Modern Icelandic Plays Part 30

_Halla._

Why don't you say that I killed my child? That is what you meant to say.

You know I did it.

_Arnes._

My cursed mouth.

_Halla._

You judge me. How can you? You don't know what it means to bring a life into the world. It grows heavier day by day like the snow of winter.

If we had had spring and suns.h.i.+ne! But the times were hard and food was scarce. I did a good deed when I laid my child out in the cold. Far less suffering that than life!

_Arnes._

I do not judge what you did.

_Halla._

No, you thought I was an angel who was longing to be your harlot. You can go with a lighted candle into my soul and search it. You will find no remorse there. What could we have done with a child, if we had been forced to flee? Should we have left it with strangers? And how do you think it would have fared? A child of felons, scorned by all!

_Arnes_ (_broken-hearted_). I did not know that my words would hurt you so much.

_Halla._

Do you think I did it with a light heart? I have given birth to two children, and cruel was the pain, but I would rather bear ten children than live that night over again. When I had carried my child out into the cold, my mind gave way. In my ravings, I thought the child lay by my side, and above us was a flock of birds-- pitch black. I bent over it to s.h.i.+eld it, and the birds pecked into my back, into my lungs they pecked.

(_Stops short from emotion._)

_Arnes._

Would I were dead!

_Halla (calmer)._

I wished for the death of that child long before it was born. (_Goes to Tota._) But this my little springtime child I have never wished ill. The first time I felt her life, it seemed a token of forgiveness that I was allowed to become a mother again, and when she came into the world, the sun was s.h.i.+ning, and the sky was blue and warm. (_Kisses her._)

_Arnes._

My tongue got the better of me. (_Puts his hand on his heart._) There is a devil dwelling in me. (_Stands motionless._) I love you.

_Halla (turns toward him)._

Have you not done hurting me yet?

_Arnes (crushed)._

No matter what I say, you think I mean ill.

_Halla._

I shall not speak to you again. (_Sits down to her work._)

_Arnes._

Nor will you have to listen to me any more. I am going down to the lowlands, and there they can do with me what they like.

_Halla._

If you tell them of our hiding-place, they may let you off more easily.

_Arnes._

Even that you believe I could do!

_Halla (rising)._

If you cared for me as much as you say, you would be good to me instead of bad.

_Arnes._

Love has made you good and me bad. (_He is silent._) Do you remember the time Kari and I went up the glacier, and he fell down into a crack? He told you I had been so frightened that I shook all over. It was not for his life I feared; I feared my own thoughts.

_Halla (terrified by a dawning apprehension)._

What do you mean?

_Arnes._

I have often wished Kari dead.

_Halla._

It is not true!

_Arnes._

It is. Do you understand now that I must go away from here? I no longer dare to live with you two, and neither do I dare to live alone.

_Halla._

I wish you had never crossed our path.

_Arnes (following up his own thoughts)._

If Kari had not been so trusting as he is, I don't know what I might not have done; but he had such faith in me. You don't know all the words the Tempter can whisper in one's ear. I thought Kari had been happy so long that it would be only fair if he had to die now. It seemed to me that you and I were more akin in our souls, that we had more of the wilds in us. I felt it was he alone that stood between us two.

_Halla._

I forbid you to say another word. All your thoughts are lies. If Kari had died, I should have followed him. You would have had my corpse, not me. And if I had learned that you were the cause of his death, I should have killed you while you were asleep. I have given my all to my husband, even my conscience. I can go on living, even if he should not always care so much for me, but when I no longer love him, then I die.