Devil's Despair: Travis's Stand Part 42

"Who are we going to go to for advice now?" I ask him, thinking no one's listening.

Hayden heard me, though. "Me. I'm good at that s.h.i.+t. I'll handle all the advice that needs to be given from now on."

Marlee laughs out loud, then Rae joins in.

"f.u.c.k that," Ace says. "We'll figure out whatever we gotta figure out, but you're the last person to be giving advice."

I look down at Trav again and he winks. He knows as well as I do how important Hayden was in getting and keeping us together.

"We're leaving soon," Hayden tells us, his tone not up for debate.

Lacey gently explains his reasoning, but she doesn't have to. We already know. "Liv's not used to sleeping away from home so Hayden's already made arrangements to pick her up."

"I get it," Marlee speaks in his defense. "I miss Jordan and Madd, too."

"Deck's not home tonight," Ace says and I feel the groan from Trav's chest as I lay my head back down.

"You're leaving too, aren't you?" he asks.

"Unless you want to listen to Rae, we probably should."

Travis closes his eyes and takes a breath. "No. I've heard Rae before. How about you go before you have to hear Sarah."

Oh my G.o.d!

I suck in a breath and wait for Ace to climb over four people to get to Trav. Insinuating to my hotheaded brother that Trav and I are having s.e.x isn't going to go over well.

"We'll never ever speak of that again," Ace states loud and clear, as the others remain stoically quiet.

"Thank f.u.c.k," Trav returns.

"Amen," Toby states.

"I like talking about it," Hayden adds before being elbowed in the ribs by Lacey. "You people are so s.e.xually closed off. It's not an epidemic, for f.u.c.k's sakes. It's s.e.x."

"Hayden!" Lacey snaps. "Let's go."

"Yeah, let's do that," Ace returns.

After the others are out of sight and gone, Travis and I continue to lie on our blanket and listen as the waves crash into the beach.

Turning my head toward Trav's, I stare at the side of his face and let the moon offer me a glimpse of his contentment. "So, you really think Bean's playing cards?"

"I think so. Bridge or some s.h.i.+t."

"Me, too," I agree.

Leaning up on his elbow, Trav looks down and smiles at me. His hand moves the hair from my forehead and he bends to softly kiss it.

I grab his wrist, holding it in place. "I like when you kiss me."

"This is good," he replies. "I'll be doing it a lot for as long as you let me."

"I love you, Travis."

"I love you, Sarah."

The rest of the night we lie in silence, holding each other and watching the night sky. It's the most quiet and calm I've ever felt in my entire life.

It's not until the next morning that I find a solitary diamond ring resting on top of a note that lays on Travis's pillow next to mine.

Marry me.

Not today or tomorrow or five years from now. Do it when we're ready.

Don't marry me because it's what's the others would want Or because it's what's supposed to happen next.

Marry me because I love you.

Let me rub your feet while you watch TV And I'll let you rock me to sleep 'til I'm ninety.

Let me always wake up as happy as I did today.

And I promise you'll never have a reason to remember each time I've kissed you.

Because I'll do it the rest of our lives.

I was lost, Sarah.

And because of you, I'll never be missing again.

- Travis SERIES EPILOGUE.

Ace "NO, REALLY. I wanna see it," I tell Raegan as she sits in fury staring at Decklan's cell phone.

The kid is only closing in on nine years old, but we got him a cell phone so he could contact us when he needed to be picked up from school or practices. Rae's trust in strangers has gotten better, but she's still a nervous mother.

"That little tramp!" she returns, hitting b.u.t.tons as if she's about to respond to the text message. "She's thirteen! My son is eight!"

Raegan Simmons has turned my life upside down. When I brought her home with me to California, I had no idea the events I had set into motion. Without even knowing, I had begun the most significant chapter of my life; my forever.

To this day, Rae's defiant and challenging disposition refuses to waver. She's loving and caring, and for whatever reason-she's mine. I wake up each day looking into those beautiful blue eyes and thank f.u.c.king G.o.d for her ever-present resilience and strength to persevere through a past that left her beaten and scarred and look to a future filled with my unwavering need to protect it.

She accepts me as I am. After all these years she's never once tried to change me. She's taught me to realize that life doesn't stop for anyone and heartache is a temporary feeling that only strengthens our resolve to find a higher purpose.

Grabbing the phone from her p.i.s.sed-off and shaky hands, I look down at the text and smile. We're raising a heartbreaker in the making.

Jennifer 08:32 p.m. Tell your parents we're going to the skate park. We'll go to Jamie's instead.

Turning off the screen, I look at Rae who continues to seethe. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"That Jennifer may have cooties and now she wants to give them to my son?"

"No, it means girls think Deck's hot," I answer with a laugh.

"Ace," she starts, trying to maintain her composure. "I don't think of Deck being 'hot' at his age as a good thing."

"I lost my virginity-"

"At twelve!" she screams. "I know this. He's grounded forever," she finishes with defeat.

I'll never be able to repay what she and Deck both gifted me. I can only count my blessings and appreciate every good and bad happening we'll face going forward.

Our son, Decklan, is mine in all ways. The bond he and I share is solid; the love we both have for his mother remains the pillar by which we stand together, strong and certain. Like his mother, his dedication to those he loves is worthy and admirable.

Settling her down on the couch next to me I tell her, "I love you, Rae. But you're being ridiculous."

"I love you, Ace. But you're being stupid."

I know there are many battles that lie ahead, but I'll gladly fight my way through and win anything that threatens to tear it apart. My family makes my life worth living to its fullest and I never believed that was possible.

Hayden Sometimes it takes another person to offer their guidance and belief in you for you to find the strength it takes to see yourself through their eyes.

My love for Lacey didn't come easy, but she believed in the person I was destined to be, not the person I once thought of myself as being. My life has been filling, picture by picture, memory by memory, because she was strong enough for the both of us to get us through to what may have never been. I live each day content in the happiness she's brought into my life.

"What are you still doing in here?" Lacey asks, standing in the doorway to Olivia's room as she watches me pace back and forth with Liv in my arms.

"She's still warm."

"Hayden, kids get sick. She'll be okay."

"She's not supposed to get sick. We're careful, Lace. No one with germs gets close enough to infect her."

Rolling her eyes and walking to me, she runs her fingers through Liv's dark hair and feels her forehead for fever. "She's fine, put her down."

"No." I may be stubborn in very few ways, but when it comes to my daughter I don't care how stubborn I need to be.

"I have something to tell you and I'd rather not tell you when you're holding her."

Putting Liv down in her crib, Lacey and I stand over it and watch as she situates herself in her sleep. The pacifier moves with every flick of her tongue; her cheeks jump in unison.

"Are you going to sit?" Lacey asks quietly, squeezing my hand as it continues to rest on the crib's frame.

"You're scaring me," I admit quietly.

"C'mon, Hayden." Grabbing my hand, Lacey walks ahead of me toward the rocking chair.

I follow and she prods me to sit. Once seated, I look up at her standing between my legs and brace my hands on the backs of her thighs. If she's about to say something I won't like, I want to be able to stop her from walking away.

"What is it?"

Her hands frame my face. Her thumb glides over my lips and I watch as her eyes s.h.i.+ne with tears.

"I'm pregnant."

My insides melt.

"You're what?"

"How are you? Are you okay? Are you freaking out?" she asks the series of questions based on her last experience in telling me this same news.

I don't say anything. My heart beats wildly in my chest, seizing my breath.

No one can change history. You can't take back what's been said or done, but you can forgive yourself for being so blinded by fear and misunderstanding that you almost ruined your future. Lacey freed me from a life threatened by loneliness and self-loathing.

Hearing her say "I love you" gave me the courage to be a better person. Hearing her say she's carrying my child solidifies my strength to keep going.

"Hayden?" she calls, holding my face still so I continue looking up at her.

"I don't care how or why you're pregnant, Lacey. I don't think I even wanna know." I feel my eyes start to burn. Olivia has meant more to me than anything else I've ever done. By far, my family is my biggest accomplishment and it would never be the same without her in it.

Lacey is the mast I lean on when, admittedly, I need protection from myself. She's the pillar by which I stand when my past feels too much of a burden to carry alone. She's my anchor, keeping me grounded in times of worry.

I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I'll do it with the confidence of knowing I make her as happy as she makes me.

We're ridiculous together, but neither of us could, or would, ever change it.

"You're happy," she whispers.

"You'll never know how much," I reply with absolute truth. "Thank you," I say again as I've said so many times before.

Because of Lacey and her undying love for me, I'll never have to face this world as alone as I came into it again.

Travis "You're starting to slack, ya know?" Sarah smarts off as she stares up at me from her position on the couch. Her diamond ring s.h.i.+nes in the light of the television as she holds her water bottle in her left hand.

"Slacking how?" I ask.

"You used to rub them like you meant it, now you're rubbing them to keep me from b.i.t.c.hing."

"How's that workin' out for me?"

Happiness may be falling in love with your best friend, but it takes a willing surrender to forfeit the rights to your own heart and trust someone else to take care of it when you're not strong enough or willing to do it yourself.

All along I was blinded to the obvious; my heart beat for one person and no one but Sarah was made for me to love.