The Book Of Good Manners; A Guide To Polite Usage For All Social Functions Part 8

BRIDE. The bride selects the church and the clergyman, and can, if she wishes, ask the latter personally or by note to perform the ceremony.

She selects the music for the ceremony and the organist, names the wedding day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids.

Of the bridesmaids, she may select one, some near friend, as the maid of honor, to act for her, as the best man does for the groom.

She further designates one of the ushers to be master of ceremonies, and should instruct him minutely as to the details she desires carried out-how the wedding party shall enter the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.

A few days before the wedding she gives a dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor, who take this opportunity to examine the trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom may come after the dinner to attend the wedding rehearsal. These rehearsals should be gone through carefully, and if they can be held at the church so much the better. Each person should be instructed by note as to their duties, as this prevents confusion.

CHURCH. On the wedding-day, after receiving the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her house, she goes to the church with her father (or nearest male relative), and leans upon his arm as they proceed up the aisle, following the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet (or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).

Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her father and steps forward to take the left arm of the groom, who advances from the chancel to meet her. They stand before the clergyman, and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon rising stand about a foot apart.

At the words of the ceremony, "Who giveth this woman away?" or, "To be married to this man?" her father advances and places her right hand in that of the clergyman, who places it in the groom's right hand. After this her father retires to his seat in the pew with his family.

When the plighting of the troth comes, the groom receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who then places it on the third finger of the bride's left hand. When plighting the troth, the bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed on without the glove being removed.

The kiss at the altar is no longer in good form.

At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman has congratulated the married couple, the bride takes her husband's right arm and they lead the procession to the vestibule, where they receive the congratulations of near friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids cloak and prepare the bride for the trip home in the groom's carriage.

DRESS. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in white-full dress, day or evening. Gloves need not be worn in the church. The bridesmaids provide their own outfit, unless the bride asks them to dress in a style of her own selecting. In this case, she supplies them gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may wish.

FAREWELL LUNCHEON. While a farewell luncheon given to the bridesmaids by the bride is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a woman to entertain her female friends the last time in her father's house.

On this occasion it is a good plan for the bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids her souvenirs, which, of course, should be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.

GIFTS. The bride may give to the groom a ring as an engagement ring if she wishes. She should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also present them with flowers. If she presents boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers, they should appear at her house before the ceremony and have her place them in the lapel of their coats.

She should acknowledge immediately the receipt of all wedding gifts.

GLOVES. The bride need not wear gloves in the church.

INVITATIONS. At a church wedding the bride usually provides the bridesmaids with extra invitations for their personal use.

KISS. Only the parents of the bride and her most intimate relatives should kiss the bride.

It is now no longer good form for all to do so.

SEEING GROOM ON WEDDING-DAY. It is not customary for the bride to see the groom on the wedding-day till she meets him at the altar.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom occupy the centre one of the small tables.

At all wedding breakfasts it is customary for the guests to a.s.semble in the drawing-room, and then to enter the breakfast-room together--the bride and groom leading the way.

It is not usual to have the bridal cake at a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case, the bride makes the first cut, and the slices are given first to those at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. She should stand by her husband's side to receive the best wishes of all present. The guests are not announced, but are introduced by the ushers to the bride if not known to her.

The bride should not leave her place to mingle with the guests until all have been introduced to her.

BRIDE'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF BRIDE.

BRIDE'S FATHER. See FATHER OF BRIDE.

BRIDE'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.

BRIDEGROOM. See GROOM.

BRIDESMAIDS. The bridesmaids are selected by the bride, and number six, eight, or twelve-- mostly eight. She usually gives them a dinner a few days before the wedding, at which she shows them the trousseau and discusses the details of the wedding.

The ushers and the groom are invited to come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal takes place. The bridesmaids should be present at this and all other rehearsals, and if unable to be present at the wedding should give the bride ample notice, that a subst.i.tute may be secured.

CALLS. They call upon the mother of the bride within a week or ten days after the ceremony, and upon the bride, in her own home, after her return from her wedding trip.

CARRIAGES. A carriage provided by the family of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the wedding-day, and takes her to the bride's house. Her carriage follows the bride's to the church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to the wedding breakfast or reception.

CHURCH. They meet at the house of the bride, and there take their carriages to the church.

While their carriages follow that of the bride, they alight first and receive her in the vestibule.

They may carry bouquets supplied by the bride's family or the groom.

In the procession up the aisle they follow the ushers, walking two by two, and as the ushers approach the altar they divide--one-half to the right and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, leaving s.p.a.ce for the bridal party to pa.s.s.

In the procession down the aisle they follow the best man and maid of honor to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride, and congratulations to the groom, they return to the bride's home to a.s.sist in entertaining the guests at the reception or breakfast.

DANCING. At the wedding breakfast or reception dancing is sometimes indulged in.

DINNER TO MARRIED COUPLE. The bridesmaids usually give a dinner to the married couple on the latter's return from their wedding trip.

DRESS. They usually follow the wishes of the bride in the matter of dress. Should she desire any particular style of dress, entailing considerable expense, on account of novelty or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit, which it is permissible for them to accept.

If the bride has no particular wish, they decide the matter among themselves, always bearing in mind that their style of dress and material must be subordinated to that of the bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition of lack of refinement and good taste than for any bridesmaid to make herself in any way more attractive than the bride.

GIFTS. It is customary for them to send a wedding gift to the bride.

They usually receive a pretty souvenir from the bride and a bouquet from the groom.

INVITATIONS. At a large church wedding several invitations are usually given to the bridesmaids for their own personal use.

REHEARSALS. They should be present at all rehearsals.