Back Check Part 24

"Meaning, trade me or sign me." All along everyone had been speculating that the team couldn't afford to keep both of them with the salary cap.

"f.u.c.k yeah. This is bulls.h.i.+t, how they're stringing us along."

"Are we asking too much?" His dad's words came back to him. "I told you before, I don't want to screw things up." Those doubts crowded back in, eating away at him.

"I know your numbers, Tanner. I know what you're willing to move on and what you're not. I'm not going to screw this up for you. But if they seriously want to move you..." He sighed. "I'm coming to Chicago this week. Friday."

"Okay. We're in Buffalo tonight and Detroit Wednesday. I'll be back Thursday."

"Okay, I'll call you. We'll do lunch or something."

"Sure."

Tanner ended the call and tipped his head back. Then he opened the browser on his phone and went on Twitter. It only took a few seconds to find the news about Boosh. It was true.

Not that he'd doubted Kevin.

He fired off a quick text to Boosh and then retweeted one of the messages, adding his congratulations "to a great friend and player, so happy for you, Boosh."

And he was. He really was. Boosh was a talented player who totally deserved that, and it kept the Aces strong on the left wing, so it was great news for the team too.

He needed to remember that it was the team that was important. The Aces management was making the best decisions for the team. He'd always felt valued and respected by the organization in his time there, from the meeting he'd had with GM, Ian Yarish, the day he'd arrived there from New York, telling him why they'd wanted him and what they were expecting him to be able to do for the team. He'd tried his d.a.m.nedest to live up to those expectations and he thought he had. He needed to stop making this all about him.

At the airport, he left his vehicle for team staff to park and carried his duffel bag onto the plane. He made his way down the aisle, the guys who were there settling into their seats with laptops or handheld games, Duper with a hardcover book about enhancing sports performance.

Boosh was there and Tanner greeted him with a big high-five and a smile. "Congrats, man."

Boosh grinned. "Thanks. Happy that's done with."

"Awesome." Tanner shoved his bag into the overhead compartment and swung himself down into the seat next to Boosh.

"You'll be next," Boosh said. "I know it."

Tanner laughed. "I'll be the next one on a plane to Anaheim."

Boosh frowned. "Not gonna happen."

Tanner shrugged. "What happens, happens." His casual words belied the knot in his gut, though.

Everyone else congratulated Boosh as they boarded the plane, and soon they taxied down the runway and lifted off on their flight to Buffalo.

Tanner channeled his adrenaline and frustration into his game, battling hard in the corners, even scoring a goal. When one of the Sabres came at him, he stood his ground, letting the smaller dude bounce off him and hit the ice hard. It was a completely legal play, but the Sabres on the ice immediately swarmed him, looking for a fight. The Aces all stepped in too, but Tanner kept his gloves on, not wanting to be drawn into that. Not now.

They flew to Detroit right after the game so they could sleep and have a light game-day skate the next morning. He called Katelyn when he was in his room and out of his suit and tie.

"Did you hear the news?" he asked her.

"What news?"

"About Boosh. Signing a new contract."

"Ack, I didn't. I've been so busy getting ready for the party at Belmondo tomorrow night."

Christ. She didn't even know, didn't even realize the significance of this. "Yeah, well, everyone was saying the team can't afford to keep both of us, so I guess the writing's on the wall as far as I'm concerned."

After a beat of silence, she said, "It does kind of look that way."

Her easy acceptance of that took him aback.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently.

He frowned. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" His words came out more tersely than he'd intended. This conversation was grating on him. "Kevin's coming to sort this s.h.i.+t out."

"So the deadline is Monday, right?"

"Right."

"Well, it won't be long before you find out, one way or another."

He frowned at her breezy tone. "True." Then he matched her light tone. "Did you watch the game?"

She didn't answer right away. "Yes. I was working and watching at the same time. You played great."

"Thanks."

"That guy who tried to hit you...is he okay?"

"Yeah."

"I thought for sure you were going to get in a fight after that. And they kept after you the rest of the game. I saw that slas.h.!.+ Who was that? He didn't even get a penalty!"

"Ledoux. I know. s.h.i.+t happens."

"I know what you need."

"What?"

"Phone s.e.x."

He choked on a laugh. But h.e.l.l yeah...that would definitely take his mind off other s.h.i.+t. "Hmmm. Okay. What are you wearing?"

- Katelyn high-fived Sidney after a successful party to launch the new c.o.c.ktail menu at Belmondo Wednesday night.

"Great job," Sidney said. "You handled everything and made things so much easier for me. I'm impressed."

Katelyn grinned. "It's what I do."

"Would you be willing to do this again?"

"Absolutely!"

"I have another client I'm working with. We probably won't be ready to launch the new c.o.c.ktail menu until sometime in May."

"Well, I have a few things booked in May, but the sooner you can get me a date, the better, so I can schedule you in."

Excitement danced in her stomach. If things kept going this way, she'd have to hire an a.s.sistant. Maybe find actual office s.p.a.ce rather than working out of her home. Somewhere she'd have more storage s.p.a.ce for decorations and props she could reuse.

With a huge smile on her face, she drove home from the restaurant, excited to tell Tanner about another job. Except things had been a little weird between them since that night they'd had dinner with his dad.

This morning she'd read the sports section of the Tribune, though, with the news of Julien's contract, and more speculation about how the team likely couldn't afford both him and Tanner, and her mood had dipped even lower.

She wanted to know more about it, to understand this complicated business better, so she spent some time Googling it and wrapping her head around the salary cap issue, nibbling on her thumbnail as she read.

She hated this uncertainty for him. He was such a good player, always trying to be better, working hard, knowing where his weaknesses were so he could overcome them.

She'd known going into this, though, that nothing was certain and a trade was a real possibility. Anything was possible. She knew the other wives and girlfriends dealt not only with trades, but also the knowledge that the players could be hurt...seriously hurt. Ryan Kirby was still out with a concussion.

She'd accepted that back in college, the nervousness about the hard hits and the fights and even the fluke things that could happen when guys were moving so fast on sharp blades. She'd had to deal with it, if she wanted to be with Tanner. She couldn't watch every game on the edge of her seat, peeking through her fingers, stomach in knots. She'd had to get over that and be there for him, really there, cheering him on.

And now she had to do the same with the trade possibility. On the phone with him, she'd tried so hard to be cheerful and supportive. To not let on how anxious she was about what was happening, about how she was dreading the news that he'd been traded. She had to be there for him, rooting for him, supporting him no matter what. She wanted the best for him and his career. Even if that meant leaving her. Because she loved him.

She sighed as she entered her little apartment, flicking on the overhead track lights. She dropped her stuff on the floor, kicked off her heels, and padded over to the bed she'd left unfolded and unmade that morning. She found the remote for her TV and curled up in the pillows to watch the end of the game in Detroit.

Ugh. The Aces were losing. That sucked. Only two-one, but there were just a few minutes left in the game. She sat forward, watching the action as the Aces put some pressure on the other team, bombarding the goalie with shot after shot, which he kept kicking out. Or catching. The whistle blew to stop the play.

She sighed. She did love hockey. She'd missed watching it. She'd missed Tanner.

It was miraculous that their lives had intersected again. She smiled, though it held a hint of sadness as the horn blew to end the game. Well, you couldn't win them all. Losses were just part of the equation.

Tanner would probably call her later, so she slid off the bed and headed to her bathroom to wash her face and get ready for bed. She'd keep her cellphone close so that even if she fell asleep she'd have it right there. She'd be able to commiserate about the loss, tell him about the launch party, and that she likely had another job with Sidney.

- Another late night flight home, another dark drive to his condo, but tonight he was alone. He rubbed his face as he wandered over to the windows to stare out at the glittering view.

He was in a p.i.s.sy mood after the loss. He hadn't played his best tonight and he knew it. He hadn't been mentally sharp. This contract s.h.i.+t was getting to him, and he couldn't let it, G.o.ddammit. He'd f.u.c.ked up, giving the puck away right in front of their net, which had led to the winning goal for the Red Wings.

After the game, reporters had asked more questions about the trade rumors than they had about the game, inquiring how he felt about Boosh's deal. He'd gotten terse in his replies and had cut the interviews short, which wasn't like him.

Another f.u.c.kup.

He needed to be professional about this.

Tired. He was tired to his bones, bruised and battered. Doubts were crowding in his head, starting to take over, his thoughts muddled. He closed his eyes and tried to focus. He had to call Katelyn.

When he'd talked to her the other night, he'd felt uneasy. She seemed unconcerned about the trade. Like she hardly cared.

Maybe she didn't care.

He'd been feeling like a big loser lately, his career woes spread out over every newspaper, every sports TV show, and every blog for the world to see. He was doubting his worth to the team. He knew his worth to his dad wasn't much. So of course it shouldn't surprise him if his worth to Katelyn was equally insignificant.

Her voice was drowsy when she answered, and he pictured her in her bed, dressed in the flannel pj pants and long-sleeve T-s.h.i.+rt he knew she liked to wear when he wasn't around. She was always cold, even wearing thick socks on her feet to bed. Definitely uns.e.xy, and yet cute as h.e.l.l.

"Hey," he said. "Did I wake you?"

"Yeah. But that's okay." He heard bedcovers rustling. "I had my phone close by for when you called."

He closed his eyes. She'd been waiting for his call. f.u.c.k.

"Sorry it's so late. I waited till I got home. Wasn't in a very good mood earlier."

"Because you lost."

"Yeah. And we lost because of me."

"What?"

"You didn't see it? Aw, never mind. I don't need to relive my screwup." He paced across the room, then back to the window.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," she said gently. "And everyone makes mistakes."

"How was the launch party?"

"It was great! So much fun. Everything went really well. Sidney was happy and she offered me another job."

"That's good." His voice came out rough and scratchy.

"It is. I can't believe how much business I'm getting lately. I might have to hire an a.s.sistant, and I think I'm making enough money that I can afford to do it. Pretty soon I might be able to rent actual office s.p.a.ce...I mean, somewhere low-rent, but hopefully decent, where I could have client meetings, and maybe some storage s.p.a.ce."

The happiness in her voice made him feel like a rusty fork was stabbing his heart. "That would be fantastic."

"Wouldn't it?" She sighed. "Plus, I heard from Caroline Corrigan today, and the wedding is on! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah."

"I knew if I just kept working hard and doing the best work I can, things would take off. Sometimes I doubted myself. Moving to Chicago and starting over was hard. But deep down I knew I could make it here."

He closed his eyes and nodded, his chest on fire. "I keep telling you that. Because you're good at what you do."

She laughed softly.

What was he doing with her? Leading her on, when he was likely going to be traded and saying goodbye to Chicago. Her business was just taking off and she was so proud and excited about her success. There was no way he could ask her to leave, to just abandon everything she'd worked for...and what? Start over in another city? Sure, there'd be opportunities in Anaheim or Pittsburgh or wherever the h.e.l.l he ended up, but if she didn't know a soul there, she wouldn't have the contacts she needed to get business. She wouldn't know what vendors to use for decor and food and whatever else she did.

He couldn't do that to her.

On top of that, he knew himself. He knew he wasn't capable of any kind of lasting relations.h.i.+p. He'd never had that growing up, and he'd only proved it with Presley and, yes, with Katelyn once already. He wasn't going to be like his dad, stupid enough to get married four times.

Okay, this was it. He had to do this. He sucked oxygen into his lungs.

"Look, Katelyn. I've been thinking. It was a mistake for us to get involved again."