Chaos And Order_ The Gap Into Madness Part 62

Morn's hips and knees wailed as if they'd been dislocated; pain and threats of rupture burned in her abdomen; shards of pressure threw themselves like spears at the walls of her head.

Nevertheless she was alive. After a moment she was able to draw breath.

And the s.h.i.+p was alive. Morn still didn't hear the terrible, whooping klaxon of breached integrity.

But Trumpet's Trumpet's thrust drive had failed. Without thrust she had no power to run her systems; no power to charge her guns. Energy cells might keep life-support and maintenance running for a time, but they couldn't help the gap scout defend herself. thrust drive had failed. Without thrust she had no power to run her systems; no power to charge her guns. Energy cells might keep life-support and maintenance running for a time, but they couldn't help the gap scout defend herself.

Couldn't lift her away from the rock.

Without transition the asteroid had become her tombstone.

"Angus-" Davies panted; groaned. His voice limped like a crippled thing out of the center of his chest. "Oh, my G.o.d. Angus-"

Angus, what're we going to do?

As soon as Soar Soar recovered scan, she would hammer the helpless gap scout to sc.r.a.p. recovered scan, she would hammer the helpless gap scout to sc.r.a.p.

"Stop it!" Angus flamed back. Terror or rage crackled in his voice: he blazed with fear or fury. "Pull yourself together. G.o.d d.a.m.n you, it!" Angus flamed back. Terror or rage crackled in his voice: he blazed with fear or fury. "Pull yourself together. G.o.d d.a.m.n you, pull yourself together! pull yourself together! I I need need you!" you!"

One brutal slap undipped his belts. With acrobatic ease, he flipped backward up and out of his g-seat, heading for the companionway.

Leaving- No. A shout of absolute protest echoed among the shards piercing Morn's skull. A shout of absolute protest echoed among the shards piercing Morn's skull. No! No! Not now: not like this. Not while she and her son were too nearly broken to save themselves. Not now: not like this. Not while she and her son were too nearly broken to save themselves.

Through a whirl of lacerations and keening, she straightened her torso and legs. G didn't hinder her now: the asteroid had very little; Trumpet Trumpet, even less. Bobbing against her belt, she reached for Angus. Her fingers strained like prayers.

He was already out of reach. On the far side of his immeasurable desperation.

Yet he stopped on the rails of the companionway as if she'd caught his arm; dragged him around to face her. His yellow eyes' seemed to strike at her like fangs, carious and poisoned.

"Angus," she insisted, pleaded. His name seemed to rise up from an abyss of abas.e.m.e.nt and horror. "Angus. What are you going to do?"

"Don't ask!" he shouted as if demons raved inside him. "I haven't got time! time! Succorso is crazy. He's also a f.u.c.king genius!" Succorso is crazy. He's also a f.u.c.king genius!"

Violent as bloodshed, he hauled his bloated distress up the handrails and left the bridge.

"Morn?" Davies croaked. "Morn? My G.o.d, I don't know, what to do. We can't try to fix the drive-there's no time. Pull myself together? What's he talking about? What does he want?"

His dismay acc.u.mulated into a yell. "I don't know what to do!" "I don't know what to do!"

The boson storm would dissipate soon. Soar Soar would be able to see. She would hammer the helpless gap scout- would be able to see. She would hammer the helpless gap scout- No, that was wrong. She wouldn't try to kill Trumpet. Trumpet's Trumpet. Trumpet's thrust was dead: she couldn't defend herself. Sorus Chatelaine had no reason to kill her. thrust was dead: she couldn't defend herself. Sorus Chatelaine had no reason to kill her.

Soar would come alongside, fix grapples. Her people would force their way aboard. Capture Davies. And everyone else. Recover the immunity drug. Silence Vector's transmission. Put an end to every threat the gap scout represented. would come alongside, fix grapples. Her people would force their way aboard. Capture Davies. And everyone else. Recover the immunity drug. Silence Vector's transmission. Put an end to every threat the gap scout represented.

Waste every pain and pa.s.sion which Morn and Davies and Mikka and Vector and Sib and Ciro and even Angus had spent on their humanity.

Because the thrust drive was dead.

Ciro might as well have sabotaged it- Morn felt her heart stumble against her ribs as if Trumpet Trumpet had run into the asteroid again. had run into the asteroid again.

Ciro hadn't sabotaged anything. Vector had cured him. In any case, Mikka would have stopped him.

Succorso is crazy.

He's also a f.u.c.king genius!

Hurts filled Morn's head like glimpses of clarity. As if she understood, she uncleated her belt. When she was free, she coasted to the back of Angus' g-seat. Gripping one of the arms, she swung around and into the g-seat; secured herself with the belts; put her hands on the console.

While Davies watched with anguish gathering in his stricken eyes, she a.s.sumed command of the s.h.i.+p.

ANGUS.

He only had a small window of time to work with; an unpredictably small window. He needed to be in position and ready before Soar's Soar's scan cleared. After that, if he kept his profile low enough, Chatelaine's people might not spot him. But if they had a chance to catch sight of him while he was still moving- scan cleared. After that, if he kept his profile low enough, Chatelaine's people might not spot him. But if they had a chance to catch sight of him while he was still moving- One little laser pop would fry him.

In that case, Trumpet Trumpet was finished. He'd left her effectively defenseless. was finished. He'd left her effectively defenseless.

From the companionway he headed straight for the suit locker.

He'd done everything he could think of to make this work. He'd used static mines and plasma torpedoes to confuse the effects of Trumpet's Trumpet's dispersion field so that dispersion field so that Soar Soar would be less likely to grasp what had really happened. Then she might not realize that the blindness which the field produced was itself a gambit. And in the meantime he'd used the field to cover his next actions. would be less likely to grasp what had really happened. Then she might not realize that the blindness which the field produced was itself a gambit. And in the meantime he'd used the field to cover his next actions.

Without scan Soar Soar had no way of knowing that had no way of knowing that Trumpet Trumpet had lost thrust, not because the drive had failed, but because he'd shut it down-or that before he powered down the drive, he'd fired thrust to soften had lost thrust, not because the drive had failed, but because he'd shut it down-or that before he powered down the drive, he'd fired thrust to soften Trumpet's Trumpet's impact. Chatelaine would see only the outcome of impact. Chatelaine would see only the outcome of Trumpet's Trumpet's collision: scored and dented hulls; torn receptors and dishes; dead systems. collision: scored and dented hulls; torn receptors and dishes; dead systems.

Exactly what she would expect to see if Ciro had sabotaged the drives.

Then she might succ.u.mb to the temptation to capture Trumpet's Trumpet's people instead of killing them. people instead of killing them.

Might come close enough for Angus to destroy her.

His s.h.i.+psuit still hung around his waist. He didn't bother to pull it up. When he reached the locker, he stripped his s.h.i.+psuit off, tossed it aside. He might sweat less unclothed; might be in less danger of dehydration. Naked as a baby, he opened the locker and took out his EVA suit.

His datacore commanded none of this. His computer was at his service. His zone implants gave him what he asked for-speed, accuracy, strength; self-control. But his programming held no provision for what he was doing now. He'd stumbled into a place where he was free to make his own choices.

Neither Warden Dios nor Has.h.i.+ Lebwohl had foreseen just how desperate Angus could be-or how extreme he became when he was desperate.

Because he'd chosen to take this risk, it appalled him to the marrow of his bones. He would never never never do it of his own free will. Nevertheless he didn't hesitate. When had he ever done anything of his own free will? Fear was more compulsory than will. The abyss cared for nothing but pain, horror, and the most abject loneliness. do it of his own free will. Nevertheless he didn't hesitate. When had he ever done anything of his own free will? Fear was more compulsory than will. The abyss cared for nothing but pain, horror, and the most abject loneliness.

Pulse pounding with terror, as if he were voluntarily submitting himself to the crib, he hauled on his EVA suit, settled the harness around his hips, shoved his arms into the sleeves and gloves, closed the chestplate, set and sealed the helmet. At machine speeds he ran through the checklists to test the suit's equipment, confirm its integrity. Then he slapped the door of the compartment shut and moved to the weapons locker.

The miniaturized matter cannon was the only gun he took; the only one he would get a chance to use. Lasers and impact rifles, handguns of every kind, blades, mortars-all were useless to him. The matter cannon should have been useless, too: wildly effective inside closed s.p.a.ces, but essentially trivial against a s.h.i.+p with Soar's Soar's sinks and s.h.i.+elds. Nevertheless he jerked the gun from its mounts, inspected its indicators, made sure it was charged. sinks and s.h.i.+elds. Nevertheless he jerked the gun from its mounts, inspected its indicators, made sure it was charged.

It was ready. Readier than he was. He was never going to be ready for this.

He did it anyway. Cursing the inadequacy of his zone implants because they couldn't or wouldn't spare him from horror, he closed the weapons locker and headed for the lift.

Neither Warden Dios nor Has.h.i.+ Lebwohl could have imagined how extreme Angus became when he was desperate.

In the lift, he sent the car upward.

His respiration rasped and echoed in his ears, raw with fear. He was breathing too hard, and his helmet constricted the sound. He could feel the slats of the crib rising on all sides, confining and vast; his whole, narrow world. In another minute he would start to hyperventilate.

while his mother filled him with pain He should talk to the bridge. It was time. He needed Davies. Without help nothing would save him. Or Trumpet. Trumpet. If If Soar Soar didn't get them, that other s.h.i.+p would. didn't get them, that other s.h.i.+p would.

Yet he didn't want to open his mouth. As soon as he did, his dismay would pour out-a flood of darkness deep enough to drown him. He dreaded the lost, pitiful sound of his own voice in this enclosed place.

He had to do it. All his risks would be wasted if he didn't talk to the bridge. Savagely he keyed his transmitter.

"You listening?" he snarled. "Pay attention, b.a.s.t.a.r.d." He needed brutality to control his fear. "I've got orders for you. If you f.u.c.k up, we're all dead."

Preparing for his gamble, he'd done several things before he'd left the bridge. One was that he'd preset Trumpet's Trumpet's command intercom to receive suit communications on this frequency. Davies would be able to hear him. command intercom to receive suit communications on this frequency. Davies would be able to hear him.

He nearly cried out when Morn's voice answered him.

"We hear you, Angus. We'll do whatever you tell us. I think that dispersion storm is starting to dissipate. Soar Soar might be able to see us again in three or four minutes." might be able to see us again in three or four minutes."

Her tone-husky, full of need, driven by her own desperation-reminded him of the way she'd once spoken to him aboard Bright Beauty. Bright Beauty. No matter how much it hurt him, he couldn't stifle the memory. No matter how much it hurt him, he couldn't stifle the memory.

I can save you, she said. I can't save your s.h.i.+p, but I can save you. Just give me the control. The zone implant control.

You're crazy, he retorted.

Give me the control, she pleaded nakedly. I'm not going to use it against you. I need it to heal.

That's the deal, isn't it, he groaned when he understood her. You'll save me. If I let you have the control. But I have to give up my s.h.i.+p.

After he hit her, he promised, I'll never give up my s.h.i.+p.

He'd said that; meant it. Nevertheless it was a delusion, like so many others. Empty talk. He had had given given Bright Beauty Bright Beauty up. Surrendered her to sc.r.a.p and spare parts. Because he hadn't wanted to die. And because that was the only deal he'd been able to make with Morn. up. Surrendered her to sc.r.a.p and spare parts. Because he hadn't wanted to die. And because that was the only deal he'd been able to make with Morn.

We hear you, Angus. We'll do whatever you tell us.

The lift opened while he stood paralyzed: the doors to the airlock faced him. Mult.i.tasking automatically, as if his computer ruled him, he entered the codes to unseal the lock. At the same time, however, his heart hung on the edge of screams.

"You can't do this, Morn!" he gasped frantically. "G.o.d d.a.m.n it, what's happened to your brains? Are you f.u.c.king psychotic? We need hard g. We need hard g. I can't get back there in time to run the s.h.i.+p. And as soon as we start to burn, you'll go gap-sick." With the command board right under her hands! "Get out of there. Don't you understand? You have to leave the bridge! Let Davies do it. I can't get back there in time to run the s.h.i.+p. And as soon as we start to burn, you'll go gap-sick." With the command board right under her hands! "Get out of there. Don't you understand? You have to leave the bridge! Let Davies do it.

"Davies, don't let her stay!"

"He can't handle it alone." Morn was sure despite her desperation. "You know that. There's too much of it-and neither of us has your resources. If he takes helm, maybe he can manage scan at the same time, but he won't be able to run targ. We'll be defenseless, even if we're moving."

"Which we won't be," Davies put in fiercely, "because we haven't got thrust."

Anger s.h.i.+vered in his voice. He may have thought Angus had betrayed him.

"So I'm taking helm," Morn continued reasonably, as if what she said made sense; as if anything she did made sense. "He'll have scan and targ. He knows targ well enough to handle scan at the same time."

Enclosed by the helmet, echoes seemed to beat about Angus' head, blinding him to the distinction between what he remembered and what he did. Unable to stop himself, he cried into his pickup, "You're crazy! I'll lose my s.h.i.+p!" I'll lose my s.h.i.+p!"

"Angus," Morn retorted tightly, "we're dead where we sit. Craziness is the only thing that might get us out of this. Why else are you going EVA? Stop complaining about it. Take your own chances. I'll take mine."

"And I'll lose my s.h.i.+p!" he shouted back. "Is this the same deal over again? You get helm, but I have to give up my s.h.i.+p?"

Morn didn't answer. Instead Davies' voice crackled trenchantly in his helmet speakers.

"Take it or leave it, Angus. She's right. And she isn't completely crazy. She's already come through hard g once.

"Are you sure you aren't the one who's lost his mind? I checked the weapons inventory-all you've got is that portable matter cannon. It's a G.o.dd.a.m.n popgun popgun, Angus. Soar's Soar's sinks will shrug it off like water. You'll hardly scratch her." sinks will shrug it off like water. You'll hardly scratch her."

He had no time for this. Without noticing what he did, he'd already moved into the airlock and closed it behind him; already started the pumps cycling to suck out the air. Scan must be clearing by now. Soar Soar would be able to see- would be able to see- Oh G.o.d.

His resistance crumpled. He already had too many fears hunting like Furies in his head. Raw with distress, he accessed his computer; instructed it to steady his pulse, calm his breathing. His hands entered commands to open the airlock as soon as the air was gone. Then he spoke into his pickup again.

"All right. We've all lost our minds. We might as well be crazy together."

"Pay attention. I can't afford explanations right now."

"Thrust didn't fail. I powered down the drive. It's set for cold ignition. All you have to do is. .h.i.t the keys and point her in the right direction."

I'm not your son. By degrees the stress of hearing his voice cramped around his head made him vicious. I By degrees the stress of hearing his voice cramped around his head made him vicious. I am not your am not your f.u.c.king f.u.c.king son! son! His tone sharpened as he went on. His tone sharpened as he went on.

"I want you to play dead. Don't make a flicker, don't experiment with anything, don't focus targ. Sit Sit there. Until I tell you." Until I blow that f.u.c.ker's heart out. "Then hit those keys. Hit them fast. Get us out of here. Burn us back the way we came, full acceleration, all the g you can take." there. Until I tell you." Until I blow that f.u.c.ker's heart out. "Then hit those keys. Hit them fast. Get us out of here. Burn us back the way we came, full acceleration, all the g you can take."

"I'll do it," Morn replied promptly. She sounded distant with concentration. "I've got the keys. I'm laying in a course now. We'll be ready."

"And give me scan data," Angus demanded. "Talk to me-tell me everything you pick up. I need to know what's going on."

"Right," Davies muttered as if he was speaking to himself. "It's still a mess out there. You'll probably see better than we can. But the storm's definitely receding. The scan computer projects we'll start getting data we can use in eighty seconds."

Eighty seconds. s.h.i.+t! That wasn't enough. He was never going to make it.

He didn't have any choice. He had to make it.

The airlock cycled open, leaving him face-to-face with a nearly invisible curve of rough stone.

He could only discern the shape and relative angles of the asteroid because the rock seemed somehow darker than the void around it; more absolute. And because erratic flickers of static limned its outlines at unpredictable intervals, leaving faint afterimages like ghosts on his retinas.

At once his terror mounted to an entirely new level.

He hated EVA, loathed loathed it. From the core of his heart to the ends of his fingers, he'd always feared it. Whatever made him small made him vulnerable. Only babies could be tied down in cribs and searched with pain to the limits of their being. it. From the core of his heart to the ends of his fingers, he'd always feared it. Whatever made him small made him vulnerable. Only babies could be tied down in cribs and searched with pain to the limits of their being.

Nevertheless he kicked out of the airlock and floated up the side of the s.h.i.+p along the rock as if he were driven by his datacore's commands instead of his own desperation.

DAVIES.

Stricken with dismay, Davies watched as Morn belted herself into the command g-seat.

He didn't know which horrified him more: being abandoned by Angus, or seeing Morn's hands on the command board. Memories of gap-sickness flocked in his head, fatal as ravens: clarity and ruin seemed to thrash like wings against the inside of his skull.