Am I Boring My Dog? Part 15

46.

Except for the nails on the dewclaws-the vestigial digits that sit farther up on the leg and thus don't reach the floor. These should nevertheless be trimmed because they have a tendency to get caught on things. In fact, such an accidental snagging may be the first time you become aware that dewclaws even exist. It took several friends to talk me down from my conviction that Frankie was a mutant when I discovered he had these stunted appendages-and on every paw, yet.

47.

If you've walked your dog in a dry, gra.s.sy area, this and headshaking might indicate that a foxtail has entered his ear or nose. These seed heads, particularly common in California, can be very dangerous because they have tiny, sharp barbs and can migrate into the brain. See your vet right away if you think your dog might have picked one up.

48.

This is an excellent reason for people who need to trim their ear or nose hair to get a dog. As with other body-function embarra.s.sments like farting, you can blame the dog for the presence of these instruments in your house.

49.

Browsing Internet forums on the topic, I came across posts that read, in effect, "I've used human polish on my dog for years and it hasn't killed her." "Not dead yet" is hardly my idea of a ringing endors.e.m.e.nt.

50.

Teach your dog to go to the bathroom on command-no, it's not an urban legend; I've seen it done-and you'll earn the undying envy of new parents.

51.

That's not to suggest you should give up on older rescues. Frankie, who was five when I got him, is far from uneducable. (Of course, it helps that he's exceptionally bright).

52.

But not La.s.sie, La.s.sie, because of the bad example it sets of unquestioning canine obedience. because of the bad example it sets of unquestioning canine obedience.

53.

If you're still wed to the whole "we're living with wolves in dogs clothing" notion, consistency demands you follow it through to its logical conclusion: human pack leaders need to hunt prey or scavenge road kill, eat it raw, and regurgitate it into their dogs' mouths. Come to think of it, that could be the premise for a great cross-promoted reality show-Survivor: Animal Planet. I'm going to see if I can get Frankie to set up some pitch meetings for me. I'm going to see if I can get Frankie to set up some pitch meetings for me.

54.

Someone who, unlike me, doesn't buy instructional DVDs only to end up using them to prop up an uneven leg on the dining room table.

55.

As it turns out, with good reason. See question 70.

56.

At least as applied to Frankie; I suspect some of my exes might disagree about my chain-jerking skills.

57.

It's best, however, if your friends avoid dropping her too often. Dogs, especially young ones, are resilient but not indestructible.

58.

Some cases require medication, at least initially. See the following question.

59.

Or dogs who are experts in manipulating human behavior.

60.

One finger is advised in the case of toy breeds-and measurers who have huge, sausage-fingered hands.

61.

Physically, at least. If the barking is caused by anxiety, getting a sudden faceful of spray will only further traumatize your dog.

62.

Head collars are common in Europe, so if you take your haltered dog abroad, you won't be looked at askance. In turn, you needn't worry that vast numbers of Continental dogs have criminal tendencies.

63.

It's essential for trips to California, where the self-appointed dog police are ubiquitous.

64.

You may wonder, as I did, what the difference is between a leash and a lead. I'm sorry to report that I still haven't got a clue. I read somewhere that leash was slang for lead, but I prefer to think that lead is the pretentious Anglophile term, used to summon a dog to go "walkies." Because I've never heard of "lead laws" or "off-lead beaches"-at least in the United States-I've stuck with leash here.

65.

Some retractable "ribbon" leashes are the same width as regular leashes, so the invisibility complaint doesn't apply to them. They have a greater tendency to get tangled than the skinnier kind, however.