The Magic Of Ordinary Days Part 15

I took in a deep breath, trying to get the weight to lift off my chest. "Yes. I guess so."

I looked back at the b.u.t.terfly drawings Rose had long ago sketched in the book.

"It shouldn't have happened to you," said Lorelei, a bit louder now.

"I caused it."

When I looked at her, I saw tears in the hollows of Lorelei's beautiful, almond-shaped eyes. I couldn't believe it. Lorelei, tough Lorelei. Now I was consoling her. "It's okay," I whispered.

"No, it isn't," Lorelei said and wiped her tears away. "It isn't fair." Then she met my gaze. "But no one ever said that life was fair."

Of course it wasn't. My penance could have been avoided, but what had happened to them, having to live away in this camp, had nothing to do with them personally. My mistake was about as personal as one could get. They had done nothing wrong, yet they were receiving the worst punishment.

Rose spoke up softly beside me. "It's how you handle the unfairness of life-that's what matters most, I think."

I pictured the rock gardens, the vases made of tiny desert stones, the majorette uniforms. In this city of imprisonment, I had seen faith and optimism, strength and fort.i.tude in the face of adversity. Resilience. I could only hope to grow in that direction.

Lorelei added, "And the bolder you handle it, the better."

"No, Lorelei," Rose said quietly.

They were silent. I had to ask them then, "What's happening between you two? Please tell me."

Rose began, "It's the men we've met."

"Rose, don't," Lorelei said between clenched teeth. They continued to stare at each other.

"Have you seen them again? Is there a problem?"

The sisters glared at each other. "We haven't seen them since the harvest ended, but they call us now. Almost every day."

"Isn't that good? I mean, if you care for them, it's good, isn't it?"

Rose finally had to look away from her sister. Lorelei answered me while still looking at Rose. "We do care for them. We just haven't had the chance to get to know them well enough."

"What do you know of them?"

Lorelei shrugged. "We're learning more and more as we continue to talk." She tried to smile and turned to me. "We discuss important things, just as we do with you, Livvy. They're still working, guarding the POWs who remain at the Rocky Ford fairgrounds. They have no means to come and see us, and before long, they'll be returning to Camp Trinidad, where they'll be even farther away. I'm afraid we won't get to see them again."

"I could drive you over if you like."

Lorelei said, "We couldn't impose."

"It's no imposition, really. I'm always ready and willing to leave the farm. Just let me know when you'd like to go."

"Really?" asked Lorelei.

"Of course."

At that moment, Itsu and Masaji came in, ending our conversation.

"I should leave," I told them and rose from the bed, gathered my purse, and said goodbye to them all. Itsu held on to Lorelei as I headed for the door, so it was Rose who walked me out on that night. We walked down the dark pa.s.sageways between barracks, in and out of elongated rectangles of light streaming out of the windows, arms made of nothing substantial, arms stretched out of shadows. Rose walked me past the gate and all the way to the truck.

Before I opened the truck door, she touched my sleeve again. "Lorelei seems so strong, so sure of herself."

"She is strong."

Rose shook her head. "That's what everyone thinks. But she's the one who cries at night."

"Oh, Rose."

She hugged me then.

I said, "I'm sorry." Again those useless words.

She released me and stood before me, holding my arms. "Do you remember earlier when I asked you what b.u.t.terfly you would be?"

I nodded.

"When you said one with large false eyes, something else came to my mind. About Lorelei. Now I see her as a very old b.u.t.terfly, one who is trying so hard to keep flying and still losing her colors anyway."

In my mind's eye, the vision came easily. I also could see Lorelei's wings flapping in a desperate attempt for acceptance and love, and all the while losing the substance of her own being in the process. Without my studies, without my plans for travel and learning in other parts of the world, I, too, had lost pieces of myself.

"I'm worried about her, Livvy. The things she wants to do ..."

"What things?"

Rose's eyebrows came together. "It's the soldiers' ideas."

"What ideas?"

"They're pressuring us."

"To do what?"

Rose looked down at her feet and shook her head slowly.

"You can tell me." But as I waited for her to answer, my back began to ache. I placed my palms against the lower half of my spine and began rubbing.

Rose looked at me, then back inside the camp. "I don't know."

And still she didn't tell me.

I should have probed harder, waited longer. Instead I said, "Don't worry. Lorelei is stronger than you think, and so are you. You'll both get through this. I know it." After all, they were both making the best of a situation that was much worse than mine.

Now Rose took a step backward.

"Send for me. Anytime you want to go anywhere or do anything. Promise?"

Rose nodded. "We will."

Then I drove off, leaving her standing there, surrounded by the dust stirred up by the truck's old tires.

Twenty-seven.

Winter came in its completeness. Even in the middle of the days bright with sunlight, the temperature barely hovered above freezing. Crumbling, ridged snow sleeves, built up by the plows, closed in the road leading to the farm.

On Thanksgiving Day, I had to force myself up after only a few hours of sleep. In the kitchen, I listened to mixed news on the radio. Despite American victories, the costs continued to be so high it was difficult to listen. Battles in the South Pacific continued to rage, with huge numbers of casualties. Kamikaze pilots continued to dive-bomb our s.h.i.+ps, but by all accounts, the Allies were winning; victory would come.

Ray and I had planned a full day of events. First we would drive out to Camp Amache to visit Rose and Lorelei, and later we'd head back to Martha's for a family meal. For several days before, I had been experimenting with baking and preparing side dishes. I tried the simplest of pies-custard and pumpkin-and left the fruit and meringue concoctions up to Martha, who was also in charge of the turkey and dressing. Early in the morning, Ray and I stacked the ca.s.serole dishes and pie plates on the seat of the truck between us and set out on our way.

We met Rose and Lorelei outside the camp's dining hall. Bundled up in their coats, they took us inside, where we sat across from them at a long table. I handed over two pies as gifts, and they gave me the maternity suit made of gray wool they had just recently finished. Both Rose and Lorelei seemed relaxed, smiling easily and sitting close to each other, and I hoped this meant that whatever had been troubling them before had now been resolved.

"This suit," I said and looked it over. "It's the finest one I've ever owned."

I pa.s.sed it over so Ray could have a look.

"It's our first maternity suit. Look," Rose said as she reached across the table to where the suit now lay in front of Ray. She moved the jacket aside and showed me the cutout area in the skirt that would allow my abdomen to keep on growing. "We gave you lots of room for the baby"

I gazed at that gaping hole in the skirt and wondered if I could ever fill it. Rose showed me some tie strings on either side of the hole. "You can adjust the waistline as you get larger."

Lorelei stifled a laugh. All at once, Rose seemed to realize she had spoken of a taboo subject in front of Ray. Her face flushed, and she quickly plopped back in her chair.

I said, "You've made me a lovely dress, and now a suit, too. My sister sent me a slacks set, so I have all the clothes I need. Don't spend any more time on me. Promise?"

They exchanged smiles.

"What is it?" I asked. "What are you scheming?"

Lorelei smoothed back her hair. "Nothing special." She was lying. "Just something for Christmas."

"I love your work, but please spend no more time on me. You should concentrate on yourselves." I meant the clothing just then, but I meant other things, too.

"The piece we're now working on will last you forever," said Rose.

"For all your future babies," Lorelei said, then looked down. Now she, too, had embarra.s.sed herself.

As the conversation lapsed, I tried to get a glimpse of Lorelei's neck. Was she still wearing the cameo pendant hidden beneath her blouse? What was happening between them and the MPs over in Rocky Ford? Unfortunately for me, the neckline of Lorelei's sweater was high, and I could see nothing. I wanted badly to ask them about it but couldn't mention it in front of Ray. They were way too shy to talk about boyfriends with him around.

The conversation came to a halt. Everything had changed because Ray was with us.

It would be much too uncomfortable for us to speak of the war. I jabbered on about my efforts to make pies in the kitchen, but after a while, my talk felt as empty as that hole in my skirt. Ray was sitting next to me with his hands in his lap and hadn't said a word. A draft of cold air coming into the dining hall from under the door made Rose slip her arms back into her coat.

"What will you do today? For Thanksgiving?" I finally asked.

Rose answered, "Eat here in the mess hall."

Lorelei appeared untouched by the lack of real conversation. She hugged herself. "In California, we could eat Thanksgiving dinner outside in our garden."

"The yard was forever green," said Rose. "We had vines of red bougainvillea that overflowed the fence between our yard and the neighbor's and attracted b.u.t.terflies."

"And we had an orange tree and huge Birds of Paradise," Lorelei added.

I tried to imagine a place that was always green, where something was always blooming. The cold season on the plains had only just started, but those green days I'd enjoyed after my arrival now palled under a layer of ice and snow.

"The begonias and pansies bloomed most of the year," said Rose.

"We also had a pond nearly covered with floating lilies and full of koi fish that grew to over a foot in length," Lorelei added. "The water never froze."

Still Ray hadn't said anything. I glanced once in his direction to see if he was even listening. He must have taken my glance as a dictate because finally he said something. "Fis.h.i.+ng from a pond year-round. That'd be nice."

Rose's face fell.

Lorelei put a hand over her mouth, but I could still hear her gasp. She said, "Oh, my gosh. I never thought of this before. Those fish were like pets to us. I certainly hope the new owners of our house knew that koi were not for eating."

Rose paled. "Don't even say such a thing."

I said, "They knew." When I looked over at Ray again, his cheek buckled in and he turned down his eyes. We chatted on about the weather and food; then, as the conversation was so strained with Ray around, I said we should be on our way.

"Long drive ahead of us," Ray finally spoke again as we rose to leave. Then we wished them a happy holiday and left.

In the truck, Ray drove away in silence. Miles away, his body at last conformed to the seat. He glanced my way. "Sorry I said that about the fish."

I bit my lip so I wouldn't smile. "It's okay" Now I could see the humor in the situation, but I doubted Ray could.

He focused ahead on the road. "What are koi fish anyway?"

"They look like big orange and white goldfish," I told him. "They're ornamental. People put them in garden ponds, just for show."

Again, he glanced my way. "I didn't know."

Of course he didn't. And how would he? "Don't give it another thought."

But for the rest of the drive out to Martha's, I think Ray gave it plenty of thought. Almost at their house, he said to me in a whisper, "I'm not any good with new people."

"Ray" I turned to look at him across the pile of pies and ca.s.serole dishes. "In school, science was always my worst subject. One day in biology cla.s.s, I was distracted, when all of a sudden my professor asked me to name the four chambers of the heart. I guess I thought I was back in English Romantic poetry, because I thought he had asked me to name the four 'dangers' of the heart. I pondered for a minute, then I said the first danger of the heart was probably falling in love." I stopped and remembered my embarra.s.sment. "Everyone in my cla.s.s nearly died from laughter, except the professor, who asked me if I thought science was a joke." I shook my head. "I had to force myself to return to cla.s.s again after that."

Now I had him smiling. "Sure enough?" he said. "You did that?"

As we drove on, I remembered how foolish I'd felt. I was mad at myself for weeks afterward. Dangers of the heart indeed. And how odd the way things had turned out. That love had come dangerously for me, just as then I'd predicted it would.

I stared out at the slick, icy road and remembered the days after Edward left. In only four days, I had mailed him four letters. I couldn't sit still. I had to talk about it, so I met up with Abby and Bea. I remembered how we sat together in Father's car at the drive-in, eating cheeseburgers. I told them every detail about Edward-our dancing together, his crooked smile and suntanned skin, his hesitant manner of speaking. How close I felt to my sisters on that day. All three of us, after all, were women in love.