on the bed, and Tris began to move slowly, undulating, as if she were musing on a dance.

"Where did you learn to dance, Tris?" Laura asked her.

"England. Where do you live?"

"Cordelia Street. One-twenty-nine."

"With the big one? What did you say her name is?"

Laura felt uncomfortable at the mention of her lover, and resentful of Tris's curiosity about her. "Her name is Beebo," she said rather sullenly.

"Oh, yesBeebo!" Tris laughed. "It almost sounds Indian," she said. "Is she nice?"

Laura shrugged. "I guess she is."

"You aren't sure, hm?" Tris seemed amused. "Are you in love with her?"

Laura was reluctant to say no, but determined not to say yes. "II was," she admitted finally.

"It is all over, then?"

Laura didn't like her bright-eyed interest. "We still live together," she said defensively.

"Does she still love you?"

"Yes. Yes, she does," Laura said sharply, looking Tris square in the eye.

"I'm sorry," Tris said softly, her gaze dropping. "I shouldn't pry."

"There are better things to talk about than Beebo," Laura said.

The food came and they were both relieved to turn to something else.

When the food was gone a quiet little interlude fell when Tris simply sat on the bed and watched Laura and Laura wandered idly around the room.

There was a terrible growing excitement in Laura. She felt she must run, escape somehow, get out of the studio before she made a fool of herself and an enemy of Tris. She turned at last and looked down at Tris. There was only one lamp lit in the room, and in the pale pink light Tris looked even riper and lovelier than she did in bright daylight.

"Tris, II have to go," Laura said. "It's getting late. I had a lovely time..."

"Then why go?"

"I must. I shouldn't have come, really."

"Will Beebo be angry with you?"

"She isn't home yet."

"Then you don't have to go yet. I'll bet she has a fine temper." She waited for an answer, but Laura ignored her remark. She was thinking only of the possibility of staying longer. Her heart fluttered with the temptation. She was afraid of Beebo and yet, in another way, even more afraid of Tris.

"Come sit beside me," Tris urged her, whispering. And Laura, unable to refuse her, came slowly toward the bed, as if the were in a trance, and sat down. Tris leaned back into the pillows, her hand on Laura's arm, and pulled Laura after her.

Laura lay on her back next to Tris for a while, breathing softly, nervously aware of the sound of her breath. She held herself in as if she expected to explode. She was tense and the sweat rolled down her body, and yet she was happy, very happy.

They lay that way for some time, silent, gazing at the ceiling, neither one speaking, yet neither able to relax. At last Tris took Laura's hand in her own warm brown one and said, "You're afraid of me, aren't you, Laura?"

There was a slight pause, almost a panic, while Laura tried to collect herself. "Yes," she mumbled at last.

"Why?"

"You're so beautiful..." Laura fumbled.

"Does beauty frighten you?"

"Yes. I don't know why. Maybe because I never had it."

Tris chuckled, a sweet throaty sound, and said, "Who ever told you that?" And it occurred to Laura, strangely, that Tris spoke without any accent at all. It sounded clear and plain, like Laura's own English. But it was only a quick impression and it pa.s.sed. She thought Tris was teasing her, imitating her.

"Don't kid me," she said.

"Take your hair down, Laura," Tris said, her fingers playing with the prim bun at the back of Laura's head. Her hair had grown so longBeebo wouldn't let her cut itthat she was obliged to roll it up one way or another in the back. It hung nearly to her waist when it was loose. She took the pins out of it now, raising herself on one elbow to accomplish the job. Tris helped her and the roll of hair came free suddenly and fell around Laura's shoulders like silk streamers, pale gold and scented. Tris took a handful of it, pressing it to her face.

"How lovely!" she exclaimed. "Lovely blond hair ."

She put her hands on Laura's shoulders and pushed her down into the pillows, bending over her to study her face. "I think you're very pretty," she said, and made Laura smile.

"I don't believe you," she said.

"I'll bet Beebo thinks you're very pretty, too."

"Please, Tris. Let's not talk about Beebo."

Tris leaned down and kissed her forehead very softly. "Now do you believe me?" she asked.

Laura stared at her, her heart suddenly pounding. "No," she said in a whisper.

Tris kissed her cheeks, so lightly that Laura could hardly feel it "Now?" she said. "No," Laura breathed.

And Tris kissed her lips. Laura lay beneath her, too thrilled to move, only letting the lovely shock flow through her body and closing her eyes to feel it better. At last Tris moved awayonly a breath awayand she said, "Now?"

"Tris..." she murmured and all the melody of suppressed pa.s.sion sang in the name. Her hands went up to Tris's bare arms, over the bandeau and down that silky midriff, and then they went around Tris's waist and pulled her close and kissed her.

It was a long kiss, so leisurely, so lovely, that Laura never wanted it to end. And when it did she followed Tris, laughing, all over the bed, kissing her wherever she could reach her, feeling Tris's fine body move beneath her hands and the fire of her own longing bursting in her bosom.

Suddenly Tris got off the bed and stood looking at Laura and trying to catch her breath. "No," she said. "No! That's enough! It's late."

Laura stared at her, amazed. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Tris, come here. Come to me. Don't do this to me. Tris!"

But Tris pulled her off the bed with sudden strength. "Tris, it's only nine-thirty," Laura said. "Nine-thirty? Is it that late? Laura, you must excuse me." She was transformed. All the play and warmth had gone out of her.

"But" Laura began, but Tris interrupted sharply, 'Time for you to go home to Beebo." There was no smile on her face. Laura looked at her incredulously a minute longer, her cheeks burning, and then she smoothed her clothes out with lowered eyes. She was too proud and too hurt to speak. She walked noiselessly to one of the mirrors, taking her purse with her, and ran a comb through her long hair.

She stared at herselfher flushed face and trembling fingers, her body so ready for love only moments ago and now weak with denial and outraged nerves. Two feet of unpinned hair hung down her back to remind her of Tris's admiration. But it would take five minutes to get it up again properly.

Laura looked into the mirror over her own shoulder at Tris, who was standing on one foot and then the other, bent forward slightly and obviously waiting for Laura to get out of her way. What secret activities would occupy her as soon as she got rid of Laura? Her impatience was audible in her sharp breathing. Laura dared not risk her displeasure by taking the time to wind up her hair. She simply turned and walked out of the bedroom without a backward glance, without a word.

At the front door her heart jumped when Tris called after her. Laura turned to find her running lightly across the bare studio and she waited, holding her feelings in warily.

Tris stopped at the door. 'Tm sorry," she said selfconsciously. "I didn't know it was so late. I have something to do tonight, it slipped my mind."

Laura looked at her haughtily. "Goodnight, Tris," was all she said. When she turned to walk down the stairs Tris added, "Say h.e.l.lo to your bad-tempered roommate for me."

Incensed, Laura almost ran out the door below.

CHAPTER 4.

LAURA WALKED home as full of hope as of frustration and anger. Tris had treated her badly but she had treated her beautifully too. With a little start of alarm, Laura knew she was falling in love. Maybe it was worse than that already.

It was a dark soft night with no moon, only the dozens of quiet yellow streetlights. Her heels rang against the cement sidewalk as she turned down Cordelia Street and she left the world outside with regret when she opened her apartment door.

She knew Beebo would be there by now. If she's only not drunk she thought to herself. "Beebo?" she called aloud. She heard a little groan from the bedroom and went toward it with a sinking feeling. She couldn't be drunk already. She'd only been home forty-five minutes. Unless she cut work again. G.o.d forbid.

Laura walked across the living room slowly, in no hurry to face the argument that would result if Beebo was full of whiskey and had been sitting there fuming because Laura was late. Beebo would have been phoning all over the neighborhood for hera practice Laura abhorred but couldn't break her of. She touched her long loose hair nervously, wondering what Beebo would say when she saw it.

Laura pushed open the bedroom door. The first thing she saw was NixNix, lying on the floor with his belly slit open from jaws to tail. Beside him was a crimson chef's knife. Laura recognized it from the kitchen.

She stared at him for a full ten seconds in a paralysis of horror. Then she screamed with a force she had never suspected in herself. She turned back to the wall with her hands over her face and sobbed with all her strength. And while her face was hidden she heard another groan and knew it was Beebo, and she was too terrified even to open her eyes and look.

"Beebo?" she whispered, and her voice was rough with fear. "Beebo?"

Another sickening groan, and suddenly Beebo's voice saying confusedly, "Laura? Baby, where are you? Laura..." It faded out and Laura brought her hands away from her face quickly and looked around the room, carefully avoiding Nix. Beebo was on the bed.

Her clothes were tornwhat few she still had on. Her s.h.i.+rt was in shreds and the jacket appeared to be ripped down the back, though she was lying on most of it and Laura couldn't be sure. She had nothing on from the waist down and there were several ugly bruises on her body. Laura felt nausea well in her. Beebo's face was not so badly hurt. There was a cut over one eye that was beginning to swell but that seemed to be all. Laura clapped her hands over her mouth and stood weaving by the bed, afraid to leave and afraid to stay, feeling the sandwiches she had just shared with Tris like a load of poison in her stomach. Until Beebo opened her eyes and looked at her.

"Laura!" she said, with such pa.s.sionate relief that Laura went to her instantly and threw her arms around her and wept.

She could feel Beebo's tears on her face and she hugged her tight in a frenzy of sympathy and sorrow and whispered over and over, "Beebo, darling. Beebo, darling."

It was a long time before either of them made sense; a long time before either could speak. Laura finally raised herself on one elbow so she could see Beebo better.

"What's the matter with me?" she said softly. "I should be taking care of you. Crying isn't going to do you any good." She started to get up but Beebo caught her, and Laura was heartened to fed the strength in her arms.

"Stay with me, baby," she said, almost fiercely.

"Let me clean you up, Beebo. Let me make you comfortable. Please, sweetheart."

"Laura, I don't need anything but you. Just let me feel you lying beside me and I'll get over it somehow. I won't lose my mind. If you'll just stay with me. Please."

There were tears in her voice and rather than make her more miserable, Laura obeyed. She put her arms around Beebo and cuddled against her in a way she had almost forgotten.

"Beebo, can you talk about it, darling? Can you tell me what happened?"