The Magic Of Ordinary Days Part 18

Outside, the sun was rising high in clear skies marked only with an occasional pearl of cloud. Crisscrossed with the tracks of coyotes, the snow beneath our feet hadn't yet been touched with human shoes.

"I didn't know the property went all the way to the tracks," I said over my shoulder to Ray as I crunched through the snow in that direction.

He was right behind me. At the escarpment, we stopped.

"Daniel and I used to come out here as kids," he said as he squinted into the suns.h.i.+ne. "Back then, we had a mule both of us could ride." Ray gazed at the railroad tracks rising up in front of us. "Daniel liked it out here." He looked my way and smiled. "You and he would've got along swell. He wanted to see the world, too. He'd come down to these tracks and tell me that one day, he was going to go riding off somewhere."

I hadn't thought often of Daniel before. But since I'd seen his face in the photos, a younger and leaner version of Ray with a bigger smile, I could also picture the farm boy out here along the railroad tracks, dreaming.

"He joined the Navy since he'd never seen the sea. He wanted to come back here, of course," Ray said. "Just wanted to sew some wild oats, as they say." Ray lifted his hat, then put it back on. "Less than six months before Pearl Harbor. Our part of the war hadn't even started yet." He kicked at clumps of hard snow underneath his boot. "We figured one of us could run the farm, and one should join up. Daniel said this was his chance to see the world. And me, I was happy to stay back here and feed people instead of fighting them." He looked relieved when he turned to me. "He got to see Hawaii, that's something."

I waited for a plane to pa.s.s overhead, long enough, too, to fight off tears for the young man who had died on that beautiful island. "It is."

We started walking the line where the snow-covered prairie ended and the rock bank leading up to the tracks began.

"Dangerous place for kids to play." My own words jolted me for a second. Now I was leaving off the first word or two of my sentences, just as Ray so often did.

"Not really," he said. "We kept off the track, except for setting pennies." He explained, "We'd save up a penny or two, bring them down here, and set them on the tracks. When a train comes, it flattens out that penny, leaving it thin as paper and shaped long, like an egg. But it happens so fast, you can't see where the train sends that penny flying. Daniel and I used to spend hours searching out our mashed pennies. We'd look all around, in the sage-brush and the p.r.i.c.kly pear cactus, until we found them. And you know what?"

He stopped walking and turned to gaze at me now. "We always found them closer than we thought."

He looked at me openly then, let me see it then, that sweet vulnerability in his eyes that he'd worked so long to hide from me. The curtain that s.h.i.+elded them gone, his eyes were now an empty stage ready for whatever act I was willing to play out with him. "After we'd looked all over Creation, we'd find them somewhere near to the tracks, after all."

Looking into those eyes, the pain and worry that had been clinging to me for too long began to fall away, replaced by a feeling of fullness that swelled to the point of near pain, then landed as a deep, sweet ache.

He said, "Sometimes you do find what you're looking for, closer than you think."

Thirty-one.

The next day, I was to meet Rose and Lorelei early in the morning, but I got a late start. When I finally awakened, Ray had gone out somewhere on the farm, but left me with the truck, as was planned. I dressed quickly and drove to the meeting place in Wilson, all the while stealing nervous glances at my watch. I had never been late before.

When I ground the truck to a halt at the pay telephone, I saw that Rose and Lorelei weren't alone. With them stood two good-looking soldiers I immediately knew had to be the boyfriends they'd been telling me about. As I stepped down from the truck to meet them, I noticed they wore their stripes on brand-new MP uniforms. Their s.h.i.+rts looked as if they'd just been laundered and starched, and a pressed crease ran down the front of their trouser legs. How well they were groomed. Even their shoes looked new.

Lorelei introduced them by first name, Walter and Steven. After the introductions, both men surprised me by barely saying a word. Instead, they merely nodded as we shook hands. They weren't boys; they were at least in their mid-twenties. And I hadn't met men this shy since the day I met Ray.

At their sides, they held duffel bags. I turned to Rose with a question on my face.

"We'll explain in the car."

The soldiers tossed their duffel bags into the truck bed, then jumped over the side to ride back there themselves. Rose and Lorelei slid in on the seat beside me, and I started the engine again.

"Can you go south?" asked Lorelei as she ran her fingers through her hair. "We want to go to that canyon where we found the Hairstreak. Do you remember it?"

"Of course I do." But that canyon was all the way down in New Mexico. "It's a long drive."

Rose looked around Lorelei. "They're on leave. They want to spend a day or two camping out. But don't worry, we're coming back with you."

Now they had me smiling. "By necessity or by choice?"

Lorelei laughed. "Choice, for the most part."

I glanced in my rearview mirror. Both soldiers sat backed up against the truck cab, braced against December winds. "They must be freezing back there. If they took turns, we could fit one of them inside." And that way I'd have a chance to talk with these boyfriends, to form an impression. I could already read Rose's and Lorelei's feelings all over their s.h.i.+ning faces. If it was possible, I'd swear they'd fallen even more in love. But what of these men?

"They're fine. They want to ride in the back," said Lorelei.

"Okay, then." I pushed down on the accelerator. We had a long way to go, and I didn't want to return so late I'd worry Ray. I glanced at Lorelei. "Now, which one is yours?"

She laughed again. "Walter is mine. Rose has Stephan-I mean Steven."

I nearly laughed. Lorelei and Rose hardly ever misp.r.o.nounced anything. Their English was as good as mine was, so if cool Lorelei was stumbling over a word, she had to be pretty wound up about spending a day in the company of these men. "You wouldn't be nervous, would you?"

Lorelei laughed again, then answered, "We haven't seen them in so long. In fact, we barely get to meet at all."

Rose said, "This day is what we've been waiting for."

But with the men riding in the back and such a long drive ahead of us, it made no sense. "You won't be spending much time with them at all."

Lorelei only shrugged.

"I'm so happy for you," I said. "The cameo pendant?" I asked Lorelei.

As an answer, she pulled it out from her blouse and let it lay outside of her open collar.

"Tell me more about them," I urged.

"They'll both be s.h.i.+pping out soon." This was familiar territory. "They want to do a little sightseeing before they go."

"Why so far away?" I asked. "Bent's Fort would have been closer."

"They've already been there," answered Rose.

Up ahead, I watched a whirlwind spin along the side of the road. The Navajo believed whirlwinds to be the worst of bad luck. They would do just about anything, even turning around and deliberately going miles out of their way, just to avoid one. There was nothing to it, of course. Just superst.i.tion. Whirlwinds, also called dust devils, were just a natural phenomenon.

Dust devils. Devils. There it was again, something evil in the name. That whirlwind did seem sinister to me at that moment, so full of its own power. I let up on the accelerator to avoid it, but I was too late. It spun over the road and whipped right over the truck, jerking the wheel away from me for a fraction of a second despite my firm grip. Then I remembered Rose's comment to me that night after the dance. They're pressuring us, she had said.

I glanced over at Rose and Lorelei. "Just be careful," I told them.

When we arrived at the canyon, Walter and Steven were red-faced and bone-stiff from the cold. They creaked out of the truck bed and sank down onto the ground. Lorelei hooked an arm through Walter's, and Rose walked along close beside Steven. I took up the rear as we made our way down the path and into the depths of the canyon.

All the branches of the cottonwoods were as bare as steel bars, and any fall-colored leaves had long since been blown away. The ground was hard but dry, and not frozen. A light breeze kept the branches of bushes rattling against each other like keys jangling on a chain.

On the canyon floor, Lorelei turned around and said to me, "We're going to keep on walking. You can wait for us here, if you like."

Funny how most people treated pregnant women like invalids. I was six months along, but had barely slowed down. Just as before, I worked in the house and took walks whenever the weather allowed. "I don't mind walking," I told her.

Rose spun around. "You should wait here for us." Then she looked at me as if pleading. Obviously, they wanted to be alone.

"Okay," I replied.

I found myself a flat rock and sat for close to an hour. I didn't mind the solitude, and the scenery inside the canyon was a nice change from the flat map of the farm. But I couldn't imagine what Rose and Lorelei were doing with the men. Rose and Lorelei were not the kind of girls to go off and have affairs in broad daylight, even in this remote canyon. I could barely imagine them kissing.

Up and down my back, a p.r.i.c.kle began to run. I stood up, walked for a few minutes, and then sat back on the rock again. I knew what Rose and Lorelei were going through, falling in love with handsome soldiers. I knew what they were dreaming of-love letters, kisses in the shadows-and I knew what they were planning-futures together. I knew how much they trusted, just as I had.

I checked my watch repeatedly and told myself to stop fretting. They were probably just off kissing those boyfriends, doing nothing more. And they were bright girls. At the camp, they were handling the worst of circ.u.mstances. Certainly they could handle male company. And just as many male soldiers had suffered broken hearts at the hands of their girlfriends as vice versa. "Dear John" letters sent to men overseas and "Allotment Annie" stories of women marrying for a soldier's paycheck had become just as common as stories of the girl who got left behind. It was so like me to a.n.a.lyze everything into bits and shreds. For once, I would just stop it.

Instead, I thought about the last few days with Ray and found myself smiling at the memories. I'd been trying to impress him with cooking, while he had complimented my every movement and feature, even my feet. In the evenings, we had left the table for the divan and had worked closer and closer to each other until we sat shoulder to shoulder. Only the night before I'd discovered that I could turn around and face him on the divan, tuck my legs to one side, and curl against his chest. So close I could hear the slow thumping of his heart and his breathing coming in and out, equally, without a pause. And when he whispered to me, I could feel the words start in his chest, rumble through his throat, then leave his body to fill the room with wishes.

I heard a rustling in the thicket along the trail, and then Rose and Lorelei appeared by themselves. "We're ready," announced Rose.

I stood up from the rock and brushed off the back of my slack-clad legs. "The temperature will dip down below freezing tonight. Are you sure they should camp out this time of year?"

Lorelei answered, "They found a good place. Now we should let you get back."

As we drove away, it occurred to me that I hadn't even so much as shared one sentence with Walter and Steven. I knew no more about them than I had before-only that they were handsome, well groomed, and foolish enough to freeze themselves camping out in the December elements. What I had hoped to glean from conversation was a sense of their feelings. As it ended, I could only hope they really cared for Rose and Lorelei.

On the way back, Lorelei launched a long conversation about upcoming plans for Christmas at the camp-the parties to be held, special entertainment arranged, and traditional American dinners to be served. Rose told me that her English students were making her a present, but she didn't yet know what it would be. One of the girls had spilled the beans about the gift, but would only say it had something to do with b.u.t.terflies.

By the time we returned to the telephone booth, dusk was upon us. Still we had a long way to go before we would reach the camp. My back throbbed from hours spent in the driver's seat, but I had to ignore it. After all, I had extended this offer. I turned toward Granada and sped up the road. Rose fell asleep against the window, while Lorelei kept me company for the remainder of the drive.

"Is Rose okay now?" I asked her.

Lorelei rubbed the cameo pendant, then slipped it inside her s.h.i.+rt as we pulled up to the camp. "Everything is great. Thank you."

I wanted badly for them to confide in me, to tell me specifics about the soldiers, to tell me about their feelings. I had told them my deepest secret, yet they had shared little of how they felt about the men. I whispered it out. "He was a soldier, too, you know."

Lorelei waited, then lowered her voice. "The father?"

"Yes."

Rose was awake now. She asked me softly, so that I could just barely hear her voice over the sound of the truck's engine, "Livvy, where is the father?"

I shrugged. "Somewhere in Europe, I suppose."

Lorelei touched my arm and looked at me with eyes full of pain.

I tried smiling at her. "I made a mistake. A big one. And I just don't want anything like it to happen to either of you."

Lorelei said, "Everything is wonderful."

"But what about the men? Do you really know them?"

"Well enough." Lorelei stared out the winds.h.i.+eld into a hazy three-quarter moon. "We've been worried over you."

Worried over me? With so much going on in their own lives, why were they worried over me? Then I remembered again that feeling of being in love. Even though danger exists, love blinds you to any bad possibilities. It makes you believe the end result will be good, makes you discount all other outcomes because you can't bear to believe in them. Instead of protecting their own hearts, Rose and Lorelei were worrying over mine.

Rose turned away from the window and blinked hard. "Will you be happy, Livvy?"

"We want you to be happy," said Lorelei, almost like a command.

"Before I wasn't trying, not really. But I've already learned a few things. A lot of them from you."

"You've learned from us?" Lorelei asked, her face surprised.

"Of course." I bit my lip and had to look down. "You've helped me."

Rose and Lorelei glanced at each other. "You've helped us, too," said Rose.

"More than you know," added Lorelei.

I wanted to believe them. Maybe that's why I saw nothing at all.

At day's end, I had driven more county roads in one day than ever before. When I finally made my way down Red Church Road, I parked the truck in front of the house and found Ray standing on the porch waiting for me.

"I thought you must've run away."

I trudged up the steps. "I'm so happy to be back."

"Long day," he said. "Run you a bath?"

"That sounds wonderful." Inside, I dropped my handbag on the table beside the dishes Ray had left out for dinner. As the bathtub filled, I made myself a plate of food and wolfed it down.

I sank into the tub up to my neck. In front of me, the island of my abdomen rose out of an ocean of water. I soaked until the tub water started to cool, then I took the bar of soap and lathered my entire body. As I was handling the soap, letting it slip back and forth from one hand to the other, it hit me. Something was wrong. Just beyond my grip, like the slippery soap in my hand, I couldn't hold on to it or even put a name to it, but I knew it anyway.

Thirty-two.

The next morning brought bad news of the war in Europe. Just when most of us in America could smell Hitler's defeat, he launched a great offensive in the same region where once he had crushed the Allies and captured most of Western Europe four years before. The operation, code-named Autumn Mist but later known as the Battle of the Bulge, caught the Allies ill-prepared and split the American and British forces in two.

Ray and I listened to the news report as we tried to swallow down breakfast. Only eighty thousand war-weary or new Allied forces were battling two hunderd fifty thousand experienced Axis troops. The Germans had encircled the inexperienced 106th Division near St. Vith and captured two-thirds of our men.

I pushed my plate away. Perhaps the sense of doom I'd felt the night before was a preparation for this news. Abby's Kent was stationed near the fighting. People all over Europe were starved, sick, and living in ruin. In addition to unimaginable human loss, once-grand cities lay in rubble, and museums, priceless works of art, artifacts, and rare books had gone up in flames.

Ray rose from the table. "Storm's coming," he said. "I'll be working in the barn. Need to sh.o.r.e it up, replace some boards, and bring in some hay." He waited before leaving. "You'll be okay?"

I nodded, but he was still waiting. I tried to smile. "It's just this news."

Now he swung into his heavy jacket. "Come after me if you need anything."