Mr. Punch's Country Life - BestLightNovel.com
You’re reading novel Mr. Punch's Country Life Part 13 online at BestLightNovel.com. Please use the follow button to get notification about the latest chapter next time when you visit BestLightNovel.com. Use F11 button to read novel in full-screen(PC only). Drop by anytime you want to read free – fast – latest novel. It’s great if you could leave a comment, share your opinion about the new chapters, new novel with others on the internet. We’ll do our best to bring you the finest, latest novel everyday. Enjoy
"Here in cool grot and mossy cell We rural fays and fairies dwell!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: HARD ON THE DOCTOR--_Old Lady._ "My 'usband 'e never did 'old with doctors, and 'e wouldn't let me send for yer till 'e was real bad. What's wrong with him, doctor?" _Doctor._ "Mainly senility, Mrs.
Wilkins." _Old Lady._ "Lor' now! An' I dessay 'e wouldn't 'ave 'ad it if 'e'd 'ad yer soon enough!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
"There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."--_Hamlet._
(_Heard outside a Country Circus._)
_Old Jarge._ "Wen ye sees wot comes from furrin parts, bless yer 'eart, ye just feels like a bit o' dirt!"]
"THE LAST STRAW."--For further particulars apply to the gleaners.
THE WEATHER AND THE CROPS.--_Note._ Always have your hair cut very short in the hottest weather.
GARDENING AMUs.e.m.e.nT FOR COLWELL-HATCHNEY.--Spinning turnip tops.
ADVICE TO THE FARMER.--Keep your weather eye open.
[Ill.u.s.tration:
"Did ye see the Lord Mayor when you was up to Lunnon?"
"Aye, lad, I did."
"De' 'e gang aboot wi' a chain?"
"No; 'e gangs loose!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
_Miss Hobbs_ (_who dislikes tobacco_). "I see you are at your idol again!"
_Smoker._ "Yes; I'm burning it!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A DRY CALLING
"Th' ole squire stop an' spoke to me this marnin'; an' Oi ast 'im 'ow Master Philip was gettin' on in Lunnon. 'Oh,' says 'e, ''e 's bin called to the Bar.' Oi dunno wot 'e meant, so Oi didn' say nothin'; but Oi says to meself, 'Ah,' Oi says, 'from what _Oi_ remember of 'im, 'e didn' want no _callin'_!'"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
ACCOMMODATING.--_Old Lady._ "Now then, what do you want?" _The Tramp._ "I ain't pertickler, lady. What 'av' yer got?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
_The Vicar's Daughter._ "Papa was very shocked, Giles, to see you standing outside the 'Green Man' this morning, after church."
_The Village Reprobate._ "Oi can 'sure ye, miss, it wus na fault o'
moine that I wus standin' ootside!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "I'm surprised to find that you keep a dog, Tomkins! Why, you can barely keep your wife! What on earth do you feed him on?"
"Well, I gives 'im cat's-meat. And when I can't afford that, why, 'e 'as to 'ave wot _we_ 'ave."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Mrs. A._ "I've just been to see a poor soul who was almost dying of dest.i.tution." _Miss B._ "Did you take her anything?"
_Mrs. A._ "Yes--a pound of mutton." _Miss B._ "That wasn't much, was it?" _Mrs. A._ (_indignantly_). "Quite enough to make her some _beef tea_!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Tell your fortune, pretty gentleman?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Fond of music! Why, when I'm in town, I go to a music-hall every night!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A SURE SIGN OF IMPROVEMENT.--_Village Doctor._ "Well Scroggins, I hope your wife is much better to-day, eh? How is her pulse, eh? And how's her temperature?"
_Scroggins_ (_considering_). "Well, doctor, I don't know much about her pulses, but as for her temper"--(_feelingly_)--"she's got a plenty of _that_ to-day!"]
